Help with Weaning

Updated on April 29, 2009
A.M. asks from Golden, CO
8 answers

Hello all of you brilliant moms out there. My husband and I are in the midst of weaning my 2 1/2 year old. I had a seminar all day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so I was completely away and my husband and Ellie had a blast. He had no trouble putting her to bed for her nap and at night- I was thrilled! She normally nurses before she goes to sleep. Now that I am home, she has been asking to nurse throughout the day and crying. My husband worked from home today so he was able to put her down for her nap. She threw a bit of a fit asking for me and wanting to nurse so it was about a 1/2 hour ordeal- I was out of sight, but she knew I was around. This evening, she went to bed without too much fuss. Tomorrow, I will be on my own for her nap and am wondering what I can do to help things go smoothly. Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do or say to her to help her understand what is going on? My heart brakes every time she asks for "nooky" and cries. Plus, she has a cold so she is wanting to nurse more than normal. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

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L.F.

answers from Denver on

Hello
The advice the other mom gave was great- 'just a little' or 'for 2 songs' so the end point is recognizable. I nursed both mine until 3 and found with my two (now 5 and 3) that transitioning was easiest around a big event. Going from on demand nursing to only morning, before nap and bed was around a vacation (or being gone- like you were) and full weaning was at their birthday. I just told them- months out- that 3 year olds don't nurse and the morning of their party was the last time. They both asked only once after, no fussing. If you don't want to wait until she is 3, then come up with some event and mark it like a party or ritual, maybe even a little gift for her, something tangible.
Good luck!
L.

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G.L.

answers from Denver on

Hello A.,
My dear I feel your "pain" especially when they so nicely ask for "boo" (as my DD called it). When they are sick they want it so bad for the comfort.

What I would tell my littlest was "Just a little bit, ok?" and I would nurse her for 5-10 min. and that was it. That little one can smell you so if you are anywhere around she will want you. Maybe just go for a walk or step into another part of the house. It takes a good 2-3 weeks to wean fully. I just weaned our 18 mo. old. It took 2 1/2 weeks & each child before has taken almost the same.

When you put her down for her nap, make her comfy. Give a favorite toy. They say "I will be back in a minute" & walk out for a few minutes at a time. Or sit in the room, across the room & gently tell her to lay down & take a nap. That all is ok. That way she still feels your love just not in the way of getting "nooky". I hope this helps. G.

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T.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

How Weaning Happens is a great book on child-lead weaning. She's about old enough to be able to take part in the discussion about weaning and making some decisions together about a timeline. maybe not going "cold turkey" but keeping one special nursing time together for a little while until she's totally ready to give it up completely, since it sounds like for the most part you're down to just once or twice/day of nursing. also, some little ones will nurse every few days for a while, while weaning. since she has a cold, you may want to consider allowing the nursing, but still talking with her about it, that way it's not an emotional "break up" but she can be eased in instead, and feel like she has a voice in the matter instead of being forced. your bond is strong, I'm sure, so she needs to know she's not giving YOU up, just her second or third favorite thing :) good luck and congrats on nursing your little girl for such an extended time!

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S.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Just wanted to congratulate you on your sensitive, respectful mothering style. . . I believe both you and your daughter will reap the benefits of your breatsfeeding relationship forever.
I like the books How Weaning Happens" and also "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler," although the first is, obviously, more weaning-centric.
I used songs, counting and distraction with my toddlers. I tried to remember I needed to wean TO something, and made a point of spending more time doing things they liked, such as puzzles or reading books or playing outside or even eating healthy snacks. I was on the phone a lot less while we were weaning!
At naptime, consider reading lots of books and doing songs with finger plays (such as Eensy Weensy Spider) to occupy her while she settles down. My second child also liked saying goodnight to everything--maybe she could wishe everything (including "nooky") a happy nap?
Weaning is a process, not an event, so it's OK to backtrack a bit, especially if your nursling has a cold. You're still getting there, and how nice that you can negotiate and reason with her a bit at this age.
Best wishes!

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S.W.

answers from Pocatello on

We would have a phase where I would tell him that the milk was running out and then one day soon it was going to be gone. Then I would decide the day and it would be all gone. I showed him an empty juice container to explain.. empty..but that his sippy cup was full. Also I let him lay on my chest and listen to my "bump, bump" as he called it.. my heart, because that is what they listen to when they nurse and part of what they miss when they stop nursing. I had to keep covered at all times, day and night, because if I didn't wear a bra to bed, he would come to my bed to try and nurse in the middle of the night... sneaky.... The nice part about that is that it also broke the nightly visits to my bed. He had nothing to visit for anymore... YAY!!! SLEEP!! Good luck, I successfully nursed all of my kids until they were 18-24 months and this is what I did to wean all of them, I have 4 sons. What a healthy choice you have made for your family! Congratulations on 21/2 years!! Its so good for you and for her!!

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A.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I'm doing the exact same thing right now (my daughter is almost 2), and yesterday was the first day I put her down for a nap without nursing. Hurray! She goes down great for Dad and Grandma when I'm not around, but if I'm doing it, I'm usually stuck. You might want to wait until after her cold clears to try this, but here is what I did. Yesterday I decided to try the "it tastes icky" approach. This is my 3rd child and I've never tried this before, but she is by far and away my most determined nurser! I put something nasty tasting (but edible!) on my nipple and explained to her that "nursey tastes icky now." She of course didn't believe me so I let her start to nurse. She immediately stopped and I explained to her again that it tastes icky now, but we could read some more books and snuggle in the rocking chair. She was surprisingly okay with this and fell asleep in my arms! I was truly shocked that it went that smoothly! We'll try it again today and see how many days she still asks for it! I'll keep you posted! Good Luck!

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N.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Wear a one-piece swimsuit under your clothes. It helps to have access completely blocked. You should put her to bed. Make sure she's already not hungry. You should hold her, stroke her hair, etc...then read her a book. She'll ask to nurse. Pretend you don't understand what she's talking about for a while....then say "oh, we're not going to do that any more......but it's OK. We're going to read a book together :)"

Then read the book...ignore her while she lifts up your shirt and gets confused...just keep reading..and putting your shirt down. Make it a habit. She'll catch on.

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G.W.

answers from Denver on

You've gotten a lot of great responses but I'll add my two cents :)

When I weaned my first son (now almost 6) when he was 2 1/2 - I thought it would never end! While some kids are nursing once or twice a day at 12 mo, he was still nursing 5-6 times at 2 !! But. . . .the advantage of weaning a 2 year old is a lot more negotiation can take place. I got poker chips and told him they were "Num num tokens" and when he used them up they were gone. He got 5 a day for a week or two, then 4 a day for another week or two and so on.

I'm struggling with weaning my second son now (he just turned two). We are mostly down to once or twice a day but I'm ready to be done. Except for a little part of me that knows this is my last baby :) But the other posts have reminded me of good things too. - to wean TO something, and invest more cuddle time etc.

good luck! - and remember that while it seems like forever now it will be just a memory soon.

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