Help with Child/teacher Relationship

I have two boys that are on the spectrum. One boy is very sensitive to noise. At school he has a one on one aid that takes him out of the classroom when it gets noisy. I would see if the school can give him an IEP, and talk to the teachers about the noise. With Autism rules must be followed, there is just black & white, so when rules are changed it is hard for them. There is also a book that helped us with social setting and it was a book of social stories. Meaning that it had one page stories about a sitution that someone was in and how it got solved. So, one story might be about a little boy that got hit and how he told the teacher and the other boy got to sit in the naughty chair. I would google social stories and see what you come up with. Sometimes when my boy doesn't understand something we write a social story about it. I hope this helps.

This is a very difficult situation. One one hand, your son has difficulty interpreting the cues from his teachers. On the other hand, it sounds like there is more discipline needed because some of the other kids are acting up. As a former teacher, I think here's my advice. Your son needs to learn that there are rules and expectations for different times and places (this can be hard for everyone, especially someone on the autism spectrum) and he also needs to know that the rules can change according to who is presenting them. It's a very complicated social problem, but it will never go away. As far as what you can do about it, I'd say there isn't much. Make sure your son understands the rules and that there are consequences for breaking them (even if the consequence is a raised voice). So he needs to understand that if the teacher has asked everyone to be quiet, he needs to do that regardless of what the other boys are doing. The teacher, can't scold the other children and not your son. As long as she's not singling him out for the behavior, there's not much else she can do, because she's probably trying her best to not make your son appear to be different from the other kids. I would talk to the teacher who could maybe put a plan in place. Maybe she could spend some one-on-one time with him so he knows that she is actually nice and likes him. Maybe when she's about to raise her voice, she could do something calming for him, like put a hand on his shoulder and teach him that that nonverbal signal means "you're just great, it's the rest of these crazy kids that are out of control."
I don't know if this helps at all. It's a tough situation to work through. Good luck!

He is only at the beginning of his journey through school. It's unfortunate that it is already negative. You can't change personalities and you can't change the *agenda* of the school. You can try but there's always another grade and more teachers to deal with, not to mention other kids. The bottom line is you want your child to be happy and perhaps school is not the place for him.

If the negativity continues and you don't know what to do ,please know there IS an alternative.

Children do not *have* to go to school. There is a who;e world of kids out there who learn and live on their own, with joy, respect,kindness and are able to have the freedom to learn what they want and when they want and where they want. They are full of confidence and self-worth for the unique people they are. And that includes children with autism, etc.

There are so many groups,organizations,events,classes,
and activities for families ,and support both online and in person for homeschoolers. That whole *socialization* issue is a great big myth.

Just know you do have that choice.

www.mhla.org
www.ahem.info
www.joyfullyrejoycing.com

~M.
www.anestinnature.com
natural childcare/gentle preschool

Why is he in a regular pre-K class? The teachers in a regular pre-k class won't be required to have experience or understand the true needs of a child on the spectrum - no matter what level he's at. Is there an "inclusion" model available if he's not appropriate for "substantially separate"? It sounds like the older teacher just isn't aware or sensitive to needs of children on the spectrum.

Why not try having a meeting with both teachers at the same time? And perhaps the director of the program could be there. It could be addressed as how to help your son deal with the transitions in the class - and bring up issues that impact your son, and other children on the autism spectrum. It needn't be confrontational - but a team effort to help help your son and the teachers meet mutual goals. I know I'm being idealistic here - but I wouldn't start out talking behind the teacher's back.

Hi Kristin,

I have a very sensitive, anxious, child too. At the beginning of this year her new teacher, who is very young, was strict and spoke loudly. She is actually a wonderful, and compassionate teacher, but my daughter who was used to last year's teacher, who was a matronly, soft spoken, but also strict teacher became very anxious at the beginning of the year.

She began to have physical symptoms her mouth was so dry she couldn't swallow and a child with an incredible appetite suddenly was never hungry, she became withdrawn and I was sincerely worried about her. I actually emailed both the teacher and the school psychologist and got them on board it made a HUGE difference. Everyone validated her feelings and even made some accomodations for her. I say approach the teacher and the school psychologist and in a nonjudgemental manner, tell them your concerns. You will probably be pleasantly surprised and greatly relieved.

God Bless,
J. L.

Is this a private pre-K? I ask because normally when children are over three years old the public school takes over from early intervention. If this is a private pre-K, I would speak with the public schools. A lot of schools offer a pre-K program for special needs kids. I live in Peabody, and we offer a pre-K program for special needs kids. Other children are included in this program as role models at the cost of the parents. As he is fast approaching kindergarten, I would start the process of an IEP with the public schools in order to provide him with any supports that he will need to be successful in kindergarten, which may be nothing more than social skills. I would have a discussion with the older teacher about what you are seeing with your son. She may be able to help the situation by building a relationship with your son so he will understand.

I would talk directly with the older teacher so she can work on her relationship with your son by either talking with him directly, asking him questions, or maybe do a group discussion so he can learn by example from other kids. Are the teachers special ed if it's a regular classroom? Does he have an IEP (individualized ed plan) from the public schools? What services is he getting for his special needs? If you need info contact www.fcsn.org or locally www.f-sepac.org Best of luck. S.

Your letter has done the groundwork for a great talk with his teachers. You are not confrontational - just concerned and rightly so. It's hard to do, but open up with the teachers and express what you've just said. You all want the same thing! Good luck!

hi kristin~

have you talked to the older teacher about your sons needs? does she understand FULLY what it means to be on the autism spectrum? as a former teacher, i found that understanding the needs of each individual made it easier to deal with each child as an individual.
maybe schedule a meeting with both teachers and bring info on autism so that maybe the younger teacher will speak up and offer ideas to the group... and the older teacher will pick up on the ideas. hope that helps!!!

Are the teachers in his class training to be with students on the sprectrum? I mean really trained not just a certificate class? Maybe your child is not ready for an inclusion classroom as of yet if the relationship between himself and people of different levels of understanding of the spectrum is causing severe issues.
My son is 3 1/2 and in a pre k class for spectrum only children. I was less than thrilled with this at first but now that we have a few months under the belt can see that this was the best thing for him. They take the extra time to make things make sense to him and do not have to make the other "regular kids" wait to be instructed THEIR way,leaving him to wonder what HE is doing wrong for not "getting it". Inclusion is always the goal, because after all every parent wants their child to be able to function independantly as much as possible, but your boys are young enough that it is perfectly ok for them to get the extra help as long as they need it!
Unfortunatly the spectrum is going to be present in your son's (and YOUR) life forever so there are going to be many more teachers and others in his life that are going to not be the "best of" mixes. Keep those lines of communication open with ALL the people that interact with your son. You are his BEST advocate. If you trully believe it is a bad situation and it can not be resolved, then change the situation to what is most effective for your son at his current level (chronological AND actual age intertwined!)Keep in mind though that it might work out to be good for him to deal with what he precieves as dislike. Help him understand WHAT dislike really is in whatever way you possibly can! Social stories, PECS pictures, acting out situations.... however your son communicates! Find out what method he is doing best with at school and implement it at home. If there is no method used, do some research and politley suggest one (remember the old saying "catch more flies with honey than vinegar")
Contact Autism Project RI for some great tips and some great people that can help you through most any situation from general advice to planning out social stories, schedules, and PECS usage for ANYTHING. (as you can tell they have helped us!)
Good Luck and keep loving your son!