Ladies, I need your advice once again. I have a friend (we have been friends for about 5 years now, and met through our husbands) who seems to only want to be friends "part-time". I will explain....She has two kids, and her son is only 3 days younger than my daughter. Her daughter is almost 3. I seems like whenever I ask if she wants to go do something, whether it is going to the zoo, park, whatever, she always has an excuse as to why they can't. Usually if she asks if we want to meet somewhere, if I am not busy, we go, because the kids like to play with each other and it is nice to "catch up". Well, recently, actually on July 3, she invited us to watch fireworks at Clement Park, and that they were meeting some other friends there as well. We got there before them and we called and they said they would call when they got there. They called from the parking lot and said as soon as they figured out where their other friends were, they would call us and we would meet up with them. Well, I never heard back from her. I tried to call and got no answer. So, 4 days later she calls me to tell me "sorry, I didn't get good cell phone reception in the park". Ok, so you didn't get good reception. Why not call the next day? We have the same cell service and my phone worked just fine. I didn't say anything, just ok, see you soon. Well, her and another friend of mine wanted to throw me a baby shower for our next baby due in September. It is this Saturday. This "friend" was taking care of decorations and drinks. Now...she has to work and won't be coming. This has been planned since the end of June. The other thing is, she is a stay at home mom, who only works occasionally on Saturday nights at the place her husband manages (a restaurant). To me, this does not make sense. I am considering just not being friends any more. I am tired of being let down or blown off. What would you ladies do?!?!
Well if you really want to know whats going on, why don't you just ask. Be direct. Dont blow her off . There may be a reasonable explaination for what is going on. Tell her your feeling were hurt when she called 3 days after the fireworks. Maybe her husband needed her on the day of your shower. Being direct is the best. Being "high school" or "poor me" doesn't allow you to know the truth. I myself would let her know how you feel.
Give her a little taste of her own medicine right before you tell her that you don't think it would be a good idea that she continue to put herself out for your sake. Tell her that she really isn't the kind of "friend " that you had in mind.kind of nasty but truth always hurts . (in most cases) oh this just came to mind.... Print out your request and ask her advice. Tell her it is from another mother and you thought that she would be a great help too.?? Good luck **god bless**
I have this problem too with two friends I had prior to having kids. Like you, it really hurt my feelings when they would blow me off or let me down. With one "friend", I have decided that the friendship is just not there anymore. We see each other about 3 times a year. I don't make plans with her anymore, but will see her sometimes in the "circle of friends" we have in common. I stay friendly as does she, but that is as far as it goes. With my other "friend", I see her occasionally but I am okay with that now. Luckily I have many other friends that are very reliable and kind and I don't miss these two in my life.
You sound like a nice person and I bet you have many other friends to fill up your time. When you have baby #2, your time will be that much more precious and you will want to spend it with people who treat you well and appreciate your friendship. Stick with those people and only interact with this gal when you have to. And if you need more friends, I bet you can find a few on this website!
Good Luck and Take Care!
K.,
I would confront your "friend" to see what the problem is...once I had an answer then I would determine if I wanted to continue with the friendship or just blow her off.
Congrats on the new baby!
-KC
It seems that this "part-time" friend is just that. A true friend doesn't act like this. This is a friendship (and I use that term lightly) that was most likely forced due to the relationship of the husbands. No everyone's spouses get along and becaome friends.
If she only does things when she wants and not reciprocated, then I'd say stop considering her a friend - she is an accquaintance - nothing more. Friends don't trat each other like that.
Focus on your daughter and soon to be here new baby son look into play groups. You'd be amazed at the real friends you can make that way. Expand your friend network!
The only other thing is that maybe she has something going on in her life that is stifling her. Not all husbands are 50/50 and she may have no say in what they do when he is around, maybe she has personal or financial problems. Stress is a big factor in the way a person acts. Ask her if something is wrong, if she needs help with something, maybe she just needs a break from the kids herself. Try getting a sitter for a couple of hours and go get a pedicure together. All you can do is ask, if she says nothing is wrong, then leave it alone and move on.
V.
I would keep this "friend" at arm's length. Don't initiate any playdates or get-togethers and see if she ever invites you. If she is your friend and misses your company, you'll hear from her. If not, you have your answer.
I would let this "friendship" go. It really isn't worth your time and frustration. If she calls for a get together I would have a ready excuse and not bother with her anymore.Life is just too short to have a friend that only wants to be a friend when it is convenient for her.
