Dr. Lauras New Book Urging Moms to Choose to Stay at Home

This is very interesting, and I know there is a lot of divide between SAHM and WM...fortunately I have never felt that divide with any of my friends who are SAHM (I work M-F 8am-5pm, and 2 of my best friends are SAHM. However, I feel the need to defend working mom's (through my personal situation) a bit on this posting. I am highly offended by Dr. Laura's interview with the WSJ.

"Dr. Laura: Of course this is a huge concern right now with money issues being so tight. But what I have discerned is that people of modest means have been able to handle what’s going on far better than people who are used to having a lot of stuff; it’s the people who put their life’s worth into products, and not people, that are probably the most shell-shocked.

One thing I’ve been happy as peach pie about — because I’m all about the children and the happiness of a woman because that makes the happiness of the home — is that nannies, day cares and babysitters are all collapsing, which is forcing moms and dads to raise their children at home. I’ve gotten a huge surge of mail and calls from people who didn’t make the choice to be at home with their kids, but are just now realizing how wonderful and beautiful it can be. A home should be more than just a place to park yourself after a frenzied day of too much work. So even though there’s less cash, people seem to be happier."

I just want to say that my family does live modestly, and we do not spend more than we earn, and we are happy. I love working, and I love being a mom. I do not put my "life's worth into products". My home is WAY MORE "than a place to park myself after a frenzied day at work", and I most certainly "want them (DS) to learn what's moral and of value from my perspective". I am a fuller, more enriched person from working. I am happy...always. That makes me a better mother, and a better wife. That makes for a better household. I value the time with my son and cherish every single moment I have with him...

I admire SAHM and I also admire WM. Both types of mothers are capable of experiencing motherhood and all the "smallest things in life that make you smile"...we all do it in different ways.

Good for Dr. Laura for praising SAHM...I praise you too!! Great job, bravo!! My 2 girlfriends that are SAHM are 2 of the most incredible women and mothers that I know. I learn so much from them, and their children. But you know what? I am one of the most incredible mothers and women that I know too!! And while I appreciate Dr. Laura's sympathy..."It’s a wonderful choice, but to be absolutely truthful, having been on both sides of this mentality, my heart hurts for what these women miss and what their children miss from them. No argument, no criticism. My heart just hurts — because when you get those pudgy arms around your neck, and being told you’re someone’s lullaby — the fact that a woman would miss that is so, so sad."...

I do not need her sympathy. I am happy, my husband is happy, and my son is thriving, happy and sure of himself. We are all content...period.

One more thing that a friend pointed out about this interview/book. We spend all of our time telling our daughters that they can "Be anything they want to be"...but, according to Dr. Laura, that may be true, as long as they want to be a SAHM. Ridiculous!

I stay at home with my children. There are many reasons and it has not always been easy. When one of my girls is sick, there is no concern over who can stay home with them. When there are school trips where chaperones are needed, I am available. When we plan family vacations, we only had to plan around one work schedule. Daycare is expensive (as I am sure all those mothers who work away from home can attest to). You have to have a decent paying job to offset all the expenses of daycare, gas, clothing, and other expenses. I want to be the one who is with them when they come home from school. I want to be the one with the most influence on them.

I have a college degree but never had a job that I loved so much that I wanted to keep working at when my children came along. When I first had my children, I did have to work part time to help with finances. I worked in the evenings when my husband came home from work. I hated it, it was mostly nights and weekends when I would rather spend the time with my family, but it was necessary. When my second child came, we made a decision to change our lifestyle and let me stop working outside the home. My husband's income had changed enough to help as well.

I really wish the mommy debate were over. I cannot tell you how many people have made hurtful remarks to me over my decision to stay home. And, may I add, I am not home to make my house sparkling clean, I am home to be with my children. I also hate the phrase "since you are a stay at home mom with nothing to do..."

Make a decision based on your family and be willing to change it if it does not work for your family. If you stay at home, you will never regret it. If you have to work to be a "better mom" or your family needs the income, stand by that decision also. Good luck.

HI T.,

I see you've gotten some very passionate(and long) responses, so I'll try to keep mine short and sweet. I have a problem with anyone trying to say what is the "right thing to do" for someone else. Everyone's situation is different and what is right for one, is not always right for someone else. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 14 years and if it came with an outside paycheck, would be awesome! Fortunately, we can make it on just one salary and working outside the home is not a necessity for me. Others are not so lucky. If you can look someone in the eye when they ask you "What do YOU do?" in a derogatory way and smile back with pride and tell them that you are a sahm, then you've made the right choice. I've always volunteered in my children's classrooms and really enjoyed not only my child, but all of the children. When a 5th-grader hugs you and says "thanks" for helping them, you know you've really made a difference. I also get the chance to go and meet my husband for lunch or do whatever I like. The freedom is great! I think it all comes down to what you think makes you a "person of worth". I don't think this can be measured in the amount of money one makes. I am very comfortable in the life I have chosen. If you are at peace with yourself, I don't think anyone else's opinion really matters. Best Wishes! L.

I worked full-time until my 9th month of pregnancy, and then we decided I should stay at home since I don't have a college education and would only make just enough to cover the cost of daycare. I can't tell you how stupid I felt my first year as a SAHM when I had to ask my husband for $100 to buy his Christmas present! And while I'm so blessed to have been there to witness all of my son's firsts and milestones, there are days when I feel guilty about his lack of social interaction (I take him to the park as often as I can, but we have only 1 car and my husband needs it for work) and my inability to contribute financially whenever money gets tight. Not to mention the days when I could really use a good conversation with another grown-up! So to remedy this, I've gotten pregnant again to give my son someone closer to his age to play with, I try to live as frugally as I can, and I go to activities with the church as a way to get out of the house. It's by no means a perfect solution, and I think working from home would be a much better option, but so far I haven't found anything in that category that I would be good at. (As a side note, a few months ago when things got REALLY tight, I asked my husband if he wanted me to go back to work full- or part-time. He said that while we could use the $$$, he would rather have me home raising our son. Whether or not I agree with it, I have to respect his decision.)

I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 yrs and absolutely love it. I would not trade it for anything. It is trying b/c you NEVER get a break. It is 24/7, non-stop "mommy, mommy, mommy" and same day in and day out....kind of gets redundant. BUT, I have seen every single first step, first rollover, first word, first everthing for BOTH of my children. I get to volunteer at their school, go on field trips, eat lunch with them at school, they get to be in their home right after school and not at an afterschool care, I pack their lunch daily, watch them play in their backyard, read to them every night w/ out being too tired, we eat dinner around our table everynight- a home cooked meal, etc I think that whatever a mom chooses to do or has to do is wonderful in their own way. Each mom creates their own schedule that works best for them and their family. Me being with my children for every minute they are not at school is what is best for me. As a child when kids would say they wanted to be a nurse, teacher, etc when they grew up...I always said, "a mommy" and now I know why. :o) Good luck with your survey!
W.

Here's my take on stay-at-home Moms...(I am one)If you are blessed enough to be able to live on your husbands salary, do not want to work outside of the home and it fits into your life, it is the most wonderful job that anyone could ever have. If you want a job that is challenging, tiring, thankless and never-ending then being a SAHM is for you. If you want a job where you love everyone that you work with, you get to see every milestone for yourself, you can snuggle and give kisses 24/7, and you get to be there for your child for whatever they need, then a SAHM is for you.
I wish everyone was blessed enough to be able to make that choice. I respect both SAHMs and women who work outside of the home. It's not easy either way but being a mom is the best job in the world!!

Hi T.,
I was a SAHM for 12 years, beginning with the birth of my first child and r/t to work when my youngest was 10. It was a huge financial sacrifice for us as my husband and I both had student loans from our master's degree programs and my husband is not in a high-paying career. I'm proud to say, after 15 years, both loans are paid off. We had years where our finances didn't seem to work out on paper but somehow we made it and, I believe, had a good quality of life. Why did I stay at home? Because I believe if you choose to have kids, it is your job to mold and shape them. Personalities are developed in the first years of life. That happens by having quantity of time with them, not squeezing in "quality" time two hours a day, when you're stressed out after work, then putting them to bed. We didn't live near family, but if we did, I think grandmas and grandpas, aunts, etc can provide quality time. Twelve years went by in a blink and now I've resumed my career. I didn't lose a bit of professional footing as I have 30 years left in the workforce.
I did not read the book to which you referred but am aware of her position. I have read Dr. Penelope Leach, Larry Burkett (Women Leaving the Workplace, I believe), and others, and surrounded myself with other SAHM that encouraged me with my decision to stay at home. Staying at home was so much harder than having a career, and so worth it.

I haven't read the book but I am a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and have been for three and a half years. I was a working mom and then I got laid off and have never thought of going back to work (I don't have the time for that now!!). I am a Christian woman and I believe that God leads you to what you are supposed to do... not all are called to be SAHM's and not all are able to be working moms. I think us, as women, need to support each other and be each others cheerleaders for whatever we decide. I truly believe that a happy mom = happy children... no matter what we do or where we do it! Let's not judge our fellow moms =)

I have some rather controversial views on this subject.

The first is, in most cases, it's not really a matter of finances. Most families can live off of one income, but choose not to. Right now, my husband is unemployed and I am working a job where I make $11 an hour. We have four teenage kids. We are barely scraping by, but we are making it because we are careful with what we spend. Every dollar has a purpose and that seems to make us think twice about spending money. My husband is looking for work, but we aren't going back to the spend-spend-spend lifestyle we had before. Which is funny because we struggled, living paycheck to paycheck when he was working full time and making more than three times what I'm making now!

So, I beleive that if you really look at what you MUST HAVE, you will find that most families can live on one income.

The second thing is more contradictory than controversial. I beleive that the best person to raise a child is the parents. I do beleive a lot of the raising of kids is left to daycare workers when both parents work. However, I also believe that each husband and wife have to make this decision for themselves. My best friend has always been a working mom. She's a teacher and is great at her job. I stayed home 10 months each with the first two and then stayed home until the last two were in school.

So, there's my two cents worth - maybe a little more! Whatever you and your husband decide to do, be confident in your decision, make it because it's what's best for your family. Friends and family will have all kinds of advice for you, but bottom line is this is a very personal decision.

Hi, T.! I have not heard about this book, but have a few comments on staying home with your kids. I have stayed home with my kids since my first child was born in 1997. I was a paralegal in Charlotte, NC. My husband and I were both on the same page about the kids NOT going to daycare, etc. We are a Christian family and believe that it is our responsibility as parents to raise our children without all the evils of the world. Sticking to that belief, we decided to home school our 3 children. Right now, I home school 2 out of 3 and our youngest goes to the our church's wee school each morning (he starts next year and he can't wait). I am a firm believer that the mother should stay at home. However, most of my friends work. I believe that I am the only woman in our Sunday school class of 50 couples who does not work -- actually I should reprase that because I DO work. I just work within the home and with the family. Everyone thinks that because I don't work I don't do anything. I spend most of my day teaching my children their school work and then doing what I need to do. My husband is very supportive and shares in the responsibilities of the household chores, because he knows that my number one responsibility is to school the children in with a Godly view. He is also very good at giving me my away time because, even though being with my kids is what I love, you still need some alone time with friends or just by yourself. I do, however, also have a great sense of pride towards my friends because I don't understand how they can work and still do all they do too. Their kids are still involved in activities like mine and still have church 3 times a week, and yet they never miss a beat either. I think it is more about where you feel comfortable.

Yes, we do go without many things, but for the last 12 years, the Lord has truly blessed our decision for me to stay home with the kids. I would not change it for anything in the world and would be very unhappy in the workforce knowing someone else was raising my kids!!

If anyone could post the name of that book, I would love to know it. Thanks, R.

My decision to go back to work was purely financial. Although my husband has a great job with excellent benefits, we still needed some of the income that I brought in. Luckily, I was able to go back to my old job part-time. I work 3 days a week & my mom & MIL watch my DD. I did not want to put her in daycare since that would totally defeat the purpose of me going back to work. What we would've paid for daycare would've been what I was making or more. I feel I get the best of both worlds, I get to spend quality time with my DD (and the grandma's do to) & I also get some time outside the house.

I think it's great that someone is bringing this subject into the spotlight. I've often wondered why people have children, just to let someone else raise them. I have worked with kids in all kinds of situations and have seen kids stay in childcare from 7am until 6 pm. They almost never see their parents and (especially the young ones) form a much stronger attachment to the caregiver than the parent. It's just a sad situation our country has come to.

Hi T.,

I have not read the book but am interested in doing so!! I am a SAHM and LOVE it!!!! There have been difficult times but I wouldn't trade all the diapers, cleaning, crying etc. for anything!!!! I also had to work for about 9 months when my oldest was 3. I HATED every minute of it knowing that I was missing time with her that someone else was getting. Also knowing that the day care workers could never love her as much as her father and I. I know what I am doing is the right thing for my family and that my Heavenly Father is blessing our family b/c of my sacrifice to not work. We don't always have the most up to date stuff or the newest coolest gadgets but what we do have is a lot of Quality Family Time and a lot of love b/c of it. I also am choosing to Homeschool my kids and we really enjoy doing so. We get a lot of flexibility with hours and we get a lot of learning done in a short amount of time and reinforce it with lots of field trips!!!! My kids always know that I am here and ready to help them, which can sometimes get in the way especially when I am in the shower and they ask me questions instead of their dad LOL!!!! Anyway I love spending time with my kids and would only choose to work if I absolutely had to. I am not knocking anyone for working I am just stating that for me and my family we choose for me not to work and we have been blessed because of that decision.

I haven't read the book, but I can answer your questions. I chose not be a stay-at-home mom and return to work because I am the bread winner in my home. My husband works also, but I bring in the majority of our income. I told my husband that he could choose to stay at home when our son was born, but there really wasn't a need. We have family that lives close by and both of our mothers are retired so they watched my son. Now that he is older, he goes to daycare and loves it. The conflict is age old for working mothers- I want to spend as much time with him as possible and I miss him when we are apart. However, the rewards are that he is an independent and social child that has learned to more easily adapt to people and things around him. I think that is mostly due to being exposed to other caregivers. The other reward is that he has a close relationship with his grandparents since he has had the opportunity to spend so much time with them. We are all so fortunate to have them as such an integral part our lives.

I am also a christian mother, and with my son (my first child), yes I have worked. Why?

#1) HEALTH INSURANCE
#2) Finances

My husband works for a ministry which means he makes next to nothing, and on top of it, they do not offer health insurance. I haven't read the book, but what does Dr. Laura say to do about health insurance? Pay $800 a month for a private family plan on my husband's salary of less than 30K a year? I'm really not trying to be snotty, but there's no way in the world we could pay our tithes, pay rent, pay for private health insurance (not to mention co-pays and deductibles), and then afford food, clothing, utilities, etc. on what my husband makes. And, as a matter of fact, I make about 5K more than my husband per year (I have the college degree) and my job carries the insurance for our family.

Sure, I could stay at home, but at what cost? The way it is, we live pay check to pay check. We do not own a home (it seems that people think 2 working parents can automatically afford to own a home), we do not drive nice cars, we shop at consignment stores, but we have a little extra left over to take our son to do things on the weekends.

We believe in letting our son experience as much as we can. On the weekends, we are constantly going to the zoo or places that if I were a SAHM, we couldn't go...we couldn't afford it. I love knowing that we have just a little for my son to see the beach, or to go to a theme park, or whatever the case. I could stay at home, but the only thing my child would see on a daily basis would be the walls of our home...nothing else. Would I like to be at home...you have NO idea! But, what happens if I get hurt or sick with no health insurance, I build up 20K in medical bills that I'll never be able to pay off. My credit will be bad, so I'll never be able to buy a house for my family to grow up in one day...

I understand the christian belief that children should only be raised by their parents...and I have lots of friends who believe this way and are SAHM. But my son is with wonderful christian caregivers, not to mention he loves playing with the other children all day...he's such a social bug...loves it.

I could go on and on, but I guess these are my top thoughts!

T.,

I have not read the book, however, I am a working mom. I wish I didn't have to be, but my husband and I realized that if we wanted our children to be able to experience half of what we did as kids, I would have to work (at least for the time being). There are plenty of days that I wish I could stay at home and play with my son instead of his nanny, but I also think that when I am at home with him I am a better mom. I am stressed out at the end of the day, but that stress has nothing to do with him, so I find that I am more patient and more loving with him than when I am with him all day. Some day I hope that I can work part time so I can spend more time with him, but for now, financially we need both incomes.

I am a full time working mom, but I have an unusual schedule at the moment that allows me to work in the morning, be home with my daughter in the afternoons most days (I go back in to work in the late afternoon/evening hours and am back home by 7), and home on Fridays. Soon it will change to a regular 8 to 5 working schedule Mon-Thurs and off on Fridays. I would love to be home with her all the time, especially at this age, but there are many reasons I am not. One is that we could use the extra money, but I'm sure we could get by without it if we really wanted to.

Another is that I was raised by a stay at home mom who believed that I should take education as far as possible and have a successful career because she didn't have the opportunity to pursue that until later in life. She always believed that women should be able to pursue their own careers and dreams similarly to men - being a woman should have nothing to do with which opportunities we are able to choose. Of course, if it is your choice to be a SAHM, that can be a great choice for you and for your kids. But it can't be your choice if you didn't have the opportunity to choose otherwise because you weren't able to pursue your education or a man tells you that you shouldn't. At the same time, she said the years being home with us kids were the best years of her life. So just to be clear here, I am NOT saying that being a SAHM is a bad choice or that people do not make that choice willingly and lovingly. I'm just saying that it shouldn't be done because people think that should be the woman's only role in society.

It's very hard to make a choice to make though. I've just gone through 4 years of college and 6 years of grad school to do what I do, and I like to think that I'm good at it. It has been my identity since before I was "mom". So do I continue in my career in something I've trained hard for and am good at, or do I stay at home with my wonderful baby girl? Not to mention the student loans that need to be paid off. My husband would love to be a SAHD I think, but we need his income and he has been working in the same company for many years. Plus I am breastfeeding so it would be easier for me to stay home. He does laundry and cooks though so he might be better at it than me!

So right now I am trying to have the best of both worlds. My daughter really enjoys her morning day care 4 days per week and is more used to playing with other babies and participating in structured group activities. Some days when I'm spending the afternoon playing with her, I think the set up works great. Some days, when she refuses to nap and I can't get any work done or I am cleaning up cereal dried to the cabinet from the day before as I'm trying to get ready to leave in the morning after a night of teething, or I am putting her temporarily in her clothes from yesterday because we haven't had time to do the laundry in 2 weeks and I need her to wait out the drying cycle, I don't think it so much. When I'm home on Fridays, I take her to the park or storytime at the library, get my cleaning and errands done, and have a much more relaxing day. I even get to write some things in her baby book and meet friends for lunch or playdates. Then I think, life would be so much easier if THIS were my full time job. I'm hoping being home on Fridays will allow me to be a room mother in the future and give me some time to catch up with the home stuff, but it's still a difficult schedule to try to do both full time job and full time mom well. When we have more than one child, especially if both are in day care, I may need to reexamine the situation!

I hope you won't mind another comment, even though I'm late to the discussion. I was out of town all weekend and am just now catching up.

I've done both. With my first four I managed to either stay at home or juggle child care with my husband. The two youngest did go into day care, though I stayed home with them for a year after my last one was born (and, of course, I carefully arranged their day care). Honestly, I don't see much difference in terms of how my kids were affected. I would emphasize, though, that kids need involved parents not just when they're young, but also when they're older.

I have stayed home for the last seven years, and it's been great. My youngest was six at the time, and I was able to homeschool my fourth son through high school (that worked out well for him, with his abilities and temperament). Before I decided to stay home, I did a little math. Considering the cost of food and clothing, and the fact that my income put us into a higher income tax bracket, we come out about the same, financially, as we did when I was working. Also, I've used this opportunity to develop other areas of my personality and work toward my dream of being a writer. In these last seven years I've written and published six novels, and worked on marketing them. But my hours are flexible so I am still available to take my kids places or help them with homework.

This is a very personal decision, and definitely not a one-size-fits-all. Each mother needs to assess her situation, from muliple perspectives, and decide what would be best for her and her family.

I have not read the book - no time to read! I have been all over on this one. I continued working fulltime after my first was born, was fortunate to have a nanny that came to my home. My husband and I agreed that it was worth my paycheck to go toward childcare so that I wouldn't lose my position at my company and have to start over years down the road. Then I had twins and had a nanny for them for a year. Then it became too expensive and I cut back to working PT (fortunately my company was wonderful about it). I worked about 12-15 hours per week and I loved it. As the twins got older and went to preschool I gradually increased my hours to 20 and now, due to my husband losing his job and us needing benefits, I am back to 35 hours per week. I see them off to school and get home to meet the bus. I always worked because I love my job and enjoy the interaction I get. It's something in my life that is "just me". Most of my friends are SAHM and I totally appreciate them - they had careers before and gave them up. You really should search your soul and find what you want. Your kids are older now, so if you could find something part time that would satisfy your need to work and socialize, but still be available for your youngest - then maybe you should consider that. I will say that my husband isn't much help on the homefront unless it's something fun the kids are involved in - so know what other responsibilities will still be on your shoulders before making any changes.

I haven't read the book and do not intend to - partly because I'd bet the rent that the good doctor does not address those of us that ended up being single parents due to divorce and had no choice but to stay/rejoin the work force in order to provide for the child/ren (years ago, there were not the child support tables there are now - you might be surprised at how little some were to pay, and then some would not pay that!)

I'd have loved to have stayed home more - maybe only having to work part-time, but it wasn't in the cards! However, after finally paying off all the bills from the early years, there was funds left over to take some nice vacations! So sometimes, things do work out a little bit!

T., I have not read the book and I am a working mom and a Christian. There are several reasons that prompted me to continue working after kids.

Finances played a big part in our decision. My husband and I both have college degrees, but made in the low 20's when my son came along (he is a state employee, I worked for non-profit). We could not live on one salary. My grandmother watched my son for the first year of his life, so we didn't have that expense.

I could go on with lots of little reason, but the truth is that I love working and I think it makes me a better mom. My husband and I SHARE the parenting and the household chores. My husband picks up our son, does laundry and makes dinner just as much as I do. I really feel like we are partners in our relationship and this is probably the biggest reward to us and our son. I worried at first that my son wouldn't know the difference between me and the sitter, but this worry soon faded - he knew even as a little baby! Now at 5yo, my son is independent and confident, which is very rewarding to see.

Do I wish I were home more? Absolutely! Just like I am sure I don't understand the frustrations of a SAHM, some of my big frustrations are the lack of flexibility there is when you work. My husband can stay home, too, when need be, but what about those days when a fever rears it's ugly head and we both have super important meetings??? You have to be efficient with your time to spend quality time together.

Overall, I am happy with our decision, AND I try to respect others' decisions. We moms tend to be very defensive of other moms who make a different choice than us - Been there myself at times! - and we need to stop it!! ;-)

T., I am a SAHM. I chose to be a SAHM because I didn't want to put my kids in day care. It's way too expensive. Sometimes I wished I had never quit my job because I think my kids are undersocialized. Sometimes I regret the decision to stay home, other times I think it was a good choice. Plus I never get away from my 3 and 1/2 year old. If she were in some kind of day care, whether it's in someone elses home or at a day care place, I could talk to other adults and have some me time even if it's at work. I miss that the most. I hope this answers your questions. J. A.

I haven't read the book, but here are my thoughts on being a SAHM. I did not expect to be able to stay home when I got pregnant, but my husband got a job that allowed me to stay home. I found I was thrilled to be home with the baby. In fact, my husband is gone a lot, so it would be very difficult to be basically a working single mother. (My hat's off to those!) My son is now 17 mos and my husband just got laid off, so I have to go back to work waiting tables. I never finished school b/c my husband was military until recently and I followed him around the world. He is home with the baby for the time being. I hate missing out on his day! I work at night mostly so I miss out on dinner and bedtime, and every day I hate it. All I can hope is that the economy improves soon and that this will only be temporary and I can stay home with him again.

I do think we both need to socialize. We had joined a mom's club and it helped to get out of the house and be around other moms, and he definitely needs to be around other kids. Being alone with him all day could get very hard some days, especially since I had no relief in the evenings like most moms. My husband would go out of town for several weeks at a time. But even when it would get exhausting, I would still rather be doing that than working and missing him all day.

the amount of time kids spend in day care is crazy! i worked in one where kids were dropped off at 6 am and picked up at 6 30... thats nuts! we knew these kids better than the parents.. its sad. needless to say i chose the SAHM road for now but i would like to go to school for nursing once BOTH my girls are in school.

Fun reading from these moms. We have never had the biggest and the best because I gave up teaching to stay home with my three - however, I have been SO blessed. Three wonderful adult children is a huge part of those blessings.

Realizing one day that I didn't like the values I was seeing develop in my children - and that they spent the majority of their day with someone other than their parents - so what did I expect?...changed everything in our way of life.

To add to the discussion, I thought this might interest some moms - an article on NBC.com. Here is the link ... www.nbc13.com/vtm/news/local/article/people_turn_to_netwo...

This is how we have made things work - with one of the good companys that didn't have any risk, inventory or selling of products - none of which I had money or time for as a SAHM.

Thanks for the introduction of a another good topic!

J.
www.joybudreau.com

Hey friend. I have'nt read the book yet. I have just started hearing some things on it. I am anxious to get into it. I tend to beleive that our culture as a whole is getting back to a more simple way of life. More so than we've seen in the past 20 years anyway. I think that the stay at home Mom may see a new revival due to that shift in lifestyle. It seems like more people are making time to raise veggies, shop daily and cook healthy. I'm seeing more and more "slow food" establishments. My husband and I decided that we wanted me to be a SAHM. I felt that if God was willing to bless me with a life to raise, then I needed to give him my best.It was not easy at first, to say the very least! I really had to work at it. I hated it at first when other ladies asked me "what I did". My response was always, "I enjoy taking care of my children". It was uncomfortable at times. I did go through a short period of time where I worked out of my home. I really struggled with the balance between work and taking care of home things even at that. It has simply for me, been a God calling for me to be at home. We have all been blessed by it and I'm so very glad I did it. I certainly don't regret it!!

Oooh! I love this conversation! :) First I'll say my hubby travles a LOT for work, so I always feel a little like a single parent. With only a short time of being a mommy (18 months) I've worked and Stayed at home. Working a full time job (maybe b/c it was teaching and that is like mommying 20 more kids) was WAY harder than staying at home. When you work, it is like you have to do everything the SAHM does and do your job too with less time at home to do it. Staying at home gives you so much more freedom and time to do what you want.

I think most importantly no one should judge anyone for making their own family decisions. Those that are happier working more, then who am I to judge? Those that stay at home... guess what they 'use their brains too'!! As one of my neighbors wrote on facebook that stay at home moms don't do!

I just hate it when people on both sides talk 'trash' or put the others down b/c you disagree. Some people are currently picking up extra jobs just to get out of debt. Whatever we do, we all need to focus our life with the right priorities! Us women want to do it all, everything is a priority, but what the TOP priorities are, should shape our decisions.

So for me and my opinion on most families:

SOMEONE mom or dad SHOULD be at home raising the children they and God created. If you think you 'need' both incomes it IS because you are spending more than you should. I gaurantee living in a smaller home with no cable and checking books out at the library would give families a greater purpose for life. Children need a bonding relationship with one parent, that helps mold them into a successful, independent, christian adult. Not a nany or ten different daycare providers, let's not even start about pedafiles!! The more we work to have more things, the more we loose focus on what we need.

*Chastity and Keri both gave perfect examples of an exception to this, but that is definitely an exception; thus, why no one should judge either way that others go.

I miss my carreer of teaching so many days, and I hate thinking about all the children I could truly help but am not b/c I am staying at home now. And, geeze I would love a break after days of crying and fits. However, ultimately this is BEST FOR OUR FAMILY UNIT. On weeknights or weekends we don't do laundry and clean, we just enjoy life. I plan to stay at home even when all my children are in school b/c that is the most influencial time in my children's lives and I need to be on top of it! Maybe I'll teach part time or sub at their school when that time comes. Either way, it is easier on the family unit... marriage and all... when one person is focused on the home and children.

Thanks for reading. :)

God bless,

Amanda

Let me just say before I sound totally selfish that I love my kids and would not trade them for the world. My husband is in the army and I stay with my kids 24/7. I quit my job to follow him with my daughter from a previous relationship. We now have 4 kids in total and it is not cost effective to pay daycare so I can work. Daycare is really expensive. Tac on gas and other expenses of working and it is better to stay at home. Not to mention you dont have to worry did "Sally" make it to school....Is "Susie" really sick? You are there to get them to school and home. You are there for appointments....geez it seems like there are a ton of them before 5 years old. Also you lose adult contact. Your not at work and most adults work so during the day you can spend it cleaning and taking care of kids. Like I said....I love my kids to death but you know I really would like to talk about something different than Blue's Clues or Barney.

I've not seen or heard of this book, but it sounds interesting. As for the reasons, you'll probably get as many as there are women on this group. I'm blessed that I was able to choose to be a SAHM when my husband joined the Navy. It was 1988 and I quit my full time job because we had 2 small children & I knew their Dad would be gone 6 months out of the year & felt I would be their constant. I've not gone back and haven't regretted my decision.

Has it been hard raising 5 kids on a single income, yes, but I think as many families with dual incomes have trouble too. Would I go back to work if I had to, yes I would. My own personal beliefs are that Mom's should be at home with their children especially while they're little. I think no one can replace the love & security Mom gives them. I don't want to be shouted at here, we're all entitled to our opinions.

My rewards have been that I've come to know my children much more deeply than I feel I would have if I'd been a working mother. I don't know how women do it, work full time, run home, cook dinner, get Susy to dance and Billy to ball games, homework, house cleaning and oh yeah SEX all done. I've done it, I worked until our 1st 2 were 1 & 3 and honestly I thought being a SAHM would be easier MAN was I wrong, LOL.

Conflicts--I don't know that I had any within myself but perhaps feeling as if I weren't appreciated by other women.

I wouldn't trade being a SAHM for anything. I still have 2 at home, a 16yo daughter and an 11yo son. I homeschool my 11yo.

I'd be most curious as to what Dr. Laura has to say about it.

All I have to say is... AMEN. Parenting is the most important job in the world and it should be treated like that. I stayed home and saw him crawl for the 1st time, take his 1st step, and hear his 1st word. My husband works hard so I can be home. As he has aged, I go to all school parties and events. I got to be the 1st one to hear about the girl who broke his heart. I get to pick him up everyday from school and I can be home with him if he is sick. Are there any negatives..well yes. In not so many years he will be gone. But I know that I spent my time teaching, training, nuturing, and loving him. Nothing can replace that.

Proud mom of Nicholas,
C.