Help with 3Yr Girl Not Wanting to Go # 2

Updated on January 20, 2009
C.S. asks from Arlington Heights, IL
12 answers

I have a 3yr old daughter who is holding in her bowl movements. She will clench for an entire day sometimes, crying most of the time. She used to get constipated and it would hurt when she would finally go, so now she's holding it in. She won't go on the potty, only in her diaper. Last time this happened, she pooped once she fell asleep because she couldn't hold it anymore. I'm to the point where I want to give her a suppository and put her on the toilet; I know she won't cooperate, so I wanted to see if anyone had advice first. Thanks everyone!!

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R.S.

answers from Chicago on

My pediatrician recommended a teaspoon of over the counter Miralax so my son couldn't hold it in. It works if I remember to do it.

I bought the book "Everbody Poops" and I'm hoping that it'll help.

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L.A.

answers from Chicago on

My brother has this problem with his almost 3 year old daughter and their pediatrician said to use milk of magnesia and it's been working for them.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

When you see she has to go then set her on the potty and have her stay until she does go. Make it a fun and enjoyable experience. Bring in books, radio, candy or other reward waiting for her to finish her business. Validate her fear, calmly explain how healthy it is go go poopy (and not healthy not to go)....she'll get it.

There are some really great books out there addressing this issue for kids. One we loved was "everything goes poop". Or how about the adult version "what's your poo telling you?" It's hilarious but worthy. This too shall pass.... Great opportunity to talk of nutrition...what goes in has to come out and how it affects our body. never to early to start!!

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

We went through the same thing with my son over the summer. Isn't it fun!?!?

We gave him Miralax. It was recommended by our ped. 1/4 capful in his drink did wonders. Worked like a charm! I think we wound up giving it to him once or twice and he was literally good to go. He had no choice.

Good luck!

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K.V.

answers from Springfield on

Hold off on trying the suppository yet. My son has the EAXT same problem, and it started when he was about 2. in fact, he is now 7 years old and we STILL have to keep a close eye on his bowel movements and make sure he stays regular. He even ended up with a prolapsed rectum at one point. Scared me to death.

Anyway, we finally have the problem under control, after MUCH research. First, start immediately feeding her naturally stool softening foods and make sure she is REALLY hydrated. I would literally make a game out of the water drinking and let my son drink it from a bowl on the floor like a puppy just to get more down him. As far as stool softening foods go, those that worked best for us are: grapes, pears, juice (no sugar added), apples (with the skin, without the skin, they are actually constipating), granola, green beans, green leafy veggies (although my son would never actually eat these), some organic cerals, V-8 splash is a good juice.

Some constipating foods: milk, chocolate, apples without skin, cheese, bananas.

Also, one of the things that helped alot to ease any pain when actually trying to go and/or to just help the BM "slide" on out was to use 2-3 tsp. of mineral oil per day. I couldn't get him to drink it in juice, but in a little milk with some nesquick, he didn't even realize it was in there (just be sure and limit the milk intake when doing it this way). This was recommended by his doctor.

Also, I tried to make potty time as fun and distracting as I could. I would take his light up toys with us and shut off the lights and see how many we could get going at once, or do shadow puppets with a flash light, or read him a story while he was trying. I wouldn't make him push the whole time and would let him have breaks, then after about 10 minutes, if he still couldn't go, we'd get up and try again later, because you don't want her to strain too hard (this is what led to the prolapsed rectum for our son).

Geez, I think I wrote book here, but it sounds so much like our situation that I can't help but try to give you everything I wish I had known right away.

Good luck, and I hope you let me know if anything helps!!

--K.

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D.R.

answers from Chicago on

Wow! That was my daughter exactly! SHe is now 3 1/2 and yells to everyone that can hear "I pooped and it's HUGE!". Back to before she would poop - she was holding it at a family birthday party and then decided to poop in her pants...she forgot she was not wearing a pull-up (which was the only time she would poop). Someone noticed the smell and I had to take her in the shower and clean her off. Since that incident she was embarrassed and decided to give pooping on the potty a try (she walked around for the rest of the party in her PJ's, since that's all I had with me, while everyone else was dressed). But what really got her to WANT to poop on the potty was a book called "It Hurts When I Poop". I got mine on Amazon for around $5. It tells them why they poop and why they need to go on the potty. The story is about a boy with the same problem whose parents take him to the doctor. The doctor tells the boy a story and then explains about the poop. My daughter STILL likes to read that book! I would recommend it to anyone having "poop" troubles. Good luck!

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

Here is what I did when one of the four I trained wouldn't go and was holding it.

1.) 1 tsp of flax seed in a cup of yogurt and a handful of dry frosted shredded mini wheats first thing in the morning. After a day or two, they couldn't hold it anymore.

2.) I looked for the signs and I made them sit on the potty. I hug them, kiss their face, and tell them it will be alright. I won't let them up until they go. Make sure they need to go or are starting to go. After one or two times they realize it doesn't hurt them and it is much better to go on the potty. No pull-ups, no diapers...maybe consider going naked until they get it.

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M.K.

answers from Chicago on

Hello C.-

One of my twins had this challenge around the same age. She was totally potty trained, but refused to go #2. she would hodl it all day, but as soon as she got her pull up on before bed, would poop, get another pull up, then would be dry all night.
She was very regular about this routine and knew that she went Potty each night. I finally told her that it was nothing to be scared of and then proceeded to have her sit in the toilet one night and I sat inthe room with her for a while and she finally asked me to leave. I stood outside of the doorway and when she was done, we looked (so she knew what happened) and we forged ahead. It took a few additional nights of this (some with a great deal of crying) but we were finished in less than a week.
Good luck!

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C.K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C., I had the same prob with my son when he was 3 (he is now 4). My DR suggested that I give him pull ups to use ONLY IN THE BATHROOM for pooping. I put them where he could get them and did not get upset when he pooped in them. I told him that he could only use the pull ups in the bathroom and for pooping. He then helped me clean himself up and put the poop in the toilet. After a while, about 3 mos, he was done with all of that and decided on his own to poop in the potty. My DR said not to go nuts on them and give them their own time. It took longer than I liked, but he evenutally gave into the way I wanted it done. It is all a control issue and my DR said this is one war that we as parents will never win. Hope this helps.

C.

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

My first daughter did the same thing at about that age. I would have to end up giving her a suppository to get it out. It was the last thing that I wanted to do, but it would go on for 2 days sometimes. She didn't like it at all, and it did take 2 people to do it, but it worked in minutes. I explained to her that if she held it in like that, that is what I would have to do. I think I only had to do it to her about 3 or 4 times before she stopped holding it in.

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L.K.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter did the same thing, till she was 3.5 yrs. She would wear underwear and ask for a diaper to go #2. I used to give her a fiber cracker and it helped. Then one day she sat on the potty and never asked for a diaper again.

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J.C.

answers from Chicago on

My son did the same thing. So I gave him 1 tsp benefiber powder and mixed it in his juice. I also had him eat lots of green veggies and dried prunes. I tried to have him have loose stools til he just couldnt hold it in anymore. When I noticed he just couldnt hold it in, I ran with him to the toilet. It took a bit of work and consistency on my part. But it worked for me and he got completely potty trained. I also discussed this with his pediatrician and she said it was fine.

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