Help! My 2 1/2 Year Old Won't Sleep!

It is so hard to break the habit once they have set their mind to it but it is up to you to remind them of where they sleep. A few nights of it and they will go back to it. But now you have a fight upon you. Whether you realize it or not you are basically sleeping with him- on the couch. When you are moving him to his bed and he wakes up he is totally disoriented and that will scare him. If anything I would stay in the room for a while with him but in HIS room. Never let him get out or he has won and it will take you even longer to break the habit. Good luck!

we've gone through similar stuff with my dd. she insists on sleeping in my bed, which is partially my fault, okay maybe all because dh was gone for 6 weeks and it was nice to have her close that being said when dad came home and we started the transition I realized a lot of her fight is because she wants more attention from us. So we've started a new routine that has worked for 2 weeks now, so crossing my fingers it keeps working but she gets ready for bed then we put on a timer for 10 min and she can play all she wants when the timer goes off we pick up her toys together and then go pick out one or two bedtime stories and we snuggle and read the stories together. then I do a relaxation deep breathing with her helping her to relax as I am snuggling with her on her bed. dad does it by kneeling next to the bed. then we sing a couple of bedtime songs and say prayers (oh yeah brushing teeth was in there before the snuggle story time) giving her a time perameter that helps her feel in control of the situation really helps. She says I don't want to go to bed I don't want to go to bed. Okay sweetie then what if we put on a timer for 10 minutes and when it beeps we clean up your toys and go up and read a story before you have to go to bed. in her eyes she won! she doesn't have to go to bed when you told her. and for me I win. She is going to bed and without all the drama it takes LESS time than the fights we were having before.
hope you find something that helps.

It's probably just a phase, but by letting him watch videos and spend time with Mommy and Daddy, and even sleep on the couch with Daddy, you are just reinforcing the behavior that you want to stop. Maybe he was scared for a couple of nights, but now he knows that if he doesn't go to bed he gets to watch movies with mom and dad for 4 hours. What 2.5 year old wouldn't like that? My little guy would LOVE it!

It will not be easy, but you just can't give in...if you really the behavior to end. 2.5 yrs old is about the time fears (like dark, monsters, etc) begin. You have to put him in bed and talk to him in there about it. Look around the room and make sure "everything is safe". Give him a flashlight to sleep with, if necessary. Make sure he is cozy in bed, favorite blankets, toys, etc. Do you still use a monitor? Set it up and make sure he knows what it is for - so you can hear him if he needs you. Be consistent, but keep him in his bed. Is he still in a crib? If not..and he gets out of bed on his own...keep putting him back in bed. Maybe even sit with him for a night or two until he falls asleep. Sit on the bed, then move to the floor, then move to the doorway, then the hallway, it may have to be gradual like that. Do what you need to do to help him feel safe, but don't give him extra time up or sleep with him or watch movies together if you don't want that to be the way he learns how to ALWAYS go to sleep.

Good luck and be strong. It is tough to change learned behaviors and habits, but it is worth it in the long run. Give it a week of consistency (bed at normal time, stay in bed and sleep) and he will most likely be back to his normal sleeping routine.

PS I noticed that someone said eliminate naptime so he is sleepier at night. He may be ready for this at 2.5 yrs but probably not. If you try it, you'll have to put him down even earlier at night time. Kids that age need at least 12 hours of sleep total - per day. When they are sleeping, their brains are developing....so you don't want to skimp on that. Not to mention the crankiness. :o)

He has trained you if he pitches enough of a fit you will cave and let him stay up.
You put him in his bed, structured routine and that is that.
I think 8 is late for a 2 1/2 year old to be honest, if he is overly tired it will backfire. Try starting at 7.
If he gets up, put him back, let him scream and pitch a fit, when he sees he doesn't get what he wants it will stop, maybe not overnight but it will.
Stand tough, be consistent, put him back over and over.
Put up a chart, for every night he does it nicely then a big smiley face. After 14 smileys a ice cream out or special treat. Get a few small toys he likes and put them in a bag, show him what he is working for.
Empower him to control himself not to control YOU! He is controlling the situation and it is imparitive if you want the behavior to stop you stand tough. You don't have to be mean, but let him know how it is going to go. He can go to bed nicely and get a smiley or he can pitch a fit and get a sad face! Visuals in boys helps tremendously.
It is normal he is testing you, it isn't okay to give in.
Don't co sleep, don't lay down with him, don't allow him to get up. Don't interact much when he is pitching a fit, just kisses and hugs and walk out of his room.

My seven year old goes to bed at 8! My four year old goes to bed 7:15.
Adjust his naps maybe too so he isn't sleeping too long or too late in the afternoon and he is tired but not overly tired.
Good luck, don't worry about what someone else has done or hasn't, you need to regain control and show him bedtime is bedtime, period.

R.,

First of all, I don't believe there is a "normal" with any child. Each are unique, just as each adult is. That being said, Luke is in the phase of learning autontomy. He no longer sees himself as part of you. He is realizing that someday he will be asked to live life away from this connected family unit. Though he doesn't see the whole picture entirely he is starting to feel "his smallness".

What message are you giving him about his abilities to stand apart? Can you create a way for him to feel save when he in his bedroom without you there? I don't know what your religious believes are, but I have found that a prayer before bedtime calms the human soul. It lets us know that we are not alone.

If this is something that works for you and your family I would greatly encourage it. Talk to Luke about the angels that surround him and protect him at night.

With my whole heart, C.
Owner of Loving Connections LLC
What is Loving Connection? Sharing your whole heart.

R., at that age my daughters all had the same experience. Someone called it night terrors. Their little minds are figuring things out and they dream. Sometimes they don't understand what they are dreaming and are afraid.
I had one daughter that was afraid of monsters. We ended up using a small spray bottle and put in mostly water with just a few drops of one of my perfumes. We called it the monster spray. Each night when we put her to bed we would spray 2 spritzes. She could smell it and it would calm her until she fell asleep. I set it by her bed and if she woke up in the night she could spray a spritz without waking us up. I helped us a lot! Hope this helps you too!
Blessings,
A.

This just happened a few months back with my little boy (he's about your son's age). We wound up doing 3 things that seemed to help - (1) turn off the TV an hour before bedtime (he goes to bed at 9), (2) insist that he to bed and stay in bed at exactly his bedtime, and (3) we purchased a toddler clock. The first night we implemented this, we had to put him back into his bed 9 times before he fell asleep. But after that first night, it was smooth sailing. Now he stays in bed. He has a toddler clock that turns blue when he's supposed to be in bed, and yellow in the morning. He knows now that he is not getting out of bed (unless its a diaper issue) until the clock turns yellow. And if he wakes up crying in the middle of the night, either my husband or myself go in and give him some cuddles and reassurance (without turning on the light), and then we point out that the clock is still blue. He really gets it now, and we rarely have problems anymore.

A couple of mom's have asked me about the toddler clock - I found it on Amazon. It's called "My Tot Clock". In addition to the night/day settings, it also has a timer lights for "time outs" (red) and "play time" green. It can play music for wake or sleep, and can read a bedtime story (though I prefer to do that for myself). The only (very minor) complaint I would make about it is that the blue light can be very bright. There is a dimmer, but you have to manually set that every night (it doesn't save the setting for that). It can run off of batteries (AA) or plug in.

Stop with the videos. No TV for at least an hour before bedtime. The TV actually stimulates the brain in a way that makes it harder for a person (child or adult) to fall asleep or sleep well.

Decide whether he stays in his room or goes to the couch. Decide if someone will lie with him or not (I suggest to go ahead and have someone lie with him in his room until he falls asleep). Either way, lights are out and its no talking. The stick to the rules. Do not give in to his crying. You're only teaching him to cry longer until you do give in.

And relax. It is a phase. Lots of kids go through not wanting to go to sleep. Our mothers' and grandmothers' generation had ideas that our different from what child development specilists now know about how children learn and develop.

He may just be going thru an insecurity phase. We had all 4 of our children sleep w/us from birth until they were comfortable in their own bed. It is much easier to let him sleep w/you until he is ready for his own bed again than for everyone to miss out on sleep. Doesn't everyone want to be loved and cuddled lots? Looks like I am in the minority, but our country is just about the only one that doesn't believe in letting your babies sleep with you. See "The Family Bed" ~ ~ ~ don't remember who wrote it.

You have some good advice, so I'll just second the call to turn off the TV! My oldest (a girl), and youngest (a boy) are both very visual. They see images in their eyes when they close them at night, which was especially disturbing to both of them at your son's age. I have learned to be extremely selective of what they see, because it will lead to nightmares. No Disney, even books with scary-looking people/things in them. I learned that I had to ask friends to turn off the TV or we needed to leave. When my daughter was 2, she would cry and ask me to take the pictures out of her eyes! So cut out or monitor closely all visual images (including adverstising) that you watch as a family. Pediatricians recommend no TV before age 4! (okay, a little strict, I know!) And figure out a plan for what you will do to help him back to his own bed and room. I like the idea of rocking him in his room, so he remembers that the room is safe, you are close. Put him in his crib and rub his back. I used to do a long and careful routine...if my kids stood up in bed I would hide in the hall until they lay back down in their crib. Then I would stand in the doorway and make little humming sounds every now and then, as long as they were lying down. It's all a matter of training, figure out what you want and what your strategies are going to be, and what he will do next (you know), and how you will respond. It really helps to make a plan ahead of time! Best of luck!

P.s.,
When dealing with the "pictures in my eyes", I assured her that God is with her wherever she goes, that (once she has asked him into her heart, which she did) Jesus can go with her in her dreams even though Mommy can't. We prayed some verses together, "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go." (Gen 28:15), "In God I trust, I will not be afraid." (Ps 56:11) I assured her that nothing in her dreams can hurt her, and that Jesus will help her either in her dream or to wake up. She is now 7 and has mastered her dreams--she knows when she is dreaming doesn't let them scare her any more. Blessings to you and your family!

Check out the book, "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. It's a great resource.

I'm going through this with my daughter currently too. She is about 2.25 years old. It started a few weeks ago when we transitioned her to her "big girl bed". It's her crib with one side taken off. She won't go to sleep on her own in the bed like she used to. She cries, screams and kicks. So what we are doing (which I'm sure is just a phase) is rocking her to sleep in our arms. She wants the security that we are there for her. The lights are out and soft music is playing. She sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night screaming and crying so we keep her in her bed and hold her hand until she's asleep again. Seems to be working for us. Good luck!

I would get back to your bedtime routine and stick with it. At this age they are pushing the limits to see what they can get away with. It will probably be hard for a couple of weeks, but it will get back to normal. Right now he knows if he throws the tantrum he is rewarded by getting to watch videos. Good luck and know it's hard, but stick with it and it will get better.

Our dd seemed afraid for awhile, and we talked to her about why she was afraid, reassured her that we are nearby while she is sleeping, and put a night light in her room, so she could see when she woke up. We also reminded her that God is watching over her while she sleeps, and that He keeps her safe while she sleeps. It might also be time to start phasing out a nap. Good luck!

I feel your pain! We are going through exactly the same thing with my 2 year old daughter right now. It's crazy she seems to get her second wind right around bedtime and is super hyper, I think she's just fighting to stay awake. Anywho, some things that have worked for me are 1) I don't let her nap during the day so she will be tired for bedtime and 2) take away all sugar in the early afternoon so she isn't all hyped up around bedtime. I had done the same with watching movies on the couch with her but then I put my foot down and we had to stay in her room with the light off and I would rock her in the rocking chair. She knows she can't win the tv fight anymore. These little kiddos are smart and sometimes I think it's all about the power struggle.

Yikes! Don't let someone's definition of normal taint you. Try some different things with your son. Everyone is different and you are right, we all go through different phases.

Some suggestions include putting some white noise outside his room - like an air filtration unit. Helps drown out some noise, but also gives a sense of security too. Move any clocks, baby monitors, or TVs out of the room. Unplug your WiFi routers at night. Electromagnetic fields can interrupt sleep patterns. A natural option you can try is putting a magnetic/infrared pet pad underneath the sheet. There are many kids that struggle with getting good quality sleep. I have many amazing stories I can tell you about these natural technologies as well as research studies. www.nikken.com/sleepcenter has an overview of the adult sleep technologies. Email me if you want to know more info or how to get the products at the best price. Sleep is so critical to good health (both his and yours!).

Please let me know how I can help you.
S.

He has probably started dreaming and is having nightmares as well talk to him about the pictures or dreams he sees when he is sleeping it is hard for them to understand. Or he may have an ear infection.

That sounds really difficult! My 2 year old recently went through a period of being afraid of the dark and a night light did the trick. I'm wondering, however if he is in a cycle of being over-tired? When my daughter gets over-tired (which he probably is since he's been up), it gets more and more difficult to put her to bed and she gets more and more over-tired and the cycle repeats itself. What if you try to put him to bed 1/2 hour earlier? Is he still napping? I hope you get some answers and some relief soon!