HELP, Mean Family Party!

Hi living in Florida I understand the importance and tradition of the Qunicianera. I feel horrible that your sister is having to deal with this. I'm sure she is very sad. Dont' understand why the aunt didn't try to do a dual one so both can celebrate. Well you can go about it two ways do a small party and get invitations out prior to the cousin. Obviously the aunt was not thinking of your sisters feelings. I would honestly not go and just spend the day trying to cheer your sister up. But becareful of the family dynamnics.

What would I do? I would ask your Aunt to have a joint party...that way both girls can have their special time.

~Although I am white, I grew up in LA and attended many a Quincianera and know exactly what a big deal they are...it's a real 'coming of age' type party and your sis deserves to have hers too...hopefully your Auntie will be nice and let you guys combine them.

I think you should let your sister take the lead on this one. If she wants to go to the party let her go. I think if you make a big deal about it then it will hurt your sister's feelings even more.

I think you have to be the better and bigger people. I agree that your sister should lead the way. But, my mother taught me a long time ago that the best way to get back at people is to act as if it never even crossed your mind as a problem or made you upset in any way. I do understand the special occasion. I think the family should wait a little until you can have a small and less expensive party. Good luck.
k

Not meaning to play devil's advocate but if their birthdays are so close to each other ....what did you think would happen?

Question: How odd would it be to postpone your sisters party by a couple of weeks? When time to send invites let everyone know you waited due to to many parties on the same date. I don't see it as that big of deal, she gets to celebrate twice.

Did your Aunt know that your family set aside the 8th for your sister's party? If so-that is not acceptable. It also sounds as though the hope is that the celebration falls close to the girl's birthday-but not necessarily right on it? Does you Aunt know that you parents are having difficulty finishing their home and arranging a celebration? If she knew these two circumstances-don't you think she would suggest that the two families throw the party-with her family absorbing most of the cost?

I would do whatever your sister wants to do. If she wants to go to the party, then let her. If it will make her feel bad, then don't go. Personnaly I think that them having the party on your sister's day is in extremely poor taste. I would take her to do something like really cool and awesome during the day that day and then show up to the party a little late and have a great reason to tell everyone! It wouldn't be rude, because it is HER actual birthday. "Oh, sorry we're late, we we're out doing something really cool for my birthday!" And make sure she has a really knock down cute dress to wear to the party!

I think it was very hurtful and insensitive of your aunt to do this. You're a lovely big sister for wanting to protect your sister. And your younger sister is a wonderful, mature young woman to be disrespected in such a way and yet be willing to "turn the other cheek" so to speak. I would do whatever your sister wants to do...if she wants to celebrate with her immediate family do that, if she wants to go to your cousin's party, do that. Either way, she knows she'll have the support and love of the people who REALLY matter - her sister and immediate family.

Yes, this does seem hurtful to me. Is it possible for you to talk to you aunt yourself and see if there is a compromise. I mean this is your sister's actual birthday and she has to celebrate it with a huge party for her cousin, ouch. That makes me sad. Maybe you could offer your aunt some money, whatever your family could afford and see if your sister could invite a few of her friends to have a combo party. I don't know if your aunt would go for that, but maybe it's worth a try. If not then I suggest trying to postpone your sis's party and do it a few weeks later. As others said, even if your sister is disappointed, you should take her lead and if she wants to go to cousin's party, she should. Good luck, I hope this gets resolved!

Yes, it is insensitive, but lots of people have their parties on a day other than their actual birthday.

Unless your family had already asked people to come to dinner that night, then there is a good chance that your aunt is correct (not, right- but correct). If she needed to rent a hall or book a reception location then she is somewhat at the mercy of their calendars and availability (especially at the start of "wedding season").

Not going to the party will likely hurt your cousin and impact "her day" as well- remember that you are angry with your aunt, not your cousin. Can you do something the night before for your sister? Go out to dinner on the 7th so that her "special night" comes first!