Help Me Deal!!!

I have a 2.5 year old and a 12 month old. They are 17.5 months apart. Right after I had Isaiah, I went through kind of the same thing. My oldest son was always wanting me to hold him, and generally being very 'needy'. I found myself getting a little overwhelmed because of my youngest and my oldest both wanting all my attention, all the time.

What worked for me, is for like a week, when my older son wanted me to hold him, wanted me to play with him, whenever I possibly could I just did it. It really helped, and after that week he realized that he COULD have my attention when he wanted it, and he stopped being so clingy. It was hard, I will admit, but it really helped.

As someone who has dealt with, okay, dealing with, depression and/or post partum depression...I can only tell you that anger is one of the symptoms. It is something that I work on daily...my poor husband gets the brunt of it! I am angry at him, my family, the baby, etc...mainly because I don't get a lot of help at home (I, too, am a stay at home mom). Getting into a "mommy and me" type class has helped a bit, since I actually feel like a functioning adult again...and it helps to get out of the house!

I hope it helps knowing that you are not alone!

C.,

This is PPD. It has many differant symptoms. I had PPD with all three of my girls. My doctor told me you are more likely to get it, if you have had it with previous children. PPD is not just being blue. It has many ugly heads and one of them is anger. It does go away. I went through the same thing with my second child. You should definatly talk to your doctor. Another sign of PPD that many people don't know about is not being able to sleep at night. And when you add that to stress and anger it makes it so much harder to deal with anything.
Lots of luck to you~ please go talk to your doctor.
M.

Hi C.
My daughter just turned two, so I'm not sure you could diagnose me with PPD anymore, or if it's just depression/anger at this point. I think there are instances and circumstances that just don't go my way, and I get angry or resentful toward my husband, daughter, myself, and then feel guilty which leads to more depression. I do agree that getting a shower in the morning and getting out of the house and staying busy, finding people to talk to, really helps with those feelings. They are very hard to deal with and even harder to explain, but I definately know where you're coming from. Feel free so message me if you would like.

Hi C.,

First of all, kudos to you for realizing your situation and asking for help! I've had lots of parents come to me with similar problems as a kindergarten teacher and they always wonder how I deal with 30+ muchkins every day without having a breakdown. The best thing I can tell you is get insanely organized with your day...plan ahead for your 2 yr. old with snacks, activities, walks outside, chores, rest time, etc. Make the time to write down a schedule for every 1/2 hr. of the day and think about what you need to be doing and what you want him to be doing at that time. And experiment with it. Maybe he needs a snack at 9 instead of 9:30 am if he wakes up early. Hunger and tiredness are evil twins in making your day miserable...and I bet you get really angry when he's acting up---"getting in trouble"--- so keeping the little guy busy with things you have come up with instead of him is super, super important!

Hope this helps and keep us posted as to what works!!

Good Luck and Kindest Thoughts,

J.

my son was 2.5 when the baby was born now he is 3. And for the first couple months he was a terror until I found playdoh! He'll play with it cutting it with a plastic knife for more than half an hour, take a break to run around and then goes back to it, that and color wonder markers! They are quiet things to do and I just sweap up the tiny little bits.
Basicly I had to stop doing housework while they were awake, after everyone is in bed at night is when stuff gets done.
I try to take him to the park or get out for a walk, this might sound bad but he's like a dog, if he doesn't get exercise he gets naughty.
And believe me with my depresson it was hard to do, but hopefully your husband will understand if you leave the laundry folding and the floor cleaning and the dishes till after bed.
Oh also I give my son a spray bottle filled with water and a rag and he cleans the slidding glass door for me, and I give him a dust cloth and he dusts the entertainment center for me, he loves to help and it gives me time to do things like make lunch.
If you need quick meal ideas check out www.allrecipes.com and click on "menus" there are "kid friendly" and "quick and easy"
And if all else fails don't hesitate to hire a teanager to come over for a few hours a day to play with him in his room, or help him get ready for bed, or take him for a walk.
My son always goes to bed better fo me if he gets to spend about an hour with my full attention before bedtime also, and he gets to pick what we do. I give him a couple options though other wise he gets frustrated. Like would you like to play with your trains or color with your magic markers (color wonder)?

C. I Strongly encourage you to contact your doctor and discuss this matter with him or her. I suffer from Depression and I need to up my dosage as my 2 1/2 year old is DRIVING me crazy more so than what I am normally able to tolerate when my medication is balanced. I suffer from Depression, it runs in my family, it is not clinical but enough that I need to have medication in order to maintain a healthy and happy self. it is just a fact of life for many of us, because it runs in my family I see no other choice but to take medication as I do not want my children to see me in terrible states...I do normally get snappy and angry easily, and I will be very tired, like I am lately, and get into these weird bouts of wanting to just eat constantly.

AGAIN I can not stress it enough to go to the doctor, it is safe to take Zoloft while you breastfeed, if you do not do it, your children will suffer....I am speaking from experience even when I was growing up with my mother who never took medication until just recently and I swear she is a MUCH better person now than when my sister and I were growing up!

Dear C.,
As everyone else has said, Please see a doctor. But I also have 2year old and my baby is 3.5 months.I went through the angry phase when I was preagnant and understand greatly how trying it can be. The best thing I can tell you to do that helped me was to stop when I reacognized I was getting angery and sit down at my son's level and tell him what he was doing wrong,if he really wasn't doing any thing wrong and I was just mad I would and still do just give him a huge hug and kiss. I know it may sound strange but it really helped me to put thinks into perspective.I'm sure things will get better for you just keep your head up.:)

Oh I feel so close to you right now. My daughtr was'nt even 2 yet and I was and am still going thru the same thing. I just belive that it's part of being a toddler to make mommy mad. and he is'nt your"baby" anymore so he's acting out on it. Just be glad he is'nt hurting brother yet. I'd do a mommy day. that is working with my daughter. we get a sitter for a whole day and it's just my daughter and me. my sone is used to it so he is'nt rebeling because he was the second child. it's the first one that gets hurt in the end. In the futre make things fair. EXAMPLE if she is 7 and gets allowance make sure he is 7 before he can get it too. if there is a raise in allowence at around age 12 make sure he is 12 when he gets his. make sure your fair on those terms and it should'nt continue. Me and my brother were the same age apart as mine are and I remember in terms like the allowenc thing and bed times, my mom was'nt AGE FAIR. so although there very close this will continue unless you treat them very differant. And because there both boys it should'nt be too hard. at least you don't have an opinionated bossy loud mouth daughter talking back to you with whatever you say. My son is following in HER footstpe by the way. I'd pay more attention to the older one with EVERYTHING if I were you. the baby will adjust but it's the older siblings that wont because there already set in there ways.
Hope I've shed a little light on this.

Hi C., I to have gone through this but i agree with your other responces. go see your doctor.its better to find out now than have something happen you will regret. i to would start off calm then i would just explode. so i saw my doctor and now i take cymbalta it was the best thing for me i feel calm relaxed. i was getting to the point i did not like who i was becoming. then i found out that my whole family sufers from depression. but mine has been diagnosed to anxiety. which is still a form of depression. i wish you luck if you can go for a walk, park,mcdonalds, that your 2 yr old can just run and play and get tired. plus you can meet other moms at the park or mcdonalds. maybe you set up with your other friends like my friends and i have done is we take turns taking care of each others children so the other mom can have a break run errands or just lay on the couch we do this once a week and let me tell you it has worked out so good and it gives the children other little people tp play with try it its great!

i did the same exact thing after i had my daughter and my son was 23 months. it went on for about a month and i knew it wasn't right for me to lose my temper so much. i finally realized it was more of me being over protective of the new baby then my son doing something wrong. i was scared he would hurt her because he's so young, and not very careful. anger is actually a form ppd, "you can't judge a book by it's cover". just because it's called depression, doesn't mean you have to be sad or worried, it can also be anger or anxiety. how old is the new one? do you think this is severe enough to seek help. it doesn't hurt to just talk to your doctor, they are only there to help.

One thing will help. You need to have alone time. You probably feel that way because you are overwelmed with your new child and your two yr old is probablyy very geluos. So try to get out and have some time just for yourself mabye ask your husband for some spending money not much mabye just to go to the store and buy yourself a new blouse. And just get out for an hour or so. It really sounds like you need some love for yourself. try it

H. German

Hi C. O
You are depressed. Depression comes in many forms.You shouldn't be furious at a two old. You need to see a doctor, quick. God Bless You

You're going to give yourself gallstones if u don't get rid of this anger. Try going to get accupressure, tell them to work on the wood meridian, just tell them you're angry they should know what to do. If u can't afford one I help u out. I've been certified for 4 yrs. I don't practice anymore because laws in WA. I need to take the national exame. So I just practice on family and friends for free, so I don't loose it. U never know it could work.

C.,

Even though you are not experiencing the low side of depression anger is a reflection of fear and anxiety. I would first and foremost talk to your husband to give you a break when he gets home to decompress. Secondly, I think you should consult your doctor and see if there is a reason for the anger. If you are home alone with no help and no one to talk to the stress for you is not going to get better and besides remember these are innocent children and should be protected at all costs. You need a break, you need help, and you need to make sure you don't take your emotions out on the children. They feed off your energy and they will grow up to be nervous, anxious and fearful of you.

I went through the same thing with my son when my daughter was born. My son was 2 and I was going crazy with him. I asked my mom one day is it just me or has he been more crazy lately. She said no. I think with just trying to balance having another baby and your first child is the hardest. You aren't getting as much sleep as you were when you only had one child. Both you and your son have to get use to having a new baby. He has to share the spot light (which is a good thing to learn). Things will get better just try to breath. If you can't shake it tell your doctor. After I had my third child I couldn't shake ppd. I got put on some medication and it really helped. I got sick of always getting so mad at my kids. It wasn't my kids fault. After awhile and a talk with my husband I decided I needed help. You will make the right choice for you and your family. Good luck.

C.,
If I were you, I would look for a more interactive mom's group on the internet. Mamasource is great for information and problemsolving, but if you had a group that met every week or so, you would be networking with other moms with kids the same age as yours, who were possibly going through the same problems as you were going through. Also, your two year old would have kids his own age to play with, so he could burn off some energy. I joined a Yahoo mommy's group a year and a half ago and have made some great friends and my kids LOVE going to the playdates.
You might also want to check and see if your insurance covers therapy so you can talk to a professional about your anger issues with your son. If not, there are free crisis hotlines that you can call when you are angry with him and they can help talk to you and calm you down.
Good luck and congratulations on your wonderful family.