Help! 3 Year Old Still Won't Poop on the Potty!

M., I have an almost 3 yr old who refuses to pee on the potty because her constipation was sooooo severe. I too used Miralax, but could not continue every day. I didn't her to become dependent. Now I am using plum smart juice with apple juice. Twice daily I am changing poo diapers. This is the part that applies to you. My pediatrician says he sees A LOT of children between 3-5yrs that refuse to poo. Maybe put him in pull ups and let him be uncomfortable in the dirty "diaper" will get him to make his own decision to use the potty. Now that my daughter is "regular" she is "grossed out" with the way it feels on her skin....so I take my time to change her (not long enough to cause a rash). Good luck...and if all else fails, I will follow my friends poor judgment where one surprising spanking fixed all of her son's "accidents" at age 4!

M.,

Take comfort in that you are not alone. You say he is Pee trained for only 3 months now. They is a great defeat, but the poop is much more difficult for some children. I went through this about 8 months ago. My son decided he was done with diapers at about 2 1/2, but didn't want to poop on the potty. Like you I tried everything! I did keep a bag of toys/prizes under the sink so when he did go he could pick one, but most of the time he just went in his pants. I did the harsh treatment etc. too. Finally, I just gave up! I tried to be calm and offer the prizes for just sitting and trying even if he didn't poop, but the catch was....if he pooped in his pants that same day then I got to take the prize back. This happened 3-4 times and then he just started going on the potty. I don't know if the taking back of the prizes helped, but it sure did make him angry that I took them away. Maybe it made him click - not sure.

I also gave him prune juice every day. I would mix half and half prune juice and fruit punch and give it to him to make sure he wasn't able to hold it for too long.

Not sure if my story will help, but I wish you luck and patience! You are going to need it!

Sam

I feel your pain on this one! My daughter who will be 4 this July is still pooping in her pants. She has been potty trained for quite some time now, over a year, and does the same thing as your son. She'll hold it in for days and then when she finally HAS to go it hurts her and she crys. I have been trying those different things as well, more fiber, pedialax as well and being more stern and nicer and nothing has worked yet! I have a doctors appointment for her tomorrow and hope to find some way to put this behind us for good! I will let you know what I find out!
--E.

Hi M., although you may not like this answer, the solution is a glycerin suppository called pedialax. Within seconds of giving it to your child he has no choice the bm is going to happen. I had to do it with my son only twice and then he realized if he went on his own the suppository didn't happen. But honestly within seconds. Give it to him and sit him on the potty and it's over. It's not pleasant, but it works.
A.

I had a friend who had a son that wold not poop in the poty either. He would go all day at daycare and then get home and ask for a pull up, hide behind something and go. They battled it for a while, then were advised to just let it go....he was obviously not mentally ready to be 'poop trained'. The battling and frustration was setting him back further and further. They relaxed and let go and within a short while (I don't mean days) he was going in the potty. Every kid is diferent and he will come around in his own time, he just wasn't ready (and still isn't) at the same time that he pee trained. Don't fret, he won't be 16 and still pooping everywhere :-)

Is there any chance of negotiating an alternative 'okay' place to poop? Obviously the potty would be easiest, but since he won't, what about a potty chair, a smaller portable pooty chair, a pull-up, a new potty seat on the big potty??? Maybe you have tried all of these, but I'm just imagining that maybe if he is the one that makes the decision after asking him which one he would feel comfortable doing.....maybe sort of siding with him and explaining that you understand that he doesn't want to go on the big potty just yet, blah, blah, blah, but that you want to ask him where else he would like to go besides the floor, underwear, etc.... At least it might be a start? I agree with getting sick of cleaning up poo from places it shouldn't be, that's why maybe having him pick a place he'd be willing to go? Does he have to help with the clean-up? That may change his mind about pooping everywhere. Either that or revert back to pull-ups f/t until he decides.... I wish you the best! Lots of kids aren't ready by 3, especially boys so try to relax (even though its hard!) and remember that he just isn't emotionally or mentally ready and he isn't actively trying to make your life hard! He's just being a 3 yr old :-)

If you can afford it put him back in pull ups and tell him he can't wear the big boys underwear until he stops messing in his pants. Then take him to the store and let him pick out his own new underwear. Put it where he can see it every day but don't let him wear them. It shouldn't take long before he is using the potty and wearing his new underwear. You don't say if you are using a potty chair or the toilet. Sometimes using the big toilet is enough to scare them. When the stool drops into the water it makes a noise and the water splashes. A potty chair is best. My friend made her little one wash out his own underwear. I think that is just going too too far........

I agree that the toilet is often too cavernous for kids,
and a bit intimidating. A potty chair worked well for my kids
(daughter, about 2, son, at 3). I encouraged them to sit there, "relaxing" with a book or ten.
(seems like they always took a stack in there)

I agree with the moms who suggest saying something supportive like, "it's okay if you're not ready, so we're back to pull-ups until you are ready for the undies," which puts the scheduling on him, without all the pressure.

I do NOT agree with the doctor who encouraged drug use
to get through this.

Dont worry, it's all probably going to come out fine, in the end!

I don't know your son, but I personally don't think it is a power struggle. Potty training is not always cut and dry. All kids are different and it takes time. They backslide easily especially when threatened and punished. Give him time and patience and you will be surprised at the results.
Good Luck