"Poop Training Advice Needed"

My son was 3.5 with a similar situation. When he wanted to go poop he went and got a diaper, wanted it put on, pooped, then wanted the diaper off and his underwear back on. I was concerned, spoke with his doctor who basically said that was okay. That went on for maybe two months and then everything was fine after that, no problems going in the toilet. Good luck with what you try.

M. G.

My ped gave me this advise, and it worked for my son. Let him clean himself up. Tell him that he is a big boy now, and it is his job to clean himself. The key is patience. After he messes himself you take him into the bathroom and make him clean himself, you supervise, but you don't do it. The next time he does it, you tell him you are busy, you can't do it right now, and make him wait 10 minutes. The key is to remind him that he is a big boy and if he poops in the potty he will not have the mess. Then let him clean himself again. You have to have patience, and expect a mess, but it only took two times of cleaning himself and my son was potty trained fully from that point on.

My cousin told me to try putting some vasoline around the rectum. That that should help the poop slide out without as much pain. Her son went through similar thing.

Good Luck!!

We had the same exact issue with our now three year old daughter! She had hard stools for a while before she was actually using the potty all the time and even a little fisher (tear) at one time, which is very painful. So because of that she was afraid to poop and said it was going to hurt. I found that carrots and grapes softened the stools really well, and make sure he is hydrated to take care of the painful part. However she still did not want to use the toilet and in fact started peeing in her panties as well. After about a week and a half of cleaning panties I got fed up and realized that I was only becoming angry about it…so I put her back in diapers, took a step back and got some advice from a friend…

She recommended rewarding with chocolate, which my daughter loves!! I was reluctant at first knowing that you should not reward with sweets and all the general rules that surround sweets, etc. BUT when she put it into perspective for me it made sense. Kids generally poop once, maybe twice a day, so you are only giving “sugar” once a day. My kids don’t drink juice, or have sugary snacks, so using something small and potion controlled…like M&M…made sense. Let him pick out three colors he wants if he poops in the potty. I also use jelly bellies (3) because they do not melt in her hands and other small chocolates like Hershey kisses or miniature chocolates.

It took three days and NO MORE accidents! Use your best judgment if some ends up in his shorts while thinking about weather or not he wants to use the potty or not.

Hi, Asleigh,
I agree with the other moms that you are super lucky to have a 2.5 year old BOY that is almost done with potty training! My son started a little later than that and we are still working on the poop part 6 months later!!! He is 3 years and 2 months and still does not go poop in the potty. He would hold it all day and then either poop at naptime in his diaper or at night in his diaper. He recently started having his poop accidents in his underwear, but my son is not the kind of kid who feels uncomfortable doing this, unfortunately. I would say, "you need to poop in the potty." and his response was,"I don't want to poop in the potty. I want to poop in my diaper." I know that kids will start pooping in the potty when they are ready to, not when we are ready for them to! So I finally felt like I had to make a deal with him and say, "if you need to poop, you should ask me for a diaper. I don't want you to poop in your underwear." (It was always so gross to clean up!). He asked me, "You won't be mad if I ask for a diaper?" and I told him that I would not be and he has not had a poop accident since. He has not asked for a diaper either. He just waits until he is wearing one. It has not led to constipation, fortunately. If I were you, I would try to figure out how to deal with the poop part (like I had to do) or just go back to pull-ups and hopefully he will tell you when he needs to pee in the potty. My son will NOT tell me he needs to pee in the potty as long as he is in a diaper, so I have to keep him in underwear in order to make sure he is vigilant about using the potty. Each child has his/her own quirks when it comes to potty training and I think the parents just have to learn how to best accommodate them as they work through this process. Good luck!

Hi, you've probably heard this but if you use VERY large quantities of bran in EVERYTHING you eat and cook, the problem takes care of itself. It took my doct telling me to spread bran into peanut butter, sprinkle it on salads, add it too all sauces, etc. It is healthy for all members of the family and creates nice soft poops. It does not make you cramp and it does not cause the runs. Also, you don't need to fix different meals with bran and without bran. Good luck.

You are incredibly lucky that he is training at all at this age. Boys in particular, mature later. The muscle development just isn't there yet at this age. Forget about it and resign yourself to diapers or pull-ups for a few more months...maybe even as long as a year. He will tell YOU when he is ready. Much to much is made out of "training" kids. Relax and they do it themselves as long as you have planted the idea.
R.
Mom of 5, Grandma of 11, RN

I had a problem with that to, with my oldest daughter. First off let him know that the potty want hurt him. Maybe give him some toys to play with while he is going. If that doesn't workI have another method, it worked for my daughter. If he want go in the potty and he ends up going in his pants, let him be in the pants for about 5 to 10 minutes, not to long though. It he will start to feel how gross it is and maybe he will want to go in the big potty. And always make a big deal about it when he does go. when he does finally go make a big prasie about it. Hope it works out for you I am fixing to go through it with my middle child who is about to turn 2 yo. My oldest now is almost 5 yo and she hasn't had a accident in a long time now.

You might try putting him on the big pot, with a potty seat on it and then give him some m&m to drop in the tolet and then ask him "can you hit the the m&m with your poopo, make it a game and also give him a book while he is sitting there ... one that really catches his attention and only let him read those book when it is potty-Po time.

This has worked great for many kids I have potty trained.

My 3 yr old had the same issue earlier last year. I think it was partly a phase, but also that he didn't want to go because he spent too much time away from the fun. We made the bathroom a fun place to sit for a while. Bring a book, sit with him while he goes -- and make sure he's eating plenty of fruit ... That should do the trick. It only lasted a few weeks! Good Luck!

A. C,

I told my 2 year old that lady bugs were going to eat his poop. Guess what? I worked (to my surprise)! :) He has only had maybe two accidents with poop. He was pooping in the pot before pee. He didn't want the lady bugs to come! I'm not saying it's the best advice, but it worked REALLY well for me.

Wow! A boy pee pee trained at 2.5 yrs - you must be doing something right. Congrats!
The boy I nanny for (now 12) had the same problem.
I started working for the family right before he turned 4. He asked for a diaper to poop in even though he was fully pee pee trained by the time I started.
He was scared of pooping on the toilet - it hurt because he would hold it all day until he REALLY had to go - then it would come out all hard and pebbly like deer poops.
Eventually he turned 5 and was still doing the same routine. His Mom was one of those "I wanna be friends w/ my kids" Mom's, so when she would try to get him to go on the potty, he fussed, and she gave in. There wasn't a lot I could do when the Mom was around, because it had turned into a power struggle by that point.
So when Henry was 5 1/2 the Mom and Dad went to Europe for a week and 1/2, so I had all 3 kids to myself.
I sat Henry down, and told him now that he was 5 1/2, he ate big boy food, and had big boy poops. I told him I was scared that if I kept changing his poopy diaper, that I would throw up on him (which was true - it was awful!) I told him that when I was around, he would have to poop on the potty. If his Mom came back and agreed to change his diaper that he could do that (because ultimately I was powerless to that,) but that I wouldn't do it anymore.
Like I said, this had turned into a power struggle, so he instantly got furious and started thrashing on the floor (which he did often because the parents refused to discipline the kids.) He got up a stared at me with this crazy possessed look and said, "Then I'll poop on the floor!"
I came down to his eye level and spoke in a very low slow voice, "Then YOU will be cleaning it up."
I took his hand and led him to the bathroom. He sat there for 20 minutes holding it, until he couldn't hold it anymore, and finally pooped. This time it didn't hurt because he wasn't still in the habit of holding it everyday.
Anyway, all it took was that one time. He was so excited he had pooped on the potty, that even when his parents came back, he didn't regress.
The reason I tell this story is because you need to make sure it doesn't become a control issue. Henry still has major control issues, that's just his personality, but it was made much worse by his parents lack of discipline. Things are much more consistent as far as discipline goes these days, as after that, I took over.
It sounds like your boy is still really young. I would think about having him wear pull ups (so at least he's not pooping his pants, and he can pull them down when he needs to pee.) Tell him you understand it hurts him to poop on the potty, so he can poop in the the pull up for now. That might relax him enough to stop the constipation. Tell him the reason it hurts is because he holds it, and now that he's wearing a pull up he doesn't have to hold it anymore. Tell him once his poops are soft again, he can try returning to the potty.
Once his poops return to normal, get him on a schedule of sitting on the potty to try to poop. Notice around what time he normally poops and sit him down every day around then. He'll be doing it in no time.
You're doing great so far - 2 1/2 - impressive!
Good Luck :)

Hi A.,
My daughter insisted on pooping in a diaper until she was almost 4 years old! She didn't wear diapers but would come to me when she had to go, put one on until she was finished, then have me take it off and clean her up. We battled over this as I was getting concerned about kindergarten for heaven's sake! She told me that she was afraid of a monster in the toilet, although she would urinate with no problem on the same toilet. And by holding it she became constipated as well, which is why it hurt. Then one day, completely out of the blue, she got tired of soiling herself and decided to use the toilet instead. Go figure.
As I look back on it now (she's 9 yrs old) I think that she really needed to come to grips with this particular bodily function. It made her feel vulnerable and she wanted to exercise some measure of control over it so that she could feel safe. I really wish I hadn't pushed her on it because she basically figured it out herself. My advice is to let your son decide when he's ready to take this next step. 2 and a half is still pretty young in my opinion. Don 't let anybody pressure you. He'll figure it out.
Best,
T.

My son was 4 years old before he really got the whole toilet thing sorted out and we still have the occasional accident. I have heard about boys of 5 and 6 still having difficulties. In general, boys are much slower than girls with the potty training - partly because the muscles needed for that level of control are slower to develop and partly, I think, because they just don't care or don't notice! Boys are messy! I think 2.5 is very early to expect your son to have the toilet thing under control. My advice is, don't make a big deal about it. The more of an issue you make of it, the more difficult the whole thing becomes and early bathroom issues can create life long paranoias and hang-ups!
I also told my son that his poop needed to go into the toilet so it could go to the "poopy party" along with Mommy's poop and Daddy's poop. Any poops that happened in the pull-up or in his pant just wouldn't get to go. He really liked that idea and we always made a big deal of saying goodbye to the poop when we flushed it, and hoping that it had a good time at the poopy party! Maybe this sound a bit strange but it worked for us - it made the whole thing light-hearted and happy.
Toilet training is one of those things that just happen when the time is right and that time is different for every child. It's hard and infuriating and messy - just thank heavens for washing machines!

My sisters two boys both delt with this. I know my sister even brought then to a poop specialist. It is something alot of boys go thru. I know she ended up give them stool softeners and alot of patients. From my understanding at one time her boys pooped so big that it hurt and it scared them to do it again,, that's why they hold it. I know that she used stickers and lots of rewards when my youngest nephew started to poop in the tiolet again. This is something they will get over in due time,, have lots of patients,, good luck

J.

I know this sounds crazy, but it worked for me. Does your son have a favorite place to go when he poops? My daughter used to hide in her closet. In desparation after hours of fighting with her about it one evening, I moved her little potty into her closet. She pooped and I was done with potty training that night. We did have to work through the process (months later) of moving the potty back into the bathroom and then move her to the big toilet and she still tells us when she has to poop, "I need my privacy." I think she also had us turn off the bathroom light for a while. Try asking your son where he would like to move his little potty for pooping.

We went through the same type of thing with our son. He was 3. All kids respond to different things but in our case, he went once in the toilet and then didn't even consider going #2 in the toilet again until we gave up and started ignoring the issue. It took a few months of holding our comments and being accepting of his using the pull up (but only in the bathroom) and then he decided on his own that he wanted to try again. After that, he started going regularly but he's still not crazy about going anywhere besides at home. On the up side, I think because he was so particular, he's one of the "cleanest" boys I've ever met.

HERE YOU GO!
Karo syrup.! And Apricots!(they can be canned) Works Great! -maybe a couple tablepoons of the Karo.

I have had four children and it should do the trick. Toys or bribes are not going to work if it hurts to poop. Keep track of how long after he eats or what time of day he goes and sit him on the toilet by that. Of course I'm sure you already know to make a Huge happy big deal when he goes in the toilet! Also, try to avoid to much cheese, potatos,stuff like that that's going to clog him up and constipate him. The Karo syrup should soften him up a bit. If he still has problems I would ask your doctor to make sure. :) Have a great day! -Just make sure he is not allergic to either of these! - :)

My son was the same. He mastered the pee (with few accidents-no big deal)for a few months, then we introduced concept of poo on the potty. I used cloth training pants and eventually (after few poo-accidents) he suddenly went in his little training potty. Huge celebration!

He did well for the next weeks, then one time it was harder and hurt more...for the next several weeks he'd have poo accidents. What a mess! It also coincided with the holidays and switching to a big bed from his crib, so that was also a factor.

It was exasperating! Poo accidents are the worst. We started stars on the calendar as a reward, then went to movies etc... after 3 days in row, etc... Eventually after a month or more he finally started "getting" it and would run to potty for his poos. I think it was such a new sensation for him that any time it was a bit harder he freaked and froze up. Now he call those times his "hurty-pooeys" but no more accidents.

J. seems to learn in this one-step forward, two steps back pattern. After months of daytime dry/clean, he would have "a little accident(pee)" bc he was distracted, didn't want to stop playing... My niece (3 mos. younger) was fully (day and night) trained in two weeks! It's different with boys.

Now, he's just 4, we're onto nightime training and that's taking forever! Never wanted to use pull-ups but had to after changing the bed 4 times in one night. He goes through a gradual, incremental pattern: seeing more dry nights, waking up on his own and calling for me, to nights where he just doesn't wake up. We've been training off and on for almost a year now. His older male cousin was still in night pullups in 1st grade, so we could be at this for awhile.

It's hard but be patient. Once he figures it out and gets use to the new sensation of a bowel movement it'll come together. From everything I hear, boys are much slower to train overall than girls. We're talking years compared to weeks or a month. Suddenly one day you'll realize he's moved beyond and you're onto other learning curves. My one best piece of advice is: patience. When I backed off for a bit he seemed to do better and get there on his own. (Oh and prunes or yogurt-seems to keep him regular too) Good luck.

K.

Your child has a condition called encopresis (see http://www.aboutencopresis.com/ask/ask_03.html for more info). My son had it, and we took him to a gastroenterologist. Frankly, the doctor visit was a huge waste of time, as the doctor didn't even look at my child. He just told me that unless my child had some serious physical abnormality, the only thing to do is give him Miralax. He said that Miralax is the "GI wonder-drug," and that it can do no harm. Miralax pulls liquid from other parts of the body to the GI tract, making it impossible for the child to withhold the poop. Miralax is available OTC now -- start with a small daily does in the morning (1/2 teaspoon), then work up until you find the dosage that makes your child poop. Once he is pooping regularly, decrease the dose until he poops on his own. Keep him in pull-ups until his poop makes it into the toilet (once he starts pooping, he'll want to do it in the toilet because he wont like his poopy pants). Be sure to give your child plenty of liquids while on Miralax, to keep him hydrated.

Hi A.,
Both my son and my cousin's son had the same issue (as did many kids, both boys and girls, in my son's preschool class, though they were more like 3 yo. We had to deal with the constipation, pain, and everything. Our son was already on Miralax (had several GI issues). My cousin and I used different approaches, but both worked. I used a sticker chart. We took a sheet of construction paper and wrote Monday - Sunday across the top and added pictures our son helped us come up with (he was not exactly reading at that point!). For example, we drew a monkey for Monday, a french fry for Friday, Saturn for Saturday, etc. Then, we added lines to make the sheet look like a calendar. Next, we showed our son the stickers we had purchased (cheap at local craft store) and explained how to earn them. We put a small star sticker in a day's box for peeing in the potty/toilet, a big balloon sticker for pooping in the potty/toilet (bigger=better in his mind and he luuuuuuuvs balloons), and a special glittery star sticker (bigger than star for peeing) for going to the potty, whether pee or poo, without our having to ask. We also bought small gifts (a small coin purse with a monkey on it, for ex) that we gave him for having a certain number of days on each line (week) with balloon stickers. We also talked to him a little about how the doctor explained that pooping would not hurt if he just relaxed and let it happen when he first felt the need but that holding it in and waiting would make it hurt. We also let him know that his bottom needed time to heel so the first couple of times just relaxing might not feel a lot better but that it would get better in a few days. We likened relaxing to a tight fist and holding ones breath and then showed relaxing as taking a big exhale and letting the fist slowly open to a relaxed state. It seemed to work. Also, he was willing to pee on the big toilet before he would poop in it. He insisted on using his potty for that. It seemed like he was afraid that he was losing some important body part (like his arm!) when he pooped. He would go in the potty and then would help us dump the poop into the toilet and flush. After a couple of months he got over this fear. Finally, on our GI's advice, we made a big to do (clapping, high fives, hugs, etc.) for his first potty/toilet poop and then immediately tuned it down to a smile and a calm "Nice job! What color balloon sticker would you like?" for subsequent successes. We wanted him to know that he had done something good and important but that it was also something he was expected to do, not a special event each time he did it. What I liked about the method we used is that we used only positive reinforcement and removed the power struggle issues we were falling into. My cousin's pediatrician suggested she use a children's Fleet suppository, which causes pooping within about 30 seconds, and put her son on the toilet. He inevitably pooped on the toilet. Then she was to give him a special treat (she used chocolate -- yuck on the imagery, plus food as a reward is not what most recommend, however...).
This method worked for her son. In moments of desperation, I considered this approach, but I really wanted to give our son the opportunity to choose to go (with some non-food bribery -- so not above that for potty training). After a month of stickers, he was consistently using the toilet for poops without prompting. He was a bit older than your son and never had poop accidents, even with Miralax. He just got super constipated. It's interesting that you mention that your son used to use the toilet. We went through the same thing with peeing. He was doing fine but had an accident his first day back to preschool (he was a teeny past 3), and the teacher recommended a pull-up. HUUUUUUUUGE mistake! I'm not sure if he got confused or felt deflated/punished, but suddenly he went from two weeks of accident-free peeing to refusing to use the potty. We ended up in a power struggle -- we could not understand why he had been potty trained but was no longer. We had to take about a three month break from potty training (no discussing it unless he brought it up, which he didn't), and then go to the sticker chart and undies. For some reason (calling Dr. Freud?), potty training can turn into a major show of power and control for some kids. Perhaps they can smell our desperation? Anyway, I know that this process is no fun. Maybe you can stick to diapers for now (he can undo them to pee? maybe not -- depends, I guess, on how much trouble the poop accidents are causing), go onto a laxative of some sort such as prune juice or Miralax, help him understand that he needs to let himself relax and poop to stop the pain, get so that he has no pain with pooping, lay off the potty training, and then, when he is feeling better and everyone is ready (no power struggle/control issues around potty training), you can try some sort of low-key reward system. A key for us, I think, was that our son had control over whether and when he got stickers. Depending on the stickers, he got larger (under $10 for sure) rewards based on our rules. We bought about five rewards but only needed to use two or three. Sorry I've rambled on so much; I hope some of this is helpful!
K.

With potty training it's usually bowel training first. You need to talk to your son to find out what "hurts"--his body or the toilet. If it's the former, the act of going, then he needs to see a doctor.

My son is also 2.5 and only pees on the potty, I think he has pooped twice on the potty but prefers to poop in his pull-ups in a corner or behind a chair for privacy. We have tried not to make an issue out of it after bribes were ineffective. From what I understand being quasi-potty trained at this young age is still pretty good. If he is around other boys who are fully potty trained he might be more inspired. That's how my son even showed interest in peeing in the potty is when he saw his older friend do it. You might have to just wait it out until he no longer associates pooping on the potty with pain.

OK, it's been 23 years since i had to potty trail a little human & 7 years for a puppy..but here goes..It could be the "big" potty hurts, 'cause his little legs and bum are not the right size. Tiny potty chair would be more comfortable to sit.. also, the book "everybody poops" may be useful. it's not great dinner table conversation, but making poop-ing not a big deal and able to talk about it may help too. Good luck to you.

Hi,

My son was pee pee trained at 24 months but always put on his pull ups to do the big business. He did this until he was ready to go to the toilet to poop which was not until he was 4 years old. Once I accepted this it actually was kinda nice not having to use public restrooms with him to go poop. He created a very regular schedule every day after preschool he would go to his room, put on the pull ups and do his business. And when he was ready to use the toilet he only needed my help for about a week. It all turned out great.

Hope this helps
T.

First let me say that I haven't had the pleasure of potty training my son yet, he's only 19 mos., but I did teach preschool (3 year olds) so this is all what I've read or seen others do with success....but I figured I'd put it out there and hope it helps.

A *lot* of people I know let their kids run around without pants/diapers on, just a long t-shirt to keep things covered visually.

I've read that a lot of kids have trouble pooping in the potty because they're in a different position than when they were in a diaper. So maybe it's uncomfortable for him because it's a new sensation. Is it possible to explain (rationalizing with a 2.5 year old...I know) that it's just frustrating for you when he poops in his underwear because it's hard to clean up not because he's being bad...something along those lines. Maybe give him some privacy while he tries to poop on the potty. I know my nephew, and sometimes my son, will find a private corner when going in their diapers.

My mom used M&M's with my younger sister, she's 9 years younger so I remember this vividly because we weren't allowed to eat the m&m's. However, she only got 4 m&m's when she actually went (pee or poop), so it wasn't worth the time to lie about having to go just to get candy.

One funny story just to give you a smile in the midst of this frustrating time: When my aunt was having trouble potty training my cousin (with the same problem as your son I believe), she explained that he couldn't go to school (which he really, really wanted to do) until he used the big potty. So they got the underwear out and he went through the day without an accident and my aunt was excited that it went so easily. Then he started having lots of accidents again. So she talked to him and reminded him that he couldn't go to school until he used the big potty. He said, "every time?!" When she said YES!, he replied, "OH!" and that was it.

Trust your instincts and don't let it become a power struggle. Good luck!!

Maybe mentioning to him that it probably hurts because he holds it in and becomes constipated. Then suggest he go poop in the toilet more often so he doesn't get that hurting feeling again.

Hi A.,
I have the opposite problem. My daughter has no problem going poop on the toilet but I can't get her to tell me when she needs to go pee. I have tried putting her on the toilet at regular intervals but she gets very upset and doesn't want to sit down. The only time she INSISTS on sitting on the toilet is before nap and bedtime. I give her a book or two and leave her by herself. She almost always poops and pees, but only if I leave her alone. I make sure she has plenty of fruits like pears, blueberries and whole grains to keep the poop soft. I'm not sure if I should just let my daughter tell me when she is ready or push the issue. My sister-in-law used M&Ms as a reward and now her daughter will lie to her about going potty just to get M&Ms! I also don't want to brush her teeth every time after she goes potty. Help!:)
~L.

Hi A.,
At 2 1/2, I say be glad he's going pee pee in the toilet! Two and a half is pretty young. I would just keep reminding him that pooping on the toilet is always an option, just mention it casually when the topic comes up. When he's really ready, he'll do it regularly. He probably did it for that one week just cuz it was new and interesting, but then realized it wasn't that cool after all. Give him time and no pressure, pretty soon he'll just start doing it on his own. I'm no pro but I have 5 kids and every one was different to train, but none of them were really "ready" till they were at least 3. Best of luck to you!!!

Hi, I feel your pain. Talk to your pediatrician! I wish I had sooner with my 4.5 year old son. He had similar problems with the poop starting around 2.5 and he would hold it in because of constipation and he remembered how much it hurt. I remember 2 very distinct times it was so bad that he woke up screaming and he ended up passing a very hard, dry stool causing fissures and it has been an issue ever since. A lot of times only little bits would come out several times a day and then finally one big one. I too tried dietary things like prunes, raisins, extra fluids, etc... We are now on daily doses of Miralax so that he can become regular and re-train his mind and body that poop is not painful and is normal to do. The Dr. and one of my friends that has gone through the same thing have told me that it will be at least 6 months or more on this treament before he is comfortable with having regular poops since he has trained himself that pooping is painful and a "bad" thing. We are taking small steps - he now has to at least be in the bathroom when he poops - not hiding somewhere in the house. The peeing is not a problem and if he gets his poo out in the morning, he is in underwear the rest of the day. The doctor also told me to just back off and leave him alone. Apparently, one day they do decide to go on the potty and I am still waiting! It is so hard to be patient. I kept feeling like I was doing something wrong because my first son was so easy to potty train and this one is a challenge. Sorry for such a long story but I hope some of it helps. Good luck to you!!
E.

Both my kids started using the potty when they were two. I thank cloth diapers, but that's another post. One thing that helped my daughter when it came to pooping in the toilet was for me to be very explicit and avoid a power struggle. I said to her "It's your body. I can't make you use the potty. But I've noticed that when you poop in your panties you seem very uncomfortable about having the poop next to your tushie. The reason most people use the potty is because then the poop just falls in the water." Then we would just reiterate, "It's your body. You get to decide." It took a couple days for her to recognize that she really didn't like the feeling of the poop and she started using the potty. This, btw, isn't very easy. It's really hard to stand back and let them have accidents, only pointing out the obvious like, "You seem really squirmy. Let me know when you need to use the potty and I'll help you." Good luck!

Hi A.. I had the same exact thing with my son (who is now 9). I did two things that worked for him.
1. I taught him to squat on the toilet to go #2. This gives better "gravity" to move things along without straining, which is what typically causes the pain.

2. I made a "poop calendar" in Powerpoint and each time he went #2 on the potty, he got to put a poop on the calendar and if he went all week without going in his pants, he got a special treat. I still have that "poop calendar" in his memory book! One month was all it took.

Good luck!
D.

My 3.5 yo is the same way. He has been fine with pee for about 6 months but is very easily constipated if we try anything for poops. The compromise we found is letting him 'borrow' a diaper from his 1.5 yo brother to go poop. I thought it would be bad to put him back in diapers but he seems to understand limited use. At first it was me asking, getting the diapers, monitoring but now he brings them to me, poops, and then I clean him in about 5 minutes--so he is getting used to the feeling. It seems very slow but I see progress toward doing it by himself. I think the best part is that he feels successful and it doesn't stress him out to the point of constipation which would make it even harder to poop in the toilet. It keeps the whole thing pretty positive.

Unfortunately, not much to do but wait it out. My oldest son, now 13, was the same way when he was little...holding it in, getting constipated and needing suppositories from time to time all of which was very scary and painful for him. This cycle began when he pooped in his pants at daycare and the provider yelled at him.

I pulled him from the daycare, of course and began asking him to let me know when he had to poo poo so we could put a diaper on him because we didn't want his poo poo to be ouchy (hurt) and he didn't like getting his underpants dirty. Next I began making him stand in the bathroom with the diaper on until he went then we would plop the poop in the toilet, flush and throw the diaper in the trash. After a couple of months, when his bm's were normal and regular, he began sitting on the lid and then the seat of the potty with the diaper on to go. All the while I kept reminding him that he would not have to wear the diaper or get poo poo on his bottom if he used the potty. He would also watch Daddy use the potty from time to time to reassure him it was okay. Eventually he asked to use the big potty without his diaper. During this entire time I made sure to do everything I could to avoid the constipation...exercise, lots of water, juice and fiber and limiting his cheese intake (he was a cheese fiend). Once my son was trained he always preferred to go at home in our toilet and still does, so make sure to use his diet to keep him regular even after he starts using the potty for poop.

Be patient and keep at it! He will come around.

If he holds it in for too long, he'll end up stretching out his rectum, which can cause even more pain. You may want to take him to a GI specialist. Ours recommended a small daily dose of Miralax, and to have him sit on the potty right after mealtime, each day at the exact same time. Eventually, he'll get used to the new routine. Good luck!

A friend's son did the same thing. They got him to put on a pull-up when he needed to poop. He would go get his own pull-up and put it on and then asked to be changed. Eventually he started going in the potty as he started to feel more comfortable. I know it's still like changing a diaper, but at least it solves the constipation problem. It also helps keep clothes clean.

I am sorry that you are going through this and your baby is having a hard time too.!!!
Have you tried placing a basket of funny books and entretaining stuff near the totilet. Maybe a small mirror so he can look at him self and make faces, kids love to look at them selves. A little laxative natural food for a while till he starts looking forwsrd to go there beacuse its fun and it doesn't hurt anymore.
Good luck