oh my do I have a stubborn girl. She's 2 1/2 and will not potty train- but every time she poops she takes her diaper off as soon as it happens and attempts to dump it in the toilet if we aren't watching her. She refuses to go to the bathroom at all in the toilet even when she stays dry. one day her diaper had been dry for several hours and she was frantically trying to grab a diaper so she got use the bathroom in it and I made her sit on the pot. She is not scared of anyting she is just SUPER stubborn. I have tried bribing with candy, stickers, money, her dad has tried the opposite with negative things like taking away snacks or time out in her room. NOTHING is working. Everynight I have to make sure she actually has a diaper on because if she wets her pants she will take off her diaper and just put on new pants which makes for accidents... I am at my wits end my older two were nothing like this! (I also have an 8 wk old so I can't watch her 24/7)
If you want her to keep her diaper on try either using electrical or duct tape to keep her from removing it. That is what I had to use for my youngest.
You might have to let this entire process wait for months. But a full stop on all training might give her time to relax about it. And give you time to relax about it too.
Because...you have a young infant, and you really, really want your daughter to get potty trained because it'd make life easier, right? But she can't do it for your convenience and on the schedule that would make the whole household's life easier. She is able to sense that you really want this. AND -- she knows very well that she and only she can control when and where she poops or pees, so, with a new baby taking your attention, she has figured out that she gets mom's attention back when she takes control and poops as she wants. It's not just being stubborn, so please don't label it as such as if she's totally able to do this IF she weren't so darned stubborn. She's confused, and wanting to control something in her world which changed immensely eight weeks ago; cut her some slack because her world's been rocked and she is just tryiing to exert some control where she can. And you cannot make another human eat, sleep, poop or pee. Kids know that very early.
If she were getting 100 percent of your attention she would probably be eager to please you and work at toilet training, but with a new baby, her focus is on how she can get attention back. She is not intentionally and craftily manipulating you; she is just doing what comes naturally -- trying to get mommy back. So please do not punish her for it because as someone else wisely posted -- that is "negative attention" that is STILL a form of attention focused on her and not the baby. So yes, she'll take dad's punishments and continue to take them because it means daddy is focused enough on her to dole out the attention that is discipline. (And what's more, she won't really connect things like losing snacks or having time out with failing to use the potty. She isn't there yet.)
When you do come back to this later: Are you having her try to use the regular, adult toilet? If so, please don't! As someone else posted-- often, young children are scared of it (even if she says she's not she may indeed be frightened of it). Think if it like they do: It's a hole that sucks stuff away forever; if I fall in it I'll get wet and don't want to be wet; if my bottom falls into that hole, will I get sucked away too; what happens to my poop when it goes away down that hole?
Can you see how it's scary to them even if they cannot yet quite articulate those fears? So...if you have her using the regular toilet (even with a kids' seat cover on it), I'd move her to a potty chair that sits low on the floor and that you have to empty by taking the container and dumping it into the toilet.
Have books, new and very interesting ones, that you keep custody of and she sees them only when she sits on the potty, no other time. Put her in charge of dumping the potty contents into the toilet and flushing and praise her a lot -- more than you think she'd need; go overboard; it will help.
And at that time and not sooner, go cold turkey on diapers and pull-ups.
Every child is different.
She may be showing signs of starting to be ready but "isn't quite there yet"
Be patient.
Tell her dad that negative attention like punishment won't work. It does
he opposite.
Each child develops at their own speed & a lot of kids "don't like that big
hole they are told to pee/poo in".
Sounds like she's pretty close to "being there" & accomplishing this stage
Try to use positive encouragement & she will get there shortly.
Don't punish for her peeing in her pants or pooping.
Gently & quietly remind her she is a big girl now & big girls go in the toilet.
If she does not respond to positive encouragement like charts & rewards,
give her time & try to really keep an eye on her over the next 2 weeks.
She'll come around soon, I can almost promise.
Be patient & kind.
Maybe she IS a little scared.. Maybe she does not understand the free flowing out of her body.
You have heard of a shy bladder. Or freezing during a performance?
Projecting your frustration by assuming she is "stubborn", when in reality she is 2.5 years old and still learning the physical sensations.. and then being able to hold on and release it at the correct time.. takes practice.
Try to come up with the words for what you need her to do.. There are no words are there? It is just something we each have to learn and do by practice, with a lot of misses, before we can do it, correctly,every time.
I am not sure how you would force her to release any faster or on your cue.. so just give her time..
Some people will take diapers off and allow their children to go all day with no diaper. This way the child does not struggle with the diaper or underpants.
She is doing great.. Just have patience, she will catch on..
I would dress her in diaper shirts and overalls so it will be difficult for her to take off her own diaper, until she is really ready to potty train.
Are we mothering the same child? lol
I am backing off for a few weeks and see if we get somewhere. Mine will actually go if we can actually get her to the potty without a fight. She'll go for her daycare teacher like a little angel ALL day. But with us, it's a struggle. She fights us tooth and nail. SO frustrating. Anyway, it's stressing us all out, so time to pull back for a while.
Been there, stuck there! My daughter will sit on the potty but won't go. Instead, she prefers her pee dance, followed by "hold me, hold me!" We are backing off for a little while.
Maybe yours is acting out due to the new sibling. You didn't say how long this has been going on.
This was my second daughter - she would hold it all day until I put a pull-up on her for nap or night time. Then she'd fill up the pull-up in seconds. Grrr. . . Finally, my husband took her to the store and let her pick out her own "princess potty." That's all it took. She didn't want to use the big potty, and she didn't want to use "sissy's potty." Once she had her own, she would go on it better than her 4-year old sister!
Try changing something up - new "big girl" panties, a new potty chair, or a new book about using the potty. It may just take something special to make it click for her.
