Help - 1 YO Cries All the Time and 4 YO Is Getting Ignored

Man. I have been there and recently! I also have a 1 year old and a 5 year old. This may sound horrible, but as long as the 1 year old is ok and needs are met, just tune it out. My son can ignore his sister, so I just started following suit, and eventually she stops crying when she doesn't get her way. She'll stop crying and start playing along with us eventually. I think it's probably separation anxiety, so it's a phase that will pass. :)

Give 1YO distractions and let her be upset. Reassure her, but don't pick her up if you're doing something. Over time, just give 1YO more and more time to entertain herself. Put her in a playpen sometimes with toys and leave the room.

Yes, it'll piss her off, because she's used to crying and having her way. But if you don't start now, you'll never be able to have her off your hip.

Once you get her acclimated to playing on her own, you'll have more time for 4YO.

Do you have a carrier that you could use for the 16 month old? It sounds like she needs you right now, and that would allow you to still do things with your 4-year-old. I have the Beco Butterfly and it's great-can go up to 40+ lbs I believe. I have a 21 month old and I've kept her close to me when she's gone through these clingy times, and now she is getting more and more independent. In fact, today I was walking over to sit down and play with her and she looked up at me and said "no way." :)

Crying is OK, so when she cries just to cry put her in the pack n play or crib or behind a baby gate and let her cry and learn self-soothing techniques to quiet herself down. You simply can't prevent her from ever being unhappy in life, she needs to learn to cope.

Reassure your 4 year old that baby sister is OK, she just needs to calm down on her own. Set aside times for one-on-one with your 4 year old, and include them in caring for and playing with your younger child. My mom raised 11 children, it's doable ; )

I hate to say it and don't think me cruel, but let the one yr old cry. She will figure that you can't hold her 24/7 and in the mean time, play with the 4yr old. They'll both be happier for it.

S.

Your baby only does it with you.
She is 1.5 years old, almost.
Let her be.
You cannot "ignore" the eldest child.

Please also, talk with your eldest child. Explain to her/him, that baby is very young and they cry. But that you value your eldest and will give him/her more time.... and that you love him/her very much. And that he/she is always your first "baby."

When I had my 2nd child, (my kids are 4 years apart), I would spend a TON of time on my eldest.... and explain to her, routinely, each month, about how baby brother is developing and changing and his developmental "phases." I explained in simple terms in a way she could understand. I did this SO that... my eldest did NOT feel, that the baby was more important or that her baby brother was just being irritating on purpose. It made us closer, she then had an understanding of "babies" and how they are and develop, and that made her more aware... of what Mommy is doing too, and she felt "smart" and informed about babies.
When her baby brother would cry... she would (with the information I taught her), tell me "Mommy, I think Johnny is hungry..." or "I think he is tired.... " or "I think he misses you..." But in no way, did I make her feel responsible for my being busy, with both of them.

But, my 2nd child routinely napped. And that is also when I spent time with my eldest.

Your baby is crying/fussying a lot.... so at times you just need to let your baby cry.... but put her in an area on the floor, perhaps in a Play-yard, and let baby be there... but while playing with your 4 year old.
And even amongst the "chaos" of toggling between your baby and 4 year old.... make sure, that you talk with your 4 year old, recognizing him/her, and complimenting him/her on how patient he/she is being.
ACTUALLY TELL YOUR Eldest- "Thank so much for being so patient with Mommy and baby. I do notice you know... what a great sister/brother you are even when Mommy is busy. But I know you are still a child yourself... so never be afraid to tell Mommy how you feel. I am here for you."
I did that with my Eldest all the time. It really helped. It reassured my eldest. Kids, NEED TO HEAR that from their Mommy... once they have a sibling.
"Quality time" with the Eldest, is thus not just in doing something with them face to face... it is ALSO, in how you talk with them, and acknowledge them and that you understand what they are going through too and validate them.... as the Eldest and as Mommy is so busy.

There were times where my eldest and I would be playing together, with baby brother on his floor play mat near by... him babbling to me and what not, but I would just say out loud "Hi Johnny, Mommy is right here. I am playing with sister now. Don't worry, we are right here. It is sister's turn now, sister needs loving too..." and then continue on. That way, baby is hearing you but at the same time the eldest child is seeing AND hearing Mommy, acknowledging the eldest. So they do not feel left out and that the baby ALWAYS takes more priority over them.
It takes a lot of toggling... both in person and verbally and emotionally and visually... for the eldest child and the baby.

Tell your 1 yo that you need to put her down. If she screams, she goes into her bed until she stops. Then do it. Then ask your 4 yo if s/he would like to read a book with Mommy. Ignore screaming for at least 30 minutes, before going in to comfort your 1 yo. Explain that this is what is going to happen from now on, and stick with it. Good Luck!

Can you try wearing the baby?

Good luck. My 6 month old daughter has cried and SCREAMED non-stop since birth. If I'm not holding her, she freaks out. She won't even play with me sitting right in front of her. Her 18 month old sister has started climbing all over me whenever I'm holding the baby just to get some of Mommy's attention too. It's hard.

My little guy is like this too. I put up a pack 'n play, and put a few toys in there with his passifier. This will give me between 10-20 mins to get something done, or give his big brother (5) some one on one time. We do this 2-3 times a day. And I also still use a baby carrier (beco brand), this helps a lot. Good luck, high-demanding kids are hard!

Is she teething, have an earache, not feel well?

If you are sure all is well, I agree you should either just put her down and let her cry.

PGive her toys, a snack, or maybe even her high chair to play with oatmeal to smear around.

Take her outside and put her in a swing, get a carrier and carry her on your back, our daughter loved looking over my shoulder.

Put her in her stroller and roll her around the house and let her sit in there while you and your son do things.

This ge, this is pretty normal. She wants to be able toseeyou at all times and even better, held by you,but we need to all learn that mom may walk away, but she always comes back.

Ok 1st for the youngest child DO NOT baby him/her sometimes they need a good cry check if him/her wants food changed dipper etc. Then for the four yo maybe play with the baby and him/her buy something you can all play like maybe a wii ps3 xbox ipad etc youknow someting fun

Pull her high chair or bouncy in front of the tv and put on yo gabba gabba. Or dora, or go Diego go, you get it, lol. Turns my kids into total zombies, its the only way I can get the dishes done. Even my 5 month old loves yo gabba gabba, he watch a whole episode (20 min) from his bouncy seat.

Maybe you need some 1 on 1 time with the 4 year old. Can Dad watch the 1YO while the two of you go to the park? I bet she would really have a great time if you taught her to ride a bike or roller skate. Something she could accomplish and remember the two of you together while she learned.

As for the baby, I remember calling my home daycare lady and hearing my precious little girl crying in the background. She would giggle and say she was mad at her because she is locked in the high chair while she changes a baby or has to do something 1 on 1 with the another child.

It is okay for her to cry a bit while you assist your older child. It is a good time for the older one to start learning to do things on her own and when she needs help you can let the little one cry it out for a bit while you assist.

It won't be long before everyone learns and grows and this stage will be over.

Best wishes.