Have You Ever Forbid Your Child from Hanging Out with Another Person/classmate

I would say to my child that she's welcome to invite her friend to our house anytime, but that she can't go to her friend's house because there is not enough supervision.

I would not criticise the other child I and would not forbid my child from being friends with her - I think that would backfire.

As for the other child saying you are overprotective/babying her, if your daughter repeats it to you, I think you should laugh and say "Yes, if loving you and wanting to teach you to be safe is overprotective, then I guess I'm guilty" and then don't think another thing about it. Words like that only have power if you give them power.

13 is a teenager, an adult in many cultures. But those cultures did monitor teen girls very closely! If you are worried about supervision at her friends house, then tell her she can't go in the other girl's house unless the parent is there. In 3 years she will be driving, and in 5 she will be an adult. I think it is too old to forbid a friendship, but not too old to put some rules in place, especially if there are older brothers in the house and little / no supervision.

When my kids were that age and their friends were questionable, I would always make a statement of "I suggest that you seek other kids to be with." I never said they couldn't be with that person but left it up to them to make the right choice(s). When mom made that statement they knew it was time for them to rethink the friendship. Usually they drifted apart and went their own ways. By then a few episodes had occurred with the person that they were not comfortable being around them. I would ask what happened to so and so? And they would tell me what had happened. This way they got experience in dealing with all types of kids civilian and military.

It's kind of the thing that the more you tell them not to the more they do.

Good luck and welcome to the world of teens.

the other S.

You have a lot of great responses already but I have experience in how to get rid of a loser friend. It works! Invite the friend over, have them for dinner, embrace the new friend. Don't speak bad about the child but listen to your own child's words. If the kid is truly a bad seed, they won't show up for dinner very often, if ever, OR your child will realize the child just doesn't fit into your family dynamics which then makes the child less interested by default. You won't have to be the one saying don't see this person, just make sure it's at your house. Be kind, let your child figure out that this person isn't the one. It's a great opportunity about learning about people, having conversations with your child about why they like this person or why they don't. Listen listen listen. The answers will come from your child, you just have to bite your tongue a little while. To add on to this, I told my daughter from an early age that she can't spend time at a friends house if the parents are not home. I also told her I need to meet the parents at their home along with any older siblings for a brief chat. This usually ends her desire to go to their house. If not, it allows me to meet them, but also I have the back up that unless parents are home, my kid can't go. Period.

Rather then forbid my child from hanging out with her, I would just ensure that they hang out under my conditions. Invite the girl to your home and on outings with you, but make sure your daughter is busy when she is invited over to her friends home.

I wouldn't ban her from this friend because that makes the friend more inviting. Instead open your home to this child.

Let your daughter know that you prefer that she not go to the friend's house because the older brothers make her uncomfortable. Tell her that she and her friend can hang out together at your house. That way you can keep track of what goes on and hopefully be a good guiding force for this child.

We always had extra kids hanging at my house and believe me I was not the cool mom who let them do anything. We had rules and you had to follow them even if you were a guest. For the most part I'll say that the trouble ones drifted away once they figured out that they weren't going to be allowed to be foul mouth a-holes at my house.

As far as comparing you to other parents? Let your daughter know that some parents are just overwhelmed with their own stuff to parent their children. Or they work long hours and don't have time to supervise. Every parent has their own style and there are pros and cons to each of them.

Google prohibition. What did that do? Stop alcohol from being made and sold? No, by restricting it they made it more desirable. People got filthy rich from making alcohol and selling it.

If you tell your daughter she can't be around this girl then all you will accomplish is that they'll be bff's on the sly.

So, what to do?

Girl is welcome IN YOUR home, girl can come over and hang out and spend hours and hours where you can supervise them. They don't go in the bedroom and shut the door, they don't even go in the bedroom if you find things for them to do in the family space. Like watching movies with tons of sleeping bags, blankets/quilts, and pillows on the floor so they can lay down, eat popcorn and snacks, and watch movies til morning light.

You have them help you make cookies, make a craft, etc...things you can get your girl to do. You show how nice and friendly you are to this friend and your child will only see what a cool mom you are to her friend. So next time friend says something against you your girl will have recent memories of how kind and sweet you are to her friend and how you include her in everything when she's over.

The ulterior motive to this is that you get to see this girl up close and personal for a great deal of time. This girl might actually learn from you about manners and she might even start to respect you.

On the other hand if she's rude and won't follow your directions in your home then you need to have a talk with your daughter where you ask her how she feels about what her friend said/did towards you. What does she want to do about it because it can't happen again, etc...let your girl decide what happens.

But don't let her go to her friends house again. Find excuses, we're going to run errands and I need daughter with me, why don't you invite your friend to go with us?

Turn it around. Then you have complete control over the girls interactions and what's going on.

Yes Ive forbidden my children to be friends with certain kids. I'm the parent, my rules. Before I did that, I made sure the get togethers were at my house so I could get an idea of how the kid is behaved. If this friendship isn't a good fit in comparison to your family dynamics, typically the friendship will fizzle out by your daughters own doing. But if your daughter doesn't see what you see, then yes forbidding a friendship is something that I have discussed with my kids since they were very young.

Forbidding anything is a sure way to keep them together.
A better way is to sign your kid up for activities where she will have no time left over to get together with this friend.
As for the over protective comment - it sounds a bit like jealousy - you are actively participating in your daughters life and this friends mom doesn't appear to care enough to get that involved.
A teen with a lot of time on there hands is a recipe for trouble.
Don't discount what damage a bad influence can do.
My sister had some friends like this - and my sister was smoking pot until my mom found out and lowered the boom.
Get your girl busy - and this friend will eventually fall by the wayside.

I would not "forbid" a friendship, but if you have a general rule in place that your daughter cannot "hang out" at a home without a parent present, that is what I would fall back on. That's pretty much a standard with the far majority of parents of my kids' friends. Don't make it about this girl personally. Don't bad mouth the girl or her mother to your daughter, like they (at least the girl) have done to you. She IS being disrespectful, and that is going to register as a negative impression on your daughter as she goes along with this friendship. If this girls continues to make unkind comments, give your daughter some time and credit to put the pieces together and figure out on her own this isn't a person she wants for a friend. You might be over-reacting because that comment she made about you got back to you. Keep in mind, these are 13 year olds, with a lot of maturing ahead of them.

At 13, she should totally be able to see this girl is bad news. I don't like the boy across the street (braggy, show-off, everything he has is better, etc). I didn't say anything to my 11 year old son. I would encourage them to play here so I could keep an eye on the conversations and such (his parents work until 5, so I said he couldn't go over there w/o a parent home). My 11 year old figured out this kid all on his own. He realized he gets in trouble in school, doesn't make really good grades, etc. Your daughter should be able to figure this out! At the very least, I would not allow her over there without a parent in the home.

We let our son (4 years old) see his cousin (6 years old) once or twice a year because we hate how he acts when he's with her. They live close by but it takes us 3 days to get our son back to his sweet self after visiting with her. My neice talks back and she's rude. My sil yells at her kids for no reason, tells them to shut up. We don't want to be around it.

If you try to ban this girl, she may seem more desirable to your daughter. Instead, have them hang out at your house only.

Our rule for the kids is that they can't be at someone's house if there is no parent home. There are many reasons for being a good rule to have. If your daughter's friend's mom is rarely home, use it to your advantage.