No matter if it is friendship or not, a 28 year old man has NO business being in the presence of a 15 year old under any circumstances alone. Totally unacceptable, creepy and sounds like potentially a pedophile.
I have a friend who has a daughter that is 15 and she is dating a 28 year old and say's she is madly in love with him and their not having a sexual relationship their just friends and go on dates but the issue is the age. If you were that parent what would you do? Need advice for my friend. If you have any suggestions please let me know.
No matter if it is friendship or not, a 28 year old man has NO business being in the presence of a 15 year old under any circumstances alone. Totally unacceptable, creepy and sounds like potentially a pedophile.
Suggestions? Tell her to put an end to it...NOW. I very much doubt they are not having sex. If they aren't, they will. NO mentally healthy 28 year old MAN, has a "relationship" with a 15 year old. This is not love and it's not a relationship. A man enters into a situation with a young teenager for one reason and we all know what it is. Where is the mother. How in the world did her daughter meet this man? How in the world, is she allowed to go on dates? They are not just friends. The girl may think this, but I guarantee you the guy is grooming her. If her mom won't end it, call the police. It's illegal and sick, the police must be involved. Maybe, it's over-stepping...but....do you really want to be friends with a woman who will allow her 15 year daughter to do this? If she does, she is not mentally healthy right now, either. Perhaps...CPS should be involved, also. If she won't do anything, you must.
Kick the man in the balls and never allow them to see each other. and ps, when a child says they are not having sex... that doesn't mean they aren't getting nasty in other creative ways. This 28 year old is a pervert and disgusting... the little girl needs to know that what he is doing is wrong. If he really was a great guy, he would be with a person his own age and not preying on a young teen who is naive and has less than half the life experiences he does. His friends are probably laughing at him, or better yet, he is hiding it from them out of shame.
How and why is this woman allowing her 15 year old to be leaving the house with him anyways? That's sheer crazy. Yeah, he's a predator and should be reported as such. Just a matter of time before he drugs her and rapes her or they do have sex... if it isn't happening already/
Oh, helllllllllll NO!!!! Young girl doesn't really know what love is at 15. That MAN at age 28 sure knows what he's doing though. End it and call the cops on him. Shame on him, can't he get a grown woman his own age?
Oh brother! Well of course she's in love with him. She's a teen and she's naive. She's also naive to think that a 28 year old man is not interested in sex. At his age he knows better than to date a young girl. Check your state's age of consent: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_Ame...
If I were her parent, I'd talk to the school health teacher. That person would probably have resources that would help me. I'd explain to her about hormones and how guys are mainly interested in sex. That she's young and inexperienced about what she wants from life and what is out there in the world. That having an older boyfriend probably makes her feel more confident about herself and more desirable. Then I'd ask her what kind of adult guy would want to date a teenager? Why is he dating a child instead of an adult? The guy is almost 30! Then I'd explain to her that she is an easy target for him because she is young and easily manipulated because of her lack of experience and savvy. With age and experience come knowledge. She hasn't attained them and she is currently in a lesson teaching relationship that may have bad consequences.
I'd also have a talk with him. What is his problem that he is dating a teenager? If he is in love with her, then he can wait to date her after she is much older.
I'd have her read all of the responses you receive.
: ) M.D.
I'd call the cops, seriously. SICKO. The dude must have something wrong with him if he is in love with a child. This is just nasty. She is too young to make decisions like this for herself. Mom needs to step in and squash it. If its TRUE love, they can meet up again when she turns 18.
How in the world does your friend (this child's MOTHER) not understand how wrong this situation is? How could this child's parents allow her to "just be friends" and "go on dates" with a 28 YEAR OLD MAN!!!? I think your friend is just as messed up as the 28 year old man. That situation is sick and it's wrong. It doesn't matter what the 15yr old says is happening or not happening........she is a child and she's being manipulated by a sick in the head adult male. It's her parents job to protect her and put a stop to it. If they can't figure that out without your help..........then that's very sad and I hope they're ready for their 15yr old to get pregnant by this man because that's what's next.
I want to make this clear.. I in no way approve of this. There is something very worng with this on every level.. But there are too many times, parents that forbid relationships and it does not work out that way.. so this is a way to let the daughter will be able to see the real person this man is..
Does this girl have low self esteem? How on earth did she even meet him?
Who on earth would want to date an almost 30 year old man while in high school? Yucky.. And what grown woman would want to date an almost 30 year old man that dates, barely teen girl, Yuck?
I know it is against the law for them to have sex, but not to be friends.. He does not have their permission to take her anywhere in his vehicle.. they could look into that.
He also should not be allowed to pick her up from school without their permission, EVER.
IF they try to keep them apart.. you know what will happen.. it will make them want to sneak around. Instead, I would suggest this girls parents meet with both of them and let them know that if they want to see each other it has to be in their home and with the parents there..EVERYTIME.
I would also let this man know, they need to do a background check on him immediately, so they will need his Drivers license and his social security card.. then do it.. and that the girls parents want to meet his parents.. That will so freak him out, he may dash away.. If he gives the excuse they live far away, have him give them their phone number and address and call them in front of him.. do not give him a heads up.. If he says they passed away, tell him they are sorry to hear that, but the background check will need to also confirm this.
Then each time he is in their home, have set times for when he needs to leave. She should have a school night curfew of 10 during the school nights and 11:00 for weekends. She also has to keep her grades up. She has to complete her work by the time he comes over.
Then the parents need to get out every board (bored) game they own, every video and get used to spending time in the room with or the room right next to where theses 2 are going to be.. LOTS of family dinners... With lots of discussions and questions.. be all over him.
They also need to inform the school that this is what is going on and how the parents are going to handle this.. The school can only make sure this man is not on campus and does not have permission to take her out of school AT ANY TIME..
Parent or not the parent. Knowing the situation I would automatically call in the authorities. I would not have any conversation with this "man" and tip him onto what is about to happen. There is no dating between a 28 year old and a 15 year old. Shut it down. If your friend doesn't have the courage to shut it down. You must step in and call the authorities from the police to child protective services. It is the parents job to keep their children safe from predators. This guy is a predator. The nature of a predatory relationship is one of trust, they can be warm and friendly and understanding. All tricks of the trade to break the confidence. Little girl needs counseling and possibly so do the parents since they don't seem to know how to handle this. Whatever happens it needs to happen immediately. This is a very dangerous situation and pregnancy is only one of the evil things that can come out of this has everyone forgotten about AIDS and what about prostitution if she runs off with this man and doesn't think she can come back home no matter how bad it gets out there for her with this "man". Don't be silent and continue to condone this. It takes a village be willing to speak up for her. If I knew more I would be making the calls right now.
This may have already been said but something is wrong when a 28 year old man is involved with a 15 year old girl, not to mention the fact that it is illegal. Of COURSE they say they're not having a sexual relationship...we all know that 15 year olds are 100% honest about everything.
If I were the parent I would sit down and have a talk with my daughter about my concerns with the relationship, steering it in a direction where the relationship could end. If she didn't do it willingly, I might get the police involved.
I cannot believe your friend is even allowing her to go on dates with a man that age. It's pretty unlikely that they're not having sex. What other reason would a 28 year old man have to date a 15 year old girl? She needs to tell her daughter to end this "friendship" immediately and if she doesn't, she will call the police and have him arrested. What he's doing is illegal.
I'm sorry, but no normal and well adjusted 28-year-old man wants anything to do with a 15-year-old. This bothers me on many levels, and it should bother the child's parents as well... that is exactly what she is: A CHILD. I am a 27-year-old female, and I would find it very disturbing if one of my peers wanted to have a relationship with a high school student. A 28-year-old man is not going to be satisfied with celibacy in their relationship. Even if they aren't currently engaging in sexual intercourse, he wants to have sex with her. Which, is quite frankly ILLEGAL. A 13 year age difference may not mean much later in life, but with this child still being a minor - this should cause great concern for everyone involved. If I were the parents of the girl, I would have a long talk with the man, forbidding him to see my daughter. I would also call the police and notify them of the situation. This isn't just about rebellion from the parents - this could very well be an abusive situation.
I'm sorry but I think I would have to approach the 28 year old pervert and tell him to stay away from my daughter or that I would cut his balls off and hang them from the ceiling. Tell him to go mess around with other girls his OWN age that would be mature enough to handle all the things involved with dating. What a FREAK!
It may not be sexual NOW, but that doesn't mean it's not heading that way. 28 year old men do not date women they don't have sexual plans for, and they certainly don't date 15 year olds.
I hate to be so negative, but THIS is exactly how preditors behave. They get kids into a FRIENDSHIP first, then a special friendship where the child feels devoted to them so that when the molestation starts the child either a) thinks it's okay because of the specialness of their relationship, or b) knows it's wrong but won't tell anyone because they don't want their special friend to get into trouble.
Seriously, this has to stop. Your friend NEEDS to keep her daughter away from this guy and SHOULD call the police!
28 year old men dating 15 year olds are predators. There is no reason for either of them to date or have a friendship with someone of the other person's age. The parents should not permit it and they do not need to allow their daughter to see this man. At 15, they can and should know where she is at all times and need to give permission for her to be out on dates. I have a 15 year old daughter, I would know. It is ridiculous for the parents to allow it. I can't imagine why the mother needs advice, put a stop to it and don't let the daughter out anyplace unsupervised where she could be with this guy. A 28 year old should be able to find plenty of women his own age for dating.
I would call the police. That's not only a bad idea, it's ILLEGAL!
Obviously this is against the law. She could have this man arrested. And I would hope that nobody would believe that this is not sexual in nature...he is a 28 yo MAN for goodness sakes.
Check the laws in the state your friend lives in. Different states have different laws. If this is legal, then the parents need to meet with this man separately from their daughter. They need to have some very straight talk with him. Why is he interested in a child instead of a woman nearer his own age? Tell him that this is still a child - goodness knows, she probably hasn't even had her monthly period for more than 2 years - does he like young girls? Is he bordering on pedophilia? They need to be tough with him! If the relationship with him is illegal, they need to talk to the police.
Men this age aren't interested in a friendship with a 15 year old girl. If they aren't having sex yet, then he is grooming her for the next level. And it will be all about what HE wants. The next thing that will happen is that she isn't allowed to see her friends or go out and have any fun that doesn't include him.
The worst thing about this, HM, is that she will now have it in her head that she is only interested in older men. It will mess her head up for relationships other than him for a long time. I hope your friend and her husband will get cracking and put a stop to this.
All my best
No way, Jose!
No 15 year olds and 28 year olds. Ever!!!
28 year old men are not going to sit by very long and be happy not having sex. This is a bad thing waiting to get worse.
Well, first I wouldn't let my 15 year old go on the date. Second, that's a crime so I would talk to the 28 year old and tell him to back off or the police will be contacted. Where did she meet him anyway?
I can't stop laughing at your Mamapedia name. :)
If she is madly in love with him, no doubt she's having sex with him. I'm not one to judge, and age is not always a big deal. BUT.....if they are having sex, that's illegal....and not good for her if she's not being careful and using protection. This would concern me on so many levels. She is her mother and has every right to but in here.
first of all, it is (unfortunately) not 'sick' or 'abnormal'. for all of humanity's existence on this planet older men have wanted and had access to barely pubescent girls. biologically it makes sense.
however, in our society we have (rightly imo) decided that 18 is the age of consent. maybe they're not having sex yet, but the possibility is slim and gets slimmer the longer they date. it's not okay.
when i was 16 i was dating a 26 year old. i remember clearly how right it felt and how logical all of my arguments and rationalizations were. got my parents to buy it too, although now my dad says he hated it and wished he had been stricter and less logical and therefore feeling as if my logical and persuasive argument should be respected.
yeah, we were having sex. lots of it. amazing sex.
i believe in giving teenagers a lot of room to make their own choices. they are adults in training after all. but we do have to remember that adolescence by its very definition includes a lack of experience and judgment, and some things are off the table. and this particular thing is illegal.
i'd put my foot down on this one.
Got to wonder what a man who is almost in his thirties sees in a fifteen year old girl.
And yes, when she is 25 and he is 38, I have no problem with it but at fifteen, the parents need to call the police. There should be no dates or contact of any kind. Where in the world is this girl going where she would meet a man who should be in the work force and should be dating his own age group.
They havent had sex....what planet are you on???? You know teenagers lie? I would have you husband take care of this guy and/or call the cops! Come on now...get real!
She is lying....teenagers lie all the time. If its not sex, other things are going on. Her parents let her see him? She can not be allowed to "go on dates" and if it continues there may be something legal that can be done. The parents need to really talk to this girl and tell the guy to buzz off!
Actually, it may not be sexual in nature. I remember dating a 55 yr old man when I was 18 and he was the most intelligent and creative soul I'd ever known. There was lots of talking and attending museums or musicals, and bookstore excursions, but no sex and rarely ever kissing. Eventually the relationship grew into a solid friendship and both of us realized there was just too much of an emotional experience gap.
That being said - I was legally an adult and he was past the hormones age, had raised his children and just wanted a college girl companion.
How she effectively deals with this situation depends on how it happened in the first place. 15 yr old girls and 28 yr old men aren't known to travel in the same circles.
Is this guy a close family friend or neighbor? - Let them know that you understand sometimes love happens in impossible situations and you want to help them have a responsible relationship with rules that will help them both. Set down the law that dates and all contact need to be supervised by an adult (you trust) until she turns 18. Don't object or force them to break up because your 15 yr old could rebel and sneak out to do things with him she might not have before. You don't want a romeo and juliet on your hands. This tactic will most likely bore the 28 yr old who is way past the age of supervised activities and squelch that rebellious fire in your 15 yr old daughter who REALLY wants to be juliet.
Did she meet him on the internet or out somewhere she shouldn't have been in the first place? This is a parenting flaw issue - What were you thinking? She's 15 and needs your guidance and structure. Put locks on the doors, parental controls on the computer and let her know that you want to be more involved in her life. Tell her this man can come to your house to see her, only with you present and they may not go to her room. Feel him out and make absolutely sure you don't slip on your duties as a mother again. My sister had 3 babies before she turned 19 and she never got to have a childhood because my mother treated her like an adult who could make their own decisions about their life instead of teaching her responsibility in relationships and dating.
First of all -no normal 28 year old man wants to date a 15 year old girl for any other reason than sex! Mentally they should be light years apart unless he's incredibly immature or dumb. I've been amazed at the people on this board who get all up in arms over 15 and 18 year olds dating (or even 16 and 18 year olds) -and that's fine. Both can still be in high school and it's not that big of a difference, but with a 15 and 28 year old -it's all SEX. It's also COMPLETELY illegal and he can be prosecuted, so he needs to stop NOW. He should know better -and I go back to my previous statement -if he doesn't, he's dumb.
If I were her, I would have a very serious discussion with this man. I wouldn't have him arrested right now, but I would let him know that if he didn't want to be arrested, he would never contact my daughter or try to see her again. If they believe they're soul mates and truly meant to be together, he can wait 2-3 years and contact her again then. Make sure he understands that the MINUTE he tries to contact her again now, police will be called and charges will be filed.
I have a cousin whose husband is 27 years older than she is. They've been happily married for over 30 years and have 3 great, grown kids. Evidently there was an overwhelming attraction between them starting when she was 13, but there was NO dating and no contact other than when she saw him in passing. They did start dating when she was 17 and a senior in high school and married when she was 18 -the day after she graduated. I'm not saying this type of thing doesn't exist or happen, but any kind of decent man knows his boundaries and knows he cannot mess with an underage girl!
Wow...how could this be allowed to happen at all? I bet they ARE romantically involved. I would call in the police or a school counselor or something. This has to end now and they both will need counselling for different reasons!
My husband and I are 12 years difference in age (he's older than me), but we met when I was 21yrs old... so the situation is totally different. If we had met when I was 16 .... ew. LOL Its just not right for a child that age to be dating a man his age. Maybe in 4-5yrs it would be ok, when she is an adult and can make good choices, however at 15 she just cannot.
Your friend needs to talk to her daughter, and also to this man.
When I was a junior/senior in high school, I had a friend that was doing the same thing (went from about age 12 to about age 14-15) - I think he was 30+. I think it stopped when she moved to a different city where it was inconvenient for them to meet (30-40 minute one way drive).
I am pretty sure they met because of his kids; the oldest was about 3 years younger than she was (!!!); her little sister was in sports with one of them, or she babysat for them, or something. I can't remember now whether her parents knew she was dating him or just thought she liked him; I know they had told her to leave him alone/stay away from him. I do know that they were certainly unaware that the two were sleeping together. My friend's brother and sister also seemed innocently unaware of that, and would help her get time with him (eg saying they were all three going to the mall, then meeting up with him there and leaving her with him in the food court while the siblings went shopping, then meeting back up when it was time to go home.)
I actually did not tell anyone because at the time I felt my friend was mature enough to know what she wanted. She said she didn't care for sex, but it made her bf happy, so she didn't mind it. With that reassurance, I just stopped worrying about it.
I was always that wholesome kid/stool pigeon/good influence that you wanted your kid to be friends with; the one you'd expect to pipe up to the parents or phone in an anonymous tip or something... and I never said anything. I even went on a "double date" with them. At least I know that THAT day at least they didn't have sex, because we were together the whole time at Chuck E Cheese.
I cannot express how much guilt I now feel for encouraging this. Her parents were completely unaware of what was really going on. I hate to say it but I suspect the same is true of your friends.
The 28 year old man almost sounds like a pedophile! I would say he has serious issues.. I would never let my daughter alone with the man. If the relationship is not called off then the police should be notified and I would make sure to tell the man that this will happen.
Um, that is WAY too much of an age difference!! When I was 15 I was always dating older guys. They were like 19. Looking back I don't know how my parents allowed that .... but ..... 28 OMG!! I am 32!! Not much older. Geesh. I would absolutely 100% forbid it. I would tell the 28 year old to stay away from my daughter. I would tell my daughter he is TOO OLD. And if they continued to sneak around or whatever I would probably call the police and file a report. Disgusting!
Not no but heck no! He's almost old enough to be her father.
I'm a young mom who got pregnant in college and I'll be 30 when my daughter is in highschool.
That guy clearly has issues if he can't date women his age. There us a reason he's praying on a 14 year old. Young girls are typically nieve and hormonal and fall for anything. If her parents love her they will do what's right and end it Now!! This is just aweful and obsurd and no 28 yr old man is going to remain sex free in a relationship for long. The pressure and convince to Have sex will occur at some point.
Stand for something or you'll fall for everything!!
STOP the relationship NOW when they have control. I would have a LONG talk with this guy too and let him know he should have enough sense to mess with a 15 year old, and if you catch him talking or around her you are calling the police. I can't even believe your friend let her go on a date. Madly in LOVE, 15 year olds do not know anything about being in love... where the father in all this, I'm assuming out of the picture or this would not be an issue... STOP IT NOW!
I would immediately tell my daughter this relationship needs to end, because of the age difference, and the fact that it just isn't right for 28 year old men to date teenagers.
If I was the parent, I would tell my daughter that I at her age dating a man 13 years older is NOT healthy, not legal, and not permitted. If she cares for him then she shouldn't want him to get into trouble (and trouble he would find).
My husband and I would speak to the man and explain that if he cares for our daughter, he will wait until she is an adult (preferably longer) before pursuing a relationship. If he doesn't care about her, then he still has no business in her life. Either way, he is a grown MAN and should not be pursuing a CHILD and that if it does not cease immediately then the police will be notified (and he should consider himself lucky that the police are notified rather than me allowing her father, uncles, and brothers to handle things)!
What can a 28 year old possibly see in a 15 yr old unless it is sexually motivated? IF they haven't had sex, I am sure it is only a matter of time before that course is pursued so a stop should be put to this NOW!
I am generally not an alarmist, more of a talk things out with your kid kind of person....
but this is not cool, is all I have to say!