Has Anyone MADE a Public School Stop the Bullying of Your Child?

Updated on May 20, 2011
K.B. asks from Dulles, VA
10 answers

I am interested in answers to this very specific question. This question is for those who actually stayed in public school and made the school employees do their jobs. What exactly did you to do make them supervise the kids and intervene to protect your child? How long has it lasted?

Obviously something pretty major happened with employees right there or I would not be bringing this up again. IYes, I went to the administration who say all the right things. I am looking for advice from others who have been in this situation and overcome it.

&*Tulsa is my birthplace, not where we live now.

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So What Happened?

The principal reassigned the two teachers who "didn't see a problem" and they are not happy. The other teachers who had zero complaints are staying put. They both pulled me aside to ask me if I had any knowledge of any bullying ever in their class by anyone. I reassured them I made it clear to the principal the kids don't bully in 2/4 classes so clearly bullying can be stopped if the teacher chooses to intervene. I thanked them for protecting my child. They told me they agree with me removing my child because she is targeted and not to let them convince me it is just normal stuff. I was shocked.

The kids switch 6 times a day. We heard a rumor they were replacing the principal, but no one knows. The counselor had groups of children come in and told them they can't bully. She had older kids try to resolve their issues including fightiing over boyfriends. No punishment or calling parents, unless the kids are all lying about it. The other parents and I think they are doing things to say they did things, but the bullying is getting physical even among girls.

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answers from Allentown on

Bullies don't stop. They just get better at hiding it. And it has *nothing* to do with employees doing (or not doing) their jobs.

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Washington DC on

public school employees generally don't want any child to be bullied and don't have to be forced to 'do their jobs.'
they have a difficult, thankless, impossible task. parents want them to be all things to all kids at all times, but most of all, every parent expects that their child will be the school's #1 priority.
it's usually better to assume that they're on your side and work with them.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

What exactly do you think teachers do all day? Let me clue you in....

Know each and every child (sometimes as many as 25!), their learning styles, any necessary adaptations, their likes and dislikes, remind them continually/ multiple times to do what they're supposed to do, try to monitor their individual work efforts (again with all necessary adjustments and adaptations since school is all about customizing education for you, the customer). Have eyes in the back of your head to determine if everyone is behaving, even when you're not looking, working with another student or in another part of the room. Attempt to instruct the students not only on the subject content but on how to be good citizens, use good manners and take accountability for their actions since many of them aren't learning this at home. Spend countless hours customizing curriculum and planning ways to educate your children in a way that is relevant and engaging when all they want is to be entertained. Field phone calls from nasty, ignorant, critical parents who don't understand what they do and prefer to assume the worst about teachers, their intentions and the way they do their jobs.

That's a pretty typical week for a GOOD teacher.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for teachers to be aware of everything going on between kids. Bullying is HARD, esp w/girls, bc they're sneaky and you can't punish a kid unless you SEE them do something bc their parents will accuse you of slander and try to sue you or get you fired for accusing their little angel of something they couldn't possibly be capable of.

I am sorry you're having issues w/your child being bullied. It's heartbreaking - even for their teachers. Admittedly, I do not know the whole story. Maybe you have negligent teachers here, but I would prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt as it is the LAW that they intervene in bullying situations. If you know who is bullying your child, it may be best for you to contact that child's parents as well as the guidance counselor and principal - in addition to the teacher - so there are more eyes and ears to help.

I'm sorry to jump on you, but there is enough teacher hating going on, not to mention completely unrealistic understandings of what they do (or have to put up with) and expectations that they are supposed to be all things to all parents and children. If you're not satisfied with the teacher, expand your circle of resources and be proactive about helping find a solution, not cast blame or FORCE people to do things the way you think they should be done. I realize you're speaking out of hurt for your child but this is not helping find a positive solution.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

I went back and read some of your previous posts because I recognized your name from previous bullying questions. This is a topic that is very important to me. The thing is, you tend to come off as critical of the school and teachers to the point that it overshadows what you said you are trying to accomplish. You have every right to be upset if your child is being bullied, but throwing negativity at the staff isn't really a way to a resolution. I read that you have talked to other parents and tried to get groups to go to the administration, and that you can't get anyone to join you in your fight. I think that as a parent, that mama bear thing in all of us pops out when we feel like our child is being treated unfairly. We want to protect them. I agree that the school has a huge responsibilty to protect kids from bullies, but you have to remember one thing. Teachers, administrators, parents...no one can MAKE a child BE nice. We can make them "act" nice. We can expect kindness, and model it, and even "require" it, but how do you enforce a compassionate heart?
Take a deep breath and try to step back and look at solutions. You said on a previous post that the bullying had almost stopped. If it has, why are you still so focused on what a horrible school your child attends? I am saying all of this from a sincere place. Are you having a hard time letting go and healing for yourself? Please try to advocate and move toward a a positive resolution. We have to all work together to make this bullying thing better. Separating the adults into an entirely different war isn't helping your child or anyone else.
I wish you and your daughter much happiness.
PS: Please don't assume that if someone doesn't agree with your approach they haven't had the experience. Many of us have, including me.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Your better bet is to teach your child to stand up and defend him/herself instead of waiting on the schools.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

You need to teach your child how to deal with bullies. Our school recently had a really great speaker. He told the kids to think of bullying as a game. If you get upset by what the bully says then the bully gets points and wins. If you let them know that it doesn't bother you you win and the bully will typically leave you alone (ex. Bully "you're goofy!" victim should respond with "yes, you know what sometimes I am goofy") if it's physical bullying then honestly I think your child should stand up for herself. Once a bully realizes she/he isn't any easy target they'll move on.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

My now 11 year old son was bullied by a "friend"...from Kindergarten to 4th grade...it was slow at first - my son stood up to this "friend" for teasing a girl who had messed her pants...

I brought it up to the teachers and principal....via e-mail so everything was documented...

in the ensuing years, it was small stuff - name calling, picking, etc. then in the 3rd grade it started getting touchy...I talked to the other parent - her son was an "angel and just loved my son" - yeah right....4th grade my son gets tripped on purpose by the other child and my son bangs his head against a brick wall. That was it - I told them I'm hiring a lawyer and if I see that child near my son again - i will seek retribution in kind. I called his M. and told her what happened and she apologized profusely - I told her that enough was enough, if she couldn't control her son - I would and would have him expelled from the school.

I contacted our district supervisor as well as our county board and SHOWED them my e-mails, my documented talks with the principal AND the teachers....the child was suspended from school for one week, moved to another classroom - it didn't stop there - the other child started making NASTY comments about my son. I had him record one - gave it to his parents. They left the school that year. he's not the little angel they thought.

The teachers? I don't know if they were punished or reprimanded, however, they are more diligent.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

This is going on near my home right now. It is on the news all the time. Parents are suing I believe the school about 1 kid in particular b/c the school will not remove the child from the school from the bullying. Parents are even taking out ads in the paper about the issue and trying to get a lot of media attention to it in hopes of getting this child out the school. Parents have even been arrested for threatening the principal b/c they feel he hasn't done enough to protect the other kids in the school.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Augusta on

You have to teach your child how to deal with it. he or she is going to have to deal with bullies in some form or another all their life.
What Amy said is what really happens.
You don't mention what kind of bullying is going on.
Teach your child self respect and self confidence and bullies won't have control over him/her. Don't rely on others to stop it.
Without more details of the situation it's hard to know what you've done and what you haven't, if the child is even telling the teacher what's going on or just reporting to you.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Go to the Principal or Assistant Principal. A good school administrator can and will make the bullying stop.

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