Had Enough of Christmas

Wesimply refuse to travel on Christmas any more. We have an open door policy - any one in the family can come see us, and we will be thrilled, but we are not traveling. We travel for thanksgiving, and stay home for Christmas.

My parents decided they will come see a different kid each year. They rotate through us kids. Next year it is my older brother, then me in 2014, little brother in 2015, and so forth. We all converge on my parents for thanksgiving.

My husband's family has responded by saying they will see us when they see us - we get together with them at various times of year rather than emphasizing holidays. His family is very spread out, each parent and grand parent in a different state. So we do what works which is different year to year.

The holidays are supposed to be fun, not overstimulating and stressful. I would reconsider this round-robin holiday before my baby's next Christmas!

Good luck mama!

I get it, I really do. I'm run down and really sick from all of the running around. I wouldn't change it for a second, though. I just head to urgent care and get my prescription and cough drops and try to ignore the cray-cray old lady giving me the stink eye that growls at me while waiting for the doctor, and try to take some down time.

Since you said your daughter is sniffley and cranky and was like that all day, I would actually keep an eye on her. Check her temperature and behavior, and if she's like that still in the morning and/or she has a fever at all I wouldn't take her. You'll risk being That Annoying Person Who Takes Their Sick Child That Gets Everyone Else's Kids Sick. Don't be That Person. Plus if you do take her when she's feeling sick, you also risk her getting more sick than she already is. A sick child just wants their own bed in their own house in peace and quiet.

I say that because you commented on leaving that party earlier than normal, when your daughter won't want to travel at all if she's sick. You can send your fiance for all three of you and pass along your regrets.

Sorry but it doesn't get easier and it only gets more overwhelming - if you let it.
You have to learn to pace yourself.
For the first year or so you'll run yourself ragged.
Then you'll have a better idea what your limits are and you'll cut your social engagements in half - visit half the family for one holiday one year and the other half another holiday the next year - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, 4th of July - spread it out.
If you see everyone over the course of a year or two, then you're doing fine.

Most people I know just stop doing all of that when they have little kids - they have Christmas at home, and rotate the family in and out. When your daughter gets a little older, the excess presents will become a nightmare for you in terms of greed and expectations she has. It's just not practical to travel with a young child to so many different locations - and now she's getting sick. Too many people, too much exhaustion, too much overstimulation. At some point you have to say "no, we'd love to but it's just not possible. We'll miss you."

I would never put myself through what you just described. It sounds like this is how it will always be unless you set boundaries, rules. One year my daughter got 25 gifts, yes that's right 25 gifts from ONE relative...and he came to MY house. We had to talk to this beloved relative and set him straight. All this talk about missing this when it's over? Really, how could anyone miss this kind of chaos. I don't know. I could never do it, would never stand for all that kind of running around and the presents galore? Too much. I guess I lucked out with my husband in that his family hated me so we never ever spent any holiday with any of his family. Not one! And with my family, it's always been easy because they have always lived close by. No long distance traveling. Don't know what to say except that I would set some rules. And with a possible sick child, I would stay home completely. There is nothing wrong with having a quiet Christmas in your home.

You always have to put your daughter first in this. She needs to nap and she needs to go to bed at the same time every night. You need to squirt hand cleanser in the little cousin's hands before they touch her.

No, it doesn't really get easier. She'll be mobile and try to "hang with" the older cousins. You won't get a break until she is in school. Sorry.

Don't let the families push you into doing it "their" way. You have to take care of your child.

Dawn

Sorry-I think it gets worse. Wait til she doesn't want to leave her house & her toys on Christmas morning! Lol
All you can do is plan what you can FAR in advance & be prepared.

I just sat here trying to think about the shifting but it was always a two stop holiday. My family has always been Christmas eve and my ex's family Christmas day. The thing I was really thinking about is how my kids will deal when they get married.

We all live in St Louis, my oldest daughter lives in KC and her boyfriend that I figure she will marry, they have been going out for four years, lives in Cincinnati. Then again she is pretty good about making you aware when you are asking too much of her. All I can come up with I will just tell my kids tell me when you want me to cook. I am too laid back to fuss about dates.

Yeah, so I have hit the point where I have people here, I guess that is the shifting. You just hit a point where the next generation takes over or splits off from their parents. Problem for you, it tends to be when your kids are adults.

So far as the ex issue goes if it gets to be too much for my kids I will just suck it up and invite the idiot as well. I can be nice to him if it means saving my kids a bit of stress. :)

I know when I had just a five month old, well actually he was eight months, it was easy. My parents on Christmas eve, his parents Christmas day. After my parents we stopped by my uncles so we could see my cousins. But then, we all live here in St Louis so we are talking 20 minutes from place to place.

I feel for ya, I would be pulling my hair out if I had to make that many stops.

"Don't be a fool, don't believe in fools, and always be grateful for what you have."

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:
Give some of the gifts away to the needy.

Yes I have.

Ditto Diane B.

At a certain point, you/your partner/your nuclear family just have to do what is rational, for yourselves. And say no to all the traipsing all over the place to meet up with ALL the family and relatives and on and on and on and on and on.

Some families are small or big. But regardless, it is just not... possible to go and see every single relative on both sides of the couple, each Holiday.

I have a friend, who every darn year, they had to go and travel and visit ALL the relatives on BOTH sides of the family, they have 3 little kids... and it was just CRAZY. They did not even enjoy it, nor their kids, some relatives didn't even care who came or went... but since THEY had the little kids in the family... THEY were expected to visit EVERY relative or cluster of relatives, in different States on both sides of the family.... and so that EVERYONE could see their kids and they had to please everyone or so and so would get miffed. PLUS they had to bring gifts too... and TOTE it all back home, too.
And, this is Hawaii... so traveling during the holidays meant taking a PLANE to travel and for hours and expense.... and with their THREE kids, too. Not one of their relatives, considered what a hardship that was and how EXPENSIVE it was for them. But it was "tradition" right? And for what?
They had never, since they had kids... ever spent a Christmas or Holiday AT their own home... by themselves. And they so... needed that.
And so now, they do their own thing at the Holidays.
Nothing is wrong with that.

Once you have kids, you need to do what you want to as a family.

When I was a kid, geez, we went ALL over the darn State to see relatives too and spend holiday gatherings with them. I am talking, even with cousins who I hardly knew and were not even direct cousins. Geez. Talk about familial obligation and "traditions" getting too demanding.
So after awhile, when we got older, we too did our own thing. We had things at OUR home. Any relative or friends could come. Open door to everyone. It just gets too crazy... having to go all over the State or across States to see everyone, for the Holidays. And not to mention the expense.

i actually do think it gets easier...and in the meantime, make a real effort to be grateful you have so many people who love you and want to share the holiday with you. he did your family, now it's your turn to do his family.

if it is truly too much, it's not a horrible thing to plan to downsize. next year you don't HAVE to do everyone. lots of people with split families take turns. they do a, and b, one year, and c, and d, next year. or they do both parents but alternate going to the grandmas. or something. there's always room for compromise. but for now, this is what you planned to do, so handle it with grace and just get through it the best you can. with a smile!

Well now that you know what it is like, next year you can plan and choose
what parties to attend.
Trying to attend all family gatherings can be difficult so feel free to do what you can. Especially now that you have a little one.
Finish out the holiday gatherings for this year and next year don't overcommit.
Give people notice when you graciously decline their invitatin citing you are unable to attend due to a prior commitment.

This may sound crazy-but you'll miss it all when it's not so crazy. Just try to really enjoy the experience and loved ones because they won't always be there.
Our lives have settled a lot now that we've lost loved ones. I miss those days of running around and seeing them.
My mother came from a family of 9 so I have countless cousins. Some of my best memories were all of the running around and getting together. Thank goodness my parents were troopers!