H.W.
These books are not directly related to the terrible twos, but they are my favorite parenting books:
-The Continuum Concept by Jeane Liedloff
-The Attatchment Parenting Book by Dr. Sears
-How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber (and someone else)
-Summerhill by A.S. Neil
-The Seven Habbits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey
Any books by John Holt, or John Taylor Gatto.
Also, I am also a single mom, and I have a three 1/2 year old, so in a sense I've been through the terrible twos, but I feel like they didn't start until he was almost 2 1/2 and they seemed exclusively linked to the fact that I hadn't spent very much time with him due to work. I can offer a bit of advice for this period of time, though--I was very into letting my son do as he pleased--and I still am. I was totally opposed to restricting his freedom. But I guess it comes down to the fact that when I want my son to do something, I want him to do what I say--so while letting him do as he pleases has to do with not being bossy, and always listenning to him and considering his thoughts and feelings, and also looking at the bigger picture of what's going on in his life, I wish I had established in him more of a habbit of following my direction. Games like "simon says" can be one fun way to establish this value, without being too forceful. Also, I think that kids really thrive from having rituals and traditions; daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly--especially at a young age when they don't have an established sense of time. Also, on busy hectic days when you may be extremely preocutpied, it helps to engage with your child early on in the day rather than waiting util later when you can squeeze time in. I find that when you engage with kids early on, they have a much easier time fending for themselves when you need them to, but when you put it off they grow restless much more easily. And of course--pay attention to nap time needs and hunger. There was a brief period of time when my son was having at least one serious melt down per day, and I didn't know why. Then it occurred to me that a change in our schedules had seriously disrupted his self-initiated nap time rituals. I had never scheduled his naps, as I was trying to take direction from his cues. I finally realized that my son needed to nap (on a full stomache) at least about every four hours (it may vary for every kid--but this was what he needed) and so I started preparing ahead of time, which made the day go by much more smoothly. And then of course the "experts" always say that at this age they are trying to establish a sense of individuality and so letting them make as many choices for themself as possible helps them to feel secure. Plus, as you probably know--just a whole lot of love and positive attention and engagement. My son was really easy going until I started spending extremely long ammounts of time away from him, and while I do use punishment as a means for discipline (some people don't believe in punishment), I try to look at the bigger picture of what's going on, and try to not punish him when he really needs a hug, or help expressing himself, or a nap, or more clear directions, or some other need that I can fulfil. I want to say to you too, that sometimes kids will scream or cry, and it doesn't mean that you are a bad parent--so if/when this happens don't worry. The fact that your seeking out resources shows that you are a good mom and well prepared.
-H.
