Going on Walks with a toddler...uggh!

You may be right on target with your assessment of what is going on here, but just wanted to toss something out there to think about when ever you see a parent who seems to be struggleing with a child's behavior (and you really think that it is because they have never tried what works with typcial kids.) Espeically if the child in question has a sibling who seems to be well behaved, consider the possiblity that the child who in question has an undiagnosed neurodevelopmental issue that effects sensory/ vestibular processing, languague and pragmatic understanding, or impulse and self control or awarness.

Parents who have given up on what works for neruo typical kids may look the same as parents who have never given traditional diciplinary techniques a try when you see them in the park dealing with a tantrum. I am not giving any parent an excuse for letting their kids run wild, when typical dicipline fails, they should be examinining every resource they have available to find out why, and sometimes, that is something that they don't want to face or have no idea is related to something that would respond to early intervention and therapy for what might seem totally unrelated to behavior.
Especially when there is a typical sibling who has turned out OK, you have to ask, how did that happen if this Mom-Dad is so ineffective?

Speaking as a parent who has been there, I have had other parents explain time outs to me, and tell me how to dicipline my autistic child, while my typical, well behavied, lovely child sat by respectuflly listening to the clueless adult give me a lesson, and the autistic child pulled at my arm being anyoing because she had some issue you have never thought of, like her socks were "wrong" or someone said something "in ephamism" and she took it litterally and she really does think that there are "sugar bugs" in her mouth and she just can't go on right now until she can get over it. You just don't know what you are not seeing.

I am not saying that there are not parents who are just as lazy as you think. But, you may also be wrong, and what you see is an exhasted, frustrated, and overwhelmed (for good reason) Mom whom you should have just a little compasion for, because but for the grace of God, one in 110 of you will also be in her shoes one day. It is something to think about.

M.

I have had a similar situation. My GF has two seriously hard to deal with kids. They just don't listen, walk off on their own and the younger son will run right into the street. When we first used to go for walks play in the park my heart was in my throat thinking these kids were completly out of control and my son was going to get hurt because of them. My GF struggled to keep them under control. She is the soft touch and her hubs is the hard touch. He is so strict that she feels she needs to be extra soft to counter his strictness. A conversation before having children on how they intend to parent obviously didn't happen. I started hanging out less and less with them, but I missed my GF and I knew she was overwhelmed being with her kids. So I called her and invited them to the park but told her on the phone I know your kids are giving you a hard time and it stresses you out are you ok if I feel the need to discipline them? She said and I quote "thank you, thank you yes do whatever you want I need to see someone do it better than me." I am in no way better than her but I discipline my son with consequences and he is very responsive to being corrected and just moves on. So we went to the park her son was misbehaving on a level I've never seen and then asked his mom for an ice pop. She was about to give it to him, out of exasperation. I said , sorry but treats are given to kids who listen to what their parents say and you don't. Mommy shouldn't reward you because you are making so much noise. The kid through a fit. My GF was beside herself. I told her let him go at it. It was a really long 5 minutes. When he quited down I said go and play with your friends if mommy and I see you behave well in a 1/2 an hour we might give you a treat. He shrugged his shoulders and walked off. I think your friend is overwhelmed and will welcome discipline from you. Maybe you don't want to be in that position but she is your friend and her daughter and yours are friends and schoolmates next year, it's worth a try. Good Luck

I am a pretty tough cookie... even with other peoples kids. If you know your neighbor well enough and feel comfortable disciplining this child, by all means, go for it. Try swapping kids while you're walking... my friends kids know they can overstep their boundaries with their moms, but they need to know that this behavior is not going to be tolerated by other adults. I have no problem treating someone elses child as my own and putting them in their place if they are out of line. Not harshly, but it's good for kids to hear it from someone else. This is why some kids are angels at school or with a babysitter, but raise hell when mom's around. They just know they can get away with it, plain and simple. I know you said you're not patient (I'm right there with you!) but maybe this child needs to hear it from someone else. Also, this kid is THREE. How boring are walks for a 3 year old? Try getting mom to give the kid a disposable camera or something to entertain him while you walk. If all else fails, bribery (done properly, as much as that sounds like bad parenting) has never failed. You want these fruit snacks? You've gotta earn them kiddo. Walk nicely without whining or acting up until we get to the brown mailbox, and they're all yours. I wouldn't give up quite yet, but I would definately start feeling out the other mom on how she would feel if you started telling her son how its going to be. I hope that makes sense, I've only had one cup of coffee :) Best wishes!

For the sake of your own sanity, I think you should stop seeing this friend. Yes, it will be disappointing for your oldest, and that's a shame. However, you seem to take issue with other Moms who have a child who isn't always being controlled or is a discipline challenge. You don't enjoy seeing your nephew who has a Sensory Processing Disorder (a neurological disorder) and his accompanying behavioral issues. And now this child. If you don't deal well with these situations, you should simply remove yourself from them, and save yourself the stress. Try to find Moms who are as incredibly blessed as you are, with easier-to-manage children. You will be happier. Your judgments and criticism will only hurt the Mom who is struggling to figure out why she was able to manage her firstborn, but cannot find a way with her second. Most likely, she needs the support of your friendship more than ever. But if you only have negative feelings for her and her children, do her a favor and stop seeing her.

When my son was about three, he liked to walk with us, but he would tire out quickly. He was getting too heavy to carry for long (on shoulders or piggy back) and he'd out grown his stroller. So we'd bring a wagon. When child got too tired to walk or couldn't keep up, he loved the wagon rides, and sometimes he would lay back and take a nap.

There is an article in Parents magazine that I got in the mail yesterday to help parents with different discipline actions. Maybe she can read the article, I am sure the Library has a copy if they don't get the subscription.

Maybe you can suggest that she put the 3yro in a stroller instead of him walking. The first walk might be him fussing to get out, but if you let him alone and "teach" him that he will not get out because of fussing. After that it will be a breeze.
My son is almost 2 and we went to FL. He would not sit in the stoller, until my mom and I took him for a walk and let him cry. Now he is an angel in the stroller.

Good luck.