Friend Acts like She Doesn't Know She Has to Pay for Tickets

she is being a putz, and you are being a doormat.
my bestie picked up tickets for a play a few years ago. i was short at the time, and she offered to subsidize it for my birthday, which i gratefully accepted. then ditzed out and forgot to give her the agreed-upon amount. i got a text from her a week before the event saying 'sweetie, don't forget i need that $40 from you. can i get it at lunch next week?'
i apologized and paid up.
no drama.
khairete
S.

Why can't you just come out and ask for the money? I do not even understand. It is only a problem because you haven't said anything. You have seen her FIVE times and not asked for the money?

Be clear with her. Let her know that if she no longer wants the tickets you need to know right away so you can get a refund, but otherwise you need the money ASAP. Leave the choice up to her.

YES, you should do exactly that!!! Tell her that you need the money by noon, or you will have to return her tickets for a refund. It's a simple as that. And if she doesn't respond, go return the tickets. Do not get stuck with this. It would just cause you to resent her, and resentment is never good for a friendship.

At any point have you said to her, "I have your vouchers. They were $____." So that you can exchange the $ for the purchased vouchers? She may be waiting for YOU to bring the vouchers....

If you haven't asked her for the money, then you need to do so. And it is very simple to say, "if you've changed your mind, or don't have the money, I need to return them by Friday."

The fact that you can still get a refund for these makes it a perfect excuse to bring it up. "Hey Mary - are you sure you still want the tickets? You haven't paid me back yet so I can still return them by Friday. Want me to do that?" Then likely she'll say "no! I want them!" Then reply, "oh, ok, then I'll pick up/get the money when I see you on Friday. Otherwise I'll return them anyway bc we can't afford both sets." If you're not going to see her, go pick it up! If you are going to see her, when you do, ask her for the money and if she doesn't have it say you have to return them then.

So easy. I would just say, "I have the tickets you asked me to get for you. Can I get the $140 (or whatever it is) from you now? Otherwise I'll have to return them. Thanks."

You are assuming things and hoping that she remembers. Maybe she does not. Let her know. This is a no-brainer.

In the future, let people buy their own tickets. It's just much easier if everybody takes responsibility for their own purchases.

OK, You are mad AT YOU.

No, your friend hasn't paid you and any good friend owing another friend money would take care of that ASAP. However, you haven't asked for the money.

ASK HER FOR THE MONEY. Tell her that if she's not able to pay for them you will be able to return them but that date passes tomorrow, so you need the money today or you'll have to return them.

Be assertive (not aggressive) and tell her what you need and when.

Good Luck,

M.

I like your idea of telling her that you will need the $$$ by Friday or that you will have to return them ("sorry but I just can't eat the cost of these tix").

I don't blame your husband for being upset, especially if your budget is tight, but you still have a way to fix it. Don't stress. This is how we learn certain things about certain friends. Now you are on notice.

Good luck.

ETA: I disagree with any suggestion that you are expecting her to be a mind-reader. I'm sorry - I would never let a friend sit on expensive theme park tickets that I specifically asked her to pick up for me. She has already done me a favor by going to physically GET the tickets - am I to repay her by ignoring the fact that the tix cost hard $$$? Duh!? That's just rude. It's not like you didn't communicate with her and give her a clear chance to decline.

Yes I think that is more then reasonable. Your still giving her a chance to pay up. Yet your making it crystal clear she won't be going with you if she can't pay.

Like Suz T said, people just kinda ditz out and work better with a deadline. Let's hope thats what this is so things aren't awkward

Definitely tell her you need the cash by noon on Friday or you will have to return the tickets. Sorry, but that's kind of a no-brainer, IMHO.

Did you actually give her the tickets yet? If so, tell her you got your credit card bill and need the money or need to return the tickets.

If you didn't actually hand her the tickets, tell her how much they cost at the time you do. I wouldn't pay for something I don't have yet, either.

Telling her over and over how expensive they are is not the same at asking for your payment.

Stop expecting her to be a mindreader. Give her a call before you meet with her again and say, "Hey, Friend, I just wanted to let you know that the tickets cost $___. Please bring the money with you on Friday. I know y'all will have a great time!"

You don't have to be pissy with her. Just let her know. And your husband would likely not be upset with your actions if you had been clear with her about what you needed, instead of expecting her to just know.

Yes. Just be matter of fact and honest.

I need the money by tomorrow at 10:00 am or I will have to get credit. We just cannot afford to float this purchase.

She may have been planning of paying you when you gave her the tickets. Just tell her you need the money or you will get a credit for the returned tickets.

Yes, tell her you are returning the tickets because you need her portion & you need her money right now, today or you have to return them.
Then if she does not give you the monety today, You return them.
Don't wait even if she TELLS you she'll give you the money.
She may wait until past the time that you can return them, not pay you &
you'll be out the money.
Actually, I would tell her "I am having to return your tickets because I need the money. Sorry. " then go & return them.

And which lesson is that?

I can't tell from what you've said, but your communication might not have been clear. She might have thought that you were checking with her family before spending your own money, not before committing them to spend theirs.

Before you decide to be offended, just remind her. "Tomorrow is the last day to return the tickets with no penalty. If you're not going to be able to pay me for yours, then I'll need to return them. Please let me know by [XX] time." If you leave a message, confirm her receipt of your message, and then leave it alone. If you don't hear from her by the designated time, then just go ahead and return the tickets. You don't even need to mention it any further.

Don't be upset about it because that is a waste of feeling. And it only serves to garner ill will between you. Stop basing your expectation in assumption, and just use CLEAR COMMUNICATION. I didn't read anything in your post that told me that she should have been clear about your intentions. Don't hold miscommunication against her. Do you truly believe that she would have so blatantly--and, quite literally, in your face--offered to buy these same tickets for someone else if she'd known that she was delinquent in her payment to you for this exact same thing? You've seen her five times, and it's never come up? Come on....

Yes i would let her know that if she can't pay you, you'll have to return the tickets. I don't think that is rude AT ALL.

I would say:

"I just wanted to double check with you on these season passes: Do you still want them? If so, I can get the money from you tomorrow and if you've changed your mind, I can still get a refund if I go by Friday" Let me know ASAP so I don't miss the refund date.

In the 5 times that you have seen your friend how many times have you brought up the fact that you purchased the tickets and asked if she wanted them?

This is a simple communication issue, and not even a hard one. I am guessing this is either a new friend or not a very good friend because evidently there is no communication between the two of you and no level of comfort between the two of you.

Let her know you have the vouchers and when you need the money or that you will have to return the vouchers to get a refund.

Honestly I don't blame your husband for being angry. He probably would like to ring both your necks. You for not having the spine to even ask for the money and her for not asking you if you bought the vouchers yet and paying you.

Yes of course tell your friend that she needs to pay you or else you will return the tickets. You can say it politely. Sounds like you haven't asked her to reimburse you; you're expecting her to be a mindreader and that's not usually possible. Also, it sounds like your friend doesn't want the tickets... so simply talk to her and find out the situation so you don't lose out on money.

Just ask her for the money. She might be thinking she will pay you when you use them. Just say that you put the tickets on your credit card and need to pay the bill ASAP.

It's pretty easy. You say:

"Hey, I picked up the tickets we talked about several times. I have to have the money by tomorrow at noon. What time in the morning can I come by and pick it up?".

Either she has the money or she doesn't. If she does fine, if not then she doesn't get tickets this year. Next year she may be nothing more than a memory anyway. People come and people go. If she's like this it might be best she moves on to new friends.

Lesson learned, offer to give her a ride so you can go to lunch then pick up your own tickets each. Or simply get the money from her in the beginning and hand her the tickets when you get back.

I don't see how anyone can seriously forget they that they owe a friend. Sorry.

Ask for the money. Five times and you have not asked, why?

Call her and tell her you need the money for the tickets by such and such a time or you will have to return them. DO NOT let your window expire because she can't make it by then! Give her a specific time, allowing yourself enough time to return the tickets for a full refund,. DO NOT cut yourself short on time. So if you have to return them by Friday, for example, tell her you need the money by Thursday evening at 8pm. If asking her for the money causes tension between you, then she wasn't a friend worth having.

I think she is being very inconsiderate by not having paid you immediately. You were very generous to do this, but next time ask for the money up front, or better yet, let people get their own tickets.

O heavens. Take the bull by the horns and call her up and say "I need you to pay me for the season tickets you and your husband wanted. I have to return them tomorrow if I don't get paid. Can I come over now to get the money, or do you want me to return them instead?" Ignore what she said about her friends. This isn't about them. This is about you. For all you know, they've already paid her for theirs...

Stop beating around the bush. And don't EVER spot her again. There are people like this and it just takes ONCE to get burned.

Why haven't you asked her straight out to pay you? Tell her, "Valerie, I picked up your tickets since you gave me the go-ahead indicating you were fine with the cost. I was hoping that you could pay me either today or the next time I see you. The cost is $350."

I agree w the advice so far but I am a little confused if you said in the beginning "hey great sale, super discount do you want me to get you some tickets?' or if she said "ohh can I get in on that great deal too? would you pick some up for me as well??" to me that makes a bit of a difference in how I would 'feel' about it, but it doesn't change how I would Act about getting clarification.