First Pet Fish Died Today

My mom bought my daughter 6 fish when she was 5. I had the same fears as you but it's alot to do with your attitude. Fish die- fast! The first 2 that died we took out side and buried and my daughter said a few nice words about how much she loved them. A few days later she went to check to see if they were still there but they weren't so she told me they were 'gone up in heaven'. She was pretty satisfied with that- that the cycle was complete! Good Luck!

ps- all the ones that died after that she just thought were gross and wanted me to flush them! It really didn't bother her much after that.

We bought a new fish while my daughter was at school the first three times it died. After that she was 5 years old and we decided to tell her figuring we could use the opportunity to discuss death with her so her first experience with it would be a fish and not a person. She handled it very well. We had a fish funeral and buried him in the yard. She was then very excited as she got to go to the store to pick a new fish. Kids are very resilient at that age, but I also understand our need to protect. I do not think you can go wrong either way.

B.

My advice is to get rid of the fish before she gets home. It will be even worse if she has to see it dead...like going to an open casket funeral. Honesty is the best policy..so telling her that God wanted her fish as a special friend would be a good way of going about it. My son is 8 and not in therapy and I told him the truth. Shameful enough I even accidently dropped one down the sink, while cleaning the bowl. Boy did I feel like "The Worst Mommy". I hope this helps and hang in there!!!!

5 years old is not too early to learn about death. You should just explain that this is a natural process, that fish don't live very long. If she is sad, let her know that this is also part of death:being sad but that you are there for her. You might have to explain(if she has concerns) that people live much longer than fish!

yea she doesnt need to see the dead fish, why not go to the pet store and get a replacement...its kinda traumatizing for kids to see pets dead....

I am a mother of two daughters, ages 10 and 13. We had a similar circumstance come up when my youngest daughter was 5. Our pet dog died. She was a beautiful cocker spaniel we had had in the family before my youngest daughter was even born. We had to explain that she had moved on to a better place. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I can share with you what we did that day. We had a little funeral service for her. We each said something nice about her and laid a flower on top of the box she was buried in. Then my husband buried her after we went inside.

I realize a dog is a little different than a fish...but I felt it was important for my daughter to understand that death is a part of life that we have to deal with. I don't think this will be too tramatic for her. I'm sure she will be a little upset because it IS her pet fish, but if you explain things to her and make her feel somewhat good about it (as best you can), she will be okay in a day or two.

Hi Benlinda,
I don't know how sensitive your daughter is, but we had close to the same thing happen and my 5 yr old daughter is EXTREAMLY sensitive and when we lost our first fish in the new aquarium, she was heartbroken - almost as much as I was!!! Tears and everything. In our case she wouldn't have noticed a difference because we had about 10 fish, but she was the one who spotted him floating. What a better time than now to briefly explain death to a child. I would rather be the one to tell my daughter before television or other kids did!!! I personally thought the best thing to do is let her be there when we "sent the fish to fishy heaven". I explained to her the fishy was sick and God decided he would be better in Fishy Heaven. We even said "goodbye" and she wanted to be the one to "flush". She even said what a good fish he had been. - you know, the whole stereotypical "flushing a fish" drama thing - like I said she's very dramatic and sensative and she understood that it was okay to be sad, but that fishy was happy swimming with other fishes in fishy heaven, and was okay with it. -She did ask one thing though, and that was if the fish was where our potty was, lol, I did fib a little and told her there's a special pipe that takes the fishies to heaven!! Got to be creative! Trust your instincts - you know your daughter best! Good luck!
A.

Its good she took it soo well. How is the other fish doing?

My daughter, who was 5 a year ago, had pet beta fish. As you know they are pretty sturdy fish. However, to her a pet was something that you could pet and play with. Needless to say after a few times out of the water and a few missing fins, the fish passed away while she was at school. I did take the fish out before she came and explained to her that the fish got very sick and I had to take it to the fishy hospital and he would be better in a few days. I proceeded to get her another fish and put it in the tank before she got home. She did notice a few differences, but I told her thats where the doctor had to fix his fins. I also gave her a note from the doctor on how to take care of her pet fish.

Well my baby isn't old enough to have a pet die, but I had many pets growing up, and dealt with the deaths of fish, rabbits, guinea pigs, cats and dogs. I think you might be surprised by your daughters resilience in this matter. Death and loss are an unavoidable part of life and if she can learn how to deal with it now, it will help her learn that sometimes we lose the things we love. You might tell her that her fish has gone to "fish heaven" or "up in the sky" so that she can associate a place with her dearly departed pet. We always buried my pets in the backyard and had a ceremony. Good luck!
Hope this helps.