First Deployment

I by no means know what you are going through and thank you so much for the sacrifices you and your husband are making for our country. I know it has got to be hard, but this is how I would look at it. Be thankful he got to come home to be with his family to see them through the hard times and for the little bit of time you did get to see him:)

First off a big thank you to your husband, to you and to your son for all that you do for our country. (Yes, you & your son sacrifice too) Being an Army wife can be extremely difficult at times. I met my (now) husband when he was stationed at Ft Campbell. We made it through several deployments together. It was never easy at first, but you will get used to it. Not saying that you'll ever stop missing him, but it will get easier to deal with. Definitely take advantage of the FRG and get to know some of the other wives. They will be great resources and great comfort over the next year or so. Also make sure that you let your son talk to him as often as possible, keep plenty of pictures around, and have your husband send pictures via email, or snail mail as often as he can. Have your son help you make care packages to send to daddy. Your husband will enjoy it as much as the two of you will. Here are a couple little prayers that were always helpful during tough times.....

***A Military Wife’s Prayer***
Give me the greatness of heart to see
The difference between duty and his love for me.
Give me understanding so that I may know
When duty calls him, he must go.
Give me a task each day
To fill the time when he’s away.
When he’s in a foreign land
Keep him safe in your loving hand.
And when his duty is in the field
Please protect him and be his shield.
And when deployed away for so long
Please stay with me and keep me strong.
Amen.

***The Military Wife***

The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model?"
The lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or 40 with an hour's notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and be willing to move to a new location 10 times in 17 years. And, oh, yes, she must have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head. "Six pairs of hands." The Lord continued, "Don't worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband's achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say 'I understand' when she doesn't and say 'I love you' regardless."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently, "go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow."

"I can't stop now," said the Lord. "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot, and understand why it's important that he leave."

The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed. "It looks fine, but it's too soft."

"She might look soft," replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation. "There's a leak," she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction, I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much on this model."

The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence, "What you see is not a leak." he said, "It's a tear."

"A tear? What is it there for?" asked the angel. The Lord replied, "It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear."

"You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put it there."

My thoughts and prayers are with you! My husband just returned from Afghanistan after his 18 month deployment and my daughter will be home on the 13 of May from Afghanistan as well, whew! Best advice I can give is get in touch with your family readiness group!!! We supported each other and sent care packages reglarly which kept us busy. No down time to mope.

I know how tough this is! It is terrible he had to go right back, but that is how it goes. Your poor husband, what an awful thing to have to deal with. And there is nothing wrong with missing your husband, it isn't selfish. Not all military wives that I knew were sad to see theirs go.

You need to reach out to your base support network. I think for the Army it is the Family Readiness Group (frg) and for the navy it is Family Support Center (I think). I don't know about other branches. Get together with other moms in your same situation. You need to lean on them.

My grandma told me something that helped when mine left on his first deployment. She was married to my grandpa for an Air Force career of flying bombers in 2 wars. He was rarely home, he was in both Vietnam and Korea. What she said had helped her was to always look forward to the halfway mark of the deployment. It is a closer date, and once you reach it, it is all downhill. You can go, "Okay, I already did that much and it wasn't so bad". It did help me too.

Make sure you still do your own thing, have your routine, and don't just sit around. Get out of the house every day. I wrote to my hubby every day (isn't email a wonderful thing?!) even if it was just a little note. I made him a care package every couple weeks. If you have skype, you will be even luckier and can talk to him via webchat. I slept in his tshirts every night. But mainly I stayed busy. That is the best advice I have to give you. My husband isn't in the military any more but now he works a job where he is away from home abot 75% of the time, and boredom is your enemy. My son is also about 2 1/2. We have playgroups and occasionally my mom babysits at night so I can go out with other mommies. We do outings to silly places like petsmart to look at the lizards.

It is nice to have something to tell your husband when you talk to him too. I dread our phone calls sometimes, just because I have nothing to tell him, and he doesn't either. So staying busy makes for better conversations too. One thing that is important for his sake- try to stay upbeat. The husbands who would call home and get a rundown of every little thing going wrong, or having thier wives gripe at them, quickly started to hate calling home. They can't do anything and they feel helpless. They don't WANT to leave you in a lurch all by yourself. Just keep in mind he would rather be home with you, and you are all making a sacrifice for the sake of your family. I would love it if my husband had a local office job, but that is not our life. I try to never blame him for that.

God bless your husband and you too, for the sacrifice you are making for our country. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. (((hugs)))

Someone in my family was gone on 2 or 3 tours of duty and his young wife was alone with two little ones in a new state where she didn't know people or fit in, and her father passed away, etc.
I know it is super hard.
Get as much help as you can, and if you are still overwhelmed, consider moving closer to family for support.
There are support groups for spouses of military.
Think of your child and focus on how you can make life easier for HIM, but remember to take time for yourself.
Also my husband is ex military, and he just found out about an insurance that military folks and their families can get called USAA insurance with good deals, (car, renter, etc) so you might look into that, maybe you can save money.

Please tell your husband that is very much appreciated for what he is doing, and so are you.
Do you work? If so, concentrate on that, if you don't, then it's time to start a hobby. And I, of course, have a suggestion.
Start a scrapbook for your husband. Pictures of you and your son, things you are doing while he is gone. Really get into it. Get some stamps, and stickers and really make him a nice scrapbook for when he comes home. This will help keep you occupied, give you and your son the opportunity to go out and do things to put in your scrapbook and hopefully keep you busy enough to not worry all the time.
If you are still bored, then make the grandparents scrapbooks of your son for Christmas presents! You'll be surprised how addicting it can be and fun. You could even make one for his mother, with him and his son in it and even the father if you have some pics.
Gives you the opportunity to take a bunch of pictures too.........
If you ever need to talk or just cry, let me know......I'd be more than happy to talk with you or email..........take care and you hang in there.

Deployments are never easy. It doesnt matter how many times they go or whether it's his first or 15th.
It is OK for you to grieve for your FIL and your hubby leaving. Let yourself cry. Surround yourself with a good friend whose hubby is also gone and go out to the gym or get a pedicure. It's ok to get a babysitter or put the baby in drop off daycare if you need to.
You have just been hit with two huge blows. Give yourself time.
We have three daddy dolls form Hugahero.com. THey are pillows with a picture of daddy on them and a voice recorder that he recorded each of our kids a message.
I am so sorry for your loss.

Reach out to your military family! As a military wife of 12 years and many deployments I can not tell you how important those other wives are to your sanity! We take care of each other. It will not make you miss him less, or make you less afraid for him, but you have to just go on, that is the way of the military wife.

" A Military Wife has her moments: She wants to wring his neck; Dye his uniform pink; Refuse to move; But she pulls herself together. Give her a few days, A travel brochure, A long hot bath, A pledge to the flag, A wedding picture, And she goes. She packs. She moves. She follows. It is always our duty to support our husbands, love our kids and act selfless in all we do! ♥ ♥ ♥"

Just know you are not alone.

Hi A.! I HAVE been in your shoes and it's not easy at all but you WILL get used to it but you have to be willing to cut yourself some slack and be ok with "not feeling ok" for a while....it's completely normal and it will help your 2.5 yr old learn and deal with it too. I had a pillowcase made with Daddy's face on it for my daughter on the first deployment....the day after Christmas and she had just turned 1 so really had no understanding about it at all. I would have gone nuts walloring in my own pity pot if not for the military community and other wives.....the support is there is you look but you have to be willing to reach out....which for some folks isn't always easy.

You've especially had a rough bout of it since this is his first deployment and then he came back and is gone again so quickly....it's like you started to go through the grieving process, it was suddenly aborted, and then boom! you had to start all over nursing and mending your head and heart from scratch....and it's not like all the other wives from his unit started over again with you. It's not selfish to wish you had gotten to spend more time with him while he was back, but in all honesty, it was probably better because it forced you to continue accepting and dealing with the reality of the deployment. I always found that if I could stay busy, I could stay happy....it didn't keep me from thinking of him, but I didn't obsess over it to the point of becoming depressed and unhealthy. I don't know how close you are to his family, but you have a perfect situation to be able to "be needed" and help some of the others get through their loss.....if nothing more than a few notes, emails, postcards.......special artwork from your child.....anything you can do to send a smile someone elses way....it'll help you stay out of yourself and you'll be doing something no one else can do! don't get me wrong, you'll definitely have your share of quite nights after the baby's in bed and then the meltdown will happen...but that's ok too and it will happen less and less as time goes by and with each deployment, you'll feel a little bit stronger and you'll be amazed at the independence you develop and what you will accomplish. Your most important job is to be 2 parents while he's gone and to continue to teach your child about who Daddy is and what Daddy does, and why.....not easy questions for a child that age but there needs to be a simple understanding that allows your little boy to be proud of Daddy and excited about seeing him when he comes home and not consumed with worry of any kind.....that's the military Mommy's job and it's a hard one but if you concentrate on that, reach out to the other wives, and find a way to help someone else even if it's just once in a while, the frustration, anger, and sadness will won't be able to rule your life....it's a choice you have to make for you, nobody else can make you decide to deal with things in any specific way but you and just the fact that you wrote this post shows that you're headed in the right direction! So go buy another box of tissues, but only one....because once that box is gone, you probably won't need them any more! Message me if you ever want to chat....I'm wordy when I write, so sorry! It's been 20 years since that first deployment but it and the feelings that accompanied it are something I will Never forget...you'll get through it, just remember like I said, cut yourself some slack....it truly is like a grieving process and it will take you awhile to get adjusted.....but you WILL! Take care and have a good night! M.

I don't know what you are dealing with either it must be very difficult. But thank you to your entire family for serving our country. My only suggestion would be to connect with other military moms/wives. They are the only ones who truly understand it. Most places have support systems for the families' of deployed service people. Do you know how to find them near you? It does not in any way make you seem weak it shows that you are looking for the support that you would normally get from a spouse. Take care of yourself and your little one!

Your husband is doing a noble and honorable job and he is very brave!
You be brave! You can do it!

Take pride and comfort in the fact that your husband has seen fit to be of service to all of us (myself included )and this beautiful country of ours!

I am grateful.