Feeling Very Alone...

When you file for suport from the father - please remember that he will have rights to the child. By law he will get the child everyother Thanksgiving and Christmas and be able to have the child on weekends. My advice is to look close at the laws pertaining to his rights before filing for the extra cash.

Hugs to you!

Is there someone that can help you with the paperwork? Maybe fill it out for while you are sitting right next to them? Your son deserves this money. Do not feel guilty about asking for it! Of course it would be nice if his father came around and wanted to be a part of his like. That is the part that hurts so much. The Dad is not living up to your expectations. That is a hard thing to come to grips with.

File the papers, have someone do it for you, if you need it. Hug and love that baby all you can!

Is there a mom's group at your church you can join? Anything around town? It can be very lonely being a mom dealing with hormones, crying babies and feeling no one knows what you are going through. It is especially difficult if you are actually alone. Please try to find a group to join to get some emotional support.

Good luck to you!

You are a very brave women. Your emotions are going to be everywhere because of the hormones. I cried randomly after I had my son for about 6 weeks. Just remember you need to do it for your son. Do you have a friend that could help you with the paper work?

I haven't been in your shoes, A., but I feel for you. Being a Mom is one of the hardest, most rewarding jobs in the world, and having to do it alone makes it that much more difficult. Your hormones are raging right now due to the childbirth, so you would be extremely emotional under the best of circumstances. What you're feeling is completely normal. You just want to make sure that you don't get overwhelmed, so do you have any other help (besides the father)?

The bottom line with the child support issue is this....your baby is going to need it. As hard as this is for you to process right now, if you feel like you've made every effort with the father and he is not responding, then do yourself a favor and file the paperwork. Once you get past the initial hearings and stuff, support will be mandated and deducted from his pay and sent to you directly (at least I am pretty sure that's how it works). That way, if he CHOOSES not to see the baby, then you have done all you can do, but you still get the financial support you need to raise this child. If he does decide to be a part of the baby's life, then you will have to let him have visitation. I will be praying for you. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but please have someone help you with the paperwork if you can't bring yourself to do it. I hope this baby's father realizes very soon the joy he is missing out on by not being a part of his child's life.

Hi A.,
You've gotten excellent advice and I don't have anything to add, I just wanted to send you and your baby lots of hugggssss.

I filed through the Attorney General and was really nervous at first. We were originally going to work it out as well. That doesn't ever turn out. There were rough times after I filed but we still get along today and having the extra money does help especially now that my son is in sports and school activities. Hang in there. I'm now married to a wonderful man who is a great father to my son and we now have son number 2. You need to now think about you and your son. The father may or may not be apart of his life so you need to concentrate on you and your son. Either way you will be a great parent. I've been there so I can say for sure it will turn out. I even bought a house and was able to send my son to private prek and private school.

The nice thing about child support is that it's court ordered and you aren't having to ask the father for it. If he stops paying then the AGs office goes after him you don't. Good Luck and hang in there.

Oh, I am so sorry. I am first going to say that I have never been in your position, and I am not even going to try to pretend I know how hard you have it now. But, in reading this, and getting a negative feeling about this man, I would, if possible financially, cut him out completely. I would not want a person like that in my baby's life, and it seems like demanding child support causes resentment in some cases, and puts the child in a bad place. I am just speaking from situations I have been told of, and only reccomending this if it is possible for you to do this on your own. If not, I would suggest you file, and get the help you need. I am so sorry for your situation, but commend you on taking charge and caring for the one amazing thing that came from this situation. Congrats on your baby boy!

You have some great advice down there, So I am not gonna repeat. If you need help you are more than welcome to email anytime, ____@____.com
Congrats on your baby boy!! I have 17month old son and he is my world keeps me going every single day, and I am one angry person but I have huge heart.
You should interact w/ other moms it's helpful.

You need to do it and it should be soon. Chances are that he will have to pay retroactivly and giving him early notification is a nice thing to do. It is for your son and he deserves this. Its a bandade. tear it off.

Hey Girl,
I don't know that words will make it all better but you must rely on faith and ALL will be taken care of. God is VERY BIG!! You seem like a smart woman with the very best of intentions for your little one. About the job, money scenario... I am a mom as well of a little 9 month old and I started working from home because of my desire to watch her grow and to provide for her and to be a better mother to her. If you are considering working would working from home be an option? You would not have to spend money on daycare, you wold be able to work around her daily routine and you would be able to make a significant income. I wouldn't share this If I wasn't living it myself. Please know that I would be honored to be able to share the info with you and then this will offer you an option as you are seeking employment.
Please send me a message so we can talk and I would love to pray for you(if you are comfortable with it).
Check out my work website and let me know what you think.
www.workathomeunited.com/4lifedreams
I hope to get to know you better and hopefully build a friendship. My prayers are with you and your little one.
remember... have faith believe you will be allright!
Pelucha

What emotion does it take to make the Father of your child live up to his financial responsiblities? He is obviously NOT the person he made himself out to be. We all choose the wrong man at one time in our lives...Let this one go and build a life for yourself and your son. Teach him what it means to be a good man. My boyfriend comes from a single Mom home and he is wonderful. You can do this...Fill out the papers. If the man does not want to share your child's life, then that is probably for the best. You do your job and let God worry about the rest. Good luck to you!

You are in a very difficult situation, but as I've told other people with new babies.....YOU are the ONLY PERSON this baby has to fight for them and make sure they are taken care of. YOU! No one else - not even the absent father.

Whatever feelings you have for the father is unimportant at this point. You have to / must do what is going to be best for the overall well being of your new baby and you - you have to be able to take care of this little one.

If the father doesn't want to be involved - so be it. File the paperwork, start child support and make sure you and your son are encircled by a loving and supportive network of family and friends.

Best wishes to you and your son.

A.,
I was 22 years old when I had my first child, (a boy also) and, even though I was married to his dad, he stopped talking to me for weveral weeks after I had the baby. Things were never the same and we eventually divorced.
I think, in your case, you need to wait until you can handle it emotionally. You have a lot of things working for you on a huge emotional scale right now...ie...hormones, first time mom, exhaustion, fear, complete change of life and the loss of someone obviously very important to you. This will take come time to heal. Don't be so h*** o* yourself. If you need to do this right away for the money, then i would suggest getting someone supportive to help you walk through this. Don't go alone - you need a "crutch" right now and that's ok. If you have no one, then you should join a support group in a church and ask them to come with you.
I wish only the best for you and your little boy - and I hope God changes your man's heart and leads him in the right direction.
Deborah

I'm so sorry you're having to do this alone. It is unfortunate that you have to get the courts involved... But if that's what you have to do to get dad to be responsible, then that's what you have to do. Maybe you could treat yourself with something nice once you finish the application to give you something to look forward to. Being a mom is hard work and I can't even imagine having to do it alone. Thank our sweet Lord you have your little one safe and sound. They are such amazing creatures, aren't they?

A.
You are much stronger than you think you can be. I want to reiterate what one of the other moms posted ~ while the father is most definitely responsible for financially supporting your little one, be sure you know the ramifications of going thru' the courts. He will legally get visitation ~ is this something you are comfortable with? Will your child be in harms way alone with the father should the situation arise (even in the years to come?) As difficult as it can be financially on your own, sometimes it is not worth the money to sacrifice a child. I only say this because my husband has a 10 yr old from a previous marriage and his ex is very unstable, everyone (including her family) thinks the child should not be spending any time her, however, legally there is nothing we can do unless the child is SEVERELY put in harms way. I hope this is not the case for you and I do think you are entitled to financial support ~ just be sure it's the right thing for you and your little one. Going to court can be really stressful. I send you much love and support.

A.,
I just read this and feel very bad for you, you are definitely in a difficult situation. The bright light is you have a wonderful baby to love and take care of and though it may be difficult you will make it thru this, loving moms always do! It's understandable that you get emotional when you try to fill out the paperwork, after all this is not what you planned (I can imagine). However, with all of that you do have a responsibility to yourself and your son and if the father does not want to see it, that is just too bad, the courts will do it for you. My guess is he will probably regret his actions later, but when you go next time to fill out the paperwork, instead of thinking of all the sad/unfortunate things, think about looking into your little boys eyes and how much he would appreciate how strong you are being for both of you. That will be a life lesson for him well into the future, and you will both be better off for it. I certainly wish you the best!

HI A.

I read all your responses and I can tell you that I HAVE been through what you are going through not once but twice. I will start with my son who is almost 7years old. Me and his dad were married but towards the end of my pregnancy we were not getting along at all, so my son was only 3 weeks old when his dad decided to leave. His dad did want to be involved with his son but only during the week while I was at work. So when I got home and on the weekends it was just me and my son. Emotionally yes I cried everyday and just was so in disbelief that I was going to raise my son alone. With just giving birth it is very natural to have the baby blues and to add my son was colic for 3 months so whenever he cried and I could not console him I cried. But you know your baby feels the same emotion you do they can feel your depression your hurt your solitude. So all I can tell you is that you are better off without your baby's father because if he is so uninterested in his child your baby would feel that and feel very uncomfortable with his father. Also I truely feel that no one can take care of your baby better than the mommy. MOst women are just natural with their love and emotion and men arent. Especially a man that is not interested in their child. So go get the help you need because it is for your baby for your baby's benefit, it is a huge help. And going to the attorney generals office is the best way to go. They are helpful although very very slow so I would go now because it may take 6 months or so get everything done. I am also a paralegal so I know the ropes of family law.

My daughter who is now 14 months old, he dad decided to leave us when she was 2 months old. Again the feeling of total depression when he left like why why why is this happening. But again you just pick yourself up and do what is best for your baby because no one else is responsible for that little beating heart but you. Me and my daughters father tried to get back together he pledged his love for me and his daughter then out of the blue 2 days ago he decides again to desert us and up and leave without warning. We were living together again and he just never came home. So I know exactly how you feel. You need to lean on friends and family as much as you can. Don't be alone because the minute you are all those emotions and depressing feelings flood you and you lose it. Be around everyone that loves you and you will eventually be ok. trust me you will. I know right now you are feeling very alone as your topic states but hang in there you will make it. I am sooo proud of myself for raising my son to be the sweetest loving kind little boy that he is because he never had to wake up with his mom and dad argueing or being angry he had all the love in the world from me and all my love and affection and now with his little sister he shows the same love and affection I showed him to her.

Good luck if you would like to talk or need help understanding how you are feeling or need help with the legal aspects of it all please email me at ____@____.com

Please know you are loved by your family and friends and they will help you through anything life throws at you. Big hug from me to you.

C.

The first thing that you need to do is for your self. See your Dr. let him know what is going on. Hopefully he will give you med's that will help with the depression. That sometimes comes with having a baby. Then with a good friend at your side DO THE PAPER WORK. This is not for you but for him. He is number one now for you to take care of with or with out the father. Who is not much of a father at this point. If you also know his parents or family tell them after the fact what has been done and why, NOT BEFORE. Good luck, you are not alone there are many that also have this happening to them. You are loved.

You need to establish child support payments with Harris County, ASAP! Otherwise, you have no leverage over your baby's father. Once he is in the system, however, he is obliged to pay the court and they in turn pay you. If he neglects his child support, they will go after him if you need them too. They know when he hasn't paid.

My husband and I didn't do this when we divorced, and I was lucky to see child support--and it was never for the full amount. He would just send me what he felt like.

I'm sorry for your troubles. But you need to get Harris County involved.

Good luck!

I am going through that right now. I kept on putting it off (filing for child support) for the same reasons. Emotions got in the way but then there were so many broken promises. I couldn't take it anymore. Putting it off is not only hurting you, it's hurting your son. It took me till my son was 9 months old to file child support. The guy pays child support but he never visits. That is tough on me. I'm not single so I really don't know how it is to be a single mother. The point I'm trying to make here is, it's gonna get even harder if you don't.

You mean that you put off filing the paperwork because you know, once you do go through with it, it will be the end of any what-if 'daddy loves him' reconciliations... Because you feel angry and disappointed and as long as you don't file, it leaves the door open for him to man up?

Your sleep-deprived. You have a flood of hormones that put you on an emotional roller coster. You're feeling resentful and abandoned. All of it is clouding your judgement. You just need to tune out the emotional static and get it filed. It will provide resolution and mental clarity. Do it! Tomorrow. You and the baby need resolution.

Hi A.
This is a hard time for you- both physically and emotionally. Giving birth is an emotional experience as well as physical....But, you need to do this- for many reasons- "your best friend" needs to be responsible and you are protecting your child by seeing that he has support......leaving it to the father to do the right thing might seem ok to you at the time but he has a responsibility for the next 18 years to provide for this child.
There are other things involved- he will have to provide medical insurance, dental and possibly pay for the day care........these are things that you really need to consider and if in the future you two can work things out then great- but in the mean time- protect the future of your child.
good luck and blessings

Congratulations on your newborn. What a joy! I have a 6 week old boy myself and I do have help but still it can be pretty overwhelming. I am dreading going back to work and I can only imagine how you feel now with the dad a no-show. However, my advice to you is to lean on your family and friends network, ask for help and don't turn any offer of help down. True dignity and strength lies in asking for help when needed. Join a mom's group, maybe a birthday group online and find some offline maybe through your spiritual outreach.
Goodluck, I wish you the very best.

I have not gone threw this. My husband (who lives with us) had very little to do with our son till he was almost a year old. He just wasnt comfortable around him. The bigger he gets the more he interacts with him. As far as filling some one put it to me this way " if you dont stand up for your son, who will" basically its up to me to get the things my son needs because he cannot fight for himself. The money will really come in handy for developmental toys, and up keep of your home. Be strong for him, try to only think of your son when filling. Those women at the fillling office have seen many tears. You have my support what ever its worth. I truly hope you can work this out with the father.

A.,

I'm sure you thought your bf would come around and that you would be a happy family together, but it looks like that is not going to happen. Have you considered adoption? I don't mean to sound harsh, but if the baby is truly your whole world then perhaps you can see that a stable family life is the most loving thing you could give him. Just please consider why you are feeling confused and weigh all your options and your child's options. Open adoptions allow you to still be a part of his life if you choose. Good luck and God bless.