Family Issue/Pregnancy

My first thought is:- Every family has one... we do too, the trouble is that with the assistance of your parents your sister has got away with her La La Land scheme for quite some decades now and they are not going to overnight change their views on this.

In my experience nothing will change this situation unless your sister decides to change it herself. I can only advise you to keep be grateful that you became an adult at some point in time AND to remind yourself daily that you will not let her continue this dependancy trip, if and when you have to start making the decisions.

Good luck to you x

Something I learned a long time ago is that people will only take advantage of you for as long as you let them. Granted this is a tough situation and your sister shouldn't be so consumed with her life as to live so thoughtlessly at the expense of others. However, your parents are allowing it and have allowed it for some time (or she wouldn't feel so comfortable with it). Have you ever tried having a conversation with your sister about how thius makes you feel toward her? If she sees her actions are affecting you, maybe she can peice together that they're affecting your parents as well. I know someone very similar to who you've described your sister to be, and unfortunately, there is no easy way to deal with them...mostly because they don't make it easy for those who love them. I like the idea presented by Ben R. regarding a family council. There are some serious decisions that need to be made, and since she is unwilling to be responsible for herself, let alone her baby, then those who ARE responsible for the well being of this child should get a say. Best of luck to you in this.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with WIC or medicaid for children because food and health care can get extremely expensive (and sometimes really out of reach), but in a way you're right. If your sister is almost 30, she should not be living with your parents (especially if she has a job already) and she is educated (you said she was a ultrasound tech?) so I don't see how it would be impossible for her not to live on her own. I got pregnant right before I dropped out of beauty school (for other health reasons) and my husband is still in college, yet we fight and make it. No one can really judge here because we don't know the whole situation, but from what you've said it doesn't seem fair to your family. It must be difficult raising a baby all on your own, but it's not fair if she sees your parents as live-in nannies. Unfortunately it seems like your family is kind of stuck, but I think if you all sit down and talk about it (without getting defensive) you should be able to work out a plan. Good luck!

As others have noted, this is your parents battle (if they choose it to be one) and not yours. I know it is hard to watch our loved ones be taken advantage of, but your parents have to take control of the situation or set rules. I think all you can do is let them know that you will support them in whatever they choose and that they should not feel obligated, but other than that, they need to handle it on their own.
C.

Nothing will change until your mother tells your sister what needs to happen. Unfortunately, you are not part of the equation in this situation so you really are not part of the solution except for support to your mother. Your sister is being allowed to be in this situation and she will continue to be this way until she isn't allowed to be that way anymore. Your mom will need to place expectations and give her a timeline on how long she can stay. She also needs to lay out her financial situation to your sister so that she understands she cannot rely on your mom financially. Since your sister is in 'la, la land' I am sure she doesn't understand the reality of your mom's finances or the burden she is placing on her.

Some kids, no the matter the age, will do what they are allowed to do...

A., you are right...there is no easy answer. I can tell you are really hurting watching this happen. However there are 4 people involved in this and three are adults. I feel bad for your parents too, but they knew what they got into and now have to deal with the consequences. Throwing out your sister would also mean throwing the infant out too, I don't feel that is an option myself as both mother and child appears important to you and your parents, but this pseudo parent/grandparent thing isn't going to work either. If mom refuses to take care of the child, I would look at adoption (possibly by a family member or even the grandparents to put them officially in charge). If that is too drastic for you try having a family council with your parents to try and come up with a solution. You can't make someone get married or change their mind, but approaching her lovingly as a family might help change it on her own.

A.--Rachael is RIGHT, every family has one, some have two or three, but it has to stop some place and it might as well be now for you and your family.

Talk to your parents and suggest a family intervention. There will be a third party moderator and you all will be able to tell your sister how you feel. Your mom and dad are the people who must give you sister a reality check and lay down some serious guidelines. She is an adult and got herself into her present position. Unfortunately there is an innocent child involved and that’s what tugs at your mom’s heart strings. You parents have the right to “enjoy” their grandchildren without having to raise them.

Here are some suggestions:

She will be allowed to remain in her parents’ home on a "temporary" basis while she finds her own place. However she must pay rent, contribute to the household expenses and chores. Even a minmal amount will show her that your parents mean business.

Find a studio or one bedroom apartment (If she can’t afford all of her expenses and intends to sign up for public services she can apply for a housing allowance), instead of being a drain on your parents.

She will keep her job and return to work when maternity leave is over

Start looking for daycare for infants now

Keep us posted!

Blessings.......