Family and Parenting. My Son's a Tween. Help.

I do understand your worrying but be careful to not cause the dreaded things to happen by focusing on them instead of on all the good and happy parts of being a teen.

One thing I learned after raising a teen girl is that most things that happen were not as serious as I thought they were at the time.

And if your son is a good kid now he'll still be a good kid as a teenager. He'll try out different behaviours and test you all over again. That's normal. I've seen parent's push their teenager into bad behaviour by being overly concerned and reacting to small stuff in a big way. What is most important is to continue having a trusting and loving relationship with your son in spite of his mood swings and sometimes bad behaviour. Just as he had to learn how to separate somewhat from you at 2 he now has to learn how to make an even greater separation.

I had only a girl and so I can't answer your questions about body changes. But my daughter is also bi-polar and that does make the teen years more complicated. It's important to stay on top of the medication needs so that the doctor can alter the dosage or even change the medication. And it's important for your son to know about the meds he's taking, how they work, and what will happen if he stops taking them regularly or mixes them with non-prescription meds and alcohol. I think now a days it's common for even the good kids to experiment with drugs. I'm not saying that your son will and I'm especially not saying that you should condone him doing so in any way. I am saying that he will be tempted and he is more at risk for negative results because of being bi-polar and taking meds. Education is the best answer.

I want to emphasize that if your son is a good kid now; respectful, loving, and reasonable in his response to life that will continue on into the teen years. He'll want and need to be more independant and there are ways that you can make that happen in a safe way. He needs to learn how to be independant without breaking the rules to prove that he is. The books that you've read will help you learn those ways. What they don't teach you is how to relax and let it happen. That's important too.

understand i know nothing about bipolor or ADHD. but I do know about boys, three of them.

go through the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris with your child. Also "Passion & Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot.

Dr. James Dobson @ Focus on The Family has many great sources.

boy voices changes @ 11 or 12. their breast get lumpy @ 12 or 13.

If you calmly talk with the children and give them the respect you want, they will give it to you.

never date @ 14, just be friends and remember friends can take friends to a dance and it will be a lot more fun. boyfriend and girlfriend expect to much and it is too serious for fun. Boys think then friends is just fine, for a year or two.

remind them boyfriends and girlfriends can hold hands, engaged couples can kiss, married couples can makelove.

always be open, honest and tell them God loves them more then any thing.

You mentioned that he is Bipolar and has ADHD, so I can only assume you have a system in place for concequences when lines are crossed? If so keep them up...if not get them in place! The most important thing is that a child respect your athority, and respect you as a person. If they lose that respect, that's where the problems start that you're worried about.
Now about dating...call me old fashioned, but I believe dating shouldn't start until 16 (both boys abd girls) and even then it should be in groups. They are less likely to get in trouble that way. Then at 17 single dating should be okay. I've been talking to my kids about what age they could start dating since they were 10yrs old so they know what to expect from us as parents. Of course this all depends on the childs maturity level and their ability to be responcable.
Hope this helps you some. Good Luck!

S....although my two boys are much younger than yours, we have a lot in common. I'm also a stay at home mom, I also write (few minor college publications) and I love to crochet! I'm also bipolar II. I think the biggest thing is to ensure that your son gets the medical treatment necessary to help him deal with the teen years, particularly sexuality-wise. Bipolar's can have a doozy of a time in this category. I know that with me, as a teen, my mom kept an open line of communication regarding drinking, drugs, smoking and sex. She made it clear that none of those things were "ok" with her, but that if I made a decision to do any of those anyway, that she would not punish me for calling her for a ride if me or my friends couldn't get home safely (i.e. sober) and she kept condoms in a bureau so I could at least be safe if I made the decision to have sex. I never drank, did drugs, smoked or had sex in high school. Frankly, I did all those things in college when I was out on my own for the first time after living with an over-protective mom. I don't have a lot of answers for you, but just make sure you talk to your son constantly, and let him know, whatever it is that's going on, you're willing to talk to him about it, and that you realize whatever decisions he makes are his own. Conversely, he needs to realize any mistakes he makes are his own as well. Be careful not to bail him out if he flubs up. Anyway, don't try to stress over something that "might" happen. Oh! And I think 14 is too young to start dating one on one, but not too young to go out with a group. Just let him know you need to know the scoop: where are they going, with whom, and when will they be back. If they can have a cell phone, all the better (you can get one that can only call home)...so you'll have a way to contact them and they can call you if they need to.

I have a 10 year old and I had to laugh when I read the other response, I also get the TONE and whine and rolling of the eyes. Pre- pubesent boys are hard to deal with because we are all prepared for girls to become crazy at this time but what happened to our adorable little boy? Remind him that you are the mom allot if there are boys in the neighborhood that hit thier mothers that is bad parenting not necessarily bad kids. Kids need rules and boundries to survive in the world we all had them. You sound like a great mom and he has to have respect for you if you have never allowed him to take control or overpower your authority he will know he cant but he will try. Keep his boundries in place. 14 is way to young to date it should start at 16 and then in groups for Prom dates and things like that. They should be able to date when they can drive and have a part time job to pay for it. call me old fashioned.

I have 4 sons ages 21,20,18, and 14. My 14yo was adopted at birth and Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) The Dr.'s always told us that things with his behavior would get worse when puberty hit. Well yes and no. I think alot of what he does is typical 14yo stuff, Rolling the eyes, that certain tone. But i too worry about him and his choice of friends. I set boundaries for him and I told him I would trust him 100% until he gave me a reason not to trust him, at that point we would re evaluate his Privileges. I think being a preteen is hard for them, with so many changes happening to them physically and emotionally. I feel if you set boundries and always keep the communication open hopefully they will feel they can talk to you about what they are feeling. As far as dating i agree with the others, 14 is way to young. They are not ready emotionally yet, 16 is a good age to start, Just my opinion.