Explaining Death to My 2.5 Year Old

Don't EVER tell a child the person "went away"!!! I was told this bout my mother at 2 (almost 3) yrs old. I felt I needed to be perfect for years otherwise others would "go away" too. Until I got teased on the playground in 1st grade and found out the truth. My family did the best they could (close to 50 years ago) in the circumstances but it still was wrong and caused problems. To this day, when I here those words "went away", I literally panic.

I always told my kids that the person's body was so ill and worn (I used those words as I never use them anywhere else cuz maybe I get sick or tired and dont want them to panic) that they needed to go home to God in Heaven. Period. Thats it. Then a few months later, they would ask bout the person and I'd repeat myself but they would usually ask how or something similar. I'd add a bit more info then. Each time they would ask for more I'd tell them more.

Children under 5 will accept the truth easily and wont doubt you a bit. Also allow yourself to feel what you feel and not hide it from your children. Sometimes you will cry but sometimes you may laugh and they need to know that its all ok. Each person mourns and goes thru the stages of mourning differently. Dont deny anything.

My son who is a teen, has been to more'n a dozen funerals. Some people close to him; his grandmother and grandfather included. Sometimes he cried, sometimes he told funny stories bout the person and sometimes he said and did nothing. He knows how to deal with his grief in a way that works well for him.

First of all, my condolences. The preparation for a funeral is sooooo very difficult and I understand what you are going through. It's tough :(

My son has been to about 12 services and he is 4 years old.

Our first service was my father's visitation when my son was 8 months old. I would only take my son to the wake services and not the funeral because he doesn't get it and wouldn't sit still in church. I needed time to grieve and didn't want to spend that hour of church keeping my son quiet. I also didn't want to distract others in their grieving process. But I knew that it was important for my son to be a part of the funeral in some way.

As a Christian, I find it important to teach my son about life, death, Heaven and God.

My thoughts are that usually kids fidget at church and it is more distracting than respectful.

But at a wake, people are moving around, talking and it's actually a welcoming sight to see young children there. The legacy continues. People die and children are born.

Check out this website for more ideas of what to do and how to say the "right things."
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html

Talk to your daughter and explain things simply to her. At this age, they don't need a lot of details. The other moms that have posted here have given some good advice.
Take it and God be with all of you.

D.
milwaukee wi

My Grandmother recently passed away and our daughter was 3 at the time. I read that you should never ever say "went to sleep and not waking up" for obvious reasons. The funeral home actually had a good piece on children dealing with death. it said to be honest, use the word dead, and bring in religious beliefs. We are Christian, so I told her Great Grandma went to be with God in Heaven. She still asks about GG, and we just repeat exactly the same every time. I also explained that it was a very sad time, and we would miss her alot. When I cried at the funeral, I again told her I was so sad because we weren't going to see GG anymore, but that God was taking care of her.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I know this is such a hard time for a family, no matter how old or expected it is. Blessings to you and your family. Take care of yourself, too.

I've always believed that honesty is the best thing. If you are a christian family -- you could easily tell your child that grandma's body was old and stopped working... and now her soul is in heaven with God. Simple as that. You can also tell her that you can still talk to Grandma or see her in your dreams. I've always told my kids that their Grandma (my dad) is always in their heart. Good luck.