Drama with My 4 Year Old...

I remember this stage..... Its summer so I would not battle if she wants to wear a skirt or dress, why not let her. Her hair well, I told my daughter if she is gong to make it a drama session I will get her a short hair cut. No more trouble there! I did baking and stuff with mine. You do the right things to correct her behavior. She is four and miss independent it seems...LOL. This all part of her learning and you teaching. No ever said it would be easy! hee hee. Pick your battles and enjoy her like you seem to be. Good luck!

I'm a grandma (with 4 adult children & 3 grands), and this sounds more like a 'control' issue than 'drama' to me. The more you try to appease and accommodate her, the more she will try to manipulate you. I'd suggest that you stop trying to make her 'happy' so much and start making what you say 'go'.

My deceased mother gave me a 'one liner' of parenting advice that will stand any mother (or father or other caregiver) in good stead. "Don't say anything to a child unless you mean it." This carries lots of ramifications, but it's very effective.
Think before you express an expectation.
If it doesn't matter, don't say it.
If you say it, MAKE it happen. (Don't let the child divert, coax, argue, or otherwise manipulate you or the situation).
This helps keep YOU -- as well as your child -- accountable to your own words.

I'm always analyzing (people) according to the 4 (or 5) temperaments, and I'd say you are a melancholy (who likes things done the 'proper' way) and that she is at least partly choleric (who likes things done HER way). It might help for you to read up on these temperaments and see if it helps you understand her (and everyone else) better.

Also Dr. James Dobson's book, 'The Strong Willed Child' (or other of his parenting books), and just about any book by Kevin Leman should be helpful @ http://www.drleman.com/store/.

God bless and happy parenting!

I used to take care of a boy who LOVED Superman. He wore a Superman cape for months, literally. What's the harm in wearing princess dresses? Have you seen Brad and Angie's kids? They all dress themselves in whatever they want. I think it's OK to let her wear whatever she wants at this age, but it's not OK to have tantrums about it. You admit that your punishments vary, and that may be the cause for alot of this behavior. Settle on one thing and use it consistently. She never knows what you'll do, so she's always testing. Be calm, insist on please and thank you, and punish bad behavior the same way every time. She can't learn the rules if they are different every day.

The princess thing makes me wonder if she's done the Bibbity Boppity thing at Disney...or if she just likes to dress up :) I think a little less princess time would be a good thing for her. Encourage her creativity outside of emulating a princess to be pretty. Praise her efforts outside of her appearance.
I agree with the post of following through on what you say. Too many parents take the easy way out and just do what is easy which results in children who know they don't really have to do what mom and dad say - they are going to get what they want anyway.
I don't think you have let her have too much independence - you have let her have too much control. She is 4 - her span of control should be - you have choice a or choice b which do you want?
Some of this is a phase, but how you deal with it will determine how long she stays in the phase and what is next. Good luck!

I think this might just be a phase because I am battling the same type of imaginary, independence, want my own way, bossy type behavior. What I've done that works on occasion is tell him, if he doesn't do this, he doesn't get that, sometimes I will explain why some things have to get done, and other times I will let him throw his fits. Ex: We have a fake dollar that he was imagining going to the store to use this morning. He lost it, and came screaming to find it. I suggested he used something else. I guess that was a mistake, because he insisted it had to be that "green money"..He almost drove me insane trying to find that particular one. Finally I found it and boy was I relieved. If I am cooking and he is helping, he has to use a specific bowl and spoon (which so happen to be the one I do NOT want him to use) and here he goes again, so we compromise. It's all in a 4yr old day's work :-)) I am certain this too will pass.

Boo- I thought once they turned 4, they turned into little angels again... My son is 3.5 and has grown horns over the last few months lol. He's battling me on EVERYTHING!!!! I keep hearing "4" was the magical # and I'll get my little man back again... Guess 4 wasn't the magical #.... Your not alone!

You don't want to treat her like a little adult, but don't want to baby her either. I think you'll be amazed at how well you can find the perfect balance with the help of the amazing book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

As your child develops emotionally, the wisdom in this book will make it a resource you reach for again and again. It's my current favorite with my 4.5yo grandson, also very much into dressing up (as superheroes, in his case). The techniques and ideas are mutually respectful, and they work brillliantly. Find out how to recognize her needs in a way that she will find satisfying WITHOUT giving in to over-the-top demands.