Don't Want to Be a Short Order Cook Anymore

I can totally understand how you got to this point! The short answer is...just cook one meal. He will not starve himself. At 4, he will certainly hold out longer than he would have at 2, but he won't starve. Granted, you can't expect much if you serve smoked salmon with asparagus and crabcakes, but ease him into it gradually :-). Start this new venture with a meal he loves that the whole family eats. Maybe even have 2 or 3 of "his" meals in a row. Make a comment at some point about how nice it is for the whole family to eat together. Then maybe change up the next meal - grilled chicken with broccoli -- but throw in some mac n cheese for his sake. (also, we let our 4 yr old dip things in ranch dressing or something -- works every time for broccoli). Again, you guys take some of everything, and serve him some of everything. Don't say a word to him about how much to eat or whether he eats. If he protests, you can say, "I understand you may not like it, but take what you need to make it to the next meal." I also use this like a lot: "We sure enjoy your company at dinner time, would you stay and talk with us?" Ask him about his day, his favorite movie, have him count to 30, recite the alphabet, whatever. All the while, you're cleaning your plate. Some different things could happen here. He could be disruptive or he could stay at the table peacefully. If he's disruptive, he needs to leave the table. We send ours (ages 4 and 2) to their rooms if they're disruptive at the table. The options are that we can have a peaceful meal together, or a peaceful meal without them.
He could stay at the table end enjoy your company and not touch his food again, or simply being at the table might cause him to pick at what's in front of him. Still, don't say a word about what he is or isn't eating other than "take what you need to make it to the next meal..."

I'd make a couple more meals like this and see how he does. If you really want to drive it home, you can pull out the dessert while y'all are having fun chatting with him. He will want some, of course, but you'll have to say no, but in a positive way! "I would love to give you some ice ream when you finish your dinner." If he doesn't want to finish dinner, you can say, "That's fine. Maybe you can have some after tomorrow's dinner. Would you like to stay and chat with us more while we have ice cream, or would you rather play in your room/play outside/take a bath?"

You have to stick to your guns if he doesn't eat a meal. There will be no bed time snacking, no dessert, etc. If he complains that he's hungry you can say empathetically "I undertand....I'm hungry too when I don't eat much dinner. That's ok though. I'll fix you a big breakfast in the morning." I swear my little bird-like eater will scarf down eggs, toast and bacon the next morning after skipping dinner.

It really is possible for kids to eat regular meals. Our 4 yr old can hold out longer than our 2 yr old (he might skip one meal where she might barely pick at meals for a couple days), but in the end, they will eat when they're hungry. In fact, they have eaten salmon and asparagus!!

Keeping in mind that by the time we all are 40 1/2 of our tastebuds have died. Many kids have sensitive pallets, due to certain flavors overwhelming the rest of them. So take notice of things they don't like and try to determine the correlation to flavor. The most common sensitivity is to bitter - which is prevelant in leafy greens. Most very green things have a tendancy to be the most bitter because of the higher quantity of chlyrophyll. So if you can identify any sensitivity you can minimize those flavors. Like if you make spinach (very bitter) put a sweetier sauce on it to balance the bitter.

Beyond this - they will eat when they are hungry. You just might have to hold out a few days. Good Luck to you!

LP

Hi J.,
My children are now 17 and 12. When my son was little, he had a problem with foods and textures. It was a medical deal that also had a behavioral component to it. The hardest thing for me to figure out was always the difference between unable and unwilling. A pediatrician friend once told us that if Cameron got hungry enough he would eat wallpaper paste laced with picante sauce. I have never forgotten that bit of advice. He also told us to make the meal, give him a chance to eat,and then take it away at the end of the meal. If he ate, great. If not, there is always the next meal. Eventually he will eat what's put in front of him cause he's about to eat that wallpaper paste! It may take a few days of struggle. Also, no snacking and making up for the missed meal. That only teaches him that he is the boss. You cannot make him eat, but you can make it so that eventually he will figure out that dinner is what it is. He will then learn to try different foods and be part of the whole of the experience. Hope this is helpful,
M.

I used to be in the same boat, and sometimes I still am. I cook 1 meal only, but I vary it. 1 night I cook something that my hubby & I like & the next night, I cook something that the kiddos like. Then, if you don't like it, that's too bad because that's what mom cooked. If they don't eat any of it, it gets covered up & put in the fridge, because eventually they're hungry & that's what they get. I don't have to do that as much anymore, because when they saw mom meant business they knew they had no other choice.

My 2 girls can be picky eaters most of the time. We try to include things that they like during the weeks for dinners. But we have a rule, they eat what we eat. And if they dont like it, they still have to try it. Like the other poster said, if they don't eat, fine, it gets covered and put in fridge until they're hungry. We also don't let them have any sweet snacks or treats until they can eat their meals...

My mom did the same thing. She still has a sign on her wall that says you have to options for dinner: Take it or leave it! lol ;) She really struggled with my sister but if or when my sister was hungry enough she would eventually eat. She always just made sure that we liked at least one of the things on our plate whether it was the veggie or the main corse. I like what the other poster said about alternating nights with your kids choices and y'alls choices. I find my daughter will also try things more or even eat more if I find ways for her to help me with dinner. Good luck!

I definitely agree with Maggie on this one, you just have to do it. You really have to not make a big deal and they will eventually come around. My two older boys are not picky at all, but they did try me a couple of times and I stuck to my guns even though it was hard putting them to bed hungry because that is the way we are geared is to make sure they are full and clean when they go to bed. But I will tell you if you stay consistent it will work!!