Picky Toddler and Advice on Eating and the "This Is What We're Having" Concept

If my son (who is 3) says he doesn't want to eat what's for dinner, he has the option of PB&J...so sometimes I will make him that (even if he had one for lunch...always on whole wheat bread, so healthy) and he will sometimes eat BOTH (sandwich and dinner). The other thing I will do is pack up his dinner for leftovers to eat at daycare....and he will eat ANYTHING I send there, so no food is wasted.

I would just try different foods with him and see what he likes and dont let him pick and choose or it will get harder the older he gets. But just tell him well mommy likes it so let's try it i do that with my kids and anything mommy likes well they think ok then i will like it to. Best of luck!

Well I guess I’m in the minority =-) My kids are older now but at only 2.5 I picked my battles with food. I guess I just didn’t stress about it. If your son is eating fruit and dairy he’s obviously getting healthy stuff. Is there a way for you to hide some veggies in his mac & cheese? Cut it up in small pieces?

Now that my kids are older they are not picky at all. In fact they will eat anything I put in front of them. Maybe it’s because I never made food an issue so they slowly but surely started trying new things. Especially since my husband and I would make a bunch of “yummy” sounds when eating our food!

Also having them help me prepare the food made them want to try it.

Do what works best for YOU and your family!

I'm a "this is what we're having" and that's it, Mom, I guess.

It's never even occured to me to make him something different (he'll be 3 in April).

He hasn't eaten dinner the last 2 nights. It doesn't have ANYTHING to do with whether or not he actually likes the food. How would it know, he doesn't try it. It's strictly a power thing. If I made him something different, he'd win!!

That said, applesauce, fruit cups and cheese are always available. So if he truly wants to eat, but doesn't like what we're having, that's available.

Once a week or so I do try to cater more to him. I'll plan a meal of grilled cheese and tomato soup or mac-n-cheese or even chicken nuggest or hamburgers. But slightly fancied up for a real dinner, you know.

For instance, I'm about to go make pancakes for dinner right now. Pancakes are hit or miss, but this kid has never passed up a sausage, lol.

Oh, and my son, I've noticed, usually takes in the majority of his calories earlier in the day. He often eats seconds of breakfast and (healthy) snacks. Another reason I don't worry much about dinner.

I've typed this so many times, I'll just give you the highlights... I wish there was an effective way to index on this site.

Here's what we do (and it works!)

1. Plan your dinner with 2 nutritious options that you know your child 'regularly' likes, and let them eat as much of it as they want. Having two familiar things to eat on the plate makes it more welcoming. I say 'regularly' because sometimes kids get on a snit about something or another, just to test, so then--

2. Ignore negative comments. Some parents get really upset and tell the child not to say anything negative about the food. Child thinks: "Bingo! I'm getting some attention for this. Let me dig my heels in some more." We discovered with my son that turning a deaf ear to "I don't like carrots" (yeah, you did yesterday, buddy!) results in his getting no attention for it. Then, he'll usually just eat it, or not. We don't care. But he usually will eat it if he's hungry.

3. The No-Bite Rule. I trust that my son will develop a more cultivated palate in time. While I will not be reduced to feeding him yogurt at every meal, I just serve a meal of a few healthy options and then, I don't worry about it. But I never, ever force him to eat something he doesn't want to. He's getting to experience eating as a no-pressure affair, and so he's more likely to try new things-- when he's ready. He might need to see/smell it a gajillion times before he's interested, but forcing a child to eat something significantly contributes to power struggles and food aversions.

4. Offer choices from the plate, not the cupboard. I save asking for input for my son's snacks, otherwise, I'm the one making the choices. When the choice is already on the plate, you don't do that dance of "WHAT? You said you wanted mac-n-cheese, and now you won't eat it?" This will save your son from having a bald mother who has ripped her hair out in frustration, because this is one of the most trying and troublesome power plays kids will try on us! Argggh!

5. Once you've presented the meal, that's it. You've put their two (or more) friendly choices on the plate next to whatever else you are having, and now, just sit down and enjoy your meal. Do not try to convince your child that "mmmm.... scalloped potatoes are so good. You'd love them if you..." Oh, no, kids know an act when they see one. I had to glare at my husband a lot of times before he stopped this annoying habit of pouring it on thick. Unless you believe your child to be really, really dumb, I would avoid this at all costs.

At some point, we adults have to be in charge. Unless there's an occupational therapist involved for a textural aversion/sensitivity, there's no reason to become a short order cook for your child. Would you constantly cook a separate to-order meal for a nine year old?

I also believe that there are a few exceptions to the rule. Last night I made pasta with red sauce, and my son isn't fond of non-ketchup tomato anything, so I just left the sauce off. We don't need to deliberately make it difficult. And there are some foods he's just not going to appreciate, which I love, like scrambled eggs with tons of stuff in them, or some exotic foods, so again, I'm not going to press the issue. But my son does love a huge variety of foods, many of which grown adults have issues with, and he's 3.5 years old. And I think it helps not to have to many food distractions (readily available junk food, esp.) around either. Good luck!

H.

My saying is: you get what you get and you don't throw a fit! (it works in all sorts of situations!) Seriously I think your SIL in on the right track. A child WILL NOT starve themselves when food is readily available. I know a lot of families for whom dinnertime is a struggle and in no way a time to enjoy the family and discuss/reflect upon the day...the choice is yours as to what kind of dinners you want in your home. If you do not allow food to become a power struggle, it won't

I think it's great that you're working on expanding your son's food horizons, and congratulations on losing weight through (I presume) healthy dietary changes.
I have never read a documented case of a child allowing themselves to starve to death when there is food available. We are a "this is what we're having" family and although there have been isolated incidents of pitched battles over what the kids will eat or not eat, overall it is not an issue. I think the less you talk about it the better, that just fuels the drama and allows your son to think this is a power struggle. But guess what? It is not--you are the parent, you can provide healthy nourishing meals. Of course you can't force feed him, but is he going to waste away into nothing overnight? If he refuses what you are making for the family dinner, don't get in an argument over it--just pack it up and re-serve it the next day. If he asks you to make something else, just say "We are having _____ for dinner tonight. You may eat it if you're hungry." Yes, he will likely throw a fit at first. Change is hard and you will be changing the pattern of how you do dinner. Just stand strong and don't get emotional. Good luck!

Are you going to become a short order cook? Because that is what you are doing by preparing him separate meals. Not everyone he visits is going to do this.

So the best thing is to introduce him to all kinds of foods and if he doesn't eat he doesn't eat. He will learn that if he is hungry and wants to eat he will eat what is put in front of him. In the days of old parents didn't have a luxury of putting fancy extra meals in front of kids they had to eat what was there.

Times are tough and money is tight and food can't be wasted.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

We are a 'this is what we are having for dinner' family and I do make Thai noodles and curries.I strongly think we do kids a disservice by providing them with 'kid friendly' foods. They tend to be palatable (loaded with fats and salt) and generally bear a strong resemblance to what's on the standard fast food menu. If I were three and used to eating fast food, you would be hard pressed to get me to switch without a struggle.

We try to only present healthy foods (except at Grandmas :() so it doesn't really matter to me if tonight he eats the broccoli and brown rice but not the roast chicken and tomorrow he eats the salmon, squash but not the asparagus. His choice and he has never seemed in danger of starvation. We don't fight about what he has and we try not to use food as a reward or punishment - it is simply food. We don't keep chicken nuggets, pizza, hot dogs, etc in the house and never order off the children's menu when we are out, so he has never even considered holding out for one of these things. That said, he of course has particular dislikes (we all do) and we do respect those.

I have always been the you eat what I cook moms- you dont like onions pick them out but eat it- except on your birthday or if you are sick then exceptions are made. My niece however was one of those picky eater kids my MIL and SIL seriously would pick the chicken out of chicken noodle soup for her, accept at my house she never even asked never said a thing she ate what I gave her. what I am trying long story to say is if you give them a choice they will take it. Tell your son there are going to be changes warn him first dont just dump it on him you eat what I make or dont eat then stick to it

My mother did this for us:

Ask us what we like and don't and makes meal/recipe plans with us (there were 3 of us) and then whatever was for dinner, that was it. If we were hungry, it's our own faults! We would usually go and eat later, we always eventually ate it.

Why not try having family pizza night, make your own? Use pita's as the base, shred cheese, cut ham in small pieces, etc.

You can also make your own nuggets on a weekend or something. Try this website: www.annabelkarmel.com she has some amazing ideas for kids meals AND for family meals! I get inspiration from her!

I agree with the other responses you've gotten thus far. We are a "this is what we're having" family also. Of course I don't make hot Thai noodles or curries for the kids lol. But I do make a variety, and as one of the other moms stated, I always have a couple of things on the table that I know are healthy and that they will eat.

My experience in watching our friends struggle with this is that 1. the kids know you are worried about them eating, and 2. it gives them a feeling of control. The truth is that in order to eat well one must eat a variety (including of course treats and stuff that they like)...I don't think our kids are ever to young to start learning this basic concept...

your SIL is right. and your kid won't starve if he misses a few meals. in fact, after missing a few because he refuses to eat it, he will be HAPPY to eat whatever it is because he knows that's all there is. I did this with my kids, they eat what's served or not, and if not, no snack, no nothing til the next meal, and so on...but the key is to stick to it! my kids are great eaters now, they don't eat all veggies but are huge salad eaters and will eat usually 2 bowls at least. so good luck!

You son will continue to refuse new foods if he knows you will cave in and make him what he wants. My son is like yours, he likes dairy and fruit, but other items are a struggle. At dinner I make one meal for everyone. In addition to what we are all eating, I make one other side dish for boys I know they will eat, like apple slices with peanut butter or yogurt, so I know they will get something in their tummies. Our rule is you must try everything on your plate, and you must eat a decent amount of the mail dish. It was a fight every night for months, but now he is finally eating without complaint.

Hi, I just read an article about picky eaters, and it has some good ideas. If you're interested in reading it, here's the link http://www.circleofmoms.com/flat/What-to-Do-If-Your-Toddl...

My 3 kids (16,13 and 8) are expected to eat what I make. I do try to make things we all like and have a variety. I don't make them eat, but they can't have anything else, including a sandwich until they have eaten at least some. I really have found though, the less fuss I make, they will eat. I also have found that as they get older, they are eating a greater variety of food and really enjoying "adult" food! My older 2 love lasgna, most chinese type stuff, salads, scallop potatoes etc etc, that 3-4 years before they wouldn't touch and thought was just nasty. Kids won't starve themselves, try to serve healthy snacks and truly keep in mind what a serving size really is for a toddler, it is actually quite small. If you are really concerned, make sure he gets a GOOD multivitamin.

S.
www.LiveYourDreamsAtHome.com

At this age, picky eating is actually more the norm than the exception. If your kid is a fatty and really could use some dietary help then sure, go with the "This is what we are having!" - tough. But if your kids is slender and eats a good variety of healthy food, what is the big deal? If you have lots of kids it is not really possible to make each one a seperate meal. My husband and I eat different food than one another...how can I expect my son to conform all the time? I think you need to go with what you feel good with. Don't feel like you SIL is a better parent because often, these hardcore parents like to act superior. Not always of course. :)

I have always done the this is what we are having...I don't force them to eat food they don't like, they don't have to finish every last bite, I don't hold dessert hostage BUT I make an effort to have at least one veggie at every meal that I know they like, I give small servings, and I am trying to teach to eat good dinner food until you are full and then we can have a small dessert...

I also make sure they don't eat for 2-3 hours before dinner so they are hungry! I think some of some kid's pickiness comes from constantly eating or snacking and just genuinally not being hungry at meal times when we tend to pack in the nutrious foods like veggies.

My kids have their favorite foods that they eat for snack pretty consistently from day to day (yogurt, dried fruit, bananas) but sometimes a day or two before payday (read grocery trip) we run out of their favorite staple item...and they have to make do with something else...what does he eat if you happen to be out of mac and cheese or chicken nuggets?

Also if he eats fruits, dairy and some veggies make sure to get those in earlier in the day so if he picks over and turns his nose up at your dinner then you know he isn't completely lacking in nutrition...he will eat when he gets hungry...and it doesn't have to be a battle..a calm repetition of "this is dinner, when you are hungry you are welcome at the table" will go a long way...why feel bad about offering him good food? It is his choice to eat and you can't make him eat or stop him from eating, but you can set the boundaries which are, "This is what we are having for dinner"

Kids do not eat when they get hungry, they get sick. Adapt your menu to include the foods they eat. You can always add a salad or some other healthier thing for a side dish but them eating is important.

Chicken nuggets are not all that bad if cooked right. They contain white meat, it's lean chicken, they have breading, it contains grain and if you add green beans or some other veggie that isn't corn you have a pretty balanced meal.

Spaghetti has grain pasta, tomato is a veggie, the additions to the sauce can be hidden veggies if you get the books on how to add veggies to meals and then add garlic bread another grain and then green beans it's a very healthy meal.

We eat lots of Walmart brand mini-raviolis and spaghetti-O's. They have added so many nutrients that I can't even begin to compete.