Disabled People and My 3 Year Old

It sounds like you're doing a great job. And don't worry about people getting offended - kids are curious and have no tone or volume moderation and she will eventually learn how to handle such questions more appropriately. In the meantime, I'm sure if it's a new situation it may sadden the occasional disabled person (or if they're bitter they might tell her bugger off), but on the whole, once most kids understand what it's about, they are no longer scared or curious. Most handicapped people I know would rather someone come up and ask point blank than stare, point, and whisper. Why not try that sometime in a safe setting like church? Walk with her to someone in a wheelchair and explain that your child is interested in why and how it affects their life. You never know - she may end up going for a ride and wanting one for herself....my son did. :)

I agree with Whitney. I work with people who have physical and mental disabilities and they would much rather have someone ask them than just stare or be scared of them. I think you are doing a great job!

I have a four year old that started doing that around that age. She would say things about people of different races and also say things about homosexuals who dress or act like the other gender. She'd say "is that a girl or a boy?", and of course it would be right in front of them. Now, I will say that each circumstance only happened a few times. I finally sat her down and explained to her that it's great to have questions, but that if her question is about someone in particular, the best thing to do would be to wait until we leave before she asks me because sometimes their feelings may get hurt. She's really done well and doesn't do it anymore. I would say it took 3 times or so before I put it in those words because before then I was saying "Aryana, that wasn't very nice" but I realized that in her eyes she was only asking a question, so in order for her to understand the difference in an appropriate/inappropriate scenario, I had to put it in a clear explanation.

I completely agree with Annie and Whitney. My daughter walked up to a little girl in a purple wheelchair after our talks, and told her she had a pretty wheelchair, and she liked her barrette. When we got back to the car I hugged until she complained and told her I was very proud of her and THAT was the way to handle a situation. They are people. They know they're different. So many people treat them as invisible, and that's not the right answer either.
You're doing fine!

It sounds to me like you are doing a good job, and I have used some of those answers myself occasionally. Continue what you are doing, and just keep reminding her that it's not polite to stare at ANYONE as it is, and if they are different, that's just another one of God's way of showing how special people can be. I am the mother of a "special" little boy who looks "normal" but has severe speech problems. I have only had to explain to his playmates a couple of times that he has difficulty talking and that it's not nice to make fun of him.........and his playmates no longer care that he can't talk "right." (They, and his older brother are actually very protective of him and inform any newcomers who try to make fun of his speech very quickly that THAT it is not accecptable in any way) Children are very accecpting individuals, so as long as you don't shy away from those special people, she will not either.

Hi E....I'm A.

Maybe my personal experience will help you with your situation....

I am the very proud mom of a 10 yr old 'special' angel girl (and 7 other children). She has Asperger's Syndrome, which is a mild form of Autism. Since day 1, we've told her that she is special, different...not disabled or that there is something 'wrong' with her.

Yes, children are naturally curious (so are adults...lol).

When my 'special' lil one was very small and we noticed that she wasn't doing all of the things that my other kids did at her age...we had her tested. From the moment she was diagnosed, we started teaching our older kids that she was going to be learning to do things a lil differently than they do things. We didn't make a big deal out of it. What helped alot was reminding them that we all do things differently. Things as small and simple as walking and talking..none of us walk or sound exactly the same. "Special' people are simply doing things different. Altho you may think that your 3 yr old is too young to understand, I can tell you from experience that she knows and understands more than you realize. The word disability simply means that one is not able correct? Well, I am not able to do everything. Does that mean that I am disabled? (just trying to prove a point) Everyone one of us is disabled in some way. Not one of us can do everything that we want to do. Being 'disabled' isn't a bad thing. Being different is what makes this world an interesting and fun place to be!

Maybe instead of explaining to your daughter that 'that person' has something wrong...you can use what she is seeing/experiencing as a life lesson that can make the world a happier place for those 'disabled'?

My 'other half' and I also work with 'disabled' children and adults at DAMAR. We take the clients out all the time. Yes, they do at times get looks and are asked "what is wrong with you?" But, we've taught our clients that they are 'special' not wrong.

Even my now 10 yr old 'special' lil one sees that there are others who aren't able to do what she can, so she goes to offer help when she can. It is awesome to watch her! Seeing life thru the eyes of our children is an amazing gift...seeing life thru the eyes of a 'special' child/person is a gift from above!

Personally, I'm pretty sure anyone who has been disabled for any length of time is pretty thick skinned especially when it comes to a very young child. They understand that little ones don't understand tact or have much impulse control. If the person in question seems offended, apologize to them and guide your little one from them to explain to them quietly in private. Some people will actually tell the child themselves. You answers are good ones for a 3 year old. She really only needs the simplest explanations. You might want to work on teaching her that somethings you don't shout out. A gentle "shhh baby, he/she was very badly hurt and can't *whatever*."

For reference I spent a good deal of my childhood in a wheelchair. Small children I didn't mind, it was the adults who should have known better that bothered me most.

If your daughter happens to see a blind person and is curious you could say something like they use their fingers instead of their eyes to see, or they have a special hero dog that helps that man navigate the streets, you could make a positive experience out of it for her. Show her that just because they look "different" that they can still go to the park, or the store just like she can only they use wheels to move around. I am 25 and my daughter is 6. She was born blind and mentally retarded. We mostly get pity comments from the elderly, smpathy comments from adults, and the typical children questions-where are her eyes? does she dream? how does she know where her mouth is? etc. etc. We just try to stay focused and elaborate on what she can do. The disabled person knows they are disabled so no it is not unethical or whatever to use terms such as blind, disabled although I Love the term "differently abled" For the amputated arm just say oh he use his left/right arm really well doesn't he? Make it positive you can even let her introduce herself.

Hi again! Personally, i think you are doing a fine job. My youngest, Colin, is 3 1/2 and he tends to be very inquisitive and verbal about anyone who is different looking-even obese people. And yes, it can be embarrassing for us mommies when they blurt something out that sounds insensitive, but most people understand that little kids really do not know any better, and are just curious. Your answers to your daughter sound like things i would tell my own toddler! In fact, from most of my experiences, if anyone of the people he was referring to ever overheard him, they usually just smiled...sometimes they would even voluntarily tell him themselves why they were 'different', which is way cool to me! You are doing good. Keep it up!