Daycare - Stephens City,VA

Updated on March 29, 2010
N.C. asks from Winchester, VA
14 answers

We started my son back into daycare after being home with me for about 8 months. He's only going twice a week but he is hysterical every morning when I drop him off. I know this is typical but it's been two months now and he's still hysterical every morning. We have started him three days a week now. Will this get better?

Fyi. ...he's 26 months old now and was in daycare for his first year. We pulled him when I got laid off but unfortunately I've had to go back to work or I would keep him home.

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter started daycare at 24 months after being home with me since about 9 months. she too was hysterical. this lasted for a year, and then she would cling and be pried off of me for another 2 yrs (rarely crying), then finally at almost 5, she was able to go without crying or clinging. It was very difficult for me, but I really think it was her personality. I would say just to make the transition as easy as possible, no looking back or hanging around, let him take a personal item to cuddle if necessary and have a good relationship with his teachers. My son started daycare 3 times a week at 24 months also, and he didn't even look back, which is why I think personality of the child has something to do with it. Hang in there. Now in Kindergarten, my daughter is happily adjusted.

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Yes, it will get better. It may just take a few more weeks.

It's hard to read the comments of people telling you that your child would be better in your care only - I'm a working Mom, always have been, and I am a good Mom. My children are the most important thing in my life, but I neither had the choice to stay home, nor do I believe I could have given to my children everything they've gained by being in Day Care.

Our kids were 2 years and 9 weeks when they went into an organized Day Care facility. It was the best decision we made. The following week I was diagnosed with cancer and went through 5 months of treatment. I chose to continue working but could not have cared for my kids during that time - having them in Day Care was the best thing for us, and they both really love being there.

Despite being in the Day Care almost 2 years, our 3.5 year old son had a tough time adjusting to being in a new class (where he was reunited with several old friends). Our daughter didn't shed a tear when she transitioned a few weeks ago.

I'd hang in there and give it some more time - we had to continually encourage our son and let the teachers do what they do best. If it's really getting bad, perhaps this just isn't the right facility. We took the approach of, "we can always make a change if needed" with our kids, but we've been really fortunate to have found a great place.

We all have our own reasons for why we need to work or put our kids in Day Care. It's hard to feel like you need to justify it to someone who's made a different choice. But, I promise your daughter will begin to get comfortable and will begin to flourish. Ask the director/teachers what you can do to help make the space in day care more pleasing for her? All our kids needed was a favorite blanket, and it seemed to help calm them down quickly.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Washington DC on

In agreement with some of the other readers, you might be better off learning about how your son actually does at the daycare after he has separated from you. His crying at the time of separation is normal for him as it's quite likely how he expresses himself because he doesn't want to be away from mommy. Infants and toddlers are very "here and now" with their emotions. Just because he cries at separation time doesn't mean he doesn't adjust and function well afterwards. Focus more on how he does afterwards. As for yourself, just give him a great big hug and a smile, tell him how much of a big boy he is and don't hover. If you're confident about leaving him, he will soon absorb that confidence as well. Nonetheless, it is difficult to watch your baby get hysterical when you need to leave him somewhere. Keep in mind your situation is typical and your son will be fine as long as his needs are being met overall.

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G.D.

answers from Washington DC on

My girls are also 26 months old. While we lived in South Dakota I put them in an expensive day care center for several months and they cried every day, which broke my heart. I pulled them out and took them to a home day care. This worked out much better. They no longer got sick as much and went right on in when I dropped them off. We just moved to Alexandria last month and I am starting a home day care. I'm listed on Craig's List under Giggles and Gumdrops Christian In-home Child Care. You can also contact me at [email protected]____.com if you'd like more information. Just thought you may want to try to put him in a home setting, since it seemed to work so well for my girls. Good luck.

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L.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I agree with some other moms as well - my sons cries and clings nearly every morning - breaks my heart, but he is fine about a minute after I leave - I have stuck around the house where he doesn't see me so i know the provider is not just telling me that to make me feel better - how is your son when you go to pick him up? Is he playing with the other kids and looking like he is having fun? Then I say he is probably ok - recently, my son has started to go off and start playing right away without even saying bye so i think the anxiety might be weaning a bit... sure, daycares do not have the ability to give undivided attention all the time to 1 child, but at my home daycare, there are many times I observe 1 on 1 time with differnt children so it is not an all or nothing thing (and besides, not every parent spends every waking second playing with their child - kids need their time for self play and growing their imagination as well). Every child is different and each child has their own needs. Trust your instincts - do you like the provider? Have you talked to other parents who take their kids there? How is the day structured? Is there enough room for the kids to play and enough to keep their minds working? Do they have an area to go play outdoors? Are they receptive to your concerns? If you feel comfortable with the answers to those questions, then at least have piece of mind you are leaving your son somewhere you feel comfortable and that takes good care of your child - I doubt many mothers will ever feel that a daycare will provide as good care as they can or will give their child as much attention as they feel is needed. Since my child is an only child, I enjoy the fact that he gets to play with other kids during the day and I enojy seeing him interact with others - and the rest of the time, I make sure to spend as much QUALITY time with him as I can - good luck

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B.B.

answers from Detroit on

Ask the provider if he continues to cry after you leave... How long?

I am an inhome provider and usually the kids are putting on a show for mom and dad...
Mom and dad are standing there telling me to "call for any reason" "If they don't stop... call" then saying " I'm gonna go" " ok, love you, now i'm gonna go" "give me a kiss so I can leave"... YES, All those... Every time...

Some kids walk in the door and disappear... Not even telling the parents bye. Others cling until the parent forces themselves to leave their poor little darling who stops crying the instant they don't see parent any more and are happy goobers for the rest of the day...

IF you child is carrying on AFTER you leave ask the provider how you should handle drop offs. If they are not carrying on after then just make your exit short and sweet. Do not delay and draw it out.

Yes, you feel guilty because your child is crying... And you are leaving.. But we have our tricks to distract and seeing you is a constant reminder...

It will get better as he gets older and the seperation issue is lessened. AND as he spends more time with the provider and their relationship builds...

Talk to the provider... And unless they say its all day or they can't distract him for quie a while or you have other reasoning behind it don't pull your 8 month old kid out just because he crys when you drop him off... Let him get thru the phase and build the trusting relationship with the provider.

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

you kept him home for 8 months, it will take a long time. he's not an infant anymore, he understands that you're leaving and that it's not how it used to be. if he's not going full time that will take even longer. hang in there. no telling how long it will go on, but hopefully in a few more weeks he'll do better. some kids are just always going to have issues at pickup/dropoffs. mine almost always does, although the severity has lessened a lot, and mostly depends on his mood at the moment. just make sure you leave promptly, "i love you", a kiss and hug, then go. don't drag it out or it will only be worse. no offense, but the situation you have put him in has about every earmark for the worst kind of separation anxiety. you're just going to have to be patient with him. consistency and routine is the only thing that will get him past this.

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S.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I have been a working mom until recently. My kids loved their original daycare but it was near where I worked so when I got laid off they stopped going. 3 months later I found a job that required commuting again but this time I didn't want them to commute with me (the road was narrower/worse) so I found a new daycare close to home. For 2 months my oldest, at the time 3, did not like going there. He was very unhappy every day. Due to this and several other issues I switched daycare. He is happy as can be in the current daycare. We walk in he gives me a kiss and hug and runs off and plays.

It may be nothing but ask the teachers how he is after you are gone. He may not like the facility or teachers. Maybe they don't give him enough attention and that makes him unhappy to be there. How was he at his previous daycare? Can he go back to that one or is it the same situation as mine?

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Our son hated his other daycare. He too was at home with a nanny for the first 9 mos. At 18 mos we'd many days have to fight with him. He was always unhappy. We asked other parents if their children were happy and they told us our son was left in a high chair for over an hour crying and noone paying attention on numerous occasions. We also saw one little boy push our son frequently, hit our son, take his toys and noone said anything. I also noticed the teachers always talking amongst themselves instead of to the children. His new school from week 1 our son was different. He talks about classmates/teachers and most of the time looks forward to going. We still have a little fight on occasion but once there, our son usually joins right in. If your child is unhappy TAKE NOTE AND INVESTIGATE. He may be going through a phase or it could be the child care provider is just not working out.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

What you need to find out though is how long does he cry for. Does he stop immediately after you leave? If he does then probably he is prolonging leaving you. How old is he? Can you ask him what is his favorite part of day and what is his worst. Has he met anyone he connects with. Maybe he is not getting along with the teacher and needs a different one. Or a different day care.

M.L.

answers from Erie on

is he about 10 months old, then? this is the typical age for separation anxiety to start. this was definitely the hardest couple months that i've ever had to deal with! but i talked with his teachers and they said they had him playing and smiling in no time after i left. definitely talk with his teachers like kellhy suggested and see how long he's crying for. good luck!

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S.T.

answers from Kansas City on

my daughter is 3 and I'm a stay at home mom and a daycare provider when we go to church she has a hard time even going to her class but if her grandparents take her she's fine maybe see if Dad can drop him off to see if that helps.

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K.P.

answers from Boise on

My guess is he doesn't want to be stuck in some daycare for however long you leave him. He probably just wants to be with you. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think about how you might feel if after 8 months of being with a mommy who loves you, plays with you, teaches you, gives you all the undivided attention you need, you then get forced to be with other kids who need the attention of some lady/ladies who don't love you like mommy does. They can't give you one on one undivided attention throughout the day because they are too busy tending to the numerous other children who need just as much if not more attention than you do, so you're left crying until someone can get to you. Now, doesn't that sound like a place you would want to be? I hope you hear my sarcasm. In my opinion, you should take the cues from you son and not leave him where he doesn't want to be. Institutionalized care is not mommy care, and you can't be replaced. Forget about what you have heard about this being good for your son from the socializing aspect. My kids never stepped foot in a daycare, and at 8 and 5 are very socialized, and do extremely well in school for that matter. I'm just saying that there is no way I would leave my child anywhere that he gets hysterical...not worth it.

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

It's perfectly normal for a child to cry when being left at daycare so instead of looking at that, it's more important to look at how he does after you've dropped him off. When you pick him up later in the day, does he seem to have cried all day (puffy eyes, tear stains, etc.)? Is he crying when you walk in to pick him? Is he sleeping well at night or does he seem super clingy once you take him home? Every child goes through a phase of crying when left at daycare but the crying should stop within minutes of you leaving. Don't linger or seem sad/hesitant about leaving him b/c this upsets him more. Just seem happy, kiss him goodbye saying "bye!" cheerfully and go away (quickly). Don't look back. Once you're out of sight, you can peek back (making sure he doesn't see you) to see how long it takes for him to calm down. He should calm down pretty immediately. If he doesn't and/or if he does seem to have cried all day, I'd think about moving to a different daycare. My baby would cry as soon as we walked into a daycare (around the same age as yours) and when we picked him up, we could tell he'd been crying a lot. Sometimes he'd even be crying when we came in. After a month of this, we researched other daycares and found one with glowing reviews from a lot of parents. We moved our baby and within 2 weeks, he was fine. Wouldnt' even cry when we dropped him off. It turns out the other daycare that we had him in even had a policy against holding the babies too much -- no wonder my baby hated going there! Sorry to be rambling but this is a topic dear to my heart b/c every day, I thank God I found this other daycare. It's made a world of difference in my son's ability to be around strangers and be independent. Good luck!!

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