**Child Going Hysterical When Dropped off at Daycare**

Updated on November 27, 2009
A.W. asks from Fuquay Varina, NC
11 answers

I just started putting my one year old son in an in-home daycare. He has stayed with my mom up to this point. The woman that is keeping him is well known with my grandparents and mother. We are going on the third week in daycare and my son crys hysterical every time I drop him off...now mind you he didn't cry the first three days he went. That makes me think something happened or he just doesn't like it there. Can anyone give a piece of mind that everything is probably ok and he is just going through seperation anxiety? I mean I understand seperation anxiety but he was fine at first. I want to turn around every morning and go back to get my baby because it breaks my heart. Please help!

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answers from Greensboro on

I would "turn and burn"; grab your son, turn around and burn rubber out the door. I agree with another response, small children are DRAWN to people if they are good with kids, kind, caring; and just the opposite if they are around someone they do not trust. Both of my boys (4 and 2) have always been right about that "sixth sense" that babies have. Follow your gut and trust your son this time, he's telling you everything you need to know to make the right decision. Sorry you've had to go through this, I know it's hard to leave a crying baby and not always easy to know when to let go, or when to hold on. good luck

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Fayetteville on

I would check back after dropping him off. Just to see how he interact with her after your gone. Have you ask how long it take before he calm down?



answers from Nashville on

My only advice in this case is to always follow your gut instinct. If you are in a position to switch him to another center, maybe one with cameras in each room, I would do so. You should be seeing improvement after three whole weeks...not worsening. Good luck to you. =0)



answers from Louisville on

Hi, A.,

I had a similar experience with my daughter, and we would go at different times unannounced to make sure everything was o.k. I'm not sure if you can do that, but if you can, it might ease your mind.

I hope things work out for you.



answers from Memphis on

It's so hard to leave a crying child at daycare. My son has been going since he was 10 weeks old, and he still cries many mornings, then he'll have a good few days and totally ignore me to go play. When he moved up a room, it was the same thing all over again - weeks of crying. But like someone else mentioned, I would stand outside the door and peak in, and often he stopped after a couple minutes.

If you are concerned about what's happening at the daycare, try to drop in (or have a grandparent drop in) at odd hours to see what's going on and see how they're treating the children. Talk to the teachers and director and see what they think, too. It takes longer, from my understanding, for a child who was staying at home to transition to a daycare.

Good luck and hope it all works out!



answers from Raleigh on

Hi A.,
If it is seperation anxiety, you can try the book The Kissing Hand. We read it to our son and started giving him "kissing hands" before we left him at daycare (you kiss you child's palm and they hold on to your kiss while you are gone). It worked really well for us. Good Luck!



answers from Raleigh on

Hi A.,
I went through the EXACTLY the same thing about 6 mos ago (son stayed with grandma, goes to inhome daycare). I even posted about it here I was so worried! It literally about two months for him to get over the hysterical crying in the morning. BTW, he didn't cry either those first couple of days, but he soon figured out we were going to leave him and the crying started. It is tough, but if you trust this woman, then don't worry too much. It takes a while for kids to adjust, some longer than others, as was my case. He will soon fall into a routine and that will make things a lot better.
Also, talk to the daycare provider and try to work out a way to ease the transition in the morning. For instance, we found that we couldn't "linger" when dropping him off. The longer we were there, the more upset he became as he knew we leaving eventually. If worked much better if we dropped him off with a bye-bye/kiss and left promptly. Some kids may be the opposite tho. Try it a few ways and see what works better.
Now, my son loves "school" and his new friends. He sometimes asks to go on the weekends. Apparently, we are too boring! lol



answers from Memphis on


Some children, including my daughter, are more prone to display symptoms of "separation anxiety" no matter what. My daughter is now 20 months old, and she's been going to the same daycare for the past year. She STILL cries when I drop her off on most mornings. Then again, she also cries when I leave her with her daddy. In order to alleviate my fears and confirm that she really only cries for a few minutes (or less) as the teachers said, I started dropping her off, then standing just outside the door until she stopped. I have discovered that the tears are just a show for me. Most mornings she stops in less than a minute, and she has a sparkling personality the rest of the day. She just doesn't want to see her mommy go.

Talk to your care provider. Ask her about your son's mood during the day, whether he only cries for a short period or if he's crying for you off and on during the day. Once you've heard her perspective, when you drop him off in the morning, see if you can hang around outside (out of his view) and see just how long he cries. Also, ask your care provider every day how his day went, how her day went, and if she noticed anything that you should be wary of (such as increased crankiness). Not only will this help you learn how she communicates, it also helps her feel like you are willing to work together to make both of your lives easier.

Even if he cries for you off and on throughout the day, it also may be possible that NOTHING bad has happened, but that Landon just hasn't built a bond with his care provider or that he is getting bored throughout the day due to lack of stimulation. If the bond hasn't built, that may just take time. If he's getting bored from lack of stimulation, talk to your care provider. If she's not able to offer him the proper channels through which to expend his energy, you may want to look for another care provider.

Of course, your relationship with the care provider is just as important as your son's. If YOU cannot communicate well with her, if you are asking questions for which you get vague answers and no details repeatedly, then you still may want to look for another care provider. You must be able to trust her.

I wish you the best of luck.



answers from Raleigh on

Hi A., there is definitely something wrong. I hope you have removed him from her care. Especially since he was okay in the beginning. It is usually the opposite. My heart goes out to you and your son. I will be caring for a 2 yr old little boy and if you still are looking for good care please go see my ad on Craigslist. I've included a link, but in case it doesnt work, look for "childcare in Cary" - my ad is the one that says: "FUN, CHEERFUL, AFFORDABLE, CARY MOM WILL BABYSIT/CARPENTER VILLAGE (CARY)" - I put the ad in on Oct. 20th - there are a lot of ads, so you have to scroll down to it. Sincerely, C.



answers from Memphis on

I am definitely the wrong person to ask because I would tell you to take your baby and run...at that age children's mind's are so impressionable and they are so receptive to those around them....I truly believe small children can see our true hearts and souls and children since real love. When any of my children shun someone off or are become pensive around people I politely remove them and dont look back.



answers from Chattanooga on

Nanny cam in the backpack!

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