Daughter is in 1st grade this year. Towards the end of kindergarten, her teacher told us that she was constantly putting her hands down her pants and not focusing on her work. The teacher replaced her chair with an exercise ball, and that seemed to solve it. This year, we thought she'd grown out of it. We asked her before the school year started, and she said "no Mom, I don't even think about it". I've gotten 3 emails from the teacher this week, it's started again. I asked my Daughter last night. She was very open, and said she is and she doesn't know how to stop. She wants to, but just doesn't know how. She's upset, because she's not getting her work done and she doesn't want to get bad grades. I asked her if she does it at home, she says no because we don't have the same kind of chairs they do at school.
Any suggestions? The last thing I want to do is make her feel bad, or feel like something's wrong with her. I've asked her pediatrician. He wasn't concerned about it when she was in kinder, I'm reaching out to him today to see if he has another opinion.
Thank you all for your feedback. Just to clarify, I never mentioned "bad grades" to my Daughter. This is something she told me she was concerned about. I was trying to reassure her that she didn't need to worry about that. Also, someone commented that they were concerned that I had asked my Daughter about this before school started. The reason we had this conversation, is because my Daughter had mentioned it a few times over the summer. As a family, we didn't make a huge deal out of this. We wanted to show her that we can talk about anything and not feel ashamed. My biggest concern right from the get go, was making sure she didn't feel like she was doing something "wrong".
I did reach out to the school counselor, as well as our pediatrician. I asked the counselor to speak with the teacher and see if she can be seated on a bouncy ball. Her pediatrician agrees that it's probably a way to cope with stress. Even though she loves school, she may be getting overwhelmed and that's her way to handle it.
The teacher is new, it's her first year teaching. I was actually happy that she reached out to me, before she tried to handle this herself. I do agree, I think she has no idea how to handle this.
Thank you again for all your responses, and I'll update when I have further info.
This could be anxiety... almost a sensory response. She in no way should be punished for this behavior. Make an appointment with Occupational Therapist who specializes in sensory issues.
First of all, I'd totally stop any talk about "bad grades" - she's in first grade, and that should not be a topic at all, for any kid. I'm not sure that the discussion should even be about getting her work done in general. Kids are so stressed out about grades and academics, it's ridiculous.
I think it has to be about private touching and public spaces. I'd go over this stuff with her: We close the bathroom door (or the stall door in a public toilet), we close our doors when we dress, we cover our p****** p**** with underwear and bathing suits, we don't let people touch us in our private areas unless it's the doctor in the office or mommy/daddy under very certain circumstances. Anything else is inappropriate. And the areas where we pee and poop do have some germs, so that is why we wash our hands with soap and a good lather and a good rinse. So if she touches her private area in school and then touches supplies, books, and other kids (or her mouth or her nose), that's not appropriate either. Private and personal touching is fine - in a private place and if she's not doing it in a way that inconveniences the rest of the family (like tying up the bathroom for an hour or making everyone late for school/work.
If an exercise/stability ball solves the problem, I don't see what that isn't tried first. Beyond that, I'd work with the pediatrician to a) rule out any problems like a UTI and to b) consider some sort of anxiety or nervousness that is assuaged by touching her genital area. Reinforce that the problem is not that she does it, but that she cannot control it in the one setting when it's least appropriate. If she has anxiety, then treat it like strep throat or a broken arm - you get professional help even if it's short term. No shame, no blame, just matter-of-fact help. Do less talking about it until you talk to the professional though - sometimes we parents can say the wrong things and make it worse.
if the kindergarten teacher had success in stopping this by switching her to an exercise ball then why can't the 1st grade teacher have her sit on the same ball? or can you purchase one for her to keep at school?
First, relax. There's nothing wrong with her t******* h******. That's totally normal. What you need to do is tell her that there is nothing wrong with it but it is something that she needs to do in private. So it is not appropriate for her to do that at school. Just like we use the restroom in private and we change our clothes in private, this is something we can do in private.
It's very possible that there is something about her chair that reminds her of how it feels to touch herself and makes her want to. You could try asking her teacher if there is another chair. If your daughter is ok with the idea, try getting her a chair like the one her kindergarten teacher used. That has been a big help for many kids with ADHD and other needs, so many schools have these and it really is worth asking about!
This is a classroom issue. The teacher needs to take care of this. Why is she contacting you about it at all? Unless she thinks it might be a UTI or something...
I would turn it around and ask the teacher what needs to be done, since you are not in the classroom and have no professional training in how to manage students in a classroom.
At this age your girl is not going to associate consequences at home with what's going on at school. That's why this needs to be address IN the classroom as soon as it's observed. The teacher needs to figure this out 100%.
Give her hands something to do or hold - something the teachers is ok with her holding.
She might get embarrassed if her friends saw this and shout out "Ewww! Susie's got her hands down her pants!" - and it would be nice to get this to stop before this happens.
But then some people just don't have the ability to get embarrassed so I don't know if that sort of peer pressure would work.
I agree with Diane's comment below that you should focus on getting further professional advice before you personally try to handle this yourself any more than you already have.
The fact that you "asked her before the school year started" is a bit concerning - what exactly did you ask her, how did you phrase the question? That, combined with your statement that she is now worried about getting "bad grades", make me think that your daughter is shouldering a tremendous amount of anxiety - as a First Grader!!
Before you launch any other conversations with her on this topic, before you entertain her fears about "bad grade" repercussions for all of this - get professional advice. If not from her pediatrician, from a child therapist or similar.
Also - why in the world has the teacher sent you three emails in one week on this topic? What do the emails say? That seems excessive and it sounds like the teacher is feeling overwhelmed (is this a new teacher?). You are obviously not in the classroom, it seems like one email to alert you to the problem is sufficient, beyond that the teacher needs to figure out any classroom-based solutions while you work on things on your end.
Three emails? It sounds like the teacher has no idea what to do, so she's throwing the issue on you.
Get in the school and talk to the guidance counselor and tell her to talk to the teacher immediately about how to handle your child before she does something awful to your kid. If she doesn't know better than not to send 3 emails in one week, she may actually yell at your daughter in front of the class.
Not every teacher knows how to handle these kinds of things.
You need to get to the pediatrician and have him or her write a letter to the school detailing how this should be handled so that you have some ammunition with this teacher.
I'm not dissing teachers. I'm a substitute and I have a lot of respect for good teachers. But this thing about 3 emails gives me pause and your child is more important than this teacher's squeamishness.
Is it a boredom thing? Anxiety thing?
My mom taught kindergarten and had some kids who would grab there, or she had to gently remind. Sometimes it's self soothing thing too.
I think it was wise to reach out to her paediatrician for ideas. Is there a school counsellor who could observe (without being obvious) and give ideas? You don't want to make a thing of it - I'm sure this kind of thing happens more than we realize.
As well as trying a different chair (that would be my first thought if chairs make a difference), giving her something to do with her hands (like a fidget spinner) might be worth a try?
Hopefully it is a phase :)
It's normal. Don't make a big deal of it. Don't even worry about grades in 1st grade. But do remind her that we don't touch our private areas in public. What about the chairs makes her think about this? I'd ask her that. Give her a stadium "sit upon" to leave on her seat at school. Or give her something to play with with her hands...something interesting to touch to keep her hands busy. I wonder if there is a necklace for kids who fidget. Or a special squeezy eraser or something. Try looking up stuff like this.
What do the teacher's 3 emails say? I've heard of parents over-doing it by sending too many emails to the teacher, but this seems excessive. I'd have one talk with DD about how her behavior is not bad or abnormal, it's just something only appropriate when done in private, like using the bathroom. Let her know gently that her teacher has noticed and that she is concerned about her, and that her teacher would like her to stop doing that in the classroom, both because it is not appropriate, and because she needs to be getting her school work done. Then I would back off all together. Reply once to the teacher that you have spoken to your daughter and give her your support in whatever corrective action needs to be taken going forward, primarily to ensure she is completing her work. Give your daughter more credit than she gives herself for having and for developing some self-control. Give her a chance to work on changing her own habits, and express confidence in a positive way that she can do that. Eventually, she is not going to like the attention this behavior receives at school, either from her teacher and/or her classmates, which will be the strongest motivation for her to stop. And eventually, it will stop, so I would not worry about it too much
