What Would You Do? - Elmwood,WI

Wait, so she sent him to the office and then talked to the CLASS, as in the other students, about him? I'd be ticked off and be discussing that with the principal. In person. ASAP. Regardless of his behavior, he doesn't need to be the topic of discussion with the rest of the students. That is something to take to the guidance office if it's that big of a concern. Talking about his behavior in other classes should be done teacher to teacher.

I agree with the other posters. That is totally inappropriate. His behavior issues are a private matter and should be dealt with as such. I agree with those who say print out the email and take it to the school administrators. That is absolutely unacceptable.

Maybe you should get him switched to a different class. It may just be a personality conflict between them. Either way talking to the class or other classes about him is not appropriate. Print the email and talk to the principal. Get him in a different class.

I think I'd be more concerned about my child's behavior than the teacher's mouth.

Totally inappropriate!
I might die on that hill.
How unprofessional is THAT??!!

Wow, print the email and make an appointment with the principal. I am pretty sure that she has violated school policy on student privacy - maybe even state laws that deal with the issue. This is beyond inappropriate and unprofessional.

I understand (and I think so do you) that your son is no angel - however bad his behavior may be though, that does not vacate his right to privacy, which should prevent any teacher or school official from discussing his issues with other students (or anyone else for that matter).

Good luck!

Clarify please--

This is the second month of school.

your 13 yo has had alot of trouble with the teacher some of it his fault and some of it not.

You told her to send him to the office ( ok first why hadn't she? and what outcome will that have? is there a policy for how many times that happens before expulstion? is it an actual punishment to your son or not?

how are you punishing him at home for his behavior at school??

Is he special needs?

Your last sentence totally confuses me,.....
She sent him to the office, then emailed you to say, she talked to the other kids about his behavior, other kids being the ones that witnessed it??? Or she talked to the whole 8th grade including children what were not there while your son did XYZ?

honestly my opinion as i understand it is, you need to worry more about your son and not the teacher,
What the heck is his problem??? You are the parent, I hope You are dealing with it so the behavior STOPS. maybe the teacher and the principal can HELP you but ultimately it is up to you. If you love your son, you'll correct this or get him some help or something.

If i'm wrong and all he is doing is tapping his pencil by accident when she is talking then that is different, but if he is sassing her or disrupting the other kids then it's his fault and needs to be dealt with by you.

*Edit: per the example I gave of my daughter's classmate below, this boy is not doing "unsafe" things for the rest of the class. But, He is causing a DAILY DISRUPTION, to the class. And it is enough of a problem, that it has to be handled... by the Teacher and the school. BECAUSE also, the other students/parents are complaining, as well. It is affecting the classroom learning quality and time.
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I don't know what... your son's Teacher told her class.
But...

1) ALL kids KNOW... which kids cause trouble or not. Some kids cause trouble, daily. Kids KNOW this... and they also may go home and tell their parents. Each time there is trouble, it impedes the class lessons etc.
2) Your son's Teacher speaks to you, that is what they are supposed to do.
She may or may not be "targeting" your son. Meaning: IF your son repetitiously causes disruption in his class, the of course... then Teacher needs to handle it. She seems to be trying. THUS, it may SEEM like she is "targeting" your son, but that this is occurring DAILY because your son has issues. THUS, it is either that, the Teacher is being proactive.... and handling things and within her class because it causes a disruption for the OTHER classmates too... or, she is, "singling" out your son.
So the discernment... needs to be, gauged.

My daughter, has a classmate like that. EVERYDAY... he causes issues and disruptions and trouble for the class.... and others. So the Teacher, DAILY and ALL day, handles this child/correcting him/disciplining him etc. and yes, get sent to the office. The boy, does not improve. Yes, she has told the parents. The parents tell the Teacher to do whatever she needs to do. BECAUSE... the boy, is causing a disturbance within the class and classroom and amidst the OTHER classmates (who also get disturbed by this and complains) YES the Teacher, has HAD to... speak to the ENTIRE class, about it... because, she needs to ALSO convey to her students that: she KNOWS there is a problem ,She KNOWS it is disturbing for others, and she IS trying to handle it... and so that the other classmates parents, are not thinking she is a doormat Teacher who just lets kids cause chaos in her classroom. So, there are MANY things, a Teacher has to address (besides that disruptive student), to her classroom and to all the other kids too.
My daughter's Teacher, ALWAYS talks to her students, about classroom behavior, and if a certain child continually and habitually causes disturbance in the classroom, it is handled.
So, this is what happens, per my daughter's classroom and Teacher... she is in the 5th grade.
Everyday, my daughter comes home and say what "Johnny" did... and how it upsets the other kids. BUT, I trust her Teacher and I KNOW that the Teacher is being proactive, in handling her class/classroom and the disruptions in it.
**NOW: in once instance, ALL of my daughter's Classmates, were really getting upset about this boy continually making trouble in class and disrupting their learning... THUS, the kids ALL were telling the Teacher... it caused such an issue, that the Teacher HAD TO TALK ABOUT IT TO THE ENTIRE class one day. And yes, that boy was there present at the time.

NOW IF your son's Teacher, IS "targeting" your son, then you need to document things... and make a letter to the Teacher/Principal etc.
But, sit down with the Teacher AND Principal... to see what is really going on.

There are ALSO School Counselor's... Which are supposed to help these kids... and the situation.

Well what did he do? Did he throw stuff in the classroom? Did he touch someone? Did he cuss/yell at someone? Could the other students have been worried and she was trying to reassure them? You do realize his behavior is noticed by all his classmates and she has to have control of the class. He is also thirteen not five so depending on what he is doing it could be very scary. If she was mouthing off about how she hates him or he is terrible it would be one thing, but given she is a teacher and told you about it I doubt that's the case. I don't think you are doing your son any favors by going in there with fist blaring, he needs to see you backing up the teacher and teaching him to show some respect or consequences. If that is not enough you need to meet with the counselor to figure something out. This obviously bothers you(and rightfully so) but talk to the teacher about what was said first and then go from there.

It's hard to judge this situation with the context which led to the teacher's decisions.

You don't really explain the "how" of the teacher "talking to the class about" your son. That could mean almost anything. Was she speaking specifically about your son and using his name or did she speak in generalities about acceptable versus unacceptable behavior using his recent behaviors as examples without naming him by name? Or was it something else entirely?

I would make sure that I have an immediate face-to-face with her AND the principal (at the same meeting) and do your best to hold off on the knee-jerk reaction to want to kick her in the shins and pull her hair out. ;-) More flies with honey than vinegar, and all that.

If he's not special needs, is he by any chance ODD and/or ADHD? If he is he may very well qualify for a 504 Plan and even if not, as the parent you can request a Behavior Plan with or without a 504. You would have to allow the school to do an evaluation, and it would be heavily advised to have a neuro-psych eval done independently too by a pediatric neurologist, a pediatric psychiatrist or psychologist, a behavioral-developmental pediatrician, or all three. If you get a diagnosis that would go a long way toward qualifying him, especially since whatever is going on is affecting his education in several ways AND the education of other students. Maybe you're already doing this... in which case the teacher talking about him to other students would violate HIPAA (or is it HIPPA? I always mix it up) and student privacy laws.

She said that she talked with the whole class about how your son behaved in other classes? If that's what she did I would also be upset. That is not appropriate at all. I would expect her to talk with his other teachers.

I would talk with the principal. Approach him with an open mind. Yes, tell him how you feel but first listen to what he has to say. Be low key to start out with.

Because your son does have some behavioral issues consider that he's pushing her buttons and she's having difficulty responding appropriately. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt while focusing on having better communication and solving the issues together.

I agree with S.H. Because your son does give her good reason to be upset with him, I'd first side with the teacher. She is trying to work with him and is including you. Be sure to get a better understanding of why and how she's targeting him. Perhaps she is trying to prevent negative behavior and it feels like she's targeting him wrongly.

What I've told my daughter and grandchildren is that the authority figure is to be presumed right and must be obeyed. If they don't think (s)he is being fair then talk with me about it. Every time they've talked with me and I've talked with the teacher I was able to take the teacher's side. I would talk with the child about what I saw and why I thought the teacher was right while listening to their complaints. Validate the child's feelings and try to present the teacher's side in a way that the child will understand.

Wow, that is so inappropriate I can't begin to tell you. She told the whole class and talked to them about it??? What would she gain by humiliating him? I would go talk to the principal and file a complaint regarding this. If she can't figure out how to teach and deal with his issues, she shouldn't be teaching.

What did she discuss with the classroom. I'm not sticking up for the teacher but emails can be construed so many ways. Maybe she said your son was sent to the office for speaking out of line and rocking his chair so if any other kids do that they will be get set to the office? She is dealing with alot of kids and their personalities and trying to teach. Again I'm not sticking up for her but need details.

Wow. That is completely inappropriate. I would be livid. I would also let her know I was furious.

Forward the email to the principal. Don't reply till you hear from the admin.

Um, I would be beyond pissed off to have her inform me that she talked to the class about his behavior in other classes. Once again, adults putting their problems onto kids. It's not the other kids' business nor should they have to feel that they are ratting him out. Teachers talk amongst themselves about kids...the good and the bad. So, the teacher most likely already knows about your son's behavior from other teachers...she doesn't need to know about it from his peers.

I don't know why she would talk to other classes about your son? Maybe she meant other teachers? That makes no sense. But know that one disruptive child can ruin the learning experience for the other 25. He may not be special needs in your eyes but there is a whole class of students considered EBD (emotional behavioral disorder) that are unable to act appropriately in other classes so they don't get to go to them an longer. Maybe look further into other schooling options as the regular school may not be a good fit for him. Otherwise find harsher consequences. It's not normal to be disruptive in class...that may be why it seems he is being singled out. He may be the only one acting like that.

I'd be throwing a scene on this one-way over-the-top to talk about your son to anyone other than his educators and you, of course. Go get 'em, Tiger! I'd be livid. Hopefully, she didn't use your son's name, just a "certain student's" behavior. Right?

I know the "my son is no angel thing." Mine is a great kid. Bright as all out but not an angel. He's had the same sort of problems off and on you are talking about. He does little annoying things.

Anyways, I found out that he's been in the districts "safe seat" three times this year. Once for rocking in his chair, another for playing the incorrect computer program during math (it was still a math program), another time for spinning around on the stools during quiet time. He's in 4th grade. This stuff seemed well kinda run of the mill to me but I understand she needs to keep her classroom in line.

So my daughter has the same teacher my son had last year. Last year was one of the first years he did awesome. I mean really awesome all year. She was such an excellent teacher! He wasn't once in the safe seat. He flourished and even got into advanced classes for several subjects. He loved going to school and had a great time. This year seems to be going ok at best. He hasn't been nearly as jazzed to go to school. Well during the conference I was talking to her about how my son was doing and she said she shouldn't say anything but she feels some teachers overreact and it makes things worse and sometimes good children are figgity (sp?) and my son definitely was. She pointed out that children that aren't bad but have bad habit when you treat them like the bad kids seem to do worse so she tries to gently correct their behavior. She pointed out his teacher this year is 2 years out of college and even though she's a nice lady she doesn't have much experience with kids let along being a teacher yet and she'll better understand how to deal with a variety of personalities later in her career. She encouraged me to remind my son to behave but also that he ISN'T a bad kid he just has some bad habits he needs to work on.

I never thought about it but she's right. Sometimes teachers personalities conflict with students. My children are all so different and it takes a different approach for each of them to get the best out of them. Maybe the problem isn't just your son. Maybe she doesn't know how to handle him and he doesn't know how to deal with her. I always just kinda gave the teacher free reign till a few days ago. This teacher opened my eyes. Maybe your son being in a class with a teacher who doesn't know how to deal with him for all these years isn't working in his or her favor. I know it isn't necessarily anything you can do anything about right now but I'm going to remind my son that he's a great kid more.

OK....so why haven't you changed his teacher yet? You are clearly dealing with a combustable pair. Clash of personalities. Why would you put yourself and your son through the BS? And by BS, I mean the constant back and forth to no avail, the sending him to the principles office, and above all (that would piss me off immensely) that she is talking to other classes about your son???? WTH? That is highly inappropriate and when you talk to the principle to get him outta there, you should report her.

As someone else said -- there is information missing here.

I note that your son has had this teacher for two years already and is starting his third year with her.

That would be highly unusual in any public school system except in the tiniest of towns. Is he in a private school? Religious school? Why do kids have the same teacher three years in a row in different grades? Is she his "homeroom" teacher, or does she have him for only one subject, or all subjects if it's a tiny school?

If he were in a school where children had a different teacher in each grade, that would be a whole different situation, but it sounds like they have been together too long and he is wearing on her to the point she is making some poor choices -- specifically, talking to other kids about him. Did she actually name him? If so -- you have to take it further; that is totally out of line. But if she did a generic "you all need to behave better and I want to tell you that talkiing out of turn and rocking in chairs is not allowed" but she did not name him -- you will not really be able to do much about that. The other kids know who she meant, but if she did not name names, you may be unable to do anything.

You say she's unfairly singling him out; so you still feel that way after talking to her and with your own knowledge that he's no angel? If that's how you feel, explore your own feelings about this and ask if maybe she seems to be singling him out but maybe his behavior is getting worse after three years together. I really can't see how it benefits either of them to be together this long. He knows all her buttons and is good at pushing them, and she has come to expect certain behavior from him so she's ready to jump quickly to punishment. Not good on either side.

Folks are posting that you need to move him to another class, but if this is a small school/private school, is that even possible? I've seen past posts on here where parents would say, "I can't move my child to another class in this grade -- there is only one class at this grade in our school" or "The other teacher is just as bad" and so on.

If you do not have the option to move him, it sounds as if it might be time to work with the teacher, counselor and principal as a team. See if he will respond to regular counseling sessions with the school counselor (IS there one?) to help him understand what he does wrong and how to improve his behavior in school. Arrange that he will just be removed, instantly, from class if he does specific behaviors X, Y and Z, and he willl then go direclty to the principal's office and spend the day there doing all his classwork -- not in detention or being punished but separated from classmates and doing classwork in silence, period. Restore him to class the next day with NOTHING said to his classmates about it; if he does the specified behavioir again -- instant removal, principal's office, a desk in a corner, silence all day, nothing but work, no interaction with anyone but his teacher, the counselor or the principal. Repeat as needed.

YOU have to buy into this kind of idea. You are clear that you know already he's no angel, but have you worked with the adults at school in a way that HE knows you know what he's up to? Have you shown him that you clearly back them? I know the teacher was out of line, but if he stays at this school, I think you need to now work with the adults on swift, silent and instant removal as the response to every infraction, or he's going to be less than an angel in high school -- very soon.

Meanwhile, please explore whether he might benefit from some outside counseling to find out why he feels compelled to act out when he does. Not as punishment -- try to find out what's really eating him.

Why in the heck haven't you changed his teacher yet? Why would you choose to deal with an obvious mismatch for 3 years? I don't understand.

I would be more worried about my kid going to the principal's office that anything else.

T., if your son is rocking in his chair, it MIGHT be because he needs to. Quite frankly, I think you might be going about this all wrong.

Get him to an Occupational Therapist and talk about his physicality. Ask her to see if you can help him with a "sensory diet" in appropriate ways. That way, perhaps he can sit still in class.

If I were you, I would talk to a lawyer who knows what your rights and your students' rights are. I am pretty sure that the teacher is not allowed to discuss your son with the class like she did. When you find out specifically from the lawyer that she is not allowed to, you should take him to the school and confront her and the principal together and advise them of their responsibility to you and your son. I promise you that when faced with a potential lawsuit, they will stop targeting your son.

However, it is YOUR responsibility to give your son real consequences for behavioral problems. Part of that is taking away privileges such as computer, hand held games and TV. Coupled with help from a professional, I think that your son has a chance to improve. Don't discount the OT, T.. I really think it might be part of the answer to the problem.

Good luck,
Dawn