Daughter Dating

Good lord, NO! She's almost 18! It's traditional and often very appreciated for a guy to ask the parents or father if he's asking the girl to MARRY him, but not to date! I'm really into teaching my sons good manners and to be very respectful of girls/women, but it would never enter my mind to teach them to contact the parents of a 17 1/2 year old to ask about dating.

I think it's very realistic to expect him to come over and meet the family, share a meal, etc., so you can get to know him and he can get to know you.

NO..... your daughter is almost 18, legal age. I think by now she is capable of choosing a young man to date.....at least she should be. Keep your lines of communication wide open. No topic is barred at our house.

I would be horrified if that was a rule at my house and I would not humiliate my daughter like that.

Our daughter is almost 16, has a bf and has been on a couple of dates. This young man came to the door to meet us the first time he was taking her out, introduced himself and said he would have her home on time.

Your husband must be a great man and really care for you to have followed the strict rules of your dad.

I have not heard of a boy asking parents first if he could date the girl.. I think he is first trying to make sure she even likes him.. In our family, we always invited the young man over for a meal and an evening of board games..

This allows everyone to get to know him. And for him to know how much we love and respect our daughter. Then if we felt he was a nice young man, we were fine with daughter dating the young man.. Most of the times now days, kids today go out in groups.. Lots of kids meeting up for a movie, the carnival, school events..

Just keep open communication. Make up rules about week day and weekend curfews.. About driving, about calling with updates and change of plans. Make sure they are enforced. Let her know you trust her to be a good girl and to stay safe.

As long as you all speak openly and respectfully, this is good opportunity for you all to stay informed on what your daughter is up to and who she is friends with.

One hint, We were a group of parents that watched out for each others children.. We made agreements that if our children were to embarrassed or could not get a hold of us for some reason, we had "Safe Parents" they could contact, that would pick them up from whatever place no matter the situation with no questions. They would bring the child home. This happened to only one child. She had been at a party that started to get out of hand and she went outside and called a mom (not her own) and asked that she take her home.. She just wanted to talk it out with the other mom, so she would not upset her own mom.. It ended up the girl had attended the party and some kids started drinking. It frightened this girl. She just wanted to be able to cry without her mother seeing how scared she had been.

I would have been absolutely mortified if I had to ask anyone to be able to date their child in high school - it's dating, not a wedding. It is definitely not the societal norm. However, there is nothing wrong with expecting your daughter and her new boyfriend to come over to meet the family and get to know him before they go out by themselves.

I think that since you are talking about a person almost 18 permission to be your daughter's boyfriend is unreasonable. If she is allowed to date then that is where she has to have permission. It is bewteeen your relationship with her where your involvment lies, not with the boy. He should of course respect whatever rules you have laid out for her though.
However you could invite the boyfriend over for dinner or something to get to know him.

Well, as I was that age just a couple years back, I can tell you times have changed a lot...
I don't think he should have to directly ask you, the parents. That would be ideal, but chances are he wasn't raised that way. I do think that if your daughter really likes him, then you should plan on having him over and meeting him.

At least for me, it was extremely important to me that my family liked whoever I was dating. If there was a valid reason my mom didn't like him, then he was out of the picture for me.
My advice is be open with her, talk with her about things, and most of all, give her trust. At 17 1/2, you're almost (technically) an adult. And she'll want to know that you approve more than the boy probably does.

I know that with my family all I had to do was bring them over so that my parents could meet them and if they liked him then it was ok so maybe spend some time with both of them and get to know him and if you think its ok let her and maybe talk to her about it because maybe he asked her but she doesn't want to date him but I think that as old as she is maybe give her some slack and tell her that and let her know that its because you trust her and you want her to feel like an adult that will help a especially with her age. I am 20 and I know that I liked it when my parents trusted me on things like that it made me feel older.

~H.~

Well you are old school then. lol. They don't need to ask permission to date her, trust me she will have other bfs I am sure. Are you going to have all them ask your permission? If so you may scare off some of them and make your daughter mad and date them anyway. I can see asking your permission if they were to get married but not dating. Good luck. :)

In this country, it's not common (as in VERY unusual) for parental permission to be gained by the OTHER person for dating. Blessing for marriage is common, but not dating.

What IS common is the whole "meet the family" aspect. In school that's usually early on in a relationship... after HS it's only if a relationship is serious (aka after several months)

In Every home it's different. We only have one daughter, and my husband did not allow her to date one on one while she was in school, he trusted her but not not the boys, she still had a full social life, she was in the "Color Guard" the "Winter Guard" she did "Flags" and "Letters" and all the kids who were in the guard and band hung out together, movies, malls Starbucks, and she is now 21, see so many of her high school friends with children and no husbands, and at the time she did not agree with her dad, (Either did I) but at the age of 21 she is greatful for it, her purity is in tack, and she is pursuing her education as a Performing arts major. Just something to think about. Being boyfriend and girlfriend in these times is very different than it used to be, men are not teaching their sons how to respect women, and most girls who's fathers are very active in their lives don't need a boyfriend to validate their worth. My husband has always told my daughter and my daughter in law that they are queens among young women to him, and ever since my daughter was a pre teen he always asks her who loves you more than I do, That has taught out daughter to have great respect for herself, and is a strong enough young women not to let some guy take advantaged of her. Your daughter needs to have that strength if she's going to date. We have to set our kids up for success, and dads have to protect their daughters. J.

these days its so rare for boys to ask the girls parents for permission. My boyfriends growing up never did of course my parents were okay with it and only asked if they could meet them prior to us dating. I dont think its all that serious as long as you get to know him also.

I have a 15 yo daughter and the question is sure to come up soon with her.
My 21 yo had a girlfriend in hs and the parents came to our house to meet us and see my son at home, presumably so they knew exactly who we were and where we lived, what kind of people we were, etc. I was totally OK with this. Personally I think if a boy likes either one of daughters enough to take them out he better have the wherewithall to come meet me and my husband. THe girls know this, but with them I havent' had to deal with it yet.
Also all my children know that Daddy went to Grandpa and asked him before we got married and that Daddy was warned big time. I was 25 at the time, still old enough for my Dad to give permission.

I have stressed only going out with groups of friends.

I think expecting a young man to ask permission to DATE your daughter is unreasonable, but I do think it would be wise to plan a family outing so you can meet the young man...maybe something like miniature golf, a BBQ or even a family hike. You want to see if 1) he's willing to meet you (a no to this question would raise huge red flags), 2) is he timely, 3) does he show your daughter (and you) proper respect, 3) can he get along with your husband and deal with the typical "dad" grumpiness that his baby girl is growing up.

Any young man worth his salt will be happy to go through this little ritual if it means putting you at ease.

Good luck!

I don't think there's one right answer. I think it's going to have to be whatever you and your husband agree on. But you DO need to agree on something. The best thing you can do when dealing with teens is present a unified front. (I don't have teens yet, but I sure remember being a teen! lol!).

I say sit down and make a list of the reasons each of you support whichever point you support and then discuss it until you come to an agreement. Maybe you could settle on a compromise like your daughter needs to ask for your permission herself, or he needs to ask and she needs to ask HIS parents too, or something like that.

My daughter is only 4 but I have already been thinking about this:) I think I will probably require the boy to not only ask me first, but come over for a family function first. I will re-post in about 15 years and let you know how it works out:)