Dating - Colonial Heights,VA

Updated on April 10, 2008
T.E. asks from Colonial Heights, VA
4 answers

I have not been on a date in 2.5 years, does anyone know how to get back out there and start dating again. I am looking for a long-term relationship, maybe even marriage but I don't want to seem to forward when meeting men, but I don't want any games. I am also scared to date because of what effect it will have on my children. I don't want them to think that I am negelecting them but I believe a happy mommy makes an effective mommy. Somedays I don't worry about it and other days I just want a hug from an individual of the opposite sex that is not my family member. So ladies what do you think. I know that many of the women here are married and I was hoping for some good Godly advice on the subject.

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answers from Washington DC on

Hi T.
This is a very good question. I've been with my husband for the past 18 years. We both have children from previous relationships. I had been on my own for 4 years before I met him, but had dated for about a year prior to meeting him.

I asked myself some very serious questions before having someone in my life. Stepparenting is very hard and many couples say that they had no ideas of what they were getting into. I will list a few books and links that might be helpful to consider at the end of this email.

I first realized that I needed to be really happy to be with myself and my son and was not looking for someone to take care of me. That eliminated a lot of prospects and made me very picky and choosy and having a mate and a companion (because I wanted someone equal to me). I made a list of what I would accept in a relationship and what I would not. People sometimes laugh at me, but when you are "in the honeymoon phase" it can be hard to distinguish all those feelings. Plus, I had another person to consider. This was not just about me anymore.

Because I had a very busy life (full-time mom and business owner) I didn't want to go to bars and places of that nature. Plus I hate bars and didn't think that this was the place to meet the type of person I was looking for. I put my name in a dating agency that I trusted. 18 years ago, there were no such thing as computor dating. This was done by an individual that would look at our criterias and match them.

I was to be called first by the agency, have him tell me about the person interested and if I was interest, I would call and set a "date" at a restaurant or other public place. My husband was the 5th person I met. I went with the attitude that I want to meet someone who will meet my requirements. I didn't need another person to make me happy and successful since I already had all of those. I wanted to meet a partner.

On our first date, we talked for 9 hours. It was unbelievable. I asked some hard questions such as why was he looking through a dating agency, why did he and his wife divorce, what is he looking for in a relationship, what were his long term goals...

I felt I had nothing to loose yet everything to gain. Today, I am very happy with my husband and yes we do had disagreements which is normal. But I will never forget our first date and all the Q & A we had. I knew more about my husband at that meeting than I had about my revious husband of 5 years.

This is my personal story, that I thought I would share are a way to show you that today's version of "dating agency" may be an alternative to you. I would suggest that you take a good look at why you want to have someone in your life and the type of person you want.

Here are a few link to help you think about those questions.

I hope this was helpful. If you wish to talk some more about steprelationships, you can email me. Good luck.

C. C.
Life Coach



answers from Richmond on

T. ~

Don't go out "looking". Simply open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone special. When you are "looking", you have a tendancy to overlook important stuff, just for the sake of being with someone.

Continue the activities that you now enjoy and notice the single men who are also involved in those same activities. That's a great way to start a friendship that could evolve.

I don't recommend bars. People are drinking, making rash decisions and you really can't get to know someone under those circumstances. In this day and age it can be downright dangerous.

Consider your children. Don't introduce a man into their lives unless it has reached a point where you are almost certain this is the one. Even then, be careful. Don't build up your children's hopes, only to have them suffer a loss.

Best Wishes ~ K.



answers from Richmond on

Hey T.! Thank you for sharing your story! I understand how you feel about your children and you not wanting to move too fast. Taking it slow is always good. And when you do start to date, God will lead you and show you who's the right one. I heard Paula White mention on a cd once that we should fast to find out if that's the person we are suppose to date and/or marry. You'll know if that's the right person if he is willing to wait and not rush into anything sexually and not only wanting you for one thing and one thing only. That he wants to be with you for YOU. Find out his goals and plans for the future and see if they co exists with yours. Search him out before you introduce him to your children. That way, if he's not the one, then your children won't see different men that mommy is hanging with and they get confused. They don't know what the word dating means yet. (smile) Just relax girl and have fun with it. Try not to make it complicated. Put God before you and he will lead and guide you okay! :)

By the way, I'm Pam and I attend Faith Landmarks Ministries Church :) God is the # 1 person to give you the best advice ever! So go with Him girly!!! Be Blessed!!



answers from Washington DC on

you can try or even myspace to contect with old friends. Just find things you like to do and get out there! You don't have to look for love, but you do have to make yourself available for it to find you! Good Luck!

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