has anyone experienced a difficult transition period into parenthood with babies' dads? i know we focus on moms, but has anyone had a hard time supporting dads into their new role? any suggestions on helping them with the 'helpless' feelings that come with not being able to get baby to stop crying; loss of freedom, increased responsibilities, etc.?
I have seen many dads have a hard time adjusting to the new duties as dads. It's not always just the new responsibilities that take their toll, however; many dads are now faced with less time with their significant others and need some time alone.
It can be a difficult transition into fatherhood. If your hubby isn't comfortable talking about the issues maybe he could ease his worries about his new found role by relating to other dads. My hubby had the same problem because all his friends were single or didn't have kids so they didn't understand his new role as a father or how much it changed our lives, so he didn't have anyone to vent to.
I don't know if your hubby likes the internet or is a techno guy but here are a few dad oriented websites that he might find as useful as we moms find mamsource to be for us.
Here are just a few, once you link to one of these, many sites are suggested. My hubby loves some of the sites below, then maybe your hubby won't feel so alone or frustrated. The Defective Yeti website is by far the funniest, and his son has autism, so I think your hubby might find some support by reading these sites and it will help him see that others make light of their own struggles finding their way in this new father role.
Hope this helps.
Hi there
I suggest joining a birth to three parenting group. It is low cost, and they also offer scholarships if you need help. My husband is introverted and doesn't talk about his problems much. He and I both experienced a difficult transition period, but joining the group helped us see that everyone was going through the same thing, and his feelings were often validated without him even having to speak! We were both able to connect with people and situations, and that reallyl helped us through. I really believe it was the most important thing we have done so far, and we have lasting friendships with parents, playdates, and just a lot of fun with other people with babies our daughter's age. The dads and moms each meet separately sometimes as well, and there is truly an abundance of support and nonjudgement. Although people need therapy if they are a threat to a child, a partner, or themselves, sometimes we just need to see that some feelings are "normal" and that it is part of this woderful but difficult life changing experience.
Hi! I, too, am going through a sort of tough transitional period w/ my husband (father to my 6.5 month old).
I've found that what he needs the most is reassurance that he's doing a wonderful job, he needs to know that I trust him no matter what, and he needs time to figure out how to calm the baby in his own way.
He has his moments where he says he's just 'not good at this,' and that he's mourning his loss of freedom. (He's almost 39 and this is his first baby, so I'm very understanding of his feelings). But I've found that with lots of love & trust, he figures things out very well, and has turned into a very good daddy. Another thing that we remind ourselves about is that it won't be this tough forever. This baby's going to grow quickly, and will soon be a little more independant.
Good luck & take care...
My husband had a really, really difficult time with the transition when we had our son. The main things that helped were finding him some friends who had children that he could talk to and time.... It also helped that I backed off and let him 'find his way' a lot with our son. Nit picking and micromanaging daddy's performance are really h*** o* daddy's self esteem. My son was really, really colicy and that didn't help our situation at all. My son cried basically non-stop for everyone but me. And I really had to learn to back off and not make negative comments if the baby's clothes didn't match or if his diaper wasn't on straight. And I learned to praise for any participation. Having a child is a huge adjustment in anyone (or any couple's) life.
when i had my children at first i felt i left my husband out i was just being overly protective, and thought he couldnt do what i was doing. till one day he told me how am i suppose to get to know my child to if i dont allow him to try. that broke my heart. so i had to let him know what it was ;like to figure out what to do .children dont come with a manual. and us moms learned by trial and error so we have to let the husbands or boyfriends to find out what works for them. and because i had to pull back and let the baby cry and cry until he found some way to make her happy. was the best thing i did he felt important, and now our girls are exstemily close to their dad. good luck .fathers need a role as well with lots of encouragement! offer some suggestions but let him do what feels good to him.
My husband still has terrible postpartum whatever-you-wanna-call-it, and our son is two years old!!
I think men think their lives are over when they start a family. I would encourage you to suggest your man get out with the guys on a regular basis or go play sports or indulge in a hobby or something he likes to do. Some dads bond immediately with babies, others take longer. Give him his space. If you force anything on him, it will backfire on you. GOod luck!
yes, it can be hard. get a babysitter as soon as you can, let him feed the baby with the bottle, you'd be surprised how useful he can be--sometimes daddies can do things mommies can't do. it's hard to let go, esp at first, but it will help him feel included. and praise him constantly--daddies need to know they are good at parenting while we mommies seem to assume we know what to do! lots of luck...
The first year seems especially tough. Let him feed, change, put to bed, and certainly play without you watching to "make sure he's doing it right". Let him know that even if he does it differently, it is still OK. You need a break too, take the opportunity to go run errands, get a pedicure, go for a walk, whatever, to let him know that you trust him with the baby. They (baby and dad) need to work out their relationship. It may seem really hard to do at first, but as you show your confidence in your husband, he will step up and take on the responsibility.
The first year is tough, hang in there. It goes so fast!
well this is just a suggestion about dad not being able to get baby to stop crying.
it may be a phase. my son would NEVER want my husband to hold him at night. so i was ALWAYS the one putting him to bed. this was frustrating for all of us. but it passed as baby got a bit older.
so some things you may need to work on, and help them or allow them to bond. but some things just take time too.
have him try walking with baby (already fed) outside rather than inside. this worked with mine sometimes.
also, my husband felt a little better when we talked to other parents and found out that he wasn't the only dad who couldn't get the baby to stop crying.
my husband had the hardest time adjusting to the newbaby and even still has probs. and shes almost 16 months! he has little patience and its frustrating for me when he doesnt want me to work but i need to at least part time which is what i do. and i work while hes at work so it doesnt affect him i had to totally change my working schedule because it really was a hardship on our marriage. its alittle better but with his realtionship with her it seems to not be. found any good tips??
Postpartum depression is a very real thing for men, just as much as for the mom. I don't think it is very welll talked about...When it happened to us, I started doing research on the internet... and found out that men can have the same depression as the moms...we went through a hard time...and finally I started calling for therapists...my husband was in counseling for a while and then for our marriage as well. We made it through, and our marriage is stronger than ever. When our second daughter rolled around I was more aware at paying attention to my husband too, he also had a bigger roll because he had to take care of our first daughter while I was in the hospital. If you notice anything though, don't be shy to talk to him, or call for counseling. It is very real. Don't ignore anything!
I had a really hard time with my husband after we had our son. I tried to talk to him about it, but it never seemed to go well or get very far without one of us getting hurt or angry. I ended up writing him a letter, telling him how I felt. I know that might sound silly, but it made a big difference.
Daddy postpartum is a very real thing. Do some searches on the internet for it, you'll find some info.
Bringing a new baby into the world can be a big responsibility. If this is his first child he probably can go through these symptoms. There is actual a new study that dads are dealing with ppd too. That is just coming out this year. My husband had similar symptoms and he tried to fly out of the house as much as possible. I think it can be based on fear and knowing that he has to become a parent and raise a child. Men are different when it comes to their emotions so instead of talking about it they act out instead, we for other hand are usually comfortable with our emotions and feelings. If he is have a really hard time adjusting I would suggest him speaking with a counselor or doctor. It's nothing to be embarrased about and ppd can last from 6 months to 1 year in a woman so imagine if it is just a new study how long it could last with a male. I would do research just to help you out on advice or tips with ppd and what it symptoms in can give you or your husband. Regards, B.
