Crying Twins

Hi N.,

You have lots of good advice. As a mother of twins who are now five and such fun (now!), I remember the early months and really needing help. I only had my twins but I still needed help. If you can get a relative to help, or if you can hire a mother's helper, that would be the best support. Any remember, it gets easier. I needed to hear these words a lot!

Hang in there,
L.

My twins are 4 yrs old now & believe me, it does get easier, so hang in there! The first thing I eventurally learned & I'll probably mention it again, is that I always made sure to have a bottle (breastmilk as I was pumping b/c tandem breastfeeding did not work for me) or two ready at all times for when one or both would wake up crying or just start crying while awake. I also had one good burper while the other was not so good, so only on the belly over my lap worked to burp her. I found it was very important to make sure both were burped well after each feeding or I'd have two very, very fussy babies on my hands, which as you know could become quite stressful.

And for me, bouncers were a miracle. I did have two & they were different in case one didn't like the one they were in, I could switch them. I think the vibration of the bouncers &/or the white noise soothed them & sometimes I'd have to swaddle them while they were in the bouncers. Most times I would be holding one while the other was in a bouncer b/c I was pumping for them every couple hours & didn't have a lot of opportunities to hold them both at the same time. If the one in the bouncer started crying while I was holding the other one & possibly pumping, I would use my foot to gently rock the bouncer & that almost always worked. I also always tried to have two bottles of breastmilk ready when I knew they hadn't been fed in awhile (see I told you I'd mention it again), so sometimes I would have to put the one I was holding in the other bouncer (which I always had nearby when I was pumping) & pick up the fussy one to feed. And then of course, sometimes they both just needed to be fed at the same time, so I would prop them both up in our bed w/ pillows & hold both bottles to feed them simultaneously.

I also brought a baby carrier w/me at all times whenver I went anywhere so that if one was not happy in their stroller, I could put on the carrier & put one inside & if I had to, I could hold the other one separately. I did actually have one of those double baby carriers, but carrying both like that was too much for my back as well as I'm petite, so I could only do it for a short while. When they got heavier, only my husband ended up using the carriers as a double, but if your back/neck is strong enough it's a good way to hold them both at the same time & actually have your hands free.

Lastly, I took them out for walks in their double stroller daily to get them out in the fresh air & sunshine, which I think helped to relax them, especially if they were overstimulated, as well as it was exercise for me which helped me to relax & relieve some stress:-)

Hang in there - things will get better! I remember pushing my twins around in their stroller back and forth on the kitchen floor trying to get them to stop crying (didn't work BTW).

I'm guessing you've probably tried these things but just in case:
- do they burp okay? one of my twins could never burp and it seemed she'd get gas bubbles in her tummy and cry until we turned her over our laps and patted her back until the gas , um, went out the other end ;-)

- how well do they nap? my other twin was a perpetual-wailing machine if we didn't put her down for her nap in time (and it took us a while to learn that keeping her up later *didn't* make her sleep longer, it made her overtired and crankier!)

- does swaddling help? some babies like really snug swaddles. how about swings, bouncies, rockers, vibrating bouncy seats? (anyone you can borrow these things from to see if they work?)

really, it DOES get better. my twins will be 8YO in November, and I can honestly say that they WON'T remember how long they cried as newborns ;-).

I don't have twins... but my son cried a lot for a while when he was around that age, and we used to set him in the moses basket on top of the running dryer. I think the vibrations and white noise appealed to him because he slept longer there than anywhere else. It was a bummer when he outgrew that basket! We also had a convertible rocking chair for him that vibrated. It was by Fisher Price and had a little stand you could set up so the chair didn't rock, but rather sat in a recline position and a little vibration switch. It was also soothing to him. My daughter (second born) was cozy in a sling I wore. Don't know how well that would solve your problem, though, since it is still basically holding the baby.

They might have acid reflux. My twins did and it made them very uncomfortable. Check with your Dr. Keeping them a bit up right after feedings might help too. I wish you the best of luck because it is very difficult. Hang in there! It will get better!

N.-

My twins are turning 6 Sunday and at 10 weeks they were doing the same thing. In retrospect I'm not sure if they actually cried ALL the time like I thought or it was magnified because of my total and complete exhaustion. One twin had to be held and rocked constantly and I finally figured out that a sling was the way to go with her and it freed up my hands with for other. 10 weeks is too young to let them cry it out but I promise you it gets better and easier.

M.

My advice is probably what you least want to hear. Just hold them. Just hold them, feed them, change them, and carry them around. Care for the other child while holding them. Do not do anything but care for your babies. Babies cry because they need something. Touch is a NEED for babies. It is important for physical and neurological development. 10 weeks in very young. I only had one at a time, and I was overwhelmed, so I do feel for you. I had one naptime that I held him, one naptime that I slept, and one naptime that I worked (cleaning house, preparing meals, washing diapers). A routine for ME, rather than them is what saved me.
Good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS!!! My nieces are twins, and they have such a unique experience with one another! You have many adventures ahead!

Hang in there! My twin girls are now 1.5 years old but I remember how hard the first four months were. I agree with a lot of the posts. A few thoughts:

1) Yes, they need touch / to be held alot. Can you get family members, neighbors, etc. to help out for even an hour or two a day? You'd be amazed at how much more in control you will feel with an extra pair of hands.

2) Could they be reacting to your breast milk or formula? One of my girls had acid reflux (pretty common partic. w/twins who tend to be born a little early). We had to try different formulas and put her on Zantac to help her with this issue.

3) Have you tried swaddling them? The snugness of the blanket gives them a sense of security, warmth, etc and can help them relax.

4) Have you tried putting them down to sleep or rest in a chair that is at an incline rather than flat on their backs? This helps with digestion issues and with reflux. My girls slept in their carseats for the first 4 months of their lives. This was a suggestion of a very experienced night nurse. We also have vibrating bouncy chairs that they seemed to like a lot too.

5) Have you tried a swing? Try swaddling one of them and then putting her in a swing. That can calm them down and help them sleep. The portable swings are inexpensive and work as well as the more expensive versions. My stepbrother's baby slept in her swing throughout the night for the first few months of her life.

Hang in there. It is so, so hard to be a mother of twins ... you just don't have enough hands! But it gets better more quickly than you realize. Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or just need moral support. You can do it! And don't forget to tell yourself you are doing a great job.

10 weeks still seems solidly within the 'colic' window, so it seems totally within reason that they'd cry that much. That must be really hard. Is there additional help you can get for holding them? As someone else suggested, I'd get some recommendations on how to wear them comfortably. There's a great organization called Nino (Nine In, Nine Out) that gives directed, specific help on baby wearing. There's Bay Area chapter. You could Google Bay Area Baby Wearing and see what contact information comes up. They are amazingly helpful. I'd avoid letting them cry it out if possible, that seems really early. Best of luck.

p.s. Just found out the name of the babywearing yahoogroup is ____@____.com could email, join, and then find out how you could get some support. Hope this was helpful.

L.

N.,

Congrats on the twins! So much fun, and so much work.
There could be a number of reasons your girls are crying. However, when I get onto jobs with your issue, it's normally 1 of 3 things.
I will put them in order of most common.
1) Hungry
2) Tried
3) Over Stimulated

HUNGRY-
Per your description, you're saying the girls should be full. However, I find on most jobs that parents feed the bab(ies) once they wake up, play, and put the babies back down to sleep. Normally that entire process takes about 1-2 hours. If you bab(ies) are eating when they wake up, by the time you get ready to put them back down, guess what, they really are hungry again. Most books would tell you that it's allowing your babies to snack and they will not be good eaters. I completely disagree. And with ALL my experience with babies, they need the TOP OFF before every nap. This allows them to sleep with FULL BELLIES- and use the food to develop and grow while they sleep. If your babies are having short naps, it's because they are hungry.

So, it should look like this- they wake up at noon. You feed them (maybe at this age 4-6oz), change them, play with them and start looking for the signs of tired (yawning, red eyes, fussy). By 1245-130 it's time to transition them back to a quiet, dark place for a top off (about 1-3oz). This will allow them to use the food while they sleep and feel full. They should sleep about 2.5-3 hours at this point.

OVER TIRED

If your babies are fed and not hungry and that fussy, it means they are way over tired. I don't believe in ever letting a baby "cry it out." If your babies are over tired, they will cry like your talking about. Start transitioning them PRIOR to the over tired signs to nap time and bed time. Since they are used to being held, you're going to need to trick them and swaddle them tightly before you begin to transition them- and give them the top off while swaddled ( I don't believe in swaddling, however, I use this trick when I'm in situations like you're talking about)- This will trick them to THINK they are being held because they will be tightly wrapped, warm, and comfortable. Once they are ready to go down, put them down in a quiet place (hopefully the chosen sleeping spot-dark and quiet). You might need to pat them like you're holding them, and rock them a little. This is patting and rocking is WHILE they are in the bed. It might take a minute or two to calm them if they have woken up.

If this doesn't work, put the bouncing seat in the bedroom, or even in the crib if you're doing crib training. Bounce them in the seat-
If you're using a pacifier, use that also. You might need to hold it in their mouths to help them relax some. They are used to the motion, body heat, and tight holding, so think- "How can I trick these girls to think I'm holding them while they sleep?"
Eventually, after all this tricking, believe it or not, they will transition to little to no patting, swaddling, bouncing etc.

With the bouncy seat, you can use the vibrator, however, once they stop crying or start sleeping, TURN IT OFF. If they cry, turn it back on- do ON/OFF many times until they get used to NO Vibrator. My main philosophy is to use the tools as a distraction, and for training, and to remember----everything in moderation until the problem is solved and NEVER do it too much to form addictions-

The first priority is to get them sleeping- and get them out of your arms. Once you do that, you can really work on where, and how long. So, I've given you a lot of information that some of it might work, and some not depending on more details needed from you!

OVER STIMULATED

Most babies are over stimulated- by 10 weeks, the brain has developed enough that noises and light can overstimulate the babies- and they really need a quiet, dark place to rest (I'm saying this because most parents have their babies out in the living room to sleep, not thinking the noise bothers them). Also, since they are only awake 45min- 1.5 hours, it's important to recognize how much noise, and stimulation they have had during that time. I'm finding most parents are doing too much and not letting the babies just relax and take it all in by looking around.
I'm thinking your babies aren't sleeping 2-3 hour stretches, and if that's the case, you have a double whammy of over stimulated and tired babies- which makes the next go around harder.

Hope this helps some! You're so blessed to have such wonderful babies!
I'm in your area if you need some help.

C. Giovanni
Miracle Nanny

How old is your other baby/ Wow what a problem! If you didn't have twins, you could hold one little baby and one older one and would get through this stage and on to the next with both of them without feeling overwhelmed. All babies need to be just held by mommy. But with three little ones I am sure there are lots of other things you feel you should do, especially now that they are over two months old. I hope you have some help. I wish I could come and walk around carrying your beautiful little infants and just love the opportunity to make them happy just by holding them.

Do you have relatives, neighbors, church or other group friends who would either do some baby holding or some housework so that everything might get done? My husband and I spent some time staying with his granddaughter when her second baby was born. We mostly played with the 3 year old who needed a lot of attention, but sometimes mommy did things with her "big girl" and the new little one who was almost always being carried around by mommy would let me hold her and get her to sleep. It was a joy for us and now 10 months later we are looking forward to helping her in any way we can when she comes today with the little ones for a few days.

Let people know of the type of help you need and there are people (from young girls to old great grandmothers) who just love anything involving babies!!

Good luck!!N.

When you let them cry for an hour, do you leave or put in earplugs? Just wondering because, for me, after about 5 minutes of screaming, I have a physical reaction- my heart starts beating fast and my palms get sweaty. I have to pick her up. I can't imagine just sitting there through all of that.
Babies are immature primates who thrive on touch. They are crying because it is essential for their physical and mental development to be held. That's why they don't cry when you hold them. That's also why one adult can't adequately care for 3 babies alone. Can you hire a mother's helper to hold and nuture the babies while you do your thing?

N.,
Consider getting the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp. His system of helping crying babies is just short of a miracle. I've given copies to each set of expecting parents at my church - they all say it was the best gift and most helpful advice they ever received. Some have shared the DVD with their friends. Dr. Karp also has a book - but there is no substitution for seeing the demonstrations of what to do.

Best wishes - J.

N.,

Congrats on your twins. You have your hands and lap full! I would say try the swing or bouncy seat, and don't expect yourself to get much done around the house. They need a lot of one-on-one with mom right now. There may be issues with colic starting or gassiness. Try simeticone drops to see if that helps. I used to have good results with carrying them around on their tummy, face down on my arm. That would be a good workout with two!

Best wishes to you and let us know how it goes!

L.

At 10 weeks old, after feeding they should be "up" and played with a miximum of 5, maybe 10 minutes but even that might be pushing it. Your baby will give you the cue. After the baby is fully fed to their fill, watch for the first signs of fussing. This is you cue that it is sleep time. So then they should be laid down to sleep. At around this age, they start becoming more sensitive or fussy about sleep. Previous they could sleep in your arms. But they are comming out of the almost coma-sleep state and their nervous system is maturing. Now is the time to get the crib habit in place. If a baby is tired and is kept up past thier bedtime, they will eventually go into hypercry mode, where they will be hard to be consoled. What they do is escalate the cry to tell you ,you are not meeting the need. Once in hypercry mode, even when the need is finally met- they will probably continue to cry until passing out. Patting, swinging, rubbing will only keep them up longer-and usually aggrivate them to scream more, until they eventually pass out from exghaustion. The key is to get them to sleep earlier than you do now. New babies like that should be sleeping almost all day, with the exception of feeding and changes, bathe, etc.
Babies grow during sleep cycle- that is why new babies sleep so much. A human grows more for the first 6 months that the entire rest of their lives. That is an exhausting task. For them, being kept up an extra 20 minutes is like being kept up for 3 days with no sleep for us.

Enough food, and enough sleep. These are the top two reasons for crying in a healthy child. Dirty diaper crying is much less common if at all (depends on child. none of my 3 cryed with a dirty diaper) and a pain cry is less common as well. I am even under the beleif that many doctors mis-interpret excessive crying and blame in on colic and gas- When it is just a desperated need for more food or most likely, sleep.

Blessings and good luck!
Gail