Crazy Driving Husband and My kids...PART 2 - San Jose,CA

honey, honestly. you have TWO options. divorce him (and yes, that will cause a HUUUUGE amount of drama and heartache for your kids - not to mention you having to send them to visit him and not be there to supervise - i KNOW that feeling trust me) OR get STRONG STRONG STRONG and fix this. does he WANT to stay married? if he does, and he commits, then you can come back from this. my husband was verbally abusive, angry, hateful, and didn't act like he gave two S***S about us. but surprisingly when he realized he was about to lose us, he agreed, to "do whatever it takes". so we did. we got help. and we DID fix it. there are no easy solutions. either one will be hard. one, you will have to do if he's not in this with you. the other, obviously preferable - will NOT happen unless he is on board. good luck sweetie :(

Again, I agree with Jo.

It's so hard to accept, but some things we truly can't control. I thank God every day that I don't have to deal with that kind of drama, and I pray every day for the mothers who do. I don't think I would handle it very well if i literally had *no* control over exactly 1/2 of my child's upbringing. I can only imagine your frustration.

But again, not a whole lot you can do about it without breaking the law.

I wouldn't take the risk and would move heaven and earth to find someone trustworthy other than my husband driving my children.Where's your village? It really does take a village. As long as you believe there is no other way you will not find another way. I'm just praying that one day doesn't find you with some tragic coincidence that makes you wish you had tried harder and got your kid out of daddy's car.

FYI - a counselor can only help a person that wants help and acknowledges that there is a problem. There are steps that must be taken and an honest look at your naked self must happen in order for change to start. I think you will benefit from counseling but your husband I'm not certain where his heart is in this matter.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

I have not followed the whole story, but if the issue is his driving is not good but he is going to drive with them anyway, due to circumstances, I am sorry. That must be scary.

All I can suggest is to offer the kids maximum protection. That means keep your 2-year-old rear-facing for as long as possible. Most seats will get you to age 3. And keep any older kids harnessed as long as you can, at least to age 6. And be sure to use a booster until the children 5-step, which generally happens between 9 and 12. If you can't control your husband, you can see to it the kids are properly restrained to the maximum of your ability.

Our therapist had us practice talking to each other.

We would sit facing each other. One of us would start.

You: Honey, I don't like it when you drive fast

Him: I heard you say you don't like it when I drive like a normal person should drive...I like to get where I'm going.

You: I heard you say......and it goes on from there. It should only be a few times back and forth and the point should be made.

The big one "I" remember from our time doing these was when hubby's topic was that he was worried about my safety when I didn't wear a seatbelt. To this day I never get in a car and not put on my seatbelt. It just does not happen, I am so used to it that I feel naked and exposed with out it.

I think that the therapist can make huge headway with this. Hubby is putting his and everyone else's lives in danger when he is driving like this. It is something that I would not back down on.

next semester tell them you are not available until a certain time and if you cannot be in this program then you need to find a different setting for the same program.

One of my friends was going into a nursing program, she was a straight "A" student. She had little ones and could not find child care anywhere in her town before 7am. (She is the reason I opened my child care center at 5:30am. There are a lot that are open that time of day, you might find one).

She could literally not do clinicals. They told her should could not be in the program if she could not be on time, she drew a hospital in a town about 45 minutes away too. Stinks for sure. She would have to leave her house about 5:30am to get the kids dropped off and then drive to the next town.

She finally had enough. She enrolled the next semester at the Vo-Tech where the classes are during school hours. She was able to manage her kids and home life a whole lot better.

Make a video......please...........

That was one of my thoughts, too, and it's a legit one. Friend of mine is married to a man whose ex is an alcoholic. But she's not the kind of alcoholic that is drunk all the time, can't hold a job, etc. However, she will binge and think nothing of driving the kids. So one of the things they started doing was teaching the kids not to take a ride from anybody when they feel unsafe. Including their mother. That part was worked through with the counselor. So I suggest that you get a counselor when and if you split to help the kids with their father's behavior.

I would ask the daycare if they know of any transportation services (either from your home or from school) that deliver to the daycare or schools. A lot of schools are cutting back here on aftercare options so kids are being bussed and vanned around more. Look at aftercare programs and ask what their age limits are. You'll need to know if you're on your own, too. Can you drop your son off any earlier and still get to school?

I don't want anything truly bad to happen to DH's ex either, if nothing else she is the kids' mom and they would be devastated.

Good luck with everything.