Continuing Trying to Conceive or Decide to Adopt

Updated on February 19, 2009
D.J. asks from Amarillo, TX
11 answers

My husband and I have been trying to conceive a baby for almost a year. I have hypothyroidism, and my hormones fluctuations have been horrible throughout the whole process. I have had two miscarriages, one resulting in a D&C. I went to my doctor yesterday, and he told me I now have fibroids, and will need another D&C before we can start trying again. This whole experience has been hard on my family, especially my four year old son. He doesn't know the whole story, but seems to sense my frustration and sadness. My question to you guys is, when faced with fertility problems, how can I decide to keep on trying, or give up and be happy with the child I have? Adoption is also an option for us, I just don't know what to do.

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answers from Dallas on

I also think it is up to your and your husband. Only you know what you can handle. I would seek the advice of dr's also. I have heard that stress can make things difficult. Best of luck to you.



answers from Dallas on

I highly recommend adoption - my brother and his wife adopted two boys (twins) about 18 months ago and they have been a delight and joy to the whole family. There are so many children in the world that could use a loving home and these days many adoptions are open, so you can get a clue about a child's family history (even health). My nephews just attended a (blood) cousin's birthday party and met his half sister, half brother, etc., along with aunts, uncles, etc.

Also, given your health issues, having a healthy pregnancy could be difficult. In particular, if your hypothyroidism isn't adequately addressed (which it sounds like based on the other issues - all your hormones are related), then the health of your baby can be impacted. And, hypothyroidism is genetic - I am hypo as are my mother, sister and now my two sons who are only 13 and 16. One big factor is that we are also celiac - we have an intolerance to wheat gluten. That is very, very, very common with hypothyroidism and miscarriages and these hormonal problems can be directly related to undiagnosed celiac. I strongly urge you to get tested. This is the most accurate lab:

Your doctors might look at you like you have 3 heads if you bring this up - any doctor that got his degree over 5 years ago was taught this is rare - it is not. The amount of research in this area that shows how prevalent it is has increased exponentially in this decade. You can go to pubmed ( yourself and search on "celiac" and any of your health issues (in particular hypothyroid) and see TONS of research, including a landmark study published just last year.

Also, you might want to join the Texas Thyroid Yahoo group - lots of women with your same issues - the majority due to improperly treated hypothyroidism and weekly the topic of the celiac comes up:



answers from Dallas on

Adoption is an awesome thing. If you feel that is a good option, then go for it. It is a long process, so start sooner rather than later.

When you say your doctor, what kind of doctor are you seeing? If you aren't seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) I suggest getting in to see one. They work miracles everyday, they did for me!

Pray about your decision. Good luck!



answers from Dallas on

I say adopt, too. We're on our second adoption and it couldn't be more wonderful. Why put yourself and your family through the stress and sadness you've been going though? What's the point? Surely you could love a non-biological the same as a biological. It really doesn't take much.



answers from Dallas on

If you desire another child and want to explore all of your options to conceive, look into natural adaptogens. In case you haven't heard of adaptogens, they are a category of herbs that help the body deal with stress, restore balance, and support normal metabolic processes. (A lot has been discussed recently about adaptogens, even Oz on Oprah).

To learn more about fast acting adaptogen sprays and watch "The Story of Adaptogens Documentary" 10 minute video, go to

Click on the one called "Ignite". It not only enhances male performance, but also helps to increase libido in both men and women with key ingredients. Ashwagandha is a rejuvenate that helps maintain proper nourishment of the tissues, particularly muscle and bone, while supporting the proper function of the adrenals and reproductive system. This adaptogen is considered India's most potent sex-enhancing plant, boosting sexual desires of both men and women.

He Shou Wu is one of the most popular and highly revered tonic herbs in Asian herbalism. It contributes to the health of the immune system, neurological function, and reproduction. He Shou Wu is used to enhance sexual performance and is unsurpassed in its ability to provide deep primordial energy (Jing, essence) to the cells of the body via the kidney system as described in Chinese health philosophy.

A great book that I recommend is titled Adaptogens: Herbs for Strength, Stamina, and Stress Relief by Winston and Maimes.

Adaptogens help increase the body's resistance to physical, biological, emotional, and environmental stressors and promote normal physiologic function. (Help balance hormones!) Trying to conceive over a long period of time can be very stressful on your body. Adaptogens can help, and if it's God's plan for you to become pregnant again, you will:)

May God Bless you and your family with favor and increase in 2009!!!



answers from Dallas on


Adoption is an awesome, wonderful thing! My husband and I adopted our seven year old son at birth and couldn't be happier. We could not love a biological child more than we love our son. It took us three years to get him but it was well worth the wait. It doesn't always take so long but we were older so it took a bit longer. The best of luck in whatever you decide.




answers from Amarillo on

I agree with others try adopting. This will relieve the stress that o feel about trying to make a baby. In doing so you system is not cooperating. Once you being the adoption process you will probably get pregnant as that usually happens.

I had a friend that adopted and wanted to know what a family had to do to get a child and we were blessed with a son in about 3 months who was 5 weeks old. That child will be 36 this September.

My daughter is natural and she will be 32 next month. So it is a wonderful feeling to give someone a loving home and a happy childhood as well as a sibling.

Only you know your physical/mental state. Please don't beat yourself up. You do have one and have had the experience of giving birth. Think on it and your answer will be provided. The other S.



answers from Dallas on


I think this is only a question you and your family can answer. We went through three years of infertility and several misscarriages and I got to the point where for my own sanity and body I felt I had been through enough and did not want to continue trying. We started the adoption process and low and behold...I got pregnant! I am now on baby #2 (happened on it's own) so you really never know...the body is an amazing thing! I really empathize with what you are going through is a strain mentally and physically. Good luck!


answers from Dallas on

You really need to talk this over with your husband, I know you are getting great advice from all of us. I know my sister had lots of problems trying to conceive, she has only one child who will be 12 this year. My other siblings and myself have had multiple births which was really hard on her to go through. Sometimes when we only look at what other people have we don't see the real blessing we have. I have three children and love them all. She has one, but her relationship with her daughter is so incredible, she says she gets jealous of me, but I tell her I get jealous of her, she gets to spend so much one-on-one time with her daughter is so beautiful, they talk to each other, have a very close relationship. My daughter and me seem to fight more than we get along, and her really confiding in me, well, maybe one day. Personally I think adoption is WONDERFUL, every person that opens their life to a child is a saint. Not only can you tell that child that God bless your live with that child but you chose that child. Pray about this, I'm sure you have; your answers will become clear.
God Bless Your Family!



answers from Dallas on

If you aren't seeing an RE yet, please do so. I thought I didn't need one when ttc #1, but finally decided at the urging of my SIL. Best thing I ever did, I was pg within 4 months (after 2 years of ttc).

When we started ttc #2, I went in knowing what an emotional rollercoaster it was. My dh and I sat down and decided on a SPECIFIC time period of ttc and how much money we wanted to invest in the process. We knew what an impact the whole process could have on our younger son and made our decision accordingly. It really seemed to take the pressure off to have a plan.

With your case, I would recommend that you go to an RE (if you haven't already) and discuss with him what your chances are. I know that the whole process is a hard one. Good luck with whatever you choose.


answers from Dallas on

The best answer I have is this: Pray about it. I can't really give you any advice on what to do. I think adoption is such a wonderful blessing! My sister-in-law is about to start the process, and I would also love to adopt someday. But I also understand the feeling of wanting to get pregnant again and having your own biological child. I think both options are amazing gifts from God! You and your husband need to talk about both options, and figure out what's best for your family. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer! I've known people who have adopted, or gone through IVF, and then gotten pregnant soon after, even if it was against the odds. So talk to your doctor, your husband, but most importantly, pray about what's best for your family!

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