Can Toddler and Baby Share a Room Peacefully?

Updated on October 28, 2010
A.P. asks from Rockville, MD
7 answers

Hello fellow moms,
I have a 2.5year old and am expecting another one in January. My first son needs to be moved to his own bed soon (before baby comes) and I was wondering if any of you have had a toddler share a room with a baby before. How did it go? Did the baby wake up the toddler a lot? We do have a spare room that we could make his new room but then he would be on a different floor from my husband and me and the new baby. However, the baby would be staying in my room for a few months in the beginning. I am not sure what to do- have them share or have him on another floor. Any suggestions or experiences with this would be much appreciatedl! Thanks!!

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

My son was 21 months when number two arrived. I put the new baby in a bassinet in our room for the first month or so, while he was still night feeding. I had moved my oldest into his toddler bed at 16 months, so he was already used to it well before his brother arrived. If I remember right, the baby was right around 2 or 3 months when I moved him into his big brothers room. By than I had him going to sleep on his own and sleeping from 8 until around 530, so we had no real issues. Just be sure any big stuffed toys or blanket are out of reach to reduce the risk of the older child putting them in the crib on top of the baby.

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I.C.

answers from Washington DC on

We did it - we did not want to transform a nice cosy reading room into a baby's room... ;-) Our first was 24 months when baby arrived.
But for the first few months, we had baby in a bassinet beside our bed. Our toddler learned to sleep with no side to his crib before the birth. We moved the crib in his room when the baby was born, so he would understand that he would be sharing a room soon. We also got him a clock that change color when it is time to get up - It helped him learning about self-control and boundaries (no you can't come sleep with us until then)...
When we returned from a holiday, we replaced the baby crib (which was old) by a custom made toddler bed (same size as a crib, with low rails). Our toddler eventually moved from his open-side crib to the new bed; all during that time baby was sleeping beside us in that other crib. In the end, we did not dare bringing baby in toddler room until he was about one. For the first 6 months, it was not so much an issue for us - I was breast feeding. But for the other 6 months, baby slept SO well, and our toddler was still waking up frenquently, that we felt it would be tempting the devil. We did do naps in kids room, but night was in ours.
When eventually we returned from another holiday, where they both shared the same room, we just brought the two of them in the same room, and it was fine.
however, you need to have your toddler ready for a couple things (in our case anyway):
- no calling mommy or daddy in the middle of the night, you come visit us if you need something
- no waking up baby to check if he sleeps
- when going to bed, if baby is happy to see you (our toddler goes to sleep 30 minutes after the little one), then you have to pretend you are sleeping, and he will sleep (if not, we would have jumping in the bed parties)
- in the morning, if you are happy it is time to get up (with the clock), you still come out of the room to see mommy and daddy, baby might still need sleep...

Also arrange for a place (if you have) for some toys to be available for your toddler, so that when baby is napping, your toddler does not feel prevented to play by the baby...

Hoping this helps...

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

I depends on the older child.
Some are fine with it, some are not.

And yes, the baby can wake the Toddler. But the Toddler can wake the baby too.

When I had my 2nd child... he slept in our room in a crib.
My daughter had her own room, else where in the house, on the same floor. (we have upstairs/downstairs).
Babies... wake at all hours and they cry. It woke my daughter up. She was about 3.5-4 years old at the time. Or, she would get 'worried' when baby cried and woke. Regardless, it was a sleep interruption for my eldest child. Then with interrupted sleep, they get sleep deprivation too... just like an adult would when they have a baby. But with toddlers, without a good sleep, they get fussy and over-tired, from lack of sleep.
So something to think about.
For an adult and a baby, the adults get lack of sleep too, because you need to also feed it during the night for feedings etc. If your toddler is a light sleeper.... they may wake, too.

For my daughter, it took awhile for her to get used to her baby brother waking/crying at night, and me waking to feed him. I'm talking 1 year. I also, explained to her, since she was about 4 years old... what a baby does.... it wakes/cries/I need to feed him during the night. I explained that she does not have to "worry" about it, because it is Mommy's "job" to wake at night etc. That helped her....

Then, Toddlers often have their own sleep issues or wakings. Which are age related. And they are mobile. They wake, get out of bed... . may go over to the crib and wake baby too. Or poke and prod the baby while it is asleep.
My daughter, although good.... would often want to "see" her baby brother sleeping... she'd go over to the crib (even if it was in our room), and she'd pat him or talk to him etc. And then, that woke him. To my frustration.
But Toddlers, do NOT have fully developed "impulse control"... so well, that happens.

The thing is.... there is no way to predict how it will go... with a new baby in the house and with sleep.
AND... your Son may have his own feelings on it... so you need to talk with him about it. He may not want to 'share' a room, for example.
And some kids have no problem sharing a room. But, at each age phase... a baby and a Toddler, have different sleep issues. They both wake.

My parents, when we were kids, had me and another sibling in the same room. It did not work. The older sibling... was mega controlling and bossy, and she 'resented' having me in "her" room. That is just my personal example.

all the best,
Susan

C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

My daughter was 2 when my son was born and she was in a toddler bed and her crib was in her room with her. We had our son in our room in a cosleeper for six months and then moved him into the crib in her room. He sleeps through most things - and she still wakes up at least once a night! Even when she wakes up with nightmares/night terrors, he doesn't usually wake up! But I do not let her cry for very long and she'll often wonder into our room in the middle of the night and sleep there the rest of the night. I think she's woken him 1x by crying.

That being said, he's now at a stage where it takes him a little while to fall asleep - he doesn't want to be rocked so I put him in his bed and sing to him then leave. He'll cry and I let him for a few minutes then I go back in, he lays down and I sing to him again and he falls asleep. Then about 1/2 hour - 1 hour later I sit in the room next to my daughter's bed and say her prayers with her and sing to her and then she goes to sleep on her own.

We want to add on or move to a larger house and I'm interested in seeing if they want to continue to share rooms!

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L.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,

My daughters share a room and they are 2.5 years old, and 8 months old. Surprisingly, they wake each other up much less than expected! The 8 month old, Rylee, can sleep through anything, and the 2.5 year old, Marlee rarely wakes with loud crying anymore. So, the only problem is if Rylee has a fussy night for whatever reason and cries frequently. That tends to wake up Marlee, but we just take her in the other room until she settles. We also keep a fan on all night for the white noise and that has also helped tremendously.

I would definitely give it a try. I think it is worth it to keep both on the same floor as you!! It has made Marlee feel important because she calls it 'her' room and she is 'allowing' Rylee to stay in there too. This helped with the adjustment of having a new little one around.

Good luck and congratulations,
L.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

I had three children 3 and under in a large nursery/second bedroom. They were fine-when we were selling the house when the little one was a year old-people asked why we were moving-I would say-we want something cozier!

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J.S.

answers from Detroit on

I have a 22 month old and a 3 month old. Currently my 22 month is still in a crib (why move him if he isn’t jumping out?) and the baby is in our room in a crib. Our plans are to move them together when she is sleeping more at night. Good luck.

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