We have fallen into a bad habbit where we lay in bed with my 2 year old until she falls asleep. She is now waking up at nigh (after we sneak out) coming to our bed looking for us. She is a VERY determined child and I am looking for solutions that have worked for other parents in our situation. We would previously shut the door and she would cry herself to sleep, however now she can open the door so it would require us holding the door shut now (I am prepared to do this, just wanted to see if there were better tricks of the trade out there). We do have a bed time routine where we read a story in the living room and then a story in bed.
I was going to write my advice out, but it is the same as Michelle's. I mostly wanted to say please do not lock her in her room. That is very scary to a little one and not the way to go about it. She needs to be making the choice to stay in her bed/room, not staying there because she's trapped and falls asleep exhausted from freaking out.
Good luck and hope you get some sleep soon!
Honestly, I say let her come in. We did that with our kids (I actually did a lot of co-sleeping when they were babies because it made nightime nursing so easy). Sure, it seems like a bad habit, but I don't think you need to worry about having a 10 year old in your bed. My oldest stopped coming in shortly after her brother was born (she's always been a heavy sleeper). My now 7 year old comes in occaisonally but I can just gently tell him he needs to go back to his bed and he will. And even the 5 year old is coming in less and less often. (If you or your husband are super heavy sleepers or on medication that causes you to sleep really soundly, then it's not so great of an idea). You can even let her bring a blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor next to you when she comes in. Put her in her bed at bedtime, but if she comes in later, don't sweat it. She's got plenty of time to be independent later in life!
You might like the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" by Elizabeth Pantley.
I can't imagine anyone is happy with all the drama and trauma going on at bedtime. I know you need your sleep, but I would gently suggest to you that this is your daughter, not your enemy, or a prisoner of war. . . she's saying loud and clear that she needs to be with you, and she's hitting a million developmental milestones, so that need is pretty legitimate, not a sign of "spoiling." Could you make her a little bed on your floor? This really is a fleeting stage. Could you snuggle and read her to sleep in her own bed? I've gotten a lot of mileage out of children's books on CDs that give my kids an extra story in the dark after they're tucked in, but your little girl might be too young for that, yet.
If you're too harsh in how you handle this, you may very well end up fighting some clingy behavior during the day, since her sense of trust in your constancy will be a bit shaken. Everything's a trade-off. For me, sleep is so valuable that I am willing to allow my children to sleep near me so we can all be peaceful and rested.
Best wishes and sweet dreams! Hang in there!
We swapped out the door knob on our bathroom for the one on my daughters door and then put it on backwards so that we could lock them in. It works really well. That is the best thing I have to tell you because you don't seem to mind her screaming to sleep. Just be prepared for her to fall asleep right behind the door.
The other less "tramtic way" we have used is you pick them up and put them back into bed without talking much at all. You say something like "Good night sweetheart I love you" and then leave the room. The first night you may do this 150 times and the second night will be 100 but over the course of the week she will learn not to get up and how to go to sleep without you and your husband. Same thing if she gets up in the middle of the night. Just march her back to bed and say the same phrase. The key is not to lecture or give in and talk more than you absolutely have to.
Good luck.
for our daughter (who just turned two) we put one of those pressure mounted gates just outside her doorway (about 2 feet)... she can open the door, but can't get any farther than that. now that she knows she can't go anywhere, it seems to keep her from leaving her room.
though in your case, she'd probably just cry at the gate... but you never know. regardless, when she gets up.. you need to take her back to bed. dont' say a word, don't yell or try to reason, just take her back and put her in bed. eventually she'll figure out you won't cave in. and do waht you are already doing, keep the bed time routine consistent.
btw... my sister used a timer for a while... as in, once her daughter was in bed and ready to go, she'd read her stories and sit with her and talk about her day, but when the timer went off, she would kiss her good-night, turn out the light and leave... somehow this worked really well, like the timer had to be obeyed, and it took the guilt out of leaving.
good luck!
M. - I hear your pain. Our two year old was testing us just like it. I have two suggestions for you. The 1st one is does she have a favorite toy that she loves to sleep with? If she does, set up bed time rules (this works with my son who is totally into cars and wants to sleep with them at night) We tell our guy that the rules are....stay in bed and if you do get out of bed we will take away the cars. We go over the rules every night and he actually repeats the rules. Has only has only gotten out of bed 2 times since we started this. It's been 3 months.
If that doesn't work then I suggest the bed time technique. The 1st time she is out - say "it's bedtime darling" and put her in bed, nothing else is said. The 2nd time out of bed you say "bedtime" and put her back in bed if she gets out more than 2 times, simply pick her up and place her in bed with no communication or eye contact. She will eventually get it and go to sleep but it take persistance and consistency. Good luck!!
I suggest getting door knob covers over the door handle on her side so she cannot open the door. Go get poster board, put up a chart. For every night she goes to sleep herself, stays put a gold star or happy face. After 14 days of these then a surprise at Target or something. IF she pitches a fit then take a star away.
Be matter of fact, stand tough, do not cave no matter what.
Giving her the gift of falling asleep on her own is huge and wonderful, not mean at all. Someone told me once that you can reverse any child's bad habits but you have to be ready for the work it will take! :)
The best way to deal with a determined child (I have one) it to give "some" power to them, like allowing her "what jammies to wear, what story to read, how many stuffed animals in her bed" and so on. Then you have control over the time she is in bed and that she stays put. If she gets up, you pick her up and put her back without saying a word. Do not let her win and if she is determined she will try, just don't give in and you and your husband stand united. It will turn around and she will just go to bed well alone and sleep well but it will just take some time.
Hang in there!
Hi M.. Oh, yes, we have been guilty of many bad habits ourselves! You get so tired and just want them to sleep so you will do anything and then before you know it, it backfires. My daughter is still in her crib so I can't say this comes from personal experience, however, from what I've read and seen and again on Super Nanny (I find this show incredibly helpful and informative) is to just walk her back to the bed, don't say anything, put her back in, and leave. You repeat this over and over until she gets it that she has to stay in bed. You can probably figure that it may take a while for a few nights and you won't get sleep. I think when you know you won't be sleeping and you commit to just putting her back in bed, its less upsetting. I wish you a ton of luck and some zzzz's!
A very gentle way to work on this is to start by sitting in a chair next to the bed every night, and then move the chair to the door little by little, and then sit outside the door and eventually have her go to sleep herself. With our 2.5 year old, she stopped waking as much at night when we stopped laying with her and just sat in the chair instead. She wasn't going to sleep with us laying right next to her, and so didn't expect one of us to be there in the night, if that makes sense.
Good luck!
Hi M. - you can try a child lock on the door knob from the inside.. I understand your troubles, I am right there with you...
This book has some great techniques... tailored to your child's age/develpmental stage, and they won't involve crying (maybe just a tiny bit) or locking any doors.
"Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and Joanne Kenen
Your library might have it. There's also some info on their website: www.sleeplady.com
Something that worked for my husband and I was asking if our son wanted to be a big kid or a baby and reinforcing that big kids get to do more things. It took time and we had to talk to our son everyday for about 2 weeks and when he slept in his own bed he got to do big kid things...picking out his breakfast, clothes etc (don't be afraid to use older sister as example). It was explained to me that kids are like filing cabinets you have to keep repeating yourself and eventually they get it...lol.
Little about me: I'm a mother of 2 my son is 11 and my daughter is 9
It will take patience on your part for this.Put her in bed ,with a night light or dark . stay in her room , every time she gets out, put her back, dont talk to her. Go sit down in her room and dont react. It might take a few hours for a few nights. Before bed tell her that she needs to sleep in her big girl bed and mom and dad need to sleep in their bed. be firm and gentle.
ok. I have a two year old too and they can be very determined. Here's what to do. Make a bedtime routine that you follow every night. Make the hour or two leading up to bedtime very calm. Then go through the routine- bath, books, brush teeth, change clothes, whatever it is you do. Make sure it's about 15- 20 minutes long though so she knows where it is going. This will give her a transition. Then put her in her bed give her a kiss and explain to her that she needs to stay in bed. Then leave. She will get up and follow you. Take her by the hand and say "Its bedtime." Put her back into her bed. Then leave. She will probably follow you again. This time say nothing. Just take her by the hand and put her back into her bed. She will probably follow you agian. Say nothing and just put her back and leave. Keep doing it. You may spend a few hours doing it the first night. And maybe a long time for the next few days. But then after that she will give up. She will get the point that she is going to bed and that you are going to stick to what you say. After a few nights, she will probably go to bed very well. I have seen this work for a lot of people. Don't get discouraged if it seems like it isn't working at first. It will work but you gotta stay at it! You'll be so glad you did. It's good you have a bedime routine. You're doing good. Give this a try for several nights and see how it goes. Good luck!
I agree. No need to lock the door. I also have stubborn girls :) I like the "bedtime technique" someone else wrote about. But I also recommend the book "On Becoming ToddlerWise" by Gary Ezzo. This author gives great tips on how to get into kids into good routines. The library usually has these books.
