Bringing Home a New Baby

My son was 22 months old when I brought my 2nd son home from the hospital. That was about 7 weeks ago. Although I don't have any advice, per se, I wanted to let you know that I haven't had any problems whatsoever and I couldn't be more shocked or pleased. My 1st son is very active and temperamental, but my husband and I are very conscious of saying "The baby is looking at you, he loves you!" or asking him to bring a clean diaper over for a change, or help hold the bottle. So far I've had no problems whatsoever. My main reason for responding is to let you know that because of the close age gap, the older child may be too young to develop the feelings of jealousy. Best of luck!

"Siblings without Rivalry" (can't remember author) was really helpful to us. I am sure you can find it on Amazon.

When I brought my baby girl home my oldest daughter was jealous cause she had been my baby for almost 2 years. But when they were both awake I would let her help me with the baby like helping me change,feed or even help make the bottles..Including her made her feel like she was involved and not put on the back burner because of the baby.. And if you dont let them help I think that they despise the new baby cause they are taking up all of mommy's time.. Also when baby goes down for a nap make sure you spend time with your oldest..That way he/she knows that they are still important and mommy loves him/her. Do your housework after they go to bed or first thing in the morning cause then you wont be bothered by either child and then you can spend all day with them..

Hi - My son was 3 1/2 when we had our second child and he has gone through some jealousy stuff but not too bad. One of the things that has helped is that we try to spend time with the older one just him, make special times for him without the baby. He can be really loving with his little brother, but can also do some stinky things too so we watch him pretty closely, especially if the baby is wanting to grab his toys from him. Show the older one extra special love, hugs, etc. Good luck!

i am part of a big family with one brother and a sister and i know what it's like to be jelouse of the new baby and so do my brother and sisters. just keep telling him you love him and let him spend as much time with the baby as you do. let him get used to it and eventually he'll have fun with the baby!

-B.M.S.

Hi, My cousin had the same question.
All I can tell you, is make sure that you have time for your other child. Always have a few hours throughout the day even if its not all at the same time. read a book or sing or take the other for a drive while you have the other stay with dad. Just make sure that you tell him that you love them and have play time with the other child.
Hope this helps

My son was 2 when we brought home my daughter. We learned that allowing him to help and paying attention to him by spending time with just him helped has transition to big brother. It's not going to be perfect, though. Aloow him to express his feelings in a safe environment, but set coundearies for what is acceptable. Like no hitting, yes you can hold her with me next to you, that sort of thing.

Also give yourself some time to make the adjustment.

Good luck.

S.

We had a similar situation and got some interesting ideas from friends. Just a few thoughts I'll share...

1. Have your older child go with your husband/family member to visit you and the baby in the hospital and to pick you up so the baby isn't "introduced" at home.

2. Have your son bring a gift to the baby in the hospital and maybe have a gift the baby can give him. Our little one still cherishes the stuffed cow our older son gave him.

3. Get him a "baby" (doll) of his own. Our son didn't end up very interested in the doll but other have said that helps. He can then nurture the doll.

4. Make sure you find special time for your older one even if you're exhausted and overwhelmed with the new baby.

you could get him a little gift that's "from the baby" that you give him when he comes to visit you in the room. i did that with my son and although there were more years between them, he really thought it was cool that my daughter thought of him. of course, after a couple months of her crying and taking up most of my time the "j's" still set in and we had to make sure that once a month he and i would go on a date together. that would really help him see that he wasn't being replaced. another thing that worked really well for us, is i'd ask anyone who came over to see the new baby to talk to the older guy first and make sure he knew he was important too. good luck and congrats on another child!

Hi A., my 2 youngest kids are 21 months apart. The best thing I found when we brought home my daughter was to give our son extra attention. For the first few months the baby sleeps alot so this shouldn't be too difficult. Also we would include him as much as we could with helping with his baby. (he would call his sister that)Have him get you a burp cloth or help hold the bottle. Mine would try to throw things at her and touch her not always gently. When he would do that we would tell him "gentle" he didn't always mean to be rough but being a boy I think it is just a natural thing. Just be sure to keep an eye on him when he is around baby for even a few minutes by himself....cause if he is like my son at all he will try to pick her up. Good luck...it's actually easier with the 2 at this age then when they get a little older. My baby is almost a year and my son is almost three and now he likes to take things from her and try to lay on her or just knock her down if she is trying to walk...yep it just get's funner...lol =)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=YJDvujaPEKY
This is a video with Jane Nelson from Positive Discipline. She does a beautiful job illustrating one way to deal with the insecurity your older child might experience when the baby comes home. Hope this helps.
-J.

A.,
The only thing I can suggest is to let your son "help". It is going to be a little harder because he still needs a lot of help himself, but if you let him do little things he will just embrace the big brother role! Maybe let him pick out outfits, throw diapers away, get new daipers, when bathing baby let him hold the washcloth. All the while telling him what a good helper/big brother he is. How you appreciate his help. Also while baby is asleep spend a few minutes with him reading or playing, so he knows whey mommy doesn't have baby that the time with be his and yours. I hope this helps...Good luck!!

Make sure you talk to him about the baby-to-be. Be excited. "You're going to have a sister/brother". Give gifts to him from the baby. Talk about it to him. Explain that mommy will have to spend time feeding the baby and you will have to spend time with the baby too. Then when the baby arrives, have him help as much as possible, even if it's just bringing you things.

My sons are 18 months apart and now they are almost 5 and 6 years old and best friends! All i did was include the big one in everything we had to do with the baby. Having him hand you the wipes while changing a diaper, kiss the baby good night, and other little things that make him feel important to the baby too. If you don't give him a reason to be jealous than that animosity shouldn't be there. But the one mistake I made was not making equal ALONE time for BOTH of them. Its very important to make "Mommy Time" for the big one while the baby sleeps and vice versa. There is so much I didn't take advantage of and i regret that. No matter what though, you obviously love your baby and your older one will see that and love him/her too. Good luck!

when I had my second child I told everyone to pay attention to my first child first. Say Hi to her first, tell her how lucky she is to be able to be a big sister and all the cool things she can teach her new little sister when she is old enough. Just make sure that your first child gets attention before your new baby. Then when it is just you and your children and your 21 month old is getting anxious for your attention give him timelines to when you can spend some time with him. Like say "in 15 minutes I will be done with feeding the baby and I can help you with ...." get a timer, have him set it to 15 minutes and he will be interested in the timer going off rather than hanging on to you when you need to be attentive to the baby. Worked for us! Good Luck!