Breastfeeding - Rejection

There are several homeopathic remedies with breast refusal as key note. Hard to say off the bat which one she will benefit from. Personal interview with classical homeopath will help.
Good Luck
V.

Hi L.,

My son would latch on, but wasn't interested in sucking hard. After working with a lactation consultant (and for other reasons), I eventually just pumped and gave him breast milk in a bottle. We were both much, much happier.

:-) D.

P.S. I just read Keri's response--my son had a short frenulum (the thingy under his tongue which didn't allow him to stick his tongue out), so he had a frenulumectomy (sp? anyway--it was clipped) at 10 days old by a pediatric ENT. Glad we did it, but it didn't make a difference in his sucking ability). :-)

I have not experienced this - sounds SO frustrating!! Have you talked to La Leche? Or a Lactation Consultant? That's where I would go from here. If she continues to not take your breast, then at least if you keep pumping and giving her your milk in the bottles that is at least good! Not the experience you were looking for I'm sure though. It sounds to me like the problem started with "Nipple Confusion" back when she was newborn since you say she preferred the bottle ever since she was newborn. I'm not sure if you can reverse that at this point? (That's where the LC comes in)but just in case you have another baby...if you plan to nurse exclusively it is a good idea NOT to offer any bottle AT ALL, ONLY breast until about 6wks. old. This way the baby is only used to YOU and nothing else. Then can get used to the bottle later. You need to tell the nurses at the hospital "NO BOTTLE FEEDING, bring baby to mom if hungry." I hope things turn around for you but if not, you can feel good knowing you tried your hardest! Feeding your baby with love by bottle is just fine too!

Many times when a child is teething they will go through what many call a nursing strike. It may last a few days or a few weeks. If other forms of food are offered besides nursing, the time will be longer because her hunger was satiated.

Another thing that could be going on: Does she get many bottles? When given a bottle, is the nipple a fast or slow-flow? When breastfeeding, the nipple should have the slowest flow possible to avoid preference of the bottle. Babies will take their milk as fast as they can get it. If one option is faster/more efficient, they'll take that option. You may want to look into that. Also, when bottle feeding, hold the bottle as close to horizontal as possible without an air bubble getting close to the hole. This disallows gravity to do the work for them.

Best of luck... Babies are made to breastfeed! If your child doesn't want the breast at such an early age, there are factors that have led to the preference. It may not be too late to do something about it.

Best of luck!

My second son did not want to breast feed at all. He was what my pediatrician called a lazy nurser. Of course, my small flat nipples didn't help. After two weeks of struggling, working with lactation consultants and my pediatrician, I decided that the bottle was the way to go. I pumped for another six weeks and then switched to formula. He's now a happy, healthy 10 year old.

I was often bombarded with well-meaning, but very rude, mommies who kept after me to stick with the pain, the cracking, the bleeding and basically fighting with my son ever time it was time to eat on the grounds that nursing is the best way to go. I disagree. Find a way that works for both of you. If that's the breast, great. If not, be thankful that you have options and take one.

Good luck!

My heart goes out to you. I understand your pain, frustration and confusion. Breastfeeding is supposed to be soooo natural, but breastfeeding my daughter was anything but! The exact same thing happened to me. Many tears were shed over my daughter, who just would fight and claw at me. I felt like she HATED me and was so rejected. I did not give her the choice of a bottle, so she did eat, but it was always a fight. Sometimes I won and sometimes she won. This continued until she started getting teeth at 8 months. Between then and 10 months old she bit me over and over until she lacerated my nipple twice. That's when I tearfully called it quits. I pumped for two and a half more months until she was just over a year and gave her the bottle and she never looked back. That being said, I have since come to the conclusion it is just her personality. She is two years old now and is very much the same way. "If it isn't her idea, it's a bad idea". She always wants to be in control.
I now have a 4 month old son and breastfeeding is a joy and pleasure. He eagerly latches on and eats and plays and giggles at me. What a difference! This is what I always thought it would be like and I am not doing anything different.
What you are doing for your child is such a gift, please try to hang in there as long as possible. Just keep pumping and giving it to her. It doesn't matter how she gets it, just that she does. And don't give up on breastfeeding in the future, children really are all truly unique.
Good luck, you are not alone:)

L.,
My daughter began to reject me that way after about 8 weeks of solid nursing. I cried a lot. I remember my husband saying to me "hey, take it easy, it's not personal" and I responded with tears "it doesn't get more personal than this!" I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing this same thing. I saw a lactation specialist and she told me I could either fight her, starve her from all other means of food, and force her through it, or 'pick my battles'. I decided to let it go and give her the bottle. Take heart, it's okay. You are still a great Mom. I would give her the bottle and let this one go. If you have another child you can try, try again. I wish you the best in whatever you do, and hope you receive helpful answers.

My oldest child just never understood about eating. She would never properly latch on or suck. She'd just sit there with her open mouth over the nipple. But she hated a bottle, and would fight and cry and push it away. She wouldn't cry to be fed - I'd have to watch the clock and pick her up when it was time. Even when she was only a day or two old, if I got distracted or fell asleep, six hours could go by without her being fed. When she was 6 weeks old and had lost almost half her birth weight, it became apparent that I would have to stop even trying to breastfeed and I'd have to force the bottle on her, even if she didn't like it. After practically force feeding her for weeks, she got to the point where she'd fairly willingly take 4 oz. at a time, but never more. And I always had to watch the clock - she never cried for food.

She was four years old before she finally made the connection that "my tummy feels better after I eat." She seemed completely surprized by this discovery. At least, she finally "got it!"

I am certain it's because after she was born (natural delivery, everything went great and easy) they took her away for over 12 hours, and she had nothing to eat during that time. They refused to let me have her in my room, and every time I called down to the nursery, it was a different excuse - "She's having a bath." "She's under the warming lamp." "She's being checked by the doctor." When I walked down to the nursery prepared to pick her up myself, I was shooed out and told I wasn't allowed in. But, since her bassinet tag said, "breast," they didn't give her a bottle. Since she was a very content baby and almost never fussed, she never got fed, and I don't think her brain made the connection about the necessity of food. It was maddening. (With my 3 other children, I INSISTED on rooming in!!! If they wanted to weigh or check my baby, they had to go through ME to do it!)

She's 22 now, brilliant, accomplished and beautiful, a senior at a good university. :) She's almost 5 foot 8, so her growth wasn't stunted, either.

I really wouldn't take any of this personally. It's not about YOU. It's about how your daughter feels about food. Food and Mommy are not the same thing! Separate how you feel about her nutrition from your relationship with her.

Good luck, Mom! :)

Hi L. - you are not alone - my baby didn't want to breastfeed either. My advice is to not be so h*** o* yourself! You have made a great effort by keeping it going this long. Also, she is getting to "solid food" age, so you will start transitioning her soon anyways.
Before my daughter was born, I took a breastfeeding class, read books about breastfeeding, bought all the stuff, make sure she latched on right after she was born, etc. When it wasn't going so well (by the 1st week I had to start supplementing with formula because she was jaundiced), I talked to doctors, hired a lactation consultant, took various herbal pills . . .tried everything. I was convinced formula was a terrible thing. For awhile I would "trick" her into breastfeeding while she was sleepy. But, at about 3 1/2 months, she completely rejected my breast, and would make faces and pull away, like breastfeeding was the worst, most disgusting thing ever! I was devastated.

BUT, in the end . . .everything is absolutely fine. She's loves her bottle and is doing great (about 6 1/2 mos old). In hindsight, I am convinced I was WAY too h*** o* myself. You can still cuddle your baby and keep her close to you. Maybe she just likes the bottle a lot, for whatever reason - the milk comes faster, or she likes the taste better - but that just has to do with eating . . .not with how much she loves you. :)

-R.

Hi L.,
I would suggest that before you consider throwing away the bottles as some folks have recommended, that you talk to your pediatrician. Your baby may not 'starve' but she may not get the proper nutrition either, especially at 6 mos. My son drank a whole lot of formula at that age!
I also had trouble right from birth with my son. He would not latch on and I worked with a La Leche counselor for 5 days in the hospital. They gave me nipple shields and they helped but then he couldn't latch without them. I tried at home and it was miserable. I always supplemented with formula, first through a tube that went under the nipple shield and eventually with a bottle. After 3 exhausting weeks, we both got yeast infections and I quit the breast feeding. We were both much happier. My son was only 6.5 lbs at birth but by 6 mos he was offscale for height and weight.....not fat, just very tall and solid (my hubby is 6'5" and I am only 5'4"). I really don't think I would have been able to give him the proper nutrition if I hadn't at least supplemented with formula for those first months. Its an important time for growth and your daughter needs the proper nutrition. Also, my son was already on solids by 6 mos, it seems like that is the direction to go at this point. What ever you decide, make sure you enjoy your daughter, what a great age!!

It sounds like your baby may have nipple confusion. Since the sucking motion is different for breast and bottle. This can cause frustration for both of you. Contact your local La Leche League leader for help. You can find them in the phone book or online. Good Luck!

Hi L.,

It's frustrating and emotionally draining when your little one doesn't want to nurse. My Darling Daughter was in NICU for the first 4 days of her life so she didn't learn to latch on properly. We tried everything and we got her to finally latch on for one day. I ended up pumping for 8 months until my supply dried up. DD is bottle fed and I've looked at the positive side of bottle feeding: My husband can feed her and bond, always on hand, don't need to worry about supply decreasing. I found ways to bond with my daughter to make up for not nursing. She's a happy, healthy 10 month old. Every day will bring a new challenge. Good luck and I hope this helped you a little.

Have you worked with a lactation counselor?

My sister in law experienced the same problem with her daughter. She fought breastfeeding every step of the way. After her daughter started losing weight, my sister in law stopped trying to feed from the breast and started pumping exclusively. She did it for five months and then she stopped. Don't beat yourself up over it. Do the best you can and that's all you can ask for.

Hi, L.,

Your baby sounds like my first. I wished that I hadn't tried so hard to get him to nurse the six months that I nursed him. My second baby practically crawled to my breast within five minutes of leaving the operating room and, at 14 months, is still nursing. I'm an advocate for letting a baby do what he wants if you can accomodate him.

Good luck. Have fun with your baby.

Lynne E

Get rid of the bottles! You should never give a bottle until a baby can breastfeed successfully. Since you cannot go back in time and do it over again, start now. She won't starve. Sounds like you get very stressed out during nursing, too, which doesn't help. She feels your emotions. So calm down, relax, consult a lactation counselor, and get on track with breastfeeding. You will not be sorry!

L.,
I, too, have to congratulate you for your total perserverence!! You rock!! I breastfed for 21 months and I had the the opposite problem; my daughter would ONLY take the breast, never the bottle. I would agree to check the nipple flow on the bottle and make sure it is slower and mimics the breast flow. Also, my sister-in-laws children were never able to get a good latch and her doctors suggested cutting the little piece of skin underneath the tongue. I don't know if I agree with this, but wanted to pass that along, as well. I also agree with the other moms that should you have another child again, don't introduce the bottle immediately. One other thing, my mother breastfed me for a bit and then had to stop. She had had cysts in her breasts and some of the fluid and a bit of blood was coming out in the breastmilk, unbeknownst to her. But I was rejecting the breast. Finally, a lactation consultant is a wonderful thing and I heartily agree with the other moms that you would probably benefit from this type of service. Best of luck to you and know that any amount of breastfeeding is absolutely wonderful and I commend you on hanging in there!

My son absolutely refused to breastfeed, i tried for around a month and had the same feelings you had. He would just scream and cry. We went to the doctor for his 5 day check up and found out he was tongue tied, we opted for them to clip it as my husband is tongue tied and hates it. It didn't have any impact on him nursing. I refused to starve him which is what they told me to do. The doctor also said that he was "lazy" and did not want to work for his food. It made sense as he loved the bottle. The bottle nipple allowed milk to just flow right out. I even tried preemie nipples to get him used to having to suck hard, to no avail. I eventually gave in to him and pumped full time and fed him from the bottle. It worked perfectly. I pumped until he was 1 year so he got all the nutrients he needed, which is the most important thing. Don't get frustrated (they can sense that too) the more you stress the less milk you will produce. Good Luck and just remember no matter how your baby gets your milk it is still the best for her.

Hello L.. I had a similar, though not quite exact, experience with my first born. I tried to nurse her but she would ot latch on. The nurses at the hospital said I had inverted nipples, and I believed them and gave up. Almost five years later, I had another child, and he took to it immediately. No problem at all. I developed mastitis after a few months, and stopped because my nipples were so cracked and bleeding all the time, that it was too painful to continue. I suggest help froma breastfeeding group, like La Leche or WIC, or something similar. Best of luck to you :)

It's not to late to try a lactation consultant. Ellen "Binky" Petok in Woodland Hills was great. They have private sessions and group workshops. Also, Le Leche League has worked for many women I know.

Good luck.

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HI L., I feel for you. My first child was born prematurely. I never felt like he had a vigorous enough suck, and would follow breast feeding by a bottle. When I went to wean him, I did fine that he was drinking more breast milk than I thought he had. I think that your daughter is just a bit lazy, and doesn't want to do the work it takes to breast feed. I think that even though bottles are better, that the baby still works harder to nurse from the best. I know that it's hard to keep milk flow going when everyone is getting tense. Good for you that you've managed for the first 6 months. If I was in your shoes, I would try to keep pumping to be able to give her breast milk. If you dry up, so be it....don't guilt yourself. She had breast milk for the most critical period. It is easier getting around in public anyway using bottles.

I was going to go a year but my son was DONE about 8 months. He just wasn't interested anymore. He would get aggervated at me too. I tried really hard to keep it up but he wouldn't have it. Ironicly we have a closer bond now than when he was breastfeeding. We still rock together with a bottle and he is really affectionate. He just got over breastfeeding. At first I felt rejected and like I was somehow failing him by switching to formula but now he's almost 2. He tried giving up at 6 months and I kept it going by not forcing it on him. Also I would never try to get him to nurse when he was really hungry. My milk didn't come as fast as a bottle and that would really work him up...you know men and thier food!!

Enjoy it!My last one nursed until 16 months and I could not even get away of I tried! If you can have them on the bottle...than you can actually go out and enjoy yourself independently as well. If that does not interest you then I can not give you a way to have the baby attach to your breast, but if your supply is diminishing then pump twice as often. Nursing is on a supply and demand routine. Maybe this will help...good luck!

Hi
Don't feel rejected, it just doesn't happen for everyone.
I went through almost the same thing with my 2 children.
I was told I have inverted nipples, and that it was really hard for a baby to latch on. My breast are also on the large side and I almost felt like my babies couldn't get any air because my breast would cover their whole face.
I tried a LOT with my son (1st) but ended up pumping and giving it to him in a bottle for close to a year, when my daughter came along, same thing.
Since it was very hard for them to latch on, they would too stiffen up, get agitated and scream - they could smell the milk, but couldn't get any.
If you decide to press on, remember that your baby can feel that you are agitated too, and that does not help.
If it doesn't happen for you - don't feel bad, just do what works best for you.
Good Luck
E.

You're probably right about her being impatient...my sister-in-law had the same problem. She found that if she pumped just long enough to engage the let-down reflex and evert her nipple before she nursed her baby, baby was happier and nursed more often. Kudos to you for sticking with it for more than 6 months with all the challenges you've encountered! I hope this helps...Good luck!

I don't have personal experience with this, so take this for what it is worth. My sister was unable to have her own children so she and her husband adopted. For their first baby, they were there at her birth and they took her home from the hospital. My sister tried to "breastfeed" her using a special contraption that she hung around her neck filled with formula and had tubes that went down to the nipples and into the baby's mouth. So when the baby nursed, she was actually getting the formula through the tubes. The idea was to stimulate the milk-producing hormones while the baby was actually getting formula. My sister never got her own milk supply, but she tried "nursing" her daughter with the formula tubes for months. Until one day, her daughter flattly refused. My sister was heartbroken. The good new is, her daughter is now 15, and has always been very attached to her mom. The nursing didn't work out, but they have no lack of intimacy in their mother/daughter relationship.

I was only able to nurse my babies for a couple of weeks each (not because they refused, but they were not rigorous nursers and I lacked a milk supply) so I never had the experience of nursing my babies as they grew. But I am very close to both of them. They are 3-3/4 and 2-1/2 now so they are often too busy for snuggling, but I still get a lot of it. They have different personalities about snuggling, too. My youngest is a bit of a "loner," he is shy and does not like to be touched by most people. But he gets lots of hugs and kisses from me. I don't know that he really likes all of my affection, but he tolerates it (he doesn't try to get away from me, but he will try to get away from others). I wonder if he might have rejected the breastfeeding experience if he had a chance. I don't know, just a guess.

Do not lose heart if you are not able to continue nursing. I would definately look into getting help from a lactation consultant if you can do that, but even if it doesn't work out, it doesnt' mean that you are forever losing "intimacy" with your daughter. I loved holding my babies while giving them their bottles. I always held them - I never just gave them the bottle to feed themselves. We had wonderful, close time during bottle feedings.

I hope this helps!

Hi L.,
I know it's hard. There are so many reasons this could be happening, none of which are because she doesn't love you. I'm not sure how early you introduced the bottle, but sucking from a bottle is so much easier for them than a real nipple/breast. They have to work harder to get the milk. If they've never had a bottle, they don't know there's an easier way. Also, my second daughter would not stay latched and got so frustrated. A friend pointed out to me that she suspected my daughter was tongue-tied (the skin under her tongue was on the short side so she could not stick her tongue out far enough to get a good latch). I asked her Pediatrician and sure enough she was right. Also some babies feel claustrophobic for lack of a better term because it's harder for them to breath. It could be personality which is in someone from birth. Don't be too h*** o* yourself. Can you pump and bottle-feed? This way your are still giving her your milk and she is drinking comfortably. I know it's very normal to feel the way you are feeling, but you have to talk yourself out of those feelings and replace them with new ones so you and your daughter will have a healthy relationship. Don't forget, your hormones are running wild right now so your feelings are more sensitive. Being aware of that helps. You're not doing anything wrong and you are a good mother who loves her baby more than anything in the world. Hang in there! Hugs to you, K.

I'm sure some moms will disagree but forcing your daughter to breastfeed for YOUR benefit just isn't fair to your baby. I tried to breastfeed my daughter because I had been so adamant about it, but she did like yours does, screams and stiffens up. I couldn't stand the thought of my putting her through that just so I could feel better about myself, so when it was clear she didn't WANT to breastfeed, I switched to the bottle. She became a much happier baby almost instantly.
I was upset too but just because your baby doesn't want to breastfeed doesn't mean she doesn't love you, she just isn't satisfied with the breast.

Hi L.,

I can "feel" how bummed you are about this situation - and I just hope you can take a moment to give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for nursing your baby for this long, despite challenges. Wow - you are obviously an excellent mother!!

I think breastfeeding is a challenge for all of us who choose to do it, for different reasons. I have found a lot of hope and HELP from La Leche League in Long Beach. The group and the leaders have been a tremendous source of support for me, through my nursing adventures with my two children.

You may want to consider attending the next meeting and bring the baby with you - and try to nurse here there - the other moms and leaders will help you to determine what is going on as best as they can. I did this a couple of times and got answers.

If you do wean soon, just know that nursing for 6 1/2 months is so wonderful - you have given your baby gifts that can't be bought that will last her lifetime! Don't be h*** o* yourself about this - rarely does breastfeeding come easy. I joke with friends and say that while breastfeeding is a natural thing, it is like the hardest and most unnatural thing to get going.

Hang in there - try to enjoy these days, they go very fast.

HI L.~
I can only imagine the frustration you are feeling. I agree with the other ladies about finding a lactation consultant or La Leche League. I went to an amazing breast feeding supprt group when my son was born and found the help from the ladies invaluable. They were so patient, understanding and believe me when I say.. they had heard it all. NO question seemed to stump them, made me feel so normal. If you can't find one in your area, call the closest hopsital for advice on how to find one. When I delivered they had a lactation consultant come in to consult and help me ever day.
Best wishes.

I think it's normal for any baby to prefer a bottle - the milk comes out faster from a bottle nipple than from the breast. Your baby is probably just frustrated with the slower flow from the breast. I think, if you really want her to breast feed, you'll have to dump the bottles for a while.

Just as nursing an infant does not automatically make you a good mother, not nursing does not make you a bad mother. How much happier you both would be if you can ENJOY feeding time as much as she? If you give her a bottle and she is happy, you should be happy too and enjoy that time together. I nursed for six months before my son would drain me dry and start to cry. He took everything I had and wanted more. I stopped enjoying feeding time and dreaded it. I finally gave up nursing and we all started enjoying ourselves again. Do yourself a favor and switch to the bottle. What is most important is for you to ENJOY your baby!

I have three kids and my youngest was that way. Under no circumstances should you take it personally. At three month's he just stone cold refused the boob. He was happy to drink either formula or pumped milk. To tell you the truth, I was so grateful to him - I had 2 other kids and had gone back to work. It gave me great peace of mind to know that my childs needs were being met while I was otherwise occupied.

As parents we have to accept that our kids march to their own drummer, sometimes regardless of our best laid plans. BTW, he is the most healthy of all my kids!

I can imagine that there are going to be some women who feel the need to shove breast feeding down your ( I mean your childs) throat. Remember, you're the mom, and whatever decsision you make will be the best for you and your family. Personally, I'd surrender and relish what I have!
Good luck.