Blood Phobia and "The Talk"

Most of my friends that have girls, have told me they started their periods when they were 10.
Maybe discuss it with her Therapist, and then with her. It's better to let her know what's going on than to have her wake up with bloody underwear.

One idea might be to go with the track that you're not actually bleeding (because you aren't). It's the blood that didn't get used for growing a child/the OLD lining. A person only menstruates after it's unusable, and already SEALED OFF from the rest of your body. So you're not bleeding. It's like the difference between having your hair ripped out by the root and natural shedding. If what she's scared of is bleeding to death, that might help. Good on you for having her in therapy. Talk about the wrong issue for a girl to have to have. Poor thing.

There is a REALLY cool book, with amazing photos/graphics of human anatomy that I've left at my mum's. The pics are so utterly fantastic that I've been able to use it with adults/kids that get queasy about the thought of what's going on inside, because they get so fascinated with the pictures, it's hard to remember that it's "gross". I'll call her up and get the title...because unfortunately I'm blanking on it.

z

I would be in a hurry. Many girls start as young as 9 or 10, and if she already has a fear and it starts and she does not understand what is going on she could get very scared. Have you seen the shower scene in the movie Carrie?

Hi F.,

Check out www.emofree.com for the Emotional Freedom Technique and find a practitioner close to you. Most kids respond very quickly.
Another option is hypnosis. Talking about a phobia does not do the trick.
A skilled practitioner will most likely be able to help your daughter.

L. Crunick

When you do talk with her I would make sure that you are clear on the physiology - many women and girls refer to it as mentral bleeding when it is not blood at all. The lining of your uterus is red to brown in color, but it is very different from blood. I think making this distinction and maybe using some books with pictures will help. If she understands that she is not bleeding and that this is normal then she might handle it better. It may be really graphic, but I have a friend who's child had similar fears and she talked to her daughter about it on the first day of her period and actually showed her an about to be discarded sanitary napkin. Gross, I know, but her daughter felt so much better because she could see the differnece between mentral discharge and blood and felt more confident that she would beable to reconize the difference when she started.

Best of luck!

Lucy

I only have a few ideas/suggestions. First, I would definitely talk to her therapist to see what advice he/she has. This might need to be a conversation had with the therapist present so your daughter can talk about her fears.

Second, I would focus on how the process works and what the blood actually is (uterine lining). Hopefully by focusing on the fact that she's not actively bleeding, but is instead expelling unused cells (like shedding skin), maybe it will help some.

Third, maybe it would help her to know how you felt about learning about periods, your first period, how menstruation affects you now, etc. I think most women remember the first time they ever heard about periods and honestly, we dreaded it, were scared and talked about it with our friends (resulting in hearing horror stories from friend's older sisters). I think the more open you are about your feelings and how you feel each month, the more open she might be to ask questions and express her fears. You might even want to show her how to use a pad (unless that is too personal for you). We're open in our household and my 3 year old knows that I use pads sometimes, where they are kept, etc. Obviously, I haven't explained the ins-and-outs of menstruation to her, but I don't want her to be surprised and scared for the day that she's old enough to have the first conversation.

Being that she is 9, you probably don't want to wait much longer to first tell her about it. Girls are going through puberty sooner than ever and it would be horrible for her to learn about her first period by getting it before you've talked to her. I'm sure she would think she was bleeding to death if a scratch scares so badly.

Funny story... when my mom was 9 she had had a shot in her butt and she ended up with some blood on her panties. My grandma saw it and realized they needed to have "the talk" because she thought she had gotten her first period. It's probably best that it worked that way, because I think it was pretty common that the talk didn't happen until after the fact back then. Good luck! I feel for you, our little girl gets easily panicked about things too.

My daughter is turning 12 in a couple of weeks and also suffers from a few anxieties. There are other issues, but when she was about 8 I got her a book put out by American Girl called "The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls." It's in a great format that talks about all the changes her body and mind will be making and about how to make healthy choices for herself. It's in a format that works well for parent/child reading and also for her to explore on her own. We love the book so much that we got it for my nieces too. My daughter is excited about the changes she is seeing in her book and now in her own body... she's very proud of the fact that she can talk to me and with me about them with a sense of authority. One of my favorite parts of the book is how it talks about the big picture... about overall good health and choices and it encourages girls to keep their parents in the loop. So many kids don't these days. My daughter is adjusting better than we thought she would to puberty. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Both of my girls started around 9, so your time might be running out.
I found that the easy straight forward way is the best way to talk about it.
I had the mother that did not tell me about it, and I was traumatized when I started to bleed. I then went on to educate my cousins once I found out what it is and that it happens to all girls.
Let her know it is normal, and that you don't really bleed that much. Take her to the store and show her the "isle" and let her know that there are lots of choices.
I bought my daughter some liners, for when she starts. Along with her own hot water bottle, and Midol.
I also let her know that this is a passage into woman hood.
When my youngest started, we made it a special day the first time. It is a good time to pamper her, drink tea together, talk, cuddle, watch tv.. you know what she likes. I have friends that make a whole celebration over their daughters becoming a woman.
My daughter was so excited about it, that she wanted to wear some of the liners just in case....
Good luck!

I have gotten some great ideas from these responses myself. I never thought about distinguishing between actual blood and the menstrual shedding of the lining of the uterus. I will probably use that on my daughter, who is 5 and also queasy about blood. Great common sense, people!

Sounds like your daughter's phobia is more severe than my son, who also used to get upset about bleeding. I tried to talk to him about the positive aspects of bleeding, how the blood coming OUT is preventing germs from coming IN, and how the body has a natural way of stopping bleeding which is scabbing. So in most cases there's no need to fear bleeding TO DEATH. He felt a lot better after that.

Give her the book "What's Happening to Me" - an animated discussion of puberty. (There is another one, "Where Did I come from?" that says where babies come from.) Cartooned in the 70's, my mom gave it to me when I was your daughter's age. It can be a light-hearted entre into a serious discussion on menstruation.

"The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls" (American Girls library) is geared towards girls 8 and up. It has a lot of good information written in a way young girls can understand without frightening them.

You better do it soon. My daughter had her first period at 9 in fourth grade when she was in class. Nobody was prepared for it of course and thank God for her wonderful teacher (woman of course) who took her under her wing.

My mother is the same about blood (now 88) and she dealt fine with her period.

But have the talk and soon. Good luck.

( and never doubt that your angel is with you) ---. Your little girls' anxiety is VERY commen in children from a family with one child in Heaven. I would strongly urge you to discuss the best approach ( to discussing menstruation) with her counselor - since her questions are a clear message. Blessings on you , dear heart- and your children.

J.

I believe they still have the 'talk' at school for girls in the 4th grade or there about. I would suggest talking with your pediatrician. My kids had the most awesome pediatrician and she could talk to them about anything and partnered with me on many discussions. Easing my apprehensions about having the discussion. There are books available on the subject. You can go to Kimberly Clark's website and they have info available. Talk with her therapist and see how they would suggest to talk with her in light of her fears. The changes are happening to her body, so you'll have to take your cues from her. Ask and answer her questions, anticipate her physical needs. But this is her 'journey' and you need to be there but let her take the steps in growing up. Not a subject for dinner talk, or discussion with Dad and little sister, friends and relatives unless she brings the subject up. It's not a topic of discussion for you to have with her in the room as a third person at any time. You are building the foundation of trust for her tumultuous teenage years. Give her the space and privacy she needs.