When to Tell Son About Menstruation?

Aimee,
I am going to be where you are now very soon! My son will be 7 in a few months and he has, from time to time, asked me (seeing the box of tampons in my drawer) "What are those?" I have just replied "they're hygiene products" and that seemed to satisfy him (for now).
The funniest thing was in a ladies room at a hospital with a tampon/pad dispenser. Well, my son has a fascination for vending machines of all kinds....Before I knew it he was pulling the knob again and again and tampons were being dispensed like crazy! He was like "Whooooaaa--JACKPOT!" "Look mom--these are FREE!!!" I guess tampons are 'No Charge' in hospital restrooms! LOL
I think Faith had a great approach, which I plan to use. I don't think you need to incorporate sex into the discussion unless he asks.

My son is only 4 years old. So, I can't even imagine what you were thinking when he asked that question. But, I do have a daughter that is 9 years old. She has been asking me questions about menstruation for a couple of years now. I decided to be straight-forward with her. Whenever she asks a question, I answer the question and do not give more information than she needs to know. For instance, one day she asked me why do I bleed every month. I just simply told her that every month my body lines the inside of an organ called the uterus with blood, preparing for a baby. And, when my body realizes that there is no baby, it gets rid of the blood. The explanation is simple and on a level that she can understand.

There is no need to give your son more information than he needs. All he asked was "what's a tampon". Just tell him exactly what it is and what it is used for....no more than that. The day will come, hopefully several years from now, when he will ask about sex. But, he is not asking that now. Don't give him too much information at this age.

Hi Aimee!
Ah, I remember those days! lol (my first son is almost 18 now).
I am all for age-appropriate, matter of fact responses.When a three year old asks where baby comes from, it's "Mommy's tummy". When a TEN year old asks, it's something a lot different.

I always tell other Moms to try not to be nervous or come off as sex being a "big secret" when you come to answer questions (which I believe should be answered when asked).

I'll tell you why (true story):

Me (age 7): "MOM...I thought you said people could only have babies if they were married. Izzy's daughter had a baby and SHE's not married. How did that happen?"
Mom: "Let's talk about something else. How is school?"
Me: "But Mommmmm. I want to KNOW!"
Mom: "Well, all I can say is that that girl needs to get right with God. Is your room clean?"

Me (age 9)"Mom, what is masturbation"?
Mom: (horrified)"Stop reading Judy Blume books! It's when a man touches himself DOWN SOUTH and it is a dirty sin!"
Me (confused): "Why does he do it then?"
Mom: "Stop asking silly questions. Go clean your room."

Me: (age 12)"Mom why is it that girls get their period?"
Mom: "STOP READING JUDY BLUME!"
Me: "Does it have something to do with sex?"
Mom: (gasp) "Where did you here THAT? If you get your period, the pads are under the sink, If you get cramps, blame Eve. It's in the bible. I'm going to go check on your room."

Me: (age 16)"Mom, I'm pregnant. This is Christian, the baby's father."
Mom: (stunned silence)
Me: "Don't worry, we are going to get married".
Mom: (jaw dropping)
Me: "Guess I'll have to go back to high school. I have some things to figure out...

...I'll be in my room."

So, there you have it. I know your question was about a tampon, and I am NOT insinuating that you are, or were planning to be, like my Mom in this situation. I just wanted to illustrate (albeit dramatically) what happens when such subjects are a mystery to kids. They get more intriuged when they don't have the information, and a lot of times will go try to seek it out for themselves. In my situation I wanted to see what the big deal about sex was. My son was the result. Now, I would never change a THING, and my son was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but hopefully the point hits home: If kids aren't given the information, they will go get it themselves.
:)

My kids are 3 & 4. I mainly use pads and thus have gotten the question/statement regarding the blood. I have told them both that when a lady gets old enough to have a baby that the body does this and that it doesn't hurt and that I do not need to go to a Dr. this seem to work for them and then when they see me getting my supplies from the drawer, I just tell them that they are ladies things. I think I would just be honest and say that a tampon is a hygenic item that a lady uses when she menstrates or has her period. Then ask him where he heard the word. Probably tv commercial. :)

Dear Aimee,
After reading through all the advice I wanted to share my parenting style as a different perspective. Every parent must determine what comfort level they have and want to share with their children.

I have a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. Both of them know all the basics about having a period, hygiene relating to my period and how a baby is created, developed and birthed. My children still come in the bathroom while I am in the bathroom on occassion, so soon enough the question arose about my menstruation and blood. I did not want them scared of the blood. Menstruation talks led to "why do you bleed mama & I don't? Can boys bleed? Why not? What happens to boys? What happens to girls?" and so forth. I gave them as much basic information as they signaled me with body language and questions as I felt they were able to handle.

I want my children to have a bioligical and emotional understanding of menstruation, sex, babies, and being a parent. And I want the beginning influences and impressions to come from our home and not the school yard.

I was a very uninformed catholic-raised girl. My mom's discussion to me about my period was, "you can still swim during your period, don't let anyone tell you otherwise and you can wear a tampon as a virgin to swim". That's it! Thankfully I had older sisters to correct all my wrong ideas.

If you decide to begin talks,and it makes the talks easier for you & your son, there are different books you could use about boys verses girls developing and the physical structure of the body and the biological changes that will occur for both boys & girls.

Good luck. Even as adults I find we are uncomfortable with subjects that society deems taboo when in reality, it is just nature & biology.

You must be a wonderful mother to try and answer your sons question honestly and openily while still considering his comfort level and your comfort level.

Regards,
ann m.

I think you can answer his question-- a tampon is something thaw women and older girls use to help keep themselves clean when they have their period. That may be enough for him. If he asks more, answer more. But I am a little concerned that you seem so reticent to talk about sex with your son. In 2002 8 percent of boys reported having sex at age 13 or younger (which is actually down from 1995 when 11 percent of boys reported having sex at 13 or younger). It is never too early to talk about sex. However, it is often too LATE to talk about it.

http://astore.amazon.com/berman-20/detail/0756657385

Check out this book by Dr. Laura Berman. She's great! Good luck, I have a few more years until I get these questions. ;-)

Aimee-
My son was about your son's age when I told him. I was straight forward with him, like Faith. I just told him what happens every month when a woman's body doesn't have a baby. It's actually been great because I can tell him to stay out of the bathroom and he will for fear of running into the "dreaded tampon." My son has been curious about sex and we have age appropriate conversations about "it" a few times a year. So, discussing sex at the time we talked about tampons wasn't an issue.
S.

I did, but I have 2 girls also and my oldest was in 1st grade [she's now 10 and in 4th] when she came home from school asking about menstruation cause some kids in her class had been discussing it. Be matter-a-fact about it, its part of what happens when girls start to mature. And judging by his age there is probably some girls in his class that are starting to, the females on my in-laws side of the family stated about that young. Its better he learns it from you, then making up stuff or taking his classmates/friends theories as fact, cause those can be pretty interesting to say the least.

No, they will not forget. My friends son was a little younger when he asked about tampons. He said, you put those up your butt? I told him while we were in the car that day they were for women, and they went in a special place that women have. I let him know that women bleed every month and that is why they use tampons and that babies came out of the same place.I asked him if he understood and he said,no not everything. I told him sorry but, you will when you get older but I told you the truth and explained it the best I could. When I asked my friend later if he asked about it again she said, no he never did. I told her he probably figured the rest out for himself.
You may think of getting about that explains to girls about menstration and read it to him, if you think he can handle it. These days kids are smarter than you think. The best thing is to be honest. If you avoid this and do not talk to him about it he will keep bugging you until he gets an answer. Don't you think that this answer should be the right one and from his mom?
at this point in his life he has you and his father and role models and looks to you for answers. If you are open and honest now this will keep the lines of communication open between you and your son now and when he gets older. He will know that he can ask you anything and you will give him the best answer possible. I know my mom was open and honest so I tell you this from my experiences growing up and dealing with my best friends kids while they were growing up.