Better Life/job, but Less Time with the Kids?

I have read many times.. that at the end of life no one regrets not working more.. but many people regret not spending time with their family and freinds..

how is he going to give them a better life by not seeing them? Is he going to pay more child support? kids dont care about that.

kids need people around who care about them. maybe the mom and step dad are doing a good job and it wont make much difference.. but maybe the kids will grow up and wonder why their dad went away.

OK....this is one of those situations where for as much as YOU, as his wife want to help him do the right thing, HE, as their father, has to decide what to do. As women, we feel as if we could NEVER be away from our children and God help you if you try to take them from us...right? Most men do not. Most men may feel that children are better off with the mother, they may feel inadequate, guilty and ultimately, if mom has another man in her life, like they aren't needed. Yes, you can offer your point of view, but ultimately, he has to decide. He has to analyze what kind of father he is, what kind of man he is, what his choice will say about him....and sometimes, that is too much for a man to deal with and he will opt for the escape. Explain what your thoughts are and hopefully he will come to what is right for the children and ultimately himself. If not, be his wife and support him the best you can. Good Luck.

A better, happier life doesn't consist of more money, it consists of more time with your loved ones. I think your husband is idealizing and romanticizing the idea of having more money, which will never replace time spent with his kids.

Ask him to qualify what he means when he says "he would be able to give them a better, happier life".

If right now he can't afford to feed them healthy food, and he is working 80+ hours per week just to put a basic roof over their head that is safe and bug-free, or one of his children has medical issues and right now he can't afford the care for his child's issues, but a better job would come with health insurance and his child would receive better/adequate medical care...... then yes, I would say if he earns more money it will allow him to provide basic necessities for his children. And sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

If, on the other hand he's talking about a "nicer" house and the ability to spend a bit "more" for Christmas and birthdays.... .well, then I think he isn't "getting" what's important to his kids.

So, I think if you get HIM to do more talking.... let him work through what that means to him, then he will have his answer. it will also let YOU know the caliber and priorities of the man you married.

I would consider staying nearby.

The subject line of your question just doesn't make sense to me. Less time with one's children does not equal a "better life" in my opinion, but I know there are a lot of other people out there who would rather not see their children as often. I think that is sad.

Sometimes, when you have children, whether you planned them or not, you have to make sacrifices for their happiness and well-being. The children will know "face time" and that will affect their opinion of their biological father. If he sees them less and they have their mother and her husband feeding them their opinion about biodad, and they don't see biodad as often, what are they supposed to believe?

There are times when you need to put children ahead of what you want and this might be one of those times. It depends what kind of RELATIONSHIP he wants with his children...if he just wants to sign the checks, by all means, move away.

I just know I could never live a few hours away from my children. I don't see how moving a few hour away would not be detrimental to their relationship.

With just the info you have provided, I would not support this move if I were you. I would not want this move if I were your hubby.

If this move would make the difference between a yearly salary of $20K and $40-50K I would consider it.

Not seeing his kids as much as he supposed to would make this not a good choice for him or the kids. With the distance, it would make the weekend visits shorter than normal and would all but eliminate any weekly visits. As the kids grow, it will be harder as they get into various activities. As hard as it is on the parent, it is harder on the kids involved. As the mother of a son whose father moved out of state and had visitation much less than was ordered was very h*** o* my son. When they had visitation, my son had to go to his "dad's world" while his father was never really part of our "son's world" (didn't come to school and sports functions, never made it to a parent-teacher conference, didn't know his friends or even their names). He did come to the big events (Eagle Ceremony, Graduation) but wasn't there for any of the steps leading to them.

I strongly suggest hubby thank the person who "un-officially" offered him the position for thinking of hiim but remind them that as much as he'd like the position he can't leave his kids.

If he has half custody of the kids, he needs to be sure he sees them as much as the custody agreement allows or go back to court to have it spelled out.

This is one of this situations where you have to really pray and ask God for guidance. The relationship with the kids is more important than the $ you believe will provide them a better life. The kids are too young to understand he's doing this for them. But they will be clearly visible is that they don't see daddy as much as they used to. So, you are right, this is a tough decision. Especially with the stepfather being called "dad".

I wish I had a better, more helpful answer for you. I can truly feel your concern in your post. Hopefully other mamas here will give some helpful advice.

I think what you said is that even though hubby would be spending less time with his kids he would be better off financially and more able to support them.

I think that you'll need to go back to court and define visitation exactly. Such as Hubby will arrive at ex's home on Friday March 22 by 7pm and have the kids for their spring break vacation. He will return the children by 5pm on Sunday March 31st. This date is to include Easter with dad.

Dad will pick arrive at his ex's home on April XX at 7pm and return the children on April XX by 5pm. Dad will pick up his children on Friday May 31st at 7pm and return his children on Sunday August 11 at 5pm. and so forth.

If you are just a couple of hours away it will still be hard to go get them on Friday, take them to your home, spend any time with them doing stuff on Saturday because they'll be tired from being up so late the night before. Then turn around on Sunday and bring them back so they'll have enough time to calm down, bathe, then settle down to go to bed by a reasonable hour.

I think that with the new job he'll also be working extra hard to prove he was a good choice for them to hire. This will cut into the weekends. He has to decide how much time he wants to give to the new job and how much he wants to spend with the kids.

Since they are younger he might want to put off moving away. I would spend every day possible with the kids. Even if it's just to go to get an ice cream at McDonald's after work. She can't say no if he has joint custody. He has as much right to the kids as she does. She cannot tell him he can't come get them at any time actually. day or night.

I think your concerns are valid. I do not believe having more money makes your time with the kids "better" and it will not make up for lost time.
Time is the biggest and most expensive gift anyone can give to their kids...

...but, these are HIS children and HIS job, so it is his decision. No advice on what you should do... I think make your concerns known and hope whatever decision he makes works out well.

Good luck.

I can't understand moving away from my children. And I can't imagine respecting someone who could willingly spend less time with their own children.... Unless they were giving them up completely because they knew the kids could not be safe or happy in their presence.

That said.... I think your job is probably to support your husband. I'm not sure that I could, however. I feel for the position that you are in. I feel for your husband who doesn't understand what is truly important to and for his children and I feel bad for the kids who are going to learn first hand that lifestyle is more important than time or love.