Bed Time Battle with 2 1/2 Year Old

We did the toy in bed thing and it was a disaster! It was enough distraction to keep my son up later and later each night. We allowed him ONE book. And he lost that book if he got out of bed. We wound up doing a sticker chart. Each morning he stayed in bed he put a sticker on a chart I drew up. Once he got "X" amount of stickers we bought a new book for his collection. That worked really well. Once he was more consistent we said if he could get a sticker everyday for one week we'd get him a toy he wanted. (I would stall this until after Christmas...so he can't rely on "I'll just ask Santa" if he doesn't get the toy the first week). I can't remember what the toy was, but I do remember buying it before he filled his chart and leaving it on top of the fridge as a reminder. I remember the first try he didn't get the toy. We didn't scold or get upset, we just told him to try again. He was successful the second week. It wasn't perfect and we had bad nights, but he definitely was much better and far more consistent. GL!

Hi there... I have a two year old and I just recently had a question about a little girl who is this age and throwing tantrums every night for bedtime...... My response to her question will fit your wonderfully..... hope you don't mind me reusing an answer.........

My son turned 2 in july. He did this for a while then i pulled his naps cut out all junk food (snack only consist of any kind of craker or fruit.) and I make sure he's getting plenty of exorcise thru out the day. I do no tv within 30 minutes of bed time and he is good to go now.... he asks me moma i go bed now? I say yep he grabs his blanket we brush his teeth and he's in bed sleeping within about 15 minutes. He use to scream for up to 2 hours making himself puke about 2 or 3 times. I learned that he knew if he puked I would take him out of bed changed him and his sheets. So he was getting attention. Because he just simply wasn't tired enough to go to bed. It was especially tough because It's just me with no help..... So with no naps a better diet bath time every night an hour before bed and no tv.... it's like heaven in my house now.... Good luck to you and I hope this helps. I feel for you I know exactly what your going thru.

Kimmie

I think the marble system is good. If my kids are not sleeping, and it would make them feel better to sleep with a book or toy, nad they are sleeping not playing, then I let them. I can always come in when they are asleep and put it up.

By all means try the rewards and see if it works. If not, a negative consequence for getting out of bed when you told him not to (a real one, not a wimpy supernanny one) will definitely work. Once he knows that will happen after a warning, you'll only need the warning. We were firm on that for all 3 of ours so they only tried to get out of bed after the final warning once or twice. Ever since, they've been awesome at bed time and we all love our sleep. There is no reason for you not to walk away when you say good night, do not let him manipulate you into sitting there until he's asleep. Enforce it like any other rule. Sometimes you have to be firm to prevent things from escalating or dragging on too long. Give him a book or toy when you put him down, warn him what will happen if he gets up, and follow through.

It's been a long time for me since my girls have had trouble sleeping. I do remember letting them have something to sleep with. My first born had to have several small stuffed animals lining the top of her bed all in a certain order before she would go to sleep. It was weird but it worked! She didn't play with them she just wanted them there. Around 2 or 3 they just didn't want a nap anymore.

My younger daughter would nap in the car if I took her to pick up my oldest from school. When we were home however, she would not nap.

I always kept a routine, teeth, potty, bath, story, kisses, lights out. This seemed to work pretty well. If they would get up out of bed I put them back and took away whatever it was they took to bed with them that night. They learned pretty fast to stay quiet and go to sleep.

Good luck to you! I hope you can get him to sleep better.

He's only 2 and should not be expected to sleep without comfort. This is why lots of families have their kids sleep with them. it's just easier. At this point though, it sounds like you've done lots of good things with him. If rewards work, do it and also affirm his growing independence with words but also his ongoing need for comfort and for your presence. Many much older kids can't get to sleep alone, no matter what some parents will tell you. I remember being very upset on into gradeschool about monsters etc. and I had younger sibs in my room too. My daughter got one of those stuffed toys where you can record a message and used it with her daughter and it worked sometimes at least. Your son may actually get worse as his preschool imagination develops, so it's not necessarily a done deal if you succeed now. More than anything, he needs to feel loved unconditionally and that you're always there for him. He still has a lot of growing to do.

It will get better I promise. Also, I don't like sitting in my kids rooms while they fall asleep. Been there, done that. Felt like I was a prisoner in my own house. But, my parents and sister-in-law did/does it and it worked for them
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I don't recommend the marble thing at this age as they are more into instant gratification and can't see the big picture of the prize. It depends on your kid's personality, but here are some possible solutions. First off, sounds like he's in a bed, not a crib? Have to say I love cribs til they're 3. Anyhow . . .

Also, does he go to sleep with the door open or shut? I had to use the threat that I would shut the door if my daughter got out of bed. That usually worked. Also have taken away toys or stuffed animals she slept with if she got out of bed. Also, have had to learn to ignore the child standing at her bedroom door as they are just curious and trying to test you. I found that I was ok with it, as long as she didn't step out of her room.

It normally takes a well-rested person or baby 20 minutes to fall asleep. That is normal.

My daughter went through phases where she would read a bunch of books before bed in her bed and we'd find her asleep with them all piled up. At other times, we found we had to limit her to two books and then tuck her in and she'd go to sleep. At other times she'd just go to bed. At other times she'd ask for "another hug" or "another drink" over and over until finally we got stern with her and said "no more." Other times I just said, "you have to stay in your room" at bedtime, and I'd close the door and hope for the best. It is annoying if they keep getting out of their room.

Kids do need comfort objects though and they Love certain toys. My daughters sleep with different things (stuffed animals, blankets, new toys, etc. ) depending on the novelty of it or the phase they're in. If it helps them sleep, no biggie. I just don't let them sleep with toys that will make noise so they don't wake themselves up. But I think they sleep better when they have these things they love.

He will keep testing you for years to come. Enjoy. :)

Just don't stress out if they don't go to sleep right when you put them to bed. It is normal. Now that he is getting older and older, you will find that relinquishing control is one of the hardest things a mom has to do.

Whatever works! If he will stay in bed with a book or toy after the routine and kisses and hugs from Mom or Dad, GO FOR IT! Rewards work! There is nothing wrong with them. I always sat with my girls. The time did get shorter as they got older. What's 20 or 30 minutes when you can have a peaceful, positive bedtime routine? You will get alot of different views on this. Do what works for YOU and your little one. Good luck!

I would avoid staying in the room with him until he settles, this is manipulative on his part and could get worse quickly. Also avoid letting him have a book or toy, unless its a quiet toy like a stuffed animal to snuggle with, if he's playing with it (or looking at pictures) its keeping him from sleeping. I had to remove stuffed animals from my daughter's room for a while so should could focus on sleeping.

This is a crucial time for you to teach him to be obedient. (trust me on this one, my daughter is a year older). Sleeping independently is one of the best skills you can teach him.

I'd recommend using the reward system, whatever you're comfortable with. The marble jar would be good, something he could see. Maybe 5 marbles for all night, then it would build up faster, and you could remove some of them if he gets up. I'd recommend having a set time that he needs to be in his room and quiet at nap time. If he's quietly resting in his room with no nap for a hour or so, then let him out. Most likely he'll fall asleep, but if not, see how he does. Also make sure his room is nice and dark, heavy curtains/drapes/blinds, and use a noise machine or fan to keep it quiet - especially during nap time.

Nap time I usually was satisfied if she was quiet, even if she didn't sleep. She often was quietly playing for an hour and then would sleep 2-3 after that at this age (2.5). However later on, closer to 3.5, nap time became a HUGE issue. It would ruin the whole day, she'd spend the morning acting out because she dreaded the nap, and then hours falling asleep (she'd start destroying things in the room), and it would be an all day battle. Around September (3 years 7 months) I gave her the ultimatum that if she could be happy and cooperative, no whining or being mean to baby sister (this was a way that she showed her anger towards me), then she didn't need a nap. She's probably had 5 naps since then. She really acclimated well to not having a nap. I didn't want to give them up until she was at least 4, but she's proven she can go without, which surprised me, especially with the amount of time she was napping once she'd fall asleep.

Best wishes. Best advise is pick a system and stay consistent.