Anxiety About Kindergarten - Minneapolis,MN

So she has learned to be ok at the gym daycare? If so, she'll be ok... What I would do though is see if you can find out who will be in her class and see if any moms are willing to set up playdates. Both my girls with very different personalities do better with a friend to stick with the first day at something new. And remind her she has gotten used to the gym's daycare. My youngest blossomed in K and it was great to see. Having said that, she's having a melt down every Monday at a new camp despite going with a friend or having been there before and they're not all day camps etc. We do make her go and then she has a great time! It's hard but I honestly am thinking how much this must be teaching her about "she can do it." It is normal for some kids to cry btw and hopefully you'll get to meet her teacher ahead of time etc.

You've gotten a lot of great suggestions already -- I just want to add one more. Do you know any other families whose kids will be starting at this school? Or do you have any way of meeting them? If so, try to schedule playdates with other kids in her incoming class. That way, kindergarten won't mean not-home to her, it'll mean getting a chance to play with Mary and Susie and .... you get the idea. My son is quite a homebody and a mama's boy as well, and he transitioned to kindergarten with no problem, because he knew his best friend would be in his class.

It would be abnormal if she weren't a little nervous about going into Kindergarten. It's a whole new experience for her. I'd just be very matter-of-fact about it. This is not really about sensitive self-esteem, or her wanting to do it. It's time for her to go to Kindergarten - it's what kids this age do! Kindergarten teachers are well-prepared to help her make this transition, and she will have a great time making new friends and learning new things. The first day, take her there, give her a loving and quick good-bye, and then LEAVE. Ultimately, she needs to know you have the confidence in her to handle this and succeed on her own. Whatever you expect of her, she will work hard to live up to your expectations - so make sure you expect the right things. :) You aren't the only mom who worries about this, and your daughter isn't the only little girl ever to be worried about starting a new school. It's a rite of passage, and she will be okay!!

She knows there is Kindergarten coming up.
Her reactions is normal.
Get the book "The Kissing Hand." It is good. I read that to both my kids before they entered school.

My son, was a homebody. And was SO attached to me. At 4 years old, he went to preschool. He was more conducive to it at that time. Versus, his sister went to preschool from 3 years old.
In any event, a child will be fine.
LOTS AND LOTS of kids, when entering Kindergarten, may cry or feel lonely for their Mommy. The Teacher knows that. It is normal.
They will get over it.

You will NOT damage her sensitive self-esteem. Self-esteem has NOTHING to do with, being separated from Mommy or not. It is something that is, about Self-Assurance. Teach her that she is herself, and knows herself and she is her own, person. And that, it is normal to get nervous. Even adults get nervous. But it is fun... to learn new things and see other kids. And she can tell you things/how she feels anytime... and its okay. But that you will help her talk about it.

You will NOT damage her. ALL kids get nervous about going to school. And the parent.

In most States, Kindergarten is for 5-6 year olds. BUT, if a child is already 6 or turning 7, a school may put the child into 1st grade. That is how it is at my kids' school. Public school. So... make sure... that if you hold back your daughter and enroll her in Kindergarten later, that you can enter her into Kindergarten. See what the age/year cut-offs is, in the school your daughter will attend.

ALL kids, are nervous when going to school. And there is a separation-anxiety... for the child or the parent.
This is normal.
It is a Rite Of Passage... for the child AND the adult. It is a normal transition, to life's phases.

And YES... many kids do cry, when going to Kindergarten for the 1st time. Your child will not the the only one.
At my kids' school... the Teacher is prepared for it, AND the school Counselors... are at the ready for it too... they do observations of the kids during the first few weeks of Kindergarten, and will help guide the little ones to adapt to school.

Don't worry.
A child, at this age, needs to learn to fly.
And they will.

My son, who is a homebody and is still VERY attached to me... adapted to school FINE. Like a champ. He loves school. And he has a very good sense of self, and is very self-assured. You teach a child to know themselves.... and to believe in themselves. That makes a difference.
I taught that to my kids since they were 2 years old.
All kids... are "sensitive." But they will be fine. It does not damage, their self-esteem.

For you: YOU have to realize, that a kid will or may cry when attending school at first. But don't transfer your fears/apprehension onto your child. It will make things worse. But let your daughter express herself. Sometimes, kids will surely say they are nervous etc., BUT that is your "cue" to be positive about it for your child, and to take the lead in it... in guiding her. That is how kids, reach out... by saying their nervousness about something. So instead of avoiding talking about it with her.... Compliment her.... ie: tell her "Wow, I appreciate you telling me how you feel. How grown up! Now, how can we make nervous feelings feel better?" ie: you can "practice" the morning routine about getting ready for school, putting her school supplies in a box and labeling it with her name, getting her school clothes ready etc. And so that she knows, the "routine" of things, before school.
Thus she may feel more "ready" for it.

Please try to hide any anxiety YOU might have from her. Talk it up and be chipper and excited about it.

Also, practice some small things. Buy a lunchbox and practice eating lunch from her lunch box. Another poster said try to plan some playdates with other kids from the school. Our school is having some scheduled play times at the school for new kindergartners.

I admit, I'm a bit nervous about kindergarten. But I sure as heck am not going to let my daughter know that!

Good luck. Even if it's rough for a couple of days (or weeks), stick with it. She will survive. You will survive. And you will both be stronger for it.

In addition to all the great advice you've already gotten I would add not to talk about school too much. I have found that sometimes the more I talked about, reassured and tried to make my kids feel good about a situation the more anxious they would become. Let it go for a few weeks, and if SHE brings it up, give her a short, happy and positive statement and then change the subject. Some kids (and adults) are just worriers and it's best to try not to feed into it. Also kindergarten teachers are trained to deal with, and expect kids to cry (some parents too!) so rest assured she will be in good hands :)

Find a spearation class for her now... If you have a gymboree by you or gymnastics or ANYTHING.

She needs to learn that being away from Mommy can be fun...

If you can't do that, talk to the school an see how they handle it. It would not surprise me to hear that they are more than used to handling that type of situation.

Not sure I understand what her being away from you has to do with her self esteem... her self worth should not in my mind be linked to your proximity. So, would you elaborate?

Hi J.,

This question has been coming up a lot, at least with the parents in my life. I've written quite a bit about how to best help kids with this transition (I'll include a link to my full post on it, but here's a boiled-down version):

1. Stop talking about it. Let your daughter stay in the present for now.
2. Accommodate her separation anxiety as much as possible. This is very, very typical. Kids will confound us by saying they want to schedule play-dates and then not want to actually go. Be prepared to have a very attached 'velcro girl' this summer.
3. Go forward. I say this strongly-- you are worried about her self-esteem and ability to adapt. But holding her back will be a huge "no confidence" message ("You are right... we think you can't handle it." ) Talk with the school counselor-- they have seen this before and will have a few tips. When the time comes, ask the teacher how she/he would like to handle the drop-off transition. They may have some very good advice for you. My guess is that she can handle it, and if she has same-age peers, not moving forward in life with them could throw her off. That said, she has NO way of knowing what this new experience will be like, and thus, with her temperament, will likely not 'enjoy' kindergarten until she's actually experienced it for a while. So, do not expect her to look forward to this transition.
4. It is totally normal for kids to get upset and cry the first few days, or even a bit longer.
5.And I say this strongly, so this is why I'm using all caps: DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS ANXIETY/TRANSITION IN FRONT OF HER. She will likely internalize your stress and concern and this will further heighten those feelings for her.

I say all this as someone who has been a nanny for several 'new' kindergarteners. Those that had a tough time all did fine eventually-- none of them had to withdraw from their classes.

And here's the link to two posts I have on the topic:
http://skyteahouse.blogspot.com/2012/05/shifting-gears.html
(this has added conversation in the comments)

http://skyteahouse.blogspot.com/2012/07/present-tense-let...

Best wishes. It may be a tough summer, but your little girl will make it if you can Dad can stay confident for her!:)

You need to get her into activities where you can drop her off and come back to pick her up. Look into activities through your local Park and Rec Department or local YMCA.

I mean no disrespect but you are holding her to close to you. You need to let her experience the world without you hovering over her.

go to the school, play on the playgound, make some playdates with the other moms, and stop talking about it too her. My daughter was the same way, she was fine and did full day with before and after. She turned 5 last 9/1 and started really young..sure she was the kid who wouldn't make a peep or evern ask to go to the bathroom the 1st two days but she improoved each day and made two best friends and tons of other friends and learned so much=)

My 4 1/2 yr old loves her daycare and loves Godly-play and will sometimes still cry at leaving me. Sometimes she thinks that's how she should act (other kids cry when their parents leave) or she may want to be with me. In either case, she is fine within a few minutes of leaving. Try talking to her about the exciting aspects of school...making new friends, her new teacher, going to music class, recess, learning and being a big kid.

It's time right now for you to start cutting the cord. Helping her mature and grow is not damaging her self-esteem. However, continuing to enable her to not be able to separate herself from you will hurt her self-esteem.

Just because she cries about it doesn't mean you give in and homeschool her.

Part of life is facing challenges head-on. Let her do it. Go put her in a fun class right now, like Joanne says. Don't let her make a big deal out of it. Ignore the crying, tell her that you have errands to run and you'll be back soon. Tell her that you expect her to have a good time and not upset the other kids with crying. Ask her to look around - are the other kids crying? No, of course not. You'll be back in a little bit.

Then walk out of that door.

If you don't want to put her on the school bus in the fall, don't. Wait until first grade to do it. Walk her into the school the first week. The second week, tell her that you will walk her in for one more week. The third week, let her walk in herself.

When she goes to school, tell her how happy you are for her and how proud you are of her. Buy her some books about going to kindergarten - Berenstain Bears series has one. I think there is an Amelia Bedilia book too (maybe it's first grade, I can't remember.)

If you act excited and don't project your stress about her, it will help. Do NOT talk about homeschooling in front of her at all. You'll just be shooting yourself in the foot if she thinks there is an alternative. She just needs to be told that the law says she must be a student and that is that.

Good luck!
Dawn

We had so many kids doing this that our school started a KinderCamp. Its the week before school starts for 3 days, 3 hours a day. Parents attend the first 2 days, ride the bus with them, etc. We are to stay in the cafeteria learning things, idk. The third day the kids go by themselves.

When our school has an open house a few days before school, we go when it first starts and we hang out until it ends. That way we get to meet most everyone that will be in our class.

Another trick you can do is to have her take a picture of you in her backpack. That way you are always there. Or a special keychain that you'll want back.

Is there a group or summer class that is a few hours long that would be with some of the kids where she could meet them before school starts? If she had at least one or two kids she already knew, she might feel better.

Sooooo many kids cry at this age when they go to a new school or begin a new activity. For thousands of years kids were with their families 24/7/365. It's only in the last 100 years that we take little ones and drop them off somewhere that's not their home.

As for the school and being excited about getting your child in - please take a deep breath and listen to what I have to say - "excellent" schools and exclusive situations like this are so very, very NOT neccessary and have ver little, if any, impact for your child's future. Even if she learns latin, or become a violin prodigy that skill would still be waiting to be developed at age 9. Kids mature at different ages. I remember clearly crying in 3rd grade when we went to a new church and I didn't know any of the kids in sunday school. Third grade! My daughter was immature and cried in 2nd grade when she was put in a class where she knew almost no one and all her friends were put in a different class. ALthough she tested really high as a gifted child they did not recommend her for it due to her immaturity. I am certain that she would have crashed & burned in the gifted & talented class even though she was academically appropriate for it.

consider your child and how Kindergarten will impact her. If you can, without monetary loss, try her for a week or two at this school try and seen waht happens. A very old lady told me what to do with my daughter and it worked ppretty well - set them up for the process - begin a week or two ahead of teim telling her that she's going to have a good time trying out new stuff, games, books, friends. tell her that most of the times it will be good but there *might be* a minute here and there when she feels that she will miss mommy - but she might not. either way it's OK. But what's really important is that "I know you can do this and have a pretty good time. I have seen you grow up from a baby into a little girl who makes friend really well. Set up your expectations for her and tell her you know she can do it and y ou are so proud, and you can't wait to see how she'll do a great job. She will shed some tears. That's OK - she is not the first child at this school who'll be teary the first week or so,
But if she is really upset and cannot be consoled then it's time to let her wait one more year.
Good luck mama. This parenting stuff is not easy - seems that it just keeps getting harder too!

Definitely don't do a big build up or spend a lot of time reassuring her that it will be fine. If it comes up, validate her feelings that she expresses. Ask her questions about what worries her (if she brings it up) then help her come up with ways to address those worries. My son had never been away for the whole day and he was signed up for all-day K. He was a little worried about how he would handle eating lunch, bathrooms, etc. He came up with the idea that he should get to "practice" so we signed him up for 2 weeks of a school day camp type experience. It was very helpful to both of us to find out "the bumps in the road" ahead of time. He still had days that he came home and informed me that K was "too hard" and he shouldn't have to go any more but we got through it with a lot of hugs and conversations.

Maybe your daughter is anxious about making friends or about not knowing what the rules are or about not knowing where to go. Once you zero in on the specific concerns she has, then you and she can figure out ways she can practice the necessary skills so her confidence is higher.

Expect some tears. Lots of kids cry during the first part of the year. Some for an hour, some for a week, and some for longer. The teachers are trained on how to give the kids that need space to observe the space they need, on how kids who need encouragement to participate the small push they might need. Stay in touch with the teacher via email but don't let your anxiety show.

If your school allows, volunteer in the classroom if you think it will help. But set some ground rules with your daughter ahead of time. Let her know that you won't be in the classroom just for her, but to help all the kids or to do tasks for the teacher. Let her know that you won't be able to volunteer if it is causing her to lose focus. My son has a lot of strong personality quirks and I was fortunate that his K teacher appreciated my recommendations based on my observations of how he was responding in the classroom. It helped her figure him out much quicker and the teacher and I became great friends because I helped her with so many tasks and we had time to chat during prep work period.

Try the book Off To Kindergarden.