Angry Cry

Hi T.,
Sorry to hear you little guy is so fretful. I have raised 6 childddren and if I were you I would have my pediatrician do a thorough exam on my child. It's not normal for a little one to be so fretful and there may be a legitamate cause for the crying. I wish you the best.
Love and peace, L. K.

I know that when my daughter is really tired, she can get almost hysterical and is impossible to soothe. The smallest little thing irritates her. A few times, all I could do was just put her in her crib until she fell asleep. So if he's not a good sleeper, perhaps he is constantly tired. I recommend the "Healthy Sleep. Happy Baby" book for some good general and specific sleep info.

You might also try to get an infant carrier: I recommend the Moby Wrap if he is still fairly light, or a hip carrier (Playtex makes one) once he is older or if he is heavier. Both will allow you to be mobile and still have him right there with you. He might also be willing to nap in the carrier and get some more sleep.

I honestly think it sounds like it could be acid reflux (GERD). While separation anxiety and getting upset when left alone is a normal developmental phase and can be dealt with in many ways (I always found leaving them with a few toys or int he exersaucer for just a minute or two at first and then gradually lengthening that time worked best), I think this sounds like it might be more than that. The fact that picking him up, feeding, walking, etc. don't seem to calm your son would really seem to be directly against any evidence that it's separation anxiety or somehow a form of controlling you.

I would definitely talk to a different doc, either within your same practice or somewhere else, since it seems that your current doc isn't giving you the respect, time, or attention you deserve.

It's certainly possible that some of the issues could come from a lack of security your son may have experienced before you adopted him, so I would think the best thing would be to show as much love and affection as you can (thought I'm not an expert here).

On the other hand, it's also very possible a physical cause like acid reflux, is to blame. All 3 of my daughters suffered with reflux to varying degrees, and they never had a "normal" baby cry, but instead screamed as if they were angry until we were able to get their reflux under control with meds. Many babies with reflux will also refuse to eat since they associate feeding with the pain that often follows, so your son not wanting the bottle seems to fit with that. Does he arch his back while crying and/or eating? Does he seem to spit up a lot or make gurgling noises like there's something in his throat (not all refluxers spit up a lot - some are "silent" refluxers who only bring the spit up part way up their throat and then swallow it back down). I would really investigate that possibility since most reflux pain can be controlled with the right meds and doses. If you want any info on reflux, I'd be happy to share what I know if it might help.

Due to the reflux, all three of mine were basically attached to my hip for the first 6+ months of their lives, even sleeping on my chest most of the time (in their carseat or bouncy chair at the others - almost never laying down in the crib). It was very hard and frustrating at times, but once they were physically feeling better we were able to break the habit fairly quickly, and none of them are very clingy or sleep with me now, so just try to hang in there. I honestly think your son is either in physical pain or still trying to feel confident that he'll be well cared for (in his own little way of course), and once whatever the root cause is is addressed you can work out any lingering issues.

Good luck and congratulations on the adoption!

Remember, infants can't talk so crying, screaming and anything like it is their verbal way of letting you know what's going on. They're going to get frustrated when their feelings can't get across. It's normal. Just try to figure out what's wrong when you can, but there's no psychological reason behind it at all. He's just verbalizing.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Right now is the time to set the standards on control. he is totally at that age. Do whatever you need to regarding pain issues for teething, belly etc, but escalating crying when you walk away etc is all about control. Beware of being "too psychological" with infants. They need simple scenarios to learn the next steps, don't worry about psychology until later, when you know everything has been clear and supportive as far as their basic needs from the beginning. He may be having a rough time due to very early bonding (I'm adopted and know many adopted kids) but the same rules apply, and though it can be tougher, it will pass. He is young enough.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, Yes, give him more love, more attention, etc, BUT NOT BECAUSE HE"S SCREAMING ANGRILY. That should be the time when you do NOT reward him with holding and carrying etc, or you will be VERY sorry later. He will learn to scream whenever he is hurt (as in, hurt that you are not picking him up immediately or have left the room) or wants something. Carrying him around all the time or getting a sling because you're scared he'll cry is a recipe for disaster.

My son is ten months, and he's just starting to voice disapproval (angry screams rather than just hungry or tired crying) when put him down at certain times or put him in bed and walk away. I NEVER give in to that. I give him tons of affection if he gets hurt, or is tired or hungry etc, and I MAKE SURE to get over there and cuddle him and join him playing when he's being quiet. Not easy, because it's easy to tune him out when there is peace, but I'll go make a big happy celebration out of him being happy on his own and make sure to give him tons of sincere affection for no specific reason all the time.

But whenever I am holding him and put him down and he screams, I fight the impulse to pick him up in response. I know it's not good for him. I'll even say,"no crying" before walking away because he's learning some other verbal commands too about not touching stuff etc. After just a few weeks, he's stopped crying when I put him to bed, and he only lets out small angry shouts when I put him down, walk away etc, but he doesn't keep crying, because it doesn't get him anywhere. My daughter did the same thing, but got over it much quicker.

Don't EVER give in after a really long crying fit, because he'll learn to cry and scream a really long time. It'sno fun to hear crying, but you need him to learn it doesn't work to control you.

It's been given the name "separation anxiety", but the truth is, they just feel instantaneously mad or sad in the moment because they want something, and they are learning their power and how to get things. It's not a deep dark psychological medical condition in most cases. It's totally normal. It will be harder on him psychologically later if you don't get him secure with himself now. You know you are giving him everything he needs, and enough security and love, so be firm. Your son is just having a tougher time. Be patient, be firm. Good luck!

Hi Tammy,
I know my story that I'm about to share with you is not the norm, but it's worth sharing because it just might save you from a lot of heartache and stress.
My first son was a crier, and he was unable to be soothed by "normal" methods. There were nights where we literally got 30 minutes of sleep because he cried so often. The doc was always diagnosing ear infections and giving him amoxicillin and every time I'd ask why this was happening to him. I breastfed him. He lived in a smoke free home. I ate an all organic diet. I was a stay at home mom, so he wasn't getting exposed to germs via daycare...I suggested allergies every time, but my doc said babies cannot have allergies. There is much more to his story...but we didn't get any relief or help until I took my gut feelings and pursued allergy treatment for him. He had over 30 allergies when tested.
My second son's inconsolable crying started at the hospital and this time I knew exactly what to do and I cut those 8 common allergens (wheat, dairy, corn, soy, fish, peanuts, citrus, and shellfish) out of my diet immediately. I wish I could say this fixed things, but it didn't. We pursued treatment for #2 son, and he has over 30 allergies.
There is a lot more to both of these stories, but I would like to share that eventually both of my sons were also diagnosed with Autism. Inconsolable crying as an ifant is one of the earliest signs-especially in a baby that arches his/her back or becomes rigid upon being touched or held.
My best advice is to get a doctor that listens to you and believes in a team approach to your children's health. Allergies to milk and wheat are most common, and gluten and dairy are in most infant formulas. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need a doctor's ok to switch formula. However, if you think you've got a baby with a sensitive tummy, I would suggest going straight to Nutramigen or Alimentum and skip the soy. Hypoallergenic formulas are expensive, but covered by WIC if you get a prescription.
And if you have any questions about Autism I would recommend TACAnow.org or Generationrescue.org, or just google Autism symptoms and you'll find loads of info. Just curious...I'm wondering if your little guy had any vaccinations recently, because my first son's worst crying spells were always following a round of (way too many at once) vaccinations...
As I said, my story is not the common story, although with the national average for Autism at 1 in 150 (though most experts are saying they're seeing numbers more like 1 in 68)it's a story worth sharing here. Please trust your instincts always. A mom always knows when something isn't right.
Hugs!!!

I would recommend trusting your instincts about this little guy. He may be having difficulty adjusting to a new family. What were his first five months like? Perhaps your adoption agency has resources to help. There are mnay sites online that can offer suggestions about how to help him feel attached and safe.

When children are 7, 8, or 9 months they don't want to be out of your site. At least that is what i have seen in my life, they feel that when you leave them they will never see you again and they love you. I got a baby pack and put my child in it and did my chores and she was fine with it and it only lasted about a month and a half then she wanted out of it. I also operate my own daycare and have one for a child that is about 6 month and she is starting not to want to be alone or put down and they are only little once so i spoil them all. Good luck
Jade

T.,
Teething? Acid reflux that is painful? My son cried a lot too until the ordered an upper GI and I got to actually see on the screen he had moderate reflux. He has outgrown it for now but it is quite painful and they will turn away from the bottle if they are experiencing that. Give tylenol or motrin if you think it is teeth. If your ped seems to think this is normal get a 2nd opinion cause Mommy's instinct is usually right.
Good luck
C

First, congratulations on your adoption! (We also are adoptive parents of 4 jewels--11,7,4 & 4 mo. today) I don't know about your child's situation, but let me share a bit. Your doctor probably knows nothing much in the field of adoption, so can help you only with medical issues. Next let me share that I wish that I had known about RAD (if you would like to know more about this, e-mail me personally) when our son came to us at 15 mo. through the foster care agency. If I had known more, I would have tried to cuddle him (not that I didn't give him lots of love and affection given to normal children) and give him LOTS of holding, eye contact, soothing, etc. When they are tiny is when babies need to bond--the sooner the better. I can't imagine what my son went through in those short 15 mo. before he came to us, but he brought baggage with him. As he has gotten older, some symptoms of RAD have shown up. Many times adoptive children also have other issues which only adoptive parents have to deal with. I would be happy to communicate with you privately.

Hi T.,
You're getting some good advice. I just wanted to add that in the interim you might want to read up what Dr. Sears says about attachment parenting and carrying the baby all day. I never mastered the sling, but there are a lot of positions to use. It might make your days easier, and might help your little guy. Also, look into different bonding practices from a psychological perspective. Unless you got him at birth, he could have been through some tough times. Maybe he has already learned not to trust? Or something like that. Couldn't hurt to cover all your bases. Oh, and I found that if I put the ear closest to my daughter against her head it created a nice buffer and extended my patience.
I wish you all the best.
Martha

T.:
I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart aches for you as I know you must be so worried!
There is an orginization called the Pediatric Alliance. If you concerns about your child they will come to your home to assess your child's development, then set up any services you need. I actually just did a commercial for them (I'd be happy to email you a copy..it tells more info). If you are in SW PA, there # is ###-###-#### or www.afit.org.
Hope this helps!

One idea to soothe him is running water. My son used to cry a lot and I would go into the bathroom and run the shower or sink and he used to stop immediately.

Hi T.,
My son is now 4, but I experienced the same issue with him at that age. He did not want to be out of my site. He basically had to have one hand on me at all times. It was a very difficult time, but it only lasted a few months. Once he started walking, he didn't want to be pick up anymore.

I experienced the same thing when I used to babysit my friend's son who was about 6 months at the time. He also broke out of it when he started walking.

not only may he being going through growth spurts but also he could be teething or he may have colic. try some gas medicine and rub his tummy. it will be normal for babies to cry when you leave the room,it is called seperation anxiety. if you have a baby swing put him in it. also another thing to try is a exosaucer to sit him in. put some music or tv on for him while you do housecleaning. not all day but if you need a half hour or so. do not carry him on the hip all the time it will make things worse in the meantime.if he has a pack and play let him play in there with his toys. let him cry a little bit,he will figure out how to entertain and soothe himself.

T., I agree with the last poster to get a second opinion.
My daughter also cried terribly and hers was solved by switching to a formula called Nutramigen. She was so incrediby gassy before and this fixed it. However it could be attachment issues combined with this as well b/c who knows how he spent his first few months and this time is incredibly important for a baby to build a healty attachment. Was the adoption agency honest with you about prenatal issues?

Could be teeting pain, night terrors, .. they can't express their feelings by simply talkin, so the screams come out as they are frustrated. If it seems to be constant, I'd call the pediatrician.

HI T.
Two things:
Explore acid reflux as the cause. You may need to switch to another formula. My son had this and we switched him to Alimentum and he did so much better.

Find another doctor. From what you say it sounds to me like you nay be getting the brush-off from your doctor and that he is not taking your concerns seriously.

Good luck to you.

Hi T., My first instinct is to ask if he is teething? Babies don't cry because they are growing, if they did, they would cry 24/7 since they more than double their size in a year or less. If you don't think that his crying is within "normal" ranges then maybe you should talk to another doctor if you don't have the birth mother's medical records there could be more here than meets the eye. Best wishes.

T.,

I have a friend who adopted a little girl from China whe she was about a year old. Sianna cried a lot, my friend started to swaddle her really tightly, because this is what was done at the orphanage. She also taught her basic sign language, for words like milk, eat, more, sleep etc. She said that once they got through that she was easier than her 2 biological children had been.

From the developmental perspective I agree with everyone who said to do what you can to bond with your son. It is the foundation of all future relationships.

Don't get stuck in a habit, if you something has worked a couple of times and now its not working, try something else.

Do you think maybe has is gassy? Is he burping enough after a bottle and before he goes to sleep? Try "bicycling" his legs a little if you think he is having (gas) stomach pains.
Does he have a fever? If so that could be a sign of teething.....