Anger Issues

P. M

Pay attention to your sons flare ups. I found when my son who is now 18 did this he was hungry, he has learned to control the anger and fix himself a snack. He got very aggressive and would lose his temper mainly at me. Think about it when your sugar dips you dont feel good and this was his way of reacting to it. He also got all the raves from teachers, coaches and other adults. I am not saying this is the problem but it might be. I used to carry peanut butter crackers with me when he would have his melt down or whatever you want to call it I would slip him a cracker. Good Luck

sounds like he looking for attention, one on one. Kids crave any attention, even bad, punishment just to have parents focus on them.

Anything new in their lives?

Hi P.,

Kids are always different at school than at home. It is not necessarily that you two are doing anything wrong. I've always said that kids act up the most for the ones they love the most because they are confident of that person's unconditional love for them.

It sounds like he should learn that when he feels the anger coming on to give himself a timeout to calm down. Maybe you can suggest a special place for him to go to calm down and when you see him getting angry say to him calmly that he should go to his special place.

You could also find something to "vent" his anger on. My son is a drummer and he uses them to "vent" on whether if it's because he is angry or just really hypered. It helps to get some of that energy out on.

L.

Hi P.

Hopefully, you will find an answer to your question about your son's anger issues.

Can you tell what are his anger triggers?

All children have needs as you already know.

When a need is unmet, the child will display anger.

Sit down with your child and ask him to tell you what is upsetting him. In our busy world today, it is difficult to take time out to talk with children about their problems.

Hope this helps. D.

How are his verbal skills ? Often anger is a result of frustration. Is he not able to get his point across ? Is it a mechanical issue - like he can't physically DO what he wants to be able to do ? Or is it that he wants to make a decision, and he's being thwarted by the rules of the house ?

Try to figure out the source of his frustration. Out of 4 children, I had one who would really get angry -- the oldest -- and our youngest is more "out there" when she gets angry. those two are extroverts, and the other two kids are introverts, so they internalize the feelings and don't share them.

What we have always held to is that it's okay to be angry. It's an emotion, and it happens. It is NOT, however, okay to express that anger in a way that will hurt another person or destroy things. So when the anger is causing outbursts and poor behavior, the kids had to go to their rooms. both have been threatened with having the hinges removed and their doors removed, due to slamming, but thankfully the doors are still in place. When they calmed down and wanted to be part of the family again, they could decide to return to the family rooms. What that did was give them the gift of time -- and a little solitude -- to pull themselves together and it said that you can be angry, but anger isn't something we take out on other people. So they get to decide whether to control their anger or not, and they get to decide when they are ready to be with people again.

Frankly, my eldest learned this very well for when she was in public, but when she was home, she was still angry alot. As an adult, she now has an excellent and demanding job that she loves, and she handles herself beautifully in public. When she is stressed, she exhibits more frustration with family than with anyone else, but that's the way it ought to be. she lets her hair down with us, because it is safer to be more honest about her feelings with us.

Hi P., we had the same problem with our 4 year old. what we did is when the temper started we sent him to his room until he calmed down. that really seems to work, becouse there is no reasoning when this happens, so we just let him try to calm himself in his bedroom, For our son it only took a max of 5 min. till he was better. Good luck, this to shall pass.